Summary: Bette has to deal with her woman been loved by someone else.
A/N: Set during season 2. (F/F)
Rating: T for language

She lost her life.

She knew she'd fucked up.

She fucked up big time – all for a fling- for a meaningless fling with that god damn carpenter. She had blamed it on the stress of the miscarriage - for so long she blamed it on everything; the truth was though that she had messed up big time and she could only blame it on herself. Not only did she have to live, knowing that she'd never be able to get Tina back, that she'd never be able to make it all better with the woman who for seven years had made living worth it, who had given Bette a reason to get up in the morning but she also had to watch her, watch as Tina moved on.

She couldn't be mad – I mean, she was the one who had caused all this.
But she was mad. Mad because every time Bette saw another woman with Tina it ripped at her heart. Every time she thought of her woman with another, another woman living, loving her Tina – it was then that life, that living just didn't seem worth it.

And right now that was one of them moments, she was sat in the planet, watching as Tina walked threw the crowed, with the arm of a woman, of Helena around her waist. She had a smile on her face, a smile which Bette used to be the cause of. A sickly feeling welled in the pit of her stomach as the woman that she loved – the woman she wanted was out of reach. So close but yet, had never been so far away. She was surrounded by the gang yet the only thing that she knew was that Helena was living her life, and right now that was the only thing she was aware of.

"Good morning guy" Tina smiled, so happy. The conversation around the table continues however as the new arrivals joined in - it was all a drone to Bette. She just looked into her coffee, not wanting to, unable to look at Tina any more. Her heart pounded with anger, rage, pain, love…loss. In this one moment Bette was feeling everything and if possible at the same time felt dead inside. How could Tina be so happy when the once strong, confident, successful Bette Porter was such a mess?

She couldn't even cry, not here…but tonight – she'd go home, she'd drink, and she'd lie on the bed where her lover used to be by her side and cry.

She looked up from her coffee only to catch the gaze of who once was her life long partner; her eyes were so soft - truly a window to a soul, to Tina's selfless being. Something unspoken exchanged between them, something which Bette could no longer read.

Was it pity?
Or was it sorrow?
Did Tina Pity?
Did she feel sorry for the worthless woman who Bette had now become?

Their moment was broken however by the voice of the one woman around this table that Bette hated, Bette hated because she was making her woman happy.

"So Bette how are things at the CAC?"

Bette rose up from her coffee, to Helena's icy gaze. She wanted to show this woman just what happened to someone who fucked with her woman but, Tina wasn't her woman anymore…

"Never better" Those two words were spoken with so much contempt.
And the famous, 'I don't give a fuck' Bette porter smile was shown.
All the strength of the woman was a lie though, because behind that smile was a woman breaking down with in herself.

Bette Porter Died, she died the moment her love was lost.
Her heart was broken.
Her dreams were crushed.
All in the moment of stupidity which she was been made to pay for.