"Uncontrollable Urges"

1:31 pm

Just got up. Don't worry, it's Sunday, so it's excusable.

2:05 pm

Sundays were made so we, as people, could show our true colors to the rest of the world: as the lazy, pathetic and completely useless oxygen and time consuming fools that we really are.

3:07 pm

Should I do my homework?

'No. Being a complete failure is underrated.'

4:58 pm

Engineering mechanics sucks.

5:05 pm

So does literature.

Note to all: English majors are actually science major rejects who couldn't cut it and so they had to resort to getting a bullshit degree.

5:17 pm

I don't think that's gonna sit too well with the English students reading this.

'What's getting one more demographic to hate on you?'

6:02 pm

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

'Answer the door, idiot.'

6:03 pm

Aerith is standing at the door with this wild look in her eyes and here I am, stiff as a rock… in the pants, that is. Sorry, sorry.

Her snug blue jeans hugged her shapely legs and the tight white shirt also didn't leave a lot for the imagination. All I saw was curves. Curves everywhere. She also had on a dash of makeup but it looked so subtle, a welcome breath of fresh air from women who went all heavy to cover up their flaws.

'You should consider some, too, then.'

"Hey, what're you up to tonight?" she asked.

I didn't really have anything… except for my homework. But homework could wait, right? Right? "Um… nothing really. Why?"

"Well…" She took a step forward. "Since we got interrupted last time, and since you were busy yesterday, I was hoping maybe tonight you're free?"

"I'm… uh, yeah. I mean, yeah, I don't have anything really." Except, again, for my homework.

"You sure?" She raised an eyebrow in question.

"Positive." I nodded.

"Well great." Her smile easily rivaled Tifa's. "Get dressed then, cuz I'm taking you out again. Dinner and a movie. My treat."

Reno, wherever you are, please stay there tonight, unless you're already at a restaurant or a movie theater.

6:32 pm

"So... where're we going?" I asked as we zipped through the streets in her car once again.

"There's this seafood joint on one of the piers. Wait... I should've asked: do you like seafood? If you don't, there's something else."

"Seafood's fine," I said, before looking back out the passenger window. A part of me still felt a little guilty after last night and how she'd seen Tifa in my room. I mean, what was she supposed to think, seeing me with another attractive girl? Was it still on her mind or had she let go? She sure was taking it rather well if she hadn't. Then, as if on cue:


"Yeah?" I turned to look over at her. Green eyes locked onto mine. It was intense and I had to glance away. I couldn't help it.

'It's okay. No need to explain. By now, we're all well aware of the incompetence you so proudly possess.'

"That-" She chuckled nervously for a moment before continuing, her eyes now on the road. "That girl yesterday… if you don't mind me asking... How well do you know her?"

"I-" Well… I mean I didn't really know Tifa but we weren't just classmates anymore either, right? I mean, she had asked me to join her that other night at the club, right? "Um… I dunno, we're in the same class but I know her a little more than that, I guess. Yeah..." Good, Cloud, good. You were actually honest for once. Bravo.

'Like the time you felt like you just had to rat Zack out to your mom after he came home shitfaced? That kind of honest, you snot-nosed little snitch?'

'Whatever, he deserved it. He was the one who told her where to find my porno mags.' That jackass...

"She seems really nice, Cloud," Aerith said.

Huh? "Huh? I'm sorry, what?"

Aerith just smiled. "Tifa..."

"What about her?"

"You like her?" There was a hint of amusement in her tone.

I started to turn red. What the hell do I say to a question like that?

'The truth.'

I frowned. 'You know, I just realized how incredibly satisfying it must be for you to make my life a living hell.'

'"Just realized"? Moron.'

Cloud's current options and risk factors for the question at hand:

1. Cloud can lie to Aerith and tell her what she wants to hear, resulting in a series of hugs and kisses as she professes her undying love and infatuation with him. Risk Factor: Cloud gets Aerith but loses Tifa in the process, completely nullifying any hope of ever hooking up with her. Possible payoff: sex.

2. Cloud can tell Aerith the truth and that he's hopelessly in love with Tifa and has been ever since he first laid eyes on her. Risk Factor: Aerith slaps and beats the living shit out of the idiot and tells Tifa, who in turn, proceeds to laugh at the idiot as well, costing the idiot both girls. Possible payoff: none. Only stupid people tell the truth.

3. Cloud completely sidetracks the question and beats around the bush (as most retarded guys do since the majority of them are secretly cowards when it comes to this sort of thing) and only tells Aerith the most necessary details in order to keep this love triangle going. Risk Factor: can eventually blow up in his face when they both find out that he secretly fantasized having a threesome with them. I mean, what guy wouldn't? Possible payoff: threesome.

'You know where I stand on this. It's a one letter word that begins with three and ends with-'

"I mean…" I began to scratch the back of my neck. "I mean, yeah, she's nice. I like her as a person."

Aerith bit her bottom lip. "You know that's not what I meant, right?" she replied playfully.

"Well, what do you mean then?" I know. I know I'm being an idiot.

She gazed at me intensely, her eyes sparkling. "Are you attracted to her?"


"It's okay, Cloud, you can tell me the truth. You don't have to be afraid of me."

Afraid? I was fucking terrified! Would she kill me if I said yes? Shit, panic. Panic time. Trick question. Evil woman! She was messing with me. It was a trap. All women do this! They're evil! I shrugged haplessly.

"Cloud…" she scolded.

"Aerith…" I replied in a mocking tone.

"Not gonna work on me, Cloud." Although she was frowning, I could tell she was quite playful about the whole thing. "Just answer the question, I'm not gonna bite you."

"I..." I gulped before continuing. "I… like her as a friend. She's nice. That's all." I tried to see if she'd bought my response.

Aerith went quiet for a moment. We both were as the car rolled smoothly across the pavement. "Liar," she finally said with a smirk after a moment's silence. It was followed by a quick chuckle that I really appreciated just because it defused the mounting tension.

Aerith... She wasn't like any other girl I'd ever met. Any other girl would've kicked me out of the car by now.

7:49 pm

Dinner went by without a hitch.

In other words: no Reno. I'll never underestimate his ability to screw things up ever again. It's almost like he wants to make a career out of it. It's like, "Hey, I'm Reno, professional shitstarter. What do you want me to fuck up for you tonight?"

8:01 pm

We were glancing up at the movie start times in front of the theater when Aeris gently slipped her hand in mine.

Okay, I gotta admit, at first I slightly jumped but it was barely noticeable (at least I hoped it was) then I tensed up as a tingling sensation ran all through my body before finally relaxing a little. Her hand was so soft and warm. Mine felt all clammy. It was nice, holding another female's hand. When I met her eyes, she shot me a quick smile and winked. Of course, as you've come to expect of me, I quickly looked away in embarrassment.

'What are you, in grade 3 or something? Stop acting like a clown, for God sakes!'

"Hey! Aerith! Is that you?" I heard someone call out. We both turned around.

Aerith's eyes immediately lit up at the sight of a dark haired guy with a pony tail and a dark leather jacket. She let go of my hand to embrace him. "Tseng! How are you? Oh my god, I haven't seen you in, like, so long!"

He smiled back. "Same here, babe. It's really great to see you again." He looked at me. "Who's your friend?"

"Tseng..." Aerith said with a proud smile, "this is Cloud. We're seeing each other."

See? Why can't I have her confidence?

'Because it got crushed after you were dropped on your head as a child.'

Tseng nodded in acknowledgment. "Sup, Cloud. Nice to meet you." He greeted me with a handshake. "I'm Tseng, an old friend." He let go of my hand and was about to address Aerith once more before he paused, his cordial smile turning into a questioning frown. "Hey… wait a minute… You're Cloud?"

I nodded slowly. "Uh… yeah."

He grunted in amusement. "Cloud Strife?"

Crap. Only one possible explanation: Zack. "Yeah, that's me..." Countdown in 3, 2, 1...

"You're Zack's brother." It was a statement and not a question. "Yeah, yeah… I know you. I saw you in Saturday's game. We caught it on TV."

I mustered a fake smile. "Um… thanks."

He chuckled in response, his bright white teeth practically blinding me. "I gotta say, not the best of debuts was it?"

What an asshole. "No…"

"So I guess I should let you know, then, that we're playing you guys this week. I'm on the Turks team with Zack. Should be a good one. Can't wait," he said with a wink.

I already hated him.

Aerith must have sensed the tension so she opted to cut in. "Tseng, who're you here with?"

When he looked over at her, his eyes immediately softened. I could already feel myself getting protective. No way was this douche gonna try anything with her. I didn't care how long he'd known her. "I'm here with Elena and Rude."

Aerith raised an eyebrow. "Elena? That cheerleader from your school? You're going out with her?"

Okay, so maybe he had a girlfriend. That still didn't mean he wouldn't try anything with Aerith.

Tseng just nodded. "Since, like, I don't know, maybe 4, 5 months ago now." He looked away for a moment before saying, "There they are. Yo, guys! Come over here for a sec."

An attractive blonde girl with a huge guy by her side strolled up to us. The large guy was massive, easily rivaling Loz in terms of weight but probably towering over him several inches. My guess would be 6'6" at 250 lbs. He was an absolute monster and wore a dark muscle shirt that would've probably been a XXXL on me, and had on dark shades, even though we were inside.

"Aerith, you remember Rude, right? This is Elena. Elena, Aerith, an old friend of mine."

They all talked for a minute, completely ignoring me, until Rude turned his attention to me and said, "You look familiar, bro."

Tseng smirked. "Dude, that's Cloud Strife."

It took a moment for Rude to put the name together but when he did, a smirk of his own surfaced. "So you're the screw-up from yesterday's game, huh? Guess football talent doesn't run in the family."

Wow... This. Fucking. Asshole. And right in front of Aerith, too!

I was about to snap back before he extended his hand. What the hell? Now he wanted to shake? Of course, I accepted, being a total moron and all.

Now let me tell you this, if a guy mocks you and is far, far, FAR bigger than you AND he offers to shake your hand, be alert. Be very, very alert. You know something's up. Oh, something was up all right.

My hand.

I did everything in my power not to grimace in pain and scream like a little girl when his superhuman grip tightened further and further, his smile growing by the second as he watched my eyes twitch. Was everyone else around us oblivious to what was going on? My hand felt like it was getting crushed in a vice clamp.

I shut my eyes and concentrated, remembering an old trick Zack used to teach me. Curl your palm inwards, that way, the other person can't grind the bones together as easily. Did it work? Nope. Urge and desire to simply scream out like a sissy growing more and more by the second.

The pain was excruciating and unbearable. But just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he let go.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," he said with a smug expression. Tseng chuckled once. "Looking forward to this week's game."

Grimacing, I asked through clenched teeth, "What are you, a linebacker?"

This time both him and Tseng laughed in unison. "Nope. Same position as you buddy. Receiver."

9:58 pm

This movie officially sucks.

'Maybe it's because you keep spending a majority of the time staring at your deformed hand.'

I now officially only have three fingers since two of them appear to be mashed together.

10:41 pm

Aerith and I stood outside my dorm. She looked away for a moment, brushing some hair behind her ear. I wanted to-


'Wow… yeah… I mean, that didn't come out of nowhere. No, not at all. Can you say "psycho"?'

Was this punishment for ignoring the countless women who'd thrown themselves at my feet over the years after I opted to date my hand instead?

'I'm officially done for the night since you've gone completely insane like Caligula.'

Good riddance.

"Cloud!" Aerith snapped her fingers in front of my eyes.

I blinked rapidly. "Yes?"

She laughed. "I said did you enjoy the movie?"

I shrugged. My hand still hurt. That was all I could think about. Well that and stupid Tseng and stupid Rude and the stupid football game I had with them next week. I groaned when I felt another throbbing pain shoot through my hand.

"What's wrong?" she said.


She looked down. "Squeezed your hand a little too hard back there, huh?"

I gazed at her in surprise. "What are you-"

"Psychic?" she finished, before shaking her head. "That big guy with the glasses, what an asshole. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it. It doesn't hurt that bad."

"Right…" she purred in amusement. "That's why every time I turned to look over, you were nursing your hand, right?"

"Whatever," I said with a shrug, feeling a little embarrassed.

She took a few steps closer and grabbed my hand. Our bodies were so close I felt like I was going to pass out. "Do you want me to kiss it?" she said in a husky tone. "Want me to make it better?"

'Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Okay, I gotta come back for this.'

I didn't know what to say but it didn't seem to matter since Aerith was taking full control of the situation. "So... are we gonna go in or are we just gonna stand out here all night and delay the inevitable?" she asked.

Oh. My. God. Was she... was she talking about what I thought she was talking about? Shit. This was not happening! It was all too fast. "Um…"

She stepped even closer, her lips now inches away from mine. I could feel her warm breath on my nose and chin. Down below, Cloud Junior seemed anxious to get to work. Without waiting for an answer, Aerith slipped her free hand inside my pocket, causing me to go completely rigid. She let out a wicked smile and brought her lips to my ear before I heard the jingle of my keys when she fished them out.

"What'd you think I was gonna do?" she whispered, before backing away and shooting me this devilish grin.

I was literally panting right now. My heart was beating like a jackhammer.

Without waiting for me to say another word, she unlocked the door and shoved me inside before walking in after me and shutting it behind her.

11:01 pm

Foreplay is good. Foreplay is fun. Foreplay is your friend. Except when it's all your first time and it's all happening way, way, WAY too fast.

I pushed myself away from Aerith's lips for a second and let out a few breaths. She tried to pull me back in but I held her at an arm's length. My mind was scrambling right now. There were images of everything: what I had for lunch, Tifa, Cid, Yuffie, Rufus' annoying face. I needed to get it together. "Wait, wait!" My breaths were short and my bare chest glistened with sweat. This was exhilarating. I'd never experienced anything like it before and trust me, it was much better than porn. Even the hi-def variety.

Aerith looked slightly disappointed but held her distance when I let go of her shoulders. "What's wrong?"

I mustered a weak grin. "Um… nothing. Just need a minute to catch my breath." I hated lying but I couldn't tell her that I was…

'A virgin?'

'Shouldn't you be away now?'

'Told you. Changed my mind. This is way too fun to pass up.'

"Cloud?" I gazed at Aerith and froze as she started to slip her shirt off.

Note to all: This is Cloud's first time ever seeing a woman in a push-up bra. Well… I mean… aside from my mom…

'Way to kill the mood, you retard! Thanks, we all just NEEDED to know that.'

Without giving me another moment to think, Aerith pressed herself up against me once more, her bra the only thing separating her chest from mine. Her soft lips came next, crashing onto mine once more as she wrapped her arms around my neck and began to explore every inch of my mouth. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her slim waist and started to feel her up. It all felt so amazing.

There was a part of me that felt anxious and restrained, like I had to be careful, but there was another part that simply wanted me to just tear her remaining clothes off, flip her over, and just...

What the hell was wrong with me? Why couldn't I slow down and control myself. God, did she smell good. Tifa was now a distant memory. Why couldn't my rational side take over? Was this what man was often reduced to? A raging, sex driven mammal. In short: yes.

Aerith broke the sweet kiss and pulled her face away for a moment, shooting me a beautiful smile. My heart was beating at an astronomical rate-this was far more of a workout than anything else I'd ever experienced, including those marathon masturbation sessions late during high school. My eyes widened when Aerith began to undo her bra. I held my breath in anticipation and everything around me seemed to stop.

This was it! I was gonna get to see them in real life... and touch them! Nothing was in the way, no glass screens, or restraining orders, or anything. I was gonna get to see and feel boobies.


'Real mature.'

The next thing I knew, Aerith was leaning forward. "You wanna take it off for me instead?" she whispered huskily into my ear.

Uh oh… Not good. I've heard of this: the dreaded bra removal. Horror stories of guys trying to free the twins from the constraints of the female undergarment. Some have gone on to perform the deed quite flawlessly, but others… others have not been so lucky. Some have failed so spectacularly that they've never managed to live the embarrassment down, even going so far as to swear off women forever.

'That wouldn't really be any different for you then, considering your lack of female companionship.'

This was the ultimate test. It was the girl's last line of defense. It was her way of saying "one more thing left to see what you got, what you're made of. Let's see if you're worth getting in my pants or not." Could I do this? Would I be able to? As a first timer, I was destined for doom and failure.

'Just do it already! I wanna see some boobies, too!'

With fingers trembling, like I was about to defuse a bomb, I grabbed the back of Aerith's bra and readied myself. It was time to crack the code of the safe. Time to unleash the loot.

11:05 pm

Still trying.

11:06 pm

Still trying.

11:07 pm

Okay, now it's just getting a little awkward and I'm feeling more embarrassed.

'This is, without a doubt, the most pathetic performance exhibited by any man. Congratulations, you've set a new record, loser. Way to degrade all males in general. I'm sure they all appreciate it.'

I wanted to cry. Better yet, I wanted to melt into the floor and cease to exist. I can just picture it now.

Random Girl: Hey, you're going out with that guy Cloud, right?

Aerith: Yeah.

Random Girl: So I heard he tried to crack the safe last night. How'd he do?

Aerith: It didn't.

Random Girl: Were his arms amputated or something?

Maybe I can just find a shotgun somewhere and blow my brains out.

"Cloud..." Aerith cupped my cheeks. "You can stop. It's okay, I'll take it off." Even though I knew she wasn't impressed, she pretended like she was enjoying it all. I felt completely miserable. As if reading my thoughts, she added, "Cloud, it's okay. This happens to guys all the time, even if they're experienced with women, so don't feel bad. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm sure there were other bras that also gave you trouble."

Oh cruel, cruel fate. Why do you mock thee? Okay, that's it. It's time to just come out with it. Set the record straight. "Aerith, I…" I lowered my head, staring smack dab at her cleavage. Crap. I turned away to look at the wall instead. "I-" Sighing, I mustered up the courage to continue. "This is… oh man… Damnit." I shook my head, unable to continue.

I didn't need to. I heard her gasp before saying, "Cloud?" Her eyes, now rife with excitement, were focused squarely on mine. "Are you? Oh my god!" she squealed." What the? She sounded… happy? "Cloud!" She giggled. "Oh… My… God…" She emphasized every single word like this was the single most dramatic event in history. "You're a virgin?" She gasped once more, covering her mouth with a palm. "I can't believe you're a virgin!"

Suddenly I didn't want to be near her anymore. I didn't want to be near anyone. I shrugged and looked away, red as a tomato, the evil moon doing it's job of making my life more miserable.

One day, I'd blow that bastard up. The moon thinks it's so badass but it's got nothing on the sun. At least the sun can burn you if you piss it off but what can the fucking moon do? My thoughts exactly.

"Cloud…" Aerith began with a soft smile. She wrapped her arms around me once more and pulled me in for a hug.

I just sat there, feeling completely stunned and unsure of what exactly was going on. Why wasn't she laughing? Why wasn't she getting dressed and leaving my room?

When Aerith pulled away, she said, "I can't believe it… All this time and you've never been with a woman? I mean, how? How have you never been with anyone before?"

I shrugged miserably, still refusing to meet her eyes. It was only when she tilted my chin that I did. "I don't know," I simply stated.

Aerith shook her head. "Cloud, listen to me... don't be disappointed, okay? Cloud? There's nothing to be ashamed about, all right?"

Even though I still was, I nodded anyways. Something about the way she said it made me not want to disappoint her further.

Aerith smiled again and said, "Good... Now put your arms around my waist again. We're gonna continue where we left off."

She was about to press her lips against mine once more before I pulled back. "Wait… Aerith?"


"Why do you still want to be with me?"

"Because I get to be the teacher and you get to be the student."

My eyes shot wide open but I couldn't react in time because the next thing I knew, she pounced on me, knocking me flat on my back, before her lips met mine once more.

11:12 pm

The bra has now officially come off.

11:13 pm


11:16 pm

Breasts are... They're just so unbelievably nice. And soft. And, like, soft.

11:17 pm

I'm crying tears of joy right now.

11:18 pm

Shit. I still tomorrow's homework to do. Ah screw it…


11:19 pm

We both broke apart, panting heavily. I couldn't believe this was still considered foreplay.

Aerith moved down the bed and quickly unzipped my pants before practically ripping them off, leaving me only in my boxers. She smirked when she saw the pointy tent shooting up towards the ceiling. I was about to lose it. And then I heard her say, "Where do you keep the condoms?"

I suddenly felt very cold, like all the heat and passion had been stripped away. Condoms? "Uh… condoms? What?" Why the hell would I ever have any condoms? It wasn't like this was a regular occurrence.

She just glared at me for several seconds before replying, "You… don't have… any… condoms?" She kept stretching out the words, like it was the most ridiculous thing ever. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "Well… I mean-"

She slapped my thigh and jumped off the bed excitedly. "Never mind. Get up and get dressed. We're going shopping."

11:47 pm

I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life. It felt like everyone in the store was watching me.

Aerith walked through the condom aisle and scanned the products as if she were picking out a food item.

I stood rooted in my spot, my face probably red ten shades over as I tried my best to appear inconspicuous.

"Let's see here," Aerith said, stopping in front of an assortment of colored boxes. She turned and grinned at me before reading some of the labels. "Ribbed for her extra pleasure, yet with his safety in mind. How about these ones, Cloud?" I smacked my forehead and slowly rubbed my palm down my face. "Oooh, how about these ones?" Her voice rose in excitement, prompting an elderly woman nearby to shoot us a peculiar glare. "Extra thin yet with all the durability. Feels as if you've got nothing on. Cloud, what do you think?" She approached me. "How do you feel about these?"

I felt like I wanted to die.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me over before picking out a pack and shoving them into my palms. I examined the box of ultra thin condoms. I knew that inside, these little latex things would soon be the only things keeping my privates from making direct contact with her privates.

"Oh, check this one out," Aerith practically squealed, again earning the attention of the woman and a middle aged man a few aisles back. "These ones are flavored. That's something I wouldn't mind trying actually."

My eyes were as wide as saucers. I wanted to say something but I couldn't. I was about to choke. What was wrong with this woman? Was she completely OUT OF HER MIND?

"Hold on, Cloud," she said, before suddenly walking off.

The middle aged man approached me, a wide grin on his face. He was quiet for a moment, pretending to observe the contents before speaking. "Cute girlfriend." I looked away uncomfortably and tried to ignore him. "First time, huh?" When I looked up at him, he let out a hearty laugh. "It's so obvious. Relax, the trips get easier with time. But hey, at least you're being safe. Good luck." He gave me a quick pat on the shoulder and walked off.

Before I could comprehend what had just happened, Aerith came back with a young female pharmacist. "These one's here." Aeris pointed to a box. "Do they come in any different flavors or is what you see pretty much what you get?"

The pharmacist nodded at me politely before examining the section. "Hmm… I'm sorry, that's all we have at the moment. What do you have in mind?"

Aerith shrugged and intertwined her fingers with mine. "Not sure, really. Something comfortable for him. It's his first time."

I gazed at her in horror. Oh thanks, Aerith! Why not go tell the rest of the world while you're at it?

But the pharmacist didn't appear to be the slightest bit amused. She kept a professional manner, nodding and saying, "Try the ultra thin ones. They're probably the best for first timers." And then, finally, with a barely noticeable smirk, added, "Enjoy you two… and be responsible."

"Thanks for all your help. We will," Aerith replied before picking up a pack of ultra thins.

11:54 pm

I think I'm gonna be sick.

11:56 pm

"Cloud, are you okay?"

Oh God... I'm gonna be sick.

12:17 am

So here we are, back in my dorm, and I'm about to have a heart attack. Just how many times can a guy get embarrassed in one night?

'Are you enjoying this?'

'Are you kidding me? This one's going in the books.'

It's past midnight and I still haven't figured out this sex thing. Someone, just put me out of my misery.

12:22 am

I held my breath in anticipation as Aerith, now straddling me, carefully opened the box of condoms and pulled one out. A smile greeted her face as she brought the small package up against the night lamp, her other hand cupping the side of my face.

"You ready?"

I swallowed once and nodded anxiously. "Yeah…" I breathed out. I wasn't ready at all.

Aerith's eyes never left mine. Licking her lips, she said, "Ca-can I… Can I put it on?" She awaited my reaction as it went from shock, to excitement, to fear, and then to uncertainty.

I nodded once. "O-okay."

'This is so great. You're finally gonna get laid.'

12:23 am

I've never, EVER had anyone's hands on that region of my body before except for when I was a baby and getting my diaper changed.

12:24 am

"Aeri- Aerith wait! Hold on. Shit. Shit! Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Let go for a secon- oh shit! No don't keep rub- Arrrgh, shit!"

12:25 am


12:26 am

'Pathetic. Just pathetic. What happened to all those years of practice, you douche?'

12:27 am

Awkward silence.

12:28 am

With the sheets now draped over me, I kept staring up at the ceiling. Aerith, lying next to me on my right, did the same.

She finally rolled towards me and rested her right hand across my bare chest. "Cloud…" she began in a sing song voice.

I turned away from her, unable to meet her eyes right now. I couldn't look at her out of what little pride and dignity I had left.

'Pride? Dignity? What the hell are you talking about? Just when I thought this was your chance to go and save face for the night, you go and screw it all up! This is a new low. I'm not talking to you for a week!'

"Cloud…" Aerith began once more, her hand massaging the back of my right shoulder. I shivered at her warm touch and tensed up when I felt her soft breasts press against me from behind and her arms wrap around me. "Cloud, it's okay… it happens to most guys on their first time."

I snorted. "Yeah... Okay…"

"It does," she assured me. "Some guys don't even make it past the condom stage. We got yours on, didn't we?"

6 seconds. 6 fucking seconds. 6. I'd barely gotten it in before mini Cloud erupted.

Let me tell all you men out there: no matter how much practice you think you may have with the hand, once it comes to your first time, you can kiss your training goodbye because your endurance decides to pack up and leave.


This really is the icing on top of the cake for one of the most embarrassing nights of my life.

"So what am I now?" I said over my shoulder.

She lifted her head up so she could see me. "Pardon?"

"Am I, like, a semi-virgin now or what?"

She let out an uncontrollable giggle and I couldn't help but crack a smile as well.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to work on it next time, won't we? But don't worry, we'll get it right on the next go." She planted a soft kiss on my cheek before falling back. "Now, are you gonna turn around or am I gonna have to stare at your back for the rest of the night.

12:34 am

6 seconds!

12:35 am


'Not tonight, apparently.'