Author's Notes: Spoilers for Season One, Episodes "The Fire and the Wood", "Do the Math", "Double Dutch", "Jump", "Silence", and Season Two, episodes "Trial and Error", and "Friday Night".

The Whys of Joan Girardi

Why? One word, three letters. Simple. Or it should be. But nothing is simple for a teenager who has conversations with God. It was the one question He continually refused to answer. Oh, yes, Joan Girardi often asked Him 'why' but it was a rare thing that He ever gave her an actual answer.

It wasn't that He didn't know. Of course He knew. He was God. And she never stopped asking, though now it was out of habit and not out of an actual belief He'd tell her. There had been times that the 'why' wasn't too important to her. It would be nice to know, but it didn't bother her. And then there had been other times…Times that only the answer to the question 'why' seemed the only way to stop the pain or make sense of anything in her life.

Why had Kevin been paralyzed? Why had her grandfather left her father's family when he was six? Why did Casper leave? Why did Rocky die? Why did Adam cheat on her? Why did she have to get sick? Why had He been silent that summer? Why did Judith have to die? So many whys. And yet, He nearly never gave her an answer. When He did, it was usually along the lines of 'He had free will, she had free will.' And she wanted more, but He never gave it. So, she always was left to ponder the reason. She supposed she always would be. After all, He'd once told her there were no special favors for anyone. Even an instrument of Him.