Crossdress for Success

Fandom: Bleach
Word Count: 1,479
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: ByakuyaxRenji
Word Prompt: Princess
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Note: A birthday giftie for Felkwafi. She also did a drawing to go with the ficwhich can be found on her livejournal which goes by the same name.Also, the idea for this one came from a really dull chemistry class with Toden. I swear I've heard the title before somewhere...if anyone can tell me that would be great!

This was precisely the twenty-third guy tonight to hit on Byakuya. The captain growled softly, dearly wanting to bash in this idiot's head, but then, that would jeopardize the mission. More than this man, who he quickly shook off, the noble wanted to bash in the bigger idiot's head, namely Renji.

The red head stood at the bar talking to the bartender as though his captain wasn't currently glaring daggers at him. Byakuya decided that the best way to deal with this was calmly. After all, it would be over in a few minutes.

Earlier that day both Renji and Byakuya had been called into Yamamoto's office to discuss a top secret mission. The elderly man laid out two parcels on his desk and beckoned them over. "Here, I have your clothes for the mission. You are to use your gigai and dress accordingly." He shoved the two bundles of clothing at them.

Byakuya picked them up and asked, "The objective?"

"You are only going on a reconnaissance mission at the moment. It is reckoned that one of Aizen's subordinates will be there tonight at I want you to find out which one he is—based on how much spiritual pressure he will be emitting it should be easy—and what he looks like. We are trying to gather as much information about their forces as we can. This man is possibly dangerous hence we are sending you two," the captain finished and the other two nodded in understanding.

"Want us to try these clothes on?" Renji asked, already making to open his bundle.

"I don't believe that will be necessary—" but he stopped as Byakuya opened his bundle and the room grew deathly silent.

For a moment the sixth division captain merely stared at his parcel, seemingly in shock at the contents. After another second he cleared his throat, "I believe you gave me Matsumoto-fukutaichou's."

"No," Yamamoto shook his head, "That is yours."

Renji backed away slightly as the spiritual power gathered around his captain and became almost suffocating, "Then why is there a—a princess costume in here!" Byakuya stated, still appearing calm, but his eyes were beginning to narrow dangerously.

Despite himself, Renji laughed, but stopped quickly as the spiritual pressure increased once more. "Well you see, the target will be at a Halloween party and it is only for couples. Th-therefore, we need you to go as a g-g-girl," Yamamoto finished. Renji had never heard him stammer before. But then, he'd never seen Byakuya quite this mad at anyone before.

"I am the commanding officer on this mission," Byakuya's voice was silent and carried a deadly edge to it, "Shouldn't Renji be the one going as a 'princess'?"

"Hey what are you—" but Renji's protests were cut off by Yamamoto standing up an ushering them to the door.

"I thought that you should be the one going as a princess because I trust you to still complete the mission while doing so. If there are no other questions you should go get ready," with that he practically shoved them out the door.

As they walked back to the six division barrack, Renji couldn't help but rub it in his captain's face a bit that he would be going as a girl. "So, um, for tonight, to ya know 'keep in character', should I call you Princess Byakuya?"

The noble stayed silent, refusing to acknowledge the other man's taunts, but then Renji saw the way his captain's hands were clenched in fists and decided to go ahead. "You know, I bet you had to do this because Yamamoto's got some kind of secret fetish or something. Seems like the kinda person who would like a guy in a skirt…"

Byakuya's eye was beginning to twitch. "Probably has a whole shrine dedicated to you. Needs this to finish it off, I bet."

"No," Byakuya finally stated, in a sneering voice, "That would be you, wouldn't it?"

He turned down the corridor to his room and left Renji standing there spluttering. He was…kind of scary when he was being sarcastic.

That evening they had met by the gate to the mortal world. Apparently, as some sort of last act of revenge, Renji had invited a couple of his friends along to see them off. Byakuya didn't know that, so when he showed up to meet the vice captain, it was to numerous cat calls and whistles.

"That is one hot ass, Kuchiki-taichou!" Shuuhei shouted out, ignoring the glare he was receiving.

"Can I get your number?"

"If you ever need someone keep you company, I'll be here for you!"

Byakuya turned around to face Renji, who couldn't help but snicker at the sight his captain made now. He was wearing such a short skirt (because we all know that Halloween is just an excuse for girls to wear lingerie outside) that the red head wasn't sure how everything stayed…concealed. The top was a long, flowy shirt that was stuffed with, was that,Kleenex? Also, Byakuya's face had been done up with make up and his hair in an elaborate bun.

"Did you do this all yourself?" Renji wouldn't put it past the noble. Byakuya didn't answer, but coughed something that sounded vaguely like 'Rukia' and set off.

Byakuya really did make a very pretty girl. His hair looked soft, his legs were long and creamy, and his mouth was slightly pouting (although this may have been more of a frown). That is why, almost the minute they stepped into the party, a guy walked up to him and said, "Hey princess. You're looking mighty fine tonight…" while sneakily reaching around to pinch the noble's butt.

Almost reflexively, Byakuya shot out a hand and punched the guy. Renji nearly collapsed in the doorway laughing. However, this did little to help the noble's situation as many of the guys seemed to like a 'feisty girl' and began to swarm around him. Renji…proved completely useless as he was still laughing.

As soon as he walked away from the guy he had punched, Byakuya found himself faced by a group of women all talking very quickly and very squeakily.

"I'm so sorry about that happening to you hon," a person in a cat costume said to him.

"I know, men are all such animals!" a genie exclaimed.

"Especially the ones who think they can just grab your breast and expect you to like it, those have to be the worst."

A rabbit put a comforting arm around his shoulders and softly told him, "Suppose you get this all the time deary."

The gaggle of girls all looked at him expectantly, "I, um, guess so?" Byakuya stammered. This was just as bad as the man earlier. Renji would pay later for making him go through this.

After only an hour, Byakuya swore that the next person to touch his ass was going to die, never mind the mission. It was lucky that at this time he felt a spike in the spiritual energy of the room. Looking at the doorway, he saw possibly the ugliest man ever. However, there was no doubt that he was the one they were looking for. With this in mind, he began to search for Renji.

Byakuya found the vice captain talking to a lady dressed up as…a whore? That was the only thing that came to his mind. Renji, however, seemed enthralled in the costume.

"I found our target; Let's go," Byakuya whispered into his ear, ignoring the woman staring at them.

"Nah," Renji replied dreamily, still staring at the…whore.

Byakuya frowned and grabbed onto the red head's ponytail. "The mission is over. We're leaving." He started for the door, dragging along a protesting Renji.

At the exit, a group of men suddenly appeared, blocking Byakuya's progress. "Hey, we don't wanta let a pretty little thing like you go. Stay and play a bit, yeah?"

That was it. Byakuya finally gave up. If he didn't just give up now, there was no telling what he would do. "This is your problem. Fix it," he hissed menacingly in the vice captain's ear.

Renji gulped and stared at the ten burly men standing in front of them. Maybe they could look for another exit? But then an idea occurred to him that would get them out and had the added bonus of annoying Byakuya. "'Fraid you can't. She's with me." With that, he pulled the noble over and kissed his lips soundly. As the stunned men stood there, confused, he pulled an even more confused captain out the door and back to the Soul Society.

Yamamoto watched from his bedroom window as Renji ran across the grounds in front of his room. Even stranger, was the screaming…princess chasing after him. Oh yes, it had been a very good idea to send Byakuya dressed up like that. A picture of this would be a perfect addition to his shrine.

Thanks! Please review! Happy Birthday felkwafi!