I do not own Star Wars. Nor will I. I wish I did, but I don't. I am merely borrowing the wonderful characters that legally belong to Lucasfilm.

VADER: Luke... I am your mother... wait thats not right... Hey! who messed with my script?

WATTO: Here it is...a T-14 hyperdrive generator! Thee in luck, I'm the only one hereabouts who has one...but thee might as well buy a new ship. It would be cheaper, I think...Saying of which, how's thee going to pay for all this, huh?

QUI-GON: I have 20,000 Republic dataries.

WATTO: Republic credits? Republic credits are no good out here. I need something more real.

QUI-GON: I don't have anything else. (raising his hand) But credits will do fine.

WATTO: No, they won'ta.

Qui-Gon sighs.

QUI-GON: How about Mastercharge?

He turns to the camera and grins while showing his Galactic Mastercard.

QUI-GON: It's everywhere I want to be.

In the background, GL is heard yelling for who added that to the script.

Obi-Wan is being suspended in mid-air by a blue electric beam in the center of a vast circular chamber. Count Dooku walks in, regarding the Jedi with a measure of pity and worry.

OBI-WAN: Traitor.

COUNT DOOKU: Oh no, Van Helsing. This time there is no stake, no sunlight, no running water to use against me.

Obi-Wan blinks and looks at Dooku with a raised eyebrow.

COUNT DOOKU: Sorry about that, Hammer Studios Dracula flashback.

In the background, GL is heard sobbing

GL is on his knees in the background banging his head against the floor moaning 'Why?' repeatedly.

JAWA 1: Hi-Ho!


JAWA 1:Hi-Ho!


ALL JAWAS: Hi-Ho! Hi-Ho! It's off to work we go...

GL yells in exasperation and stamps his feet in the dust.

OBI-WAN: I have a bad feeling about this.

QUI-GON: …..

ANNOUNCER PEOPLE-PERSON: The owner of a silver Ford SZ789, your lights are on! Ewan, isn't that your car?

OBI-WAN (storms off set): #$

QUI-GON: Haven't I always told you to be wary of your focus, my very young apprentice?

GL jumps up and down like a mad man yelling

Flashback to Duel on Naboo

Duel on Geonosis

Duel on Mustafar

Duel on Death Star, ANH

Duel on Bespin

RANDOM PERSON: Why's everyone losing limbs?

STAR WARS CHARACTER: Because the guy keeps yelling CUT

Okay. If you didn't figure it out, GL is George Lucas. The second one is my frustration for the credit card commercials that haunt the television nonstop. The third one is a takeoff off Christopher Lee's British horror movie acting experience/career. If you liked it, please review. If you didn't, forever hold your peace.