Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
This story is a one shot and I have no idea what's going to happen because I'm just sitting here and writing my heart out.
Summary: -one shot- I want to tell them so badly but I know I can't. It's a horrible feeling, sneaking around with Malfoy and having a wild ride. But then, I can't stop the feelings I have for him now. I can't help if it I fell in love with him. Ginny/Draco.
Rated M for a sex scene.
This is a one-shot. I'm going to try my luck with a Draco/Ginny story. I've never done one of those, and I've never read a story with the pairing, but I wanted to try it and see what I came up with.
This flashes between present and past tense, partly because I have a bad grip on them and I like to switch about!
So please, sit back and enjoy!
Meaning of Betrayal
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I ever told my friends about us. What about my family? What would they do? I sigh; thinking about the truth makes my body ache in scared apprehension.
But putting that aside, I've got nothing else. The times we glance at each other, the usually brittle and cold eye contact has a simple fleck of hunger—lust. Anything you'd like to call it.
Yet, I call it something else.
The time we see each other alone, behind the musty bookshelves of the library, or the starlight pathway to the Astronomy Tower, nothing except burning passion lies within your eyes as you watch my every movement. There's something about you that draws me in too; the fact that you are completely forbidden, your clear, pale complexion and your easily guarded eyes makes me want to smirk right back at you and say, "I know what you're hiding from me."
Because I do.
Somehow, I understand all the little flaws about you that no one has ever been able to pick out before. What's the key within me that allows me to comprehend and understand every move you make?
I know you watch me with hunger in your eyes, simply wanting to pull the string off my school uniform and have my skirt around my ankles, but there's something else for me, somehow.
I don't really know what's been bugging me as we just happen to meet in secret places, but whenever you kiss me, whenever your hand roams under my shirt, I feel a remotely painful twinge in my chest, knowing that I can never really say that I really truly dated Draco Malfoy.
The time has come again for us to meet.
I abandon dinner as easily as Ron and Harry ditch their homework and play chess or Quidditch. I answer Hermione with a simple reply of needing to finish my Potion's assignment and not being very hungry. Because she's Hermione, she buys it and lets me leave without a word of protest.
I feel your eyes on my body as I casually wander out of the great hall and head up the marble staircase. I climb leisurely, hoping to Merlin that you're following me, because there's a terrible ache within my body that needs to be refilled until the next day. I can feel the throbbing within me as I think of our next encounter, when you'll have me pushed against the wall, all clothing shed and lying in a heap on the floor. I smile faintly; I'm hoping to god you feel it too, that you're looking for me as bad as I am for you.
Finally, I'm in the Astronomy Tower. I walk over to the side of the great turret and look down below at the sparkling lake. My lips twitch into a smile as I gaze at the winking stars. However beautiful they may be, I know it's false hope to think I'll make love with him again under the romantic darkened sky.
Because to him, it won't be making love.
But I need it badly. I crave his touch and the way he moves so gently into me, acting as though he could never hurt me, acting as if he would never hurt me. But he's lying, I know it.
He's been hurting me all along.
I hear the tapping of the heels of his expensive shoes on the cold stone floor as he ascends up the staircase. I smile, trying to conceal the fact that I know he's here, anticipating my naked body within minutes.
I turn, gasping inwardly.
His beauty always startled me: his beautiful silver eyes, swirling and secretive; his slender, adroit hands as they do their fine work over my body, his lean, toned torso. I laugh sometimes when I think about it; it's so ironic that I pretend to think of him as an arrogant, ugly ferret around my friends, when his perfect face looms in my mind every other moment.
"Weasley." He acknowledges my presence quietly, nodding his head at me. He shuts the door softly.
"Malfoy." I do the same.
I turn around and look over the balcony and think how wonderful it would be to jump. The feeling of falling forever and hitting the surface of the water would be something so strong and unchangeable, so powerful and brilliant . But I would never do it; there are too many people who care for me and would be devastated if I did.
But sometimes I wonder what he would do if I jumped.
His hands touch my waist and wind their way around the front of my skirt and start untying the string holding them to my hips loose. I grin in spite of my situation; he's just as impatient as me.
I turn around fully, and within moments, his lips are pressed against mine, his tongue sliding between my lips and into my mouth. His hands finish untying the skirt, and like countless other times, it falls around my ankles.
His presses his hands to my belly, a gasp catching in my throat. His clever hands move up my bare skin, leaving a trail of fire as they cup my breasts under my shirt. His moves and leaves a moist trail of kisses across my neck and starts drawing circles with his tongue.
I realize there will be a hickey to explain to my friends tomorrow, but his cologne and hands are clogging my mind so badly that I can only think of him.
He delicately undoes the buttons to my shirt, and suddenly, I can't take the urge I'm holding in. I grab his cloak off of his shoulders and push it to the floor, his robes and shirt following. He laughs against my lips; my ferocity turns him on, I know. I can feel his arousal against my leg.
In no time, he has me lying against the floor, my body erupting in gooseflesh as his cold hands control and travel over my exposed skin. His presses his bare body to mine, his cloak covering the bottom half of us. I throw my head back and moan as his hips rock against me. He hungrily kisses me again, grasping my shoulders and holding on as he moves into me in a steady rhythm. The breath catches in my throat, releases, and catches again. My breath is raggedly and shallow, and followed by short pants and another moan.
"Draco…" escapes my lips.
"Don't call me that, Weasley," he growls hoarsely in my ear.
He gently takes the velvety skin of my earlobe between his teeth, and I suddenly giggle in delight before a groan of pleasure escapes me. He smirks against my neck.
And yet, as his body fills my mind and I can't stop thinking about him, I do. I keep wondering what would happen if I ever told anyone about my sexual relationship with Malfoy. Would my family disown me? Would Harry, Ron and Hermione be appalled and never speak to me again? Would I have anyone left?
Yet more importantly, would I still have him?
I am always left with no answer to my question; it burns the tip of my tongue whenever I have a private moment with Hermione or Ron or Harry. I want to tell them so badly but I know I can't. It's a horrible feeling, sneaking around with Malfoy and having a wild ride. But then, I can't stop the feelings I have for him now. I can't help if it I fell in love with him all because he can make me moan.
It just isn't fair, but hell, c'est le vie.
And of all the times we've ever been together, tossed like the pile of clothes onto the floor and erotic sounds echoing down the corridor, no one has ever caught us, and however much I'm grateful for it, I'm disappointed too. If someone caught Ginny Weasley and Draco Malfoy going at it like bunnies in the Astronomy Tower, everyone would find out. I would have to explain, and then… then maybe, I could get the real truth out of Draco.
My only question for you, Draco: would you care if I jumped?
And for all the close encounters where we nearly did get caught, and managed to get our clothes on in time and flee to different sides to escape from, I curse the person under my breath, because they never caught us. And so far, it's been depriving me of the godforsaken truth that hasn't come yet. And why hasn't it yet?
I though my head back as the peak of our passion comes, and I cry out, rather loudly in fact. He laughs against my neck and lick the salty perspiration off my shoulder. My nails rake through his hair and grasp his shoulders tightly, biting my lip and fighting the urge to scream the three words burning in the back of my mind ever since we joined together below the waist.
I love you.
And I know I can never say it because you would never want to shag me again because I tainted our unholy relationship with something so pure and innocent, and that clashes with all the intentions in your mind and you'll just decide to find another girl to ride for the night.
In the middle of it, when the loud moan from my throat finally died out on the tower, the door to the Astronomy Tower opened. My eyes were closed, and all I knew as a flood of light burned my eyes, was that I was screwed because we had been caught.
"Hey, what's going—oh my god!"
I would recognize that voice anywhere. I take it me and Malfoy had been at it for some time because it was prefect hours. And the one prefect who had an unsaid routine through the Astronomy Wing was none other than my closest mentor.
By the sound of her shrieking, she had merely registered the fact that she walked in on two lovers having a quick moment alone, not knowing who they were. She scrambled out of the balcony and slammed the door shut.
Malfoy was off of me in an instant. He was pulling his clothes on hurriedly, just as I was. The ruffle of clothing was quick, and I stopped nearly an instant after he did. We turned and looked at each other.
His pale hair is illuminated by the starlight, casting a halo over his head. His silver eyes are shining with passion and fury because we had been interrupted. His mouth is turned into a frown, but a moment later it was a smirk as he looks at me.
"We got caught," I choke out, scared by my own words. "What are we going to do?"
He laughs malevolently, and it sent shivers up my spine.
"There is no we in this, Weasley. You're going to have to explain to all your little friends that you've been fooling around with Draco Malfoy, and all I have to do is find another girl to spend the night with."
The honest truth from his mouth penetrated me so deeply that my eyes stung. That was by far the worst and most painful insult I had ever heard from him. However, as a single tear dripped down my cheek, I was furious at him and determined to have my say.
"Oh, is that so, Malfoy? How are you going to explain to all your bastard friends that you slept with a Gryffindor?" I spit out. The threat was petty and lame, but sadly, it was all I had.
"Oh please, Weasley. I've shagged the majority of the female Gryffindors. All I have to say is that you were next in line, was all," he draws out, a smirk on his lips. He holds up to fingers, sneeringly waving them in my face. He puts down one.
"One down, one to go," he whispers, taking a closer step towards me.
He was going to kiss me again, knowing that my vulnerability would do nothing to stop it and only welcome it more. I cower against the wall, feeling craven and slightly panicky. There was no way out of this.
"W-who's the next girl?" I whisper, swallowing the disgust and pain in my voice. He gave a low laugh as he pressed his hands to my shoulders, running a hand over my back and then pulling my body against his.
"No one you know."
His breath on my face made my mind clog up as the breath caught in my throat, making me unable to think or breathe. It didn't matter to me that our brief conversation had left the most painful impact on me since Tom (and I didn't want to think about that at the moment); nothing matter except that he kissed me harder. His lips were already pressed against mine, his arms encircling my waist, taking my body within his grasp. I did nothing but moan, because everything about him was so intoxicating I could do nothing else. He snakes his tongue into my mouth and controls me once again. I could never deny him, no matter how badly he had hurt me.
"You better be decent by now!" calls Hermione, warning us. I open my eyes in panic and try to desperately pry away from Draco, but suddenly his nails are digging into me and I knew then that he wanted Hermione to catch us.
The flood of light from her wand hits us, and then became very still.
Hermione wasn't moving; I could tell, even with my eyes shut, that she was watching in horror as Draco groped my body and kissed me harder than he had all night.
"Ginny?" she says weakly. Draco finally let go of me. The kiss ended and he turned over his shoulder and grinned at Hermione wickedly.
"Hello, Granger!" Draco says in mock pleasantness. She gaped in horror at him. "How nice of you to interrupt us!
"With Malfoy?!" Hermione screams disbelievingly at me, accusing me with her betrayed look. I opened my mouth to protest but a second later, Draco had his mouth clamped on mine and Hermione had fled the scene.
We had been caught, and I knew that Hermione would never tell.
A week went by.
Hermione wasn't talking to me. Hell, she wouldn't even look at me. Ron and Harry act normal; I take it she hasn't told them. They haven't found out.
I've been watching Draco all week. He's been eying a Ravenclaw girl and hitting on her between classes. She's disgusted with him, but I know that he'll break her in with time.
Because it was the same thing with me.
No one has any idea how much it hurts me to watch him smirk at someone else with delight dancing in his eyes, or grab a random Slytherin girl into a closet for a quickie or a snog. No one knows that half the time I wake up and say it's from bad dreams, it's true. I dream about jumping and you just stand their and watch, not speaking or protesting.
I sometimes wonder now, when Hermione finally has the common sense to explode at me, what she'll do when she finds that I'm not here anymore. Would she scream my name in annoyance until I showed up, or would she take the Marauder's Map and look for me? Still, that's another burning question in the back of my mind. Sadly though, one that will never be answered.
Sighing, I make my way up to the Astronomy Tower for maybe the twentieth time that month. I slip up onto the ledge of the wall and sit with my legs hanging dangerously over the edge, gazing up at the stars, thinking.
How badly I've always wanted to jump. Somehow, I know that Hermione told Harry and Ron because they've been ignoring me for a while now, two or three weeks. Many of my friends have stopped talking to me, and Slytherins snicker and toss galleons at me in the hallways.
Apparently, I'm some sort of scarlet woman now.
Of course, it barely fazes me. I've been expecting this for a while now. I've seen it happen with so many other girls.
It's just... I just wish I could have one last night with him, and ask him that question that's been bugging me now. Would you care if I jumped? I know the answer would most likely be no, I wouldn't really, but some part of me believes differently. What's hiding beneath his cruel façade?
"Up here again, Weasley?" Followed once more.
I know he's been watching me slowly give up the will to live for the past couple of weeks. Hell, he wouldn't even have to watch because he just knows what he's done to me. He knows I come up here every night, sometimes even fall asleep up here to wake up under the morning dew, away from the innocent girls. He knows me like my own brothers.
"Yes," I sigh. "Up here again."
He moves from the doorway, quietly shutting the door behind him. He comes beside me, sitting on the side of the tower, and leans his elbows against the wall top. Below my fidgeting feet are hundreds of thousands of a free falling distance that plunders my innocence and thought as I keep thinking about it. He looks up at the stars, just as I do.
"Did you ever manage to get that girl?" The small talk to me seems as if casualty makes us old friends.
"No, actually. She hit me 'round the face when I started talking to her," Draco answers quietly. I laughed lightly.
"I should've taken lessons from her," I say quietly to him. He drawls out a chortle.
"It wouldn't have saved you from me." His voice is soft, and I can barely hear him. But I did.
"Nothing could've saved me from you."
He says nothing, and merely gazes at the stars. The burning question that has been on my mind for the longest times screams to be voiced.
"Huh?" I must have broken through his day-dreaming.
"Would you care if I jumped?" A deadly, anxious silence follows my question, and almost immediately, I wish I hadn't said anything.
Draco says nothing for the longest time. He gazes out over the lake, his eyes distant in thought, and his mind reeling with consideration. I wish he would hurry up and say no so I had the consent to jump, because it's his words that I've been waiting for. If he didn't care, then I was ultimately betrayed and only my death could take it away.
"I don't know."
God, how much I hated those words. I don't know…
"Let's find out then."
My legs were already dangling from the side, and slowly I grasped the metal railing behind me. The cold metal stings me, but I'm not paying attention. I look over my shoulder at him, my face colorless, empty, but my eyes are burning a hole in his head.
He looks mildly nervous; he swallows his apprehension, and I know as his muscles tense up, that he will be scared if I jump.
But that's what I've been hoping for all along. He'll have the empty feeling, he'll be shocked, amazed that I jumped and gave it all up to the sky so that he could feel the pain I felt.
I push my thighs a little further, and suddenly, I'm starting to slip. In one fluid motion, my hands are free from the rail; my body is off the castle and dangling in the air.
Draco had grabbed my hands at the last second. My wrists would have bruises soon. His hair was in his face and he was gaping at me, his eyes wide and accusing as if I were insane.
"What the flying fuck are you doing, Weasley?" he whispers. I noticed how he sounds scared, and I can't help but feel the joy that has escaped from my frozen heart.
I've got to ask him, to provoke him. There isn't any other way for me to find out, for him to realize that he loves me too.
"Do you love me, Draco?" I don't know how I can be so calm, so collected when I'm dangling off the Astronomy Tower, and the only thing holding onto me are sweaty palms.
"Do you love me?" I repeat it; I want him to answer, and I want him to be torn and abused inside and rescue me.
He stares down at me, his mouth pressed in a tight line. He is swallowing frequently, trying to get the internal conflict to be hidden away without anyone knowing. His palms aren't as tight around my wrists, and suddenly his fingers slip.
But I've caught onto him. He jerks and lets out an almost scared noise as I hold on tightly to his wrists. Now, everything is in my control.
"Say that you love me, Draco."
He doesn't answer me, but looks scared. So incredibly scared. He is trying to avoid my eyes, but in the starlight he can look at nothing else. I'm burning him with guilt, with shame, and he's scared. He's having one of those mental fights with himself; what should I do?
He doesn't know because he can't decide if he loves me or not.
And I'm tired of waiting. I'm in love with him, and on the brink of my death, he won't tell me that he loves me.
So was it one-sided after all?
There's only one way to find out.
I let go of one of his wrists, and hold onto his other even tighter. His face is whiter than snow, and he looks as if he is going to vomit.
"It's now or never," I whisper fiercely.
And yet, he still says nothing, but presses his lips tighter together.
I have my answer, and that really was all that I needed.
I let go of the other.
I'll never forget how beautiful he looked, his ashen hair falling in slivers over his eyes, his normally pointed, slender face looking grayish and more terrified than he's ever been in his life. But moreover, I'll never forget how his whole body jerked suddenly, and he reached for my hands as quick as lightning.
But missed them anyways.
Oh, and his voice, such a sweet harmony to my ears as I take my last breath.
Author's Notes: Um, well I've been working on that since like last June. I mean, I started it but never finished it. But I started reading through my stuff today, and look what I found!
I hope you like it; it's my first attempt at a Ginny/Draco, and it's rather sad. I know Ginny's character is kinda… out of it, but that's me and my horrible writing )
So please review!