Disclaimer- I don't own Ranma 1/2
Ranma 1/2 cast and the Shrink
The Ranma 1/2 cast walked into an office building. Everyone from Ranma to Akari was there.
" Where are we going again?" Akane asked.
" We are headed to a intellectual that shall assist us in the never ending journey to truly know ourselves!" Said Kuno.
" Huh?" asked everyone else.
" Kuno-baby means a shrink." Said Nabiki.
" I don't need to see a shrink." Said Ranma and crossed his arms.
Suddenly the lights went out
" YES YOU DO!" Loomed a voice. A spotlight appeared above a figure, it was humanoid but wore a mask and cape and carried a cane in his right hand. Then more lights came on and the cast realized they were on the set of what looked like a gamed show, there was even an audience. " I shall help you free yourselves of the delusions you have unknowingly placed upon yourselves!' Said the figure with a dramatic SWOOSH of their cape.
" Sir who are you?" asked Kasumi.
" I am Dr. Thsio Haikop Oiapa Timp, the tenth. I am a licensed pysclogist and have gained worldwide reown in my practice."
" They let a nutcase help other nutcases?" Asked Ranma.
" Of course not! That's why I paid Nabiki to lure you all here!" Said Dr. Timp. Everyone turned to the extorter.
" NABIKI!" Said ice queen laughed nervously.
" Just trying to make some money on the side." She said.
" I'm leaving." Said Ranma.
" Me too."
" And me."
" No one's going anywhere!" Said Dr. T and pushed a button on his cane. All the doors, windows, and ventalations shafts shut and locked. " Don't bother trying to escape, those blockades are mallet proof, energy blast proof, kick proof, punch proff and everything else proof. As soon as you all have had your session you may all leave. Who wants to go first?"
" I shall brave the lair of the vile examiner!" Said Kuno.
" What he say?" asked Dr. Timp.
" He said he'll go first." Said Nabiki.
" Excellent!" Dr, Timp pushed another button on his cane and robotic arms came out of a chair, grabbed Kuno and fixed him to the chair.
" Now Kuno I believe you are in the love with ' the pigtailed girl' right?" asked Dr, Timp.
" Yes, My heart yearns for her like no other!" Declared Kuno.
" What if I told you the pigtailed girl was in this very room?" asked Dr. Timp.
" Lead me to her!"
" Very well, look closely at Ranma" Dr. TImp pushed another button and made cold water fall on Ranma.
" What you do that for ya freak?" shouted Ranma-chan. Dr. Timp pushed more buttons that made hot and cold water fall on Ramna, making him change back and forth.
Slowly the truth began to sink into Kuno incredibly thick head.
" Ranma Saotome...and...the pigtailed girl...ARE THE SAME PERSON!"
" About time he realized that." Said everyone else.
" Then I have been molesting my worst enenmy and rival! I am so ashamed!" Dr.Timp He pushed a button on his cane, and Kuno was realeased. He grabbed a knife out of the folds of his gi. " I must regain my honor!" and he disemboweled himself. Everyone stared at his corpse then cheered.
" Clean up on the stage!" Shouted Dr, Timp. A swarm of vultures desended fromt he rafters and covered Kuno. When they flew off, he was gone. " While we're on the subject of unknown curses...Ryouga." The Lost Boy cringed. " Time to reveal your secret!" Another button push and water came tumbling down.
" Ranma, this is all your BWEEE!" Accused Ryouga. Akane was shocked.
" Ryouga, you're P-chan?" Said pig nodded ashasmed. The hurt look in Akane's eyes turned to anger. " You mean all those times I sleept with P-chan, THAT WAS REALLY YOU?" Ryouga started to back away. But not in time to avoid Mallet-sama.
However since the roof is as durable as the doors, Ryouga hit the ceiling and bounced back to the floor, where Akane continued to pound the little pig. Ranma, steeling himself for pain, approached her.
" Akane, I think you can stop now." He said hestitantly. Akane stopped, turned around, and hugged Ranma, shocking the pigtailed martial artist.
" Ranma I'm so sorry! All those times I hit you and called you a pervert, you were trying to reveal Ryouga curse weren't you?" Ranma, realizing he wasn't in any danger, relaxed.
" Yes that was it."
" You two will do nicely for the next ones." Said Dr. Timp. He pressed a button and Ranma and Akane were bound to chairs just like Kuno was.
" You two have a love-hate realtionship yes?" The insane doctor asked.
" WE DO NOT!" Both said.
" I have no intention of marrying that baka." Said Akane.
" I can do better then a tomboy."
Ranma's other two fiances and pyscho admirer raised their hands and pointed at themselves.
" I beg to differ." Said Dr, Timp. " Even after all your fighting, you keep fighting, as if you like it." Dr. Timp pointed his cane at Ranma. " You always try to make Akane mad and she mallets you, this is for attention. You never try to get attention from your other fiances."
" Well there was that one time with Shampoo and the reversal/contary jewel." Ranma muttered.
" Nice try! But by bringing that up, you only help my second case... My case with Akane!" Said girl realized where this was going, but was helpless to stop it. " When the Reversal Jewel is woren correctly, it makes love grow stronger, when wore incorrectly, it turns love to hate. YOU WORE IT CORRECTLY! Meaning you are in love with Ranma!" Dr. Timp pointed his cane at her accusingly.
" I KNEW IT!" said Ranma's finaces, the pyscho flower girl, Ryouga( who woke up and found hot water) Soun, Genma, and pretty much everyone else.
" Plus you get insanely jealous when other girls make a move on him." Dr. Timp said matter-of-factly. " But that's not all!" He said, making Akane groan. " You have a damsel in distress complex! You like getting kidnapped just to have your hero come to save you!"
Another round of " I KNEW IT" erupted from the rest of the cast.
" That's why you never try to escape on your own whenever a prince or some lunatic kidnaps you, that's why you never fight back, or try to untie yourself! You could have jumped out of Krirn boat, the fall wouldn't have killed you. You could have brought out a mallet against Toma but all you did was slap him once. The list goes on and on. But that's only half the story!" Dr, Timp turns to Ranma.
" You like rescuing her! It makes you feel like a knight in shining armor rescueing his princess from a dragon. You have a Knight in shinning armor complex!You're embrassed to say you're going through so much trouble to save Akane in front of everyone else, so you say it's for another reason: Settling a score, getting a cure for your curse, it's your responsibilty, but the truth is that YOU LOVE HER!"
By this point, both Akane and Ranma had gone beat red. Dr. Timp pushed a button to release Akane and Ranma.
" Now I think you two have something to say."
Akane and Ranma shyly walked over to each other, both had their heads down. Genma, Soun and Nodoka were estatic. Shampoo, Ukyo and Kodachi looked ready to kill. Ryouga wanted to be angry but found himself being happy for his one time love interest and rival/best friend.
" ...Ranma...I...I love you. I have for a long time now." Said Akane without looking up. Ranma placed a finger under her chin, titled her face and kissed her.
" I love you too Akane." He said. Akane threw her arms around Ranma's neck and kissed him deeply. Ranma wrapped his arms around her and returned her love.
Soun and Genma were cheering while doing a gig, Nodoka and Ryouga were crying, Shampoo, Ukyo and Kodachi would've have killed Akane ready then and there, if Dr.Timp hadn't raised a cage with his cane around the couple.
Akane and Ranma continued making out.
" Ok that's enough." Said Dr, Timp.
The kiss started getting rougher
" Geez, get a room!" Said Dr.Timp. He pushed a button and a trapdoor opened beneath the couple and they fell to the bed below. Before the trapdoor closed a "Oh Ranma, RANMA!" was heard.
" Thatta boy! " Said Genma.
" Take care of my daughter Ranma!" Said Soun.
" My son is so manly." Said Nodoka, wiping a tear from her eyes.
" They mustn't! Not before they're married!" Said Kasumi
" We must band together to save Ran-chan from the violent girl." Said Ukyo.
" Agreed! Shampoo work with Spatula girl and Flower girl." Said Shampoo.
" Anything to save Ranma-darling."Said Kodachi.
Happosai was the next to be forced on the chair.
" Actually there's nothing I can do for you, you're just a sick pervert." Said Dr. Timp and with a push of a button, dropped a 10 ton anvil on him, squishing him flat.
" You two! The crossdressers!" Konsatu and Tsubasa looked towards him.
" Front and Center!" The two went to center stage and sat down.
" Both of you are men that dress like women and you're both in love with Ukyo correct?" asked Dr. Timp. Both nodded. " However, Konastu was raised like a girl and you Tsubasa were not and you disguise yourself in various forms to hide yourself further, so you are more messed up. NMIWC(Nice Men In White Coats)!" Several men wearing stolen lab coats grabbed Tsubasa, put him in a strait jacket and tossed him into a cell. " You Konastu are the Winner!"
" I didn't know I was playing." Said the crossdressing ninja.
" You win an all expenses paid trip to...Nodoka's manliness center! You were raised as a girl because of your cruel stepmother and Nodoka will help you get over that." Konastu was released and taken away to Nodoka's Manliness center."
" I don't have a manliness center." Said Nodoka.
" You do now. NEXT!"
Kasumi stepped up to the seat
" Oh... you're so lovely and innocent. I can't bring myself to do anything to you." Said Dr. Timp
" Why thank you Dr."
" Just one thing. Make sure you tie down that Tofu guy. Maybe after you get him laid he'll stop acting like he's on a sugar high around you." Said Dr. Timp.
" Don't you worry about that Dr." Said Kasumi with a wink toward Tofu, which made his glasses steam up. She walked over to him, took his arm and lead him to another room.
Next up was Akari
" Akari did you know many fanfiction authors pair Ryouga with Ukyo?"
" My Ryouga dear with HER?" Akari asked in shock. Ukyo glared at the sumo pig raiser
" Yes, some even have him choose Ukyo over you, in others you don't even exisit."
" I can not accept that!" Declared Akari. Ukyo drew her giant spatula
" Well what are you gonna do about it? I'm tired of only being able to attract crossdressers! I want a real man! I tried to go after Ran-chan, but Ryouga was my back up. I schemed and plotted with him for months, slowly working my way into his heart. I would've gotten him too! If it weren't for a certain meddling girl and her pig! Which isn't here now to protect you!" Ukyo lunged at Akari.
Dr. Timp whispered in Akari's ear, she smirked.
" Oh yeah?" She whistled and a large set of barn doors opened and a group of ten Sumo pigs ran out of the them, Katsunshiki leading the charge. He blocked Ukyo's attack and his fellow Sump Pigs trampled her.
" Medic!" Dr. TImp shouted. Two men in stolen medical uniforms ran into the room carrying a strecher. They strapped Ukyo into it and ran out. " Nabiki, you're next!"
" I'll give you your money back to skip my session."
" HAHAHA! You can not bribe me with money!"
" Then how about your very own state of the art torture chamber?" Dr. Timp began drooling.
" State of the art?"
" Yeah. This place is nice and all, but it's really old fashioned. I have the connections you need to for some major upgrades." Nabiki held her hand out." Deal?"
" Deal." Dr. Timb shook her hand and Nabiki went back to her spot off the stage.
" Now for the adults." Genma pushed Soun on stage.
" Soun Tendo, you care a great deal for your daughters. However when something bad happens to them, you either go into a state of shock, nearly drown in your own tears, or run around like a madman. You need to be more decisive, and I don't think you do much fighting. So I'm sentencing you to cease hesitation training."
" What is cease hesitation training?" asked Soun.
" One of my henchmen, I mean employess is going to shoot at you, if you hesitate you die." Said Dr. Timp casually. " Beginning, right now." A big guy with a shot gun came out of a door and fired at Soun, who jumped up and ran away, through another door, with the big guy following.
"Genma, You're next."
The panda cursed martial artist walked over to the chair and sat down.
"You're a horrible husand and an even worse father. You're selfishness and greed are a shame to humans, you are however a good panda. Since you like being in panda form so much, you should be a panda!" Dr. Timp took out an old fashioned watch on a chain and swung it back and forth in front of Genma. " You're getting sleepy, very, very sleepy." Genma could barely keep his eyes open. " You are asleep!" Genma's snapped closed. " When I snap my fingers, you will be a panda." Dr.Timp splashed Genma with cold water then snapped his fingers. Genma opened his eyes, walked over to a tire and started playing with it.
" Nodoka, you have lost a husband for now and gained a pet panda. Follow these instructions to change him back." Said Dr. Timp and handed Nodoka a piece of paper. " Now go train Konastu in the art of manliness, but don't be too strict with punishments. No..." Dr.Timp drew a fnger across his neck.
" I understand." She put a collar around Genma and lead him into another room.
" You need to realize that you're no longer young and beautiful, rather you're a prune on a stick." Said Dr.Timp. Cologne glared and whacked him with her staff.
" I've aged gracefully I hope you know!" She said as she wacked him repeatedly.
" Great gandmother pride her looks. Is death to argue." Said Shampoo. Cologne finally calmed down and went back off stage.
Next was Kodachi
" I already know you're insane." Said Dr. Timp and opened a trapdoor that sent Kodachi to a nice padded room where she can't hurt herself or anyone else.
" She's sweet, You're mean.You're always lost, she never is. You turn into a pig and she loves pigs. You're a perfect couple. SO WHY HAVEN'T YOU PROPOSED YET?" Demanded Dr. Timp
"Well I...um you see I..." Ryouga stumbled for an answer.
" If it's about a ring, here." Dr.Timp handed Ryouga a diamond ring. The Lost boy blushed and got on one knee, while Akari's eyes began to fill with tears of joy.
" Akari will you marry me?" Akari nodded.
" Yes! I will." Ryouga put the ring on her finger and she glomped him. He fell backwards and through another trap door to another bed.
" Now for the last couple." Said Dr. Timp.
Shampoo crossed her arms haughtily.
" Shampoo no couple with Stupid Mousse."
" Mousse whinny weakling."
" And you're already supposed to be married to Ranma and you think if you treat Mousse like scum he'll give up on you." Said Dr.Timp. Shampoo's eyes widened. " But he never ever does, so he have to keep pretending to yourself that you don't care about him."
" How...you...know?" Shampoo asked.
" So it's true?" Mousse asked hopefully.
" Yes, but Ranma defeat Shampoo in combat. Amazon law say Shampoo marry Ranma." Said Shampoo.
" So if duck boy beats you, there's no problem?" asked Dr.Timp, Shampoo nodded.
One long and dramatic fight later
" Wo ai ni Mousse." Shampoo said in Mousse's arms.
" I love you too Shampoo."
" I think that's everyone." said Dr. Timp. " Let's see, I got: Four couples together, locked up two lunatics, one commited Senpuku, one learning manliness, one turned into a panda semi-premanetely, one in cease hesitation training, killed one pervert, and one in intensive care. Not a bad morning." Dr. Timp took out a list and looked it over. " Whose next?"
Omake by Storyweaver1
" I believe you two have something to say to each other." Said Dr.Timp as he released Ranma and Akane. The two shyly walked towards each other.
" Ranma...I...I love you. I have for a long time now." Said Akane. Ranma placed a finger under her chin, titled her head up
" STOP!" Akane and everyone else turned towards the voice to see Ranma entering from one of the doors. A gag was handing around his neck and pieces of rope were dangling from his wrists and ankles. " I'm the real Ranma! That guy's a fake!" Akane reached for the first Ranma's face and was shocked to see that it felt like rubber. She pullled off the mask to reveal
" Damn you Ranma! I almost had her!" Shouted Ryuu. He made a grab for Akane but she malleted him so hard he broke through the unbreakable ceiling.
" Whoa, Akane's anger is more powerful then I thought." Dr. Timp said to himself. He turned to the real Ranma and saw he and Akane were hugging . " That works too."
Omake by Dragon Man 180(his idea, I wrote it)
Dr.Timp dosed Ranma with cold water from a bucket then from a pail.
" That better not be the pail of perservation!" Threatened Ranma-chan.
" In fact is, how observant of you." Said Dr.Timp.
" You freak!" Ranma-chan charged Dr. Timp.
" You're getting sleepy, very very sleepy. You are asleep!" Ranma-chan dropped like a fly into a deep sleep. " Now when I snap my fingers you will not remeber being a boy, instead you will only be a tomboy." Dr. Timp snapped his fingers, Ranma woke up and started acting like Akane. Dr. Timp got one of his henchmen to act like Ranma. Dr. Timp left Ranma in this state for a while before changing him back.
" Whoa, so that's what Akane was going through." The pigtailed martial artist then apologized to said tomboy.
I didn't intend for there to be Ukyo bashing but my finger's wrote it and I liked it.