"Prince Zuko," Iroh said in his usual, pleasant drawl, "perhaps you would like to try this relaxation method I learned." The elderly man took a side step and began to gesture lively with his arms. "Whenever you feel frustrated and, oohhh..!" he clenched his hands and contorted his face to try and deliver the effect of his point. "You just say SERENITY NOW! And the anger melts away." He finished, after shouting the phrase, but went on to seem calm as he spread his hands apart to signify being serene. Iroh looked down to his nephew, who looked a little more than shocked to hear his usually calm and quiet uncle holler as he did. "Do..." Zuko cleared his throat. "Do you have to scream it like that?"
"The man in the store was not specific."
A day had gone by since telling his nephew of this new and profound method he had learned and already, Iroh seemed to be using it quite often.
The Avatar had been spotted a ridiculous distance off in the sky and of course, Zuko had to try and capture him. So he did what any intelligent, royally-trained individual would do upon first instinct: he threw flaming balls of stinking fire at the Great White Buffalo.
As predicted, all attempts were in vain.
The Prince stormed off after the whole ordeal, fuming in defeat. Iroh, as usual, followed the boy to his niche of darkness and waited a moment before knocking on the door.
"Zuko," He said before opening the door, "If at first you don't suc-"
His friendly and encouraging proverb was cut viciously short when he had managed to stick his head in the door and narrowly missed being struck in the head with a book.
"Go away, Uncle!" Zuko shouted from the bed in which he was sulking on. "I don't need your words!"
Mumbling something along the lines of serenity, Iroh continued his endeavor. "Zuko, all I was trying to say was-"
"I don't care! Now leave me be! I need to figure out a way to capture the Avatar!"
Iroh set his jaw and slightly bowed, turning and closing the door.
Although, he didn't leave before gritting his teeth together andgrunting out a "Serenity Now."
The day after that, the old general was playing Pai Sho with one of the men who regularly played in. However, Iroh, for the life of him, could not find his Lotus Tile and therefore, lost his upper hand. Not to mention a game or two.
He had searched frantically in his sleeves, on the floor, every nook and cranny in the room and to no avail.
As his opponent made another decisive move in the favor of himself, Iroh frowned deeply and mumbled "Serenity now." as he moved his tile across the board.
When that attempt proved futile to improve his position, Iroh rose from his chair and left the room.
He stumbled into the galley area and found the small cabinet he kept his stash of teas in. A nice calming tea would be most welcome at this point, seeing as how he never loses at Pai Sho. It was all bit overwhelming for the poor man.
When he reached for the tea kettel, his hand found nothing but air and empty space. He looked up and saw that it was missing. Frowning again, he turned around a began scower the floor for any traces of this elusive pot.
A twitch began to manifest on his right eye as he ducked his head to one of the cupboards. "Serenity Now." he whispered. Then his eye caught a pot and he decided it was better than nothing.
So he poured water into it and set it on the burner to boil. With a small smile relieving his face, Iroh turned back to his tea and moved as if to open the jar.
Contrary to Iroh's wishes, the jar wasn't going to open anytime soon. It had made up its mind long ago, when it had hidden the tea kettel, that it was not going to be used anymore.
Oblivious to inanimate tea jar's plot, Iroh's twitch resumed as he bared is teeth in aggravation. Finally starting to lose it, Iroh took a breath and pushed the jar away, saying in a soft and gentle voice, "Serenity."
Then he turned the burner off and pivoted on his heel and proceeded out of the galley and down the hall, intending to turn into the next room that came up.
As the old man reached the small study room on the ship, he entered and shut the door with an exertion of force he usually didn't show.
Several minutes later, the near-by guards could hear something that sounded like a lamp crashing to pieces on the floor. This, of course, was followed by several other breakables meeting the same fate on the floor. When those sounds had stopped, what sounded like furniture being thrown ensued. Something with mass smashed into a wall.
Then a hollering voice, teetering on the edge of sanity broke through the ruckus of furniture being smashed.
Zuko, who had been passing by at that very minute stopped and slowly turned his head to the door; his eyes large with disbelief.
After a good ten minutes, Iroh walked out, completely calm and back to his normal, pleasant self; a content expression across his face.
Zuko crept to the door frame and peered into what had once been the small study.
"Uncle, what happened?"
Iroh turned slowly and smiled. "Serenity."
Yes, so I am massacering Avatar with a Spoof fic.
Oh, and it was fun too.
Here is a disclaimer:
I don't own or acknowledge any rights to Avatar: the Last Airbender, or to Seinfeld. I totally threw these two concepts together with out either owning companies/people's knowledge.
But I intend to keep this going, with several components of knock-off quotes, concepts, theories and whole episodes.
Hope you enjoy!