As if that matters. Well I'll be making more of this while everyone reads this chapter. I'm going to try to make this the longest story I've ever made. Hope I succeed. 8) Tell me how you think of it. Please, and a little something for you to know, it starts out kind of slow, so bear with me and proceed with the reading.
Every time I pass her, I feel myself die a bit more. I'd pass her in the halls, expecting nothing, and getting nothing. However, I want to know more. She claims that she's hiding nothing, yet I see everything. What she says isn't the truth, and I just have to know what it is. I die every second that passes. The pain, unbearable, is gnawing at me.
Why does it seem that the others do not notice what she's like, all they do is smirk and let it pass? I can't take this, this undeniable fact that no one asks her. Should I ask? Could I ask? Does it really matter? I keep thinking this to myself, and under normal circumstances, it would have hurt my brain.
Not a single soul cares for her she would say. I think back to all the times we've spent together. Especially, the time that Malchior tricked Raven. I laughed at the memories.
"Raven. Open up!" I yelled.
"Go Away," Raven replied.
"Come on Raven. . ." I said.
After a few moments, she squeaked, "But I'm creepy."
I said, all serious like, "Fine. You're way creepy, but that doesn't mean you have to stay locked in your room. You think you're alone Raven, but you're not."
(End of Flashback)
Then I remembered it didn't matter. She would never go for a guy like me. No matter how hard I tried I could never get her to understand. She looked so sad when Terra came, and I had a crush on her, too. Why was that? If she hated me, wouldn't she be happy to have me go away?
Despite everything she may have or not have wanted, she made no attempt to come in when Terra was gone. It was like, nothing ever happened between us. Did anything ever happen to us? Or was it just my imagination like usual?
I feel empty. It couldn't be my stomach, it isn't growling. I remember back to the time I helped fight Trigon, who is Raven's father. He was pure evil, and did something to him and his friends. He showed them their evil sides. If Beast Boy had really known he would have an evil side, he wouldn't have done anything.
I had hurt her. Somehow, I felt I had, and she never forgave me. As my eyes swelled with sorrow, I couldn't help but hear someone knocking on my door. I couldn't let anyone see me like this, not even Raven.
I quickly wiped away my tears and opened the door. It was Cyborg, the half machine half man. He seemed so careless, so serene. If he only knew the truth, what life was all about, he'd not rush to ask me.
"Hey BB, wanna play some video games?" Cyborg asked.
If I hadn't learned myself, what true love meant, it would feel so good, just to play. No, it had to be so complex, so irritating, that it gnaw right through my heart. It was like a knife jabbing into me, piercing right through it. It was rejection. I was rejected, and I didn't know how to take it.
"Should I?" A voice asked. Every time it asked, it only hurt worse, how could it hurt worse, the pain already felt like it was going to kill me? I'm totally out of character. Do I care?
"Maybe later. . ." I gaped at the ground. I feel sick again. "What. . .!" Cyborg asked, feeling my forehead. "Do you have a fever! Call the ambulance! Oh wait, we have an infirmary!"
"I'm feeling ok," I lied quickly, trying to cover myself up. They couldn't find out the truth, Raven would just hurt me again. I couldn't live through it. Somehow, I'd manage, she'd say. What a liar.
Suddenly, Raven peeked through to my room, and asked, "What's wrong with Beast Boy?" It was in her usual monotone voice, but I could see in her eyes a fluster of worry. Since when could I have noticed what she really felt?
Answering her question, Cyborg stated, "Beast Boy just denied me an opportunity of butt whooping him!" Raven didn't change her expression as she stared at the poor feller. I stared back at her, and nothing in the world would have snapped me back to reality if she hadn't spoken up.
"Beast Boy seems fine to me," Raven said, "Maybe he's just involved with something." Cyborg looked to Raven and then back to me. He immediately assumed the worst. He presumed that both of us had completely lost it.
Cyborg regretted ever saying anything about me and walked on out, forgetting this ever happened. Raven contemplated on what to say next. I could see that she fixated herself to see only the room, and not at me. I stammered on for a little while, letting time pass.
When I couldn't take the silence anymore, just when it was killing me the most, I roared, "What?" It wasn't loud, but it definitely was uncalled for on my part. It jerked Raven, and she fell back. "Well sorry," Raven replied, still monotonously, yet there was a glimmer of fright in her eyes. I lost all my anger, and involuntarily held out my hand for her.
Raven smacked my hand back and said, "I don't need any help from the likes of you." It just snapped. The pain in my heart released it through my eyes. I backed off. "Oh no she's seen the truth," I thought.
Indeed she had, she saw me crying as I backed away. She recovered and apologized, but it didn't change anything. It wasn't her fault, or was it?
I'm not like myself, to cry. What am I to do? I've never experienced something as tough as this. Who can guide me? I asked myself ever since it began, but eerily, the one person that could help this out came rushing to the door, as if I needed her this instant. She needed to calm me, and her serenity was all I needed.
"Friend Beast Boy, I heard you crying. Are you alright?" She asked, so irresistibly sweet. She was the kind of person he could go to whenever he was in the dumps. She was the only one that understood apart from Robin, but his lack of calmness for answers, adding onto his insignificant cry to quiet, to nurture, would never be the same as hers.
I slowly got up from my bedside, and fumbled for the lights. Seeing as how I didn't want to wait, I forgot about them, and instead opened the door. On the other side, stood a caring, and loving Starfire. Who could resist her compassion, her desire to make her friends happy. She was like a big sister to me.
"What is the 'matter', friend Beast Boy?" She asked serenely. Just her presence calms me, and puts my love out of my mind. "I'm. . ." I began, but then I burst into tears and hugged her. I needed her. She was like a third leg I limped on. She was my walking stick. Instantly, without even knowing what my problem was, wrapped her arms back around me.
"She knows just what to do," I thought, as everything poured out of me. "I do believe you are 'down' in the dumps, yes?" She asked. "I can't get myself out Star," I replied. My usual jokes were no more than mere child's play. They seemed nothing to me now that I've become so depressed.
"Oh you must, friend Beast Boy. I can not bear to see you like this." Starfire countered. Refraining from her touch, from her embrace, I explained to her what I was missing. "Starfire, I don't know how to put this, but Raven. . .I mean. . .yeah. . .It's like. . .She's. . ." I hesitated. How could I put it without spilling the beans?
". . .She's not there. . .and I feel miserable. . ." I finished. Starfire tucked me in her arms and whispered into my ears. "Explain to me this 'misery' you feel." As I thought of how to put it together, I whispered back into her ear, "I guess. . .I just want to be around her."
That said it all. I knew that she had to know by now that I am was in love. "If you miss her, why not go to her?" came those prickly words. I couldn't go to her. There was no way it would help. "I can't. . ." I said absent minded.
"Won't it help you friend Beast Boy?" Starfire asked as she ceased hugging me. "afraid not, Star," I said. She didn't seem to take no for an answer. She took me by the hand and dragged me all the way to the main room of our Tower, which by the way is shaped like a T.
"Wait!" I shouted, as I realized this was going to end up bad. "Do not worry friend Beast Boy, everything will be ok." Those words sunk in so deep, I actually felt better. Still, they couldn't release this pain that I carried.
"Friend Raven!" Starfire yelled breathless as she caught up with her. Raven was just about to make some herbal tea for herself. "Yes Starfire?" Raven asked. "Could you speak to friend Beast Boy, he seems to be 'missing' you."
"I'd rather not," Raven announced, returning to her laid out task, "Besides, he'd probably just make another joke and annoy me." She opened the cupboard and took out a cup and some sugar, along with a box of tea to make her special herbal tea. It was the usual thing she would do whenever she wanted it.
"He does not seem to be 'himself'." Starfire pleaded. Raven considered giving me the benefit of the doubt. She seemed nervous as she might've done this upon herself earlier. Then again, why should she care? I'm only an 'idiot' to her, right? After what seemed like hours to me, she replied, "Fine, he can come to my room, and we can talk. . ."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Raven almost never let anyone in her room. It was, like, an honor just to pounce through the doorway. In her usual accent, Starfire exclaimed, "Glorious!"
It was starting to get late, and already Cyborg and Robin went to bed. When Robin opened the door to his room to shush Starfire, she giggled afterwards and pronounced, "oh, Sorry. He-he."
I followed Raven back to her room, after she finished brewing her tea. The walk to her solitude was quiet, and almost peaceful. I counted up two and two, and I felt sort of wiry. "What if she yells at me?" I asked myself.
She wasn't exactly the type of person you'd want to see angry. When we got to her room, we entered, and nothing. There wasn't even a yell, there was. . .quiet. "There was more quiet? Why was this happening? Why'd Starfire set me up? I'm going to die andit'sallherfaultsheisgoingtopayohmanwhatwillRavendowillshekillme!" I thought so fast I thought my heart was going to explode from all of this. Raven yelling at him, Raven hurting him, and worst, Raven killing him.
"Please don't hurt me," I cried, defending myself in case of any throws. She was shocked, however, as I saw through the cracks in my arms. ". . .But you didn't do anything. . ." she murmured. I slowly let my guard down. Once I recovered from my traumatized state, Raven said in almost a whisper, so it was hard for me to hear, "I've never seen you like this."
Of course she hasn't, I haven't shown her before how I felt all this pain inside of me. It was her fault. I had to blame her, she was the one who caused it, who broke my heart. Or was she?