Author's Notes: This fic is rated M due to the subject matter. The first chapter of this story includes implied non-consensual sex and is descriptive to a point. The actual act is not described, but the violence around the act is. The remaining chapters do not have any violence, other than the characters beating themselves up over what they did. Those chapters are rated T because of the subject matter they're angsting over.
To make matters worse, the men of SG-1 are the attackers and Sam is the victim. Granted, the men are under an alien influence and would never have done something this heinous otherwise, but they are the culprits and the entire story revolves around their feelings of guilt and anger as they deal with what they did, as well as Sam's feelings and thoughts as she deals with her own anger, and conflicting emotions.
Now if all that didn't scare you away, I have been told that Sam's reactions are a little off-based. I tried to fix it, but in doing so, I may have made things worse. I'll leave it up to you to decide.
I want to thank Denise for her invaluable advice on this story, especially for her surgery skills in cutting out the parts that would have made this a teen rated fic. I ended up with the M rating instead, because I didn't want to cut out the fight scenes, and because I couldn't be that brutal to the words I had originally written. :-) She also provided her thoughts and ideas on how to improve this story, and I am always extremely grateful for that.
Thanks also go out to Lynette who read this and passed on her encouragement and comments, and to Diane who beta'd this fic even though this type of story is not her cup of tea. That's a true friend for you!
The first thing she realized when she woke up was the cold - intense, bone chilling cold. She opened her eyes and realized that she was standing, which caused her to stop to take inventory of the situation. As she became more aware of her surroundings, she noticed several things almost at once - she was standing by a wall, being held up with chains around her wrists, which were held above her head. She was in a room that held only a small wooden chair that was situated in the middle of the room, facing her, and she was completely naked. This last worried her more than the chains, and she shivered as a draft of cold air swept over her.
Major Samantha Carter was in deep trouble and she tried to figure out what happened to put her in this situation. The last thing she remembered was traveling through the Stargate with the rest of SG-1 on a mission to gather soil and rock samples for research purposes and to meet with the natives of the planet, if any. The MALP that had been dispatched to the planet prior to their arrival indicated rich soil samples, but was not able to determine if there were any signs of life in the vicinity.
SG-1, the flagship team of Stargate Command, headed by Colonel Jack O'Neill, Sam's commanding officer, stepped through the gate and immediately went to work. They had been on so many missions throughout the years that their actions upon arriving on a new planet were ingrained in them and they went about their duties without having to be told. Sam began collecting samples in test tubes and labeling them, while Daniel Jackson, the team's archeologist, walked around studying the placement of stones to determine if people lived there and possibly consider the Stargate an object of worship. Teal'c, a Jaffa warrior from a distant planet, who had joined the team from the very beginning, scanned the area, looking for any signs of danger or ambush. Colonel O'Neill joined Teal'c in scouting the area while asking pertinent questions to determine whether this place really was the gold mine his team promised it would be.
Sam remembered all this, but still wasn't sure what had brought her to her current predicament. She thought harder, all the while pulling on the chains to try to release her hands. When that didn't work, she twisted her body to see if there was a way to get out of the binds. She noticed that there was a small ledge in the wall behind her and she narrowed her eyes wondering if she could get on the ledge to raise herself up in an effort to free the chains from the wall.
Her attempts at escaping were interrupted, however, when the door to the room opened and a man walked in. She became acutely aware of her state of undress when the man gave her the once over and leered at her. She tried to calm her anger and embarrassment as he stared at her, and she stared back at him with just a little defiance to let him know that she wasn't afraid.
"Why am I prisoner here?" she asked as calmly as she could. The man's silence was starting to worry her. "Who are you?"
The man turned and walked out the door, leaving a very perplexed Major still manacled to the wall in nothing but her birthday suit. She didn't have to wonder for long, though, as he came back in, this time with two other men dragging Daniel between them. Daniel was dressed only in his pants and the chains that kept his hands bound in front of him.
Daniel's eyes widened with shock when he saw her and Sam knew even more embarrassment in terms of her nakedness. She looked away from her friend and teammate, only to have her glance drawn back when Daniel went berserk. He had turned on his captors, using his bound hands as a club to try to take them out. He was unsuccessful, however, and Sam's hopes of freedom were short lived. The man's two companions shoved Daniel down on the chair, while the leader of the group walked up to him with a metallic syringe in his hands.
Daniel pulled away from the syringe, while at the same time asking, "What is that?" He struggled to pull away from the needle, but his attempts were futile and Sam watched fascinated as the syringe pierced Daniel's bare arm.
Daniel stopped struggling the minute he was injected and Sam could see the fear in his eyes as he stared at her. His body went limp, but he came up fighting when his captors released their hold on him. Sam watched warily when the guards overpowered him and held him down. Daniel gave Sam an apologetic look and continued to keep eye contact with her while they waited for whatever was going to happen next. Sam could only stare at her friend as the look in his eyes turned from fear to something that looked like intense rage and hatred. The leader seemed to be waiting for this, because he indicated to his companions to release Daniel from the chains.
Sam didn't know what to make of this. They were letting Daniel go! Something wasn't right here and she started to panic, her fear increasing when Daniel gave her an evil smile that scared her to her toes.
The men walked out, leaving her with her friend and Sam immediately started in on him. "Daniel, can you get me out of these chains?" she asked.
"Why should I?" he responded, as his eyes raked her body from her eyes down to her feet then back up again.
What did he just say? "Daniel?" She really didn't like that look in his eyes.
"Kinda kinky, don'tcha think?" he asked her, as he slowly walked toward her.
"Come on, Daniel, it's me, Sam," she said, feeling stirrings of worry running through her mind. "Daniel?"
He grinned at her, staring into her eyes, as he walked up to her and pushed his body up to hers, thrusting his hips in a suggestive way. She tried to pull away from him, but the wall she was pinned to wouldn't allow for that. "Daniel!" she yelled, trying to get through to him. "Please Daniel, I know you're in there, please fight this. Daniel!"
Daniel didn't respond, he just reached up and grabbed a handful of her hair to hold her head in place as he ground his mouth on hers, kissing her with a fierceness that made her heart pound with fear. She jerked her head to try to pull away, but Daniel's fingers tightened in her hair, forcing her to accept the brutal kiss.
She continued to struggle, as the kiss deepened and he tried to part her lips to accept his tongue. She tightened her lips and resorted to kicking out at him with her knees. She wasn't able to inflict the kind of damage she wanted to, due to the closeness of his body, but she did get in a few kicks before he yelped and pulled back from her. He slapped her as hard as he could across the face, then punched her in the ribs when she tried to kick him again. She cried out, but continued to fight him, knowing that whatever it was in that syringe was causing him to do this. This was not Daniel.
Sam wasn't going to give up that easily and she tried everything she could think of to keep him from hurting her. Deep in her heart she knew what he was really going to do and she had to stop him. She was afraid neither one of them would survive the fallout if he finished this.
The chains that bound her hands and the drug that had infected Daniel's mind weakened her line of defense considerably. Still, she fought him valiantly with everything she had in her arsenal, including the tears that she cried as she begged him to stop. The tears were real, and she let them fall as she begged and pleaded and fought for all that she was worth.
It all was to no avail, as Daniel seemed to enjoy her struggles and the bruises he was inflicting on her. She continued to fight him, but the drug made Daniel more powerful and he won in the end. Sam waited, wondering if he would just leave her now that he got what he wanted, but was surprised instead when she saw Daniel looking at her in bewilderment and shock, his eyes staring into hers and she felt hope spring up in her heart. "Daniel?" she asked, her voice catching on a sob.
He reached up to touch her face and terror hit her full force when she saw the drug take over again. His expression changed from shame to an evil grin seemingly in a heartbeat. "I enjoyed that," he sneered. "Let's do it again."
She was finally alone and she shivered as the coldness of the room caressed her bare skin. She hurt all over and she knew that she probably had bruises on top of bruises, but Daniel had been taken out of there and for that she was grateful. They came to get him the minute he collapsed in a heap on the floor, the drug apparently knocking him out.
He had raped her. Not once, but twice. She had fought him both times and she had lost the battle both times. Shame built up in her and she closed her eyes against the tears that were welling up. She knew that it was the alien substance that caused him to do what he did, but that thought didn't ease the pain in her heart. Daniel was a good friend, someone she could talk to about anything. She had always relied on his gentleness and genuine concern when times got too tough for her. She had leaned on him for support more times than she cared to admit and he would never have done anything like this had it not been for the alien influence. She focused on the few times during the violence when she saw Daniel fighting the drug, his eyes showing the shame he was experiencing. Daniel would never have done something like this.
Sam tried to relax her body in an effort to ease some of the pain, but found it difficult to do when her arms were threatening to snap on her. At least they felt like they were. She was just so tired. It had taken a lot of energy to fight off the evil that had manifested in Daniel, for all the good it did, she thought sarcastically. She closed her eyes, letting her head nod forward, hoping to find some sleep.
She jerked her head up when she heard the door open. She waited in terror, wondering what they had planned for her next. Her eyes widened when she saw Teal'c being led in, exactly as Daniel had been. She saw the shock as it registered on his face just before he turned on his captors to attack, almost the same way Daniel did. Teal'c was stronger though, and it took all three of the men to subdue him before the syringe was plunged into his arm.
Sam's terror knew no bounds as she looked at Teal'c. Daniel was buff, having worked out to build up his strength over the years, but Teal'c was much stronger and Sam closed her eyes in shame as she felt fluid flowing down her legs. She couldn't stop the tears from falling, as she heard the three men laughing at her weakness. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, determined to know the minute she was going to die, and she saw that Teal'c was on his knees as he stared at her, his own staff weapon held to his head. His dark eyes relayed his anger at their captors and Sam was grateful he didn't laugh at her, but that thought turned to fear as she saw the Teal'c she knew disappear and the drug take over.
The two men came over to Teal'c and unlocked his chains, then left with the other man. Teal'c didn't move, he just continued to stare at Sam, his face twisting into a leer. Sam watched him warily, waiting for him to pounce, and shivered again when he got up to walk toward her.
"Please Teal'c, please fight this. Please?' she begged, hoping he would be strong enough to fight the drug. "You can do it, Teal'c. Please, please, please fight it." She didn't stop the tears that had started to fall again, just cried and begged and prayed he would be strong enough.
Teal'c stood there, staring at her before lowering his head and glaring at her with malice. She knew she had lost and she let the sobs take over.
"Enough!" he growled at her, still not touching her. She tried to stop, but her fear was mounting, so she squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to comply with his demand. Her eyes popped open when she felt his lips on hers; kissing her deeply.
"No!" she cried out as she pulled her head away. She was not going to go out without a fight. Damn the consequences. She didn't think she would survive the shame if she ever got out of this anyway. She bucked her body to push him away, then kicked him as hard as she could. The kick landed on his shin, and he snarled at her before grabbing her hips and pushing her back up against the wall, causing her to scream as the shelf smashed into her bruised flesh.
"Teal'c!" she cried out. "Oh God, Teal'c, please don't do this. Teal'c?" What will it take to get through to him? "Teal'c, please fight the drug, please!" Her tears came back in full force as she begged him to stop.
Teal'c's movements stopped and hope blossomed once more in her heart. "Please, Teal'c. Please don't hurt me anymore." She stared into his eyes in hopes of finding her comrade and was heartened to see him in there. The hatred and the anger were gone, replaced by a softening as he stared into her eyes. Her attention was drawn to the muscle in his cheek that twitched as he fought with himself and the drug. She looked back into his eyes, begging him with her own, and felt frustration when she saw that he had lost the battle.
She hated him at that moment. Hated Daniel and hated the man who controlled their minds with drugs. But mostly she hated herself for not being able to defend herself from the hurt they'd inflicted on her body and mind.
She had tried to communicate with her captors when they came to get Teal'c. He had only taken her once, choosing to move away from her when he had finished, giving himself a better chance of fighting off the drug. He passed out not long after he had moved away from her and their captors came in to drag him off.
"Why are you doing this?" she asked tiredly. "What can you possibly gain from this?"
The man just grinned at her as he brought over a cup and a piece of bread. He tried to feed her the bread, but she wasn't hungry and she shook her head. He got mad at her and walked out without even offering her the water. Just as well, she thought sadly.
She wondered what was in that drug. It was remarkably similar to the "disease" they encountered in the Land of Light, although the drug didn't seem to be able to take complete control as the disease did. She had seen Daniel and Teal'c try to fight the effects of the drug, seen their struggles to win back control, and she focused on that fact. Her friends will help her out of this, she had to believe in this.
She shifted to try to ease the pain in her arms, and cried out when the shelf came in contact with her back. She cursed that useless piece of wood, then twisted her body around to get a better look at it. She went back to looking for ways to free her hands, debating if the shelf would hold her up and what she could do if she even stood on it.
She let her mind work on the problem, while she tried not to think about the next session. She knew that it would be the Colonel they would bring in next and Sam dreaded it. She had harbored a secret love for her commanding officer for years, had avoided giving him or anyone else any indication of her feelings for him due to the regulations set in place by the Air Force. He knew about them anyway, as there were times when it was difficult to hide those feelings, but they still kept a respectful distance. Besides, she never really knew how deep his feelings were for her. He had mentioned them a few times, once when he didn't know he was her commanding officer and another time when he was forced to tell the truth to prove that he hadn't been brainwashed by the Goa'uld. Still, he was so good at hiding his feelings from people that she wasn't sure how deep those feelings ran. He never came right out and said he loved her, just that he "cared for her more than he should".
Sam knew, though, that it didn't matter if he did tell her that he loved her. They could never be together due to their positions at the SGC, and she realized some time ago that it was better that she didn't know. But now she was going to face his lust, his passion, and she worried that he would tell her things better left unsaid. More than that, though, was the fear of the violence he would commit and the dark side he had hinted at all those years ago.
She turned her thoughts back to her attempts at escaping, pushing away the fears of what would happen if she didn't succeed. She struggled in vain to free her hands, but continued to try anyway to keep her mind off of what was going to happen.
It wasn't long before her fears were realized. She heard the Colonel's voice on the other side of the door as he taunted his captors and demanded to know where they were keeping her. She stared at the door, waiting tensely to see him, hoping beyond hope that he would be the one who would fight off the effects of the drug, or better yet, fight off their captors and free her.
The man who had complete control over them came in first, grinning at her as he walked further into the room. Her eyes focused on the Colonel, though, as he was dragged in dressed exactly as Daniel and Teal'c had been. His eyes widened when he saw her, before narrowing as he reacted just as Daniel and Teal'c had. Sam silently rooted for him, watching wearily as he tried to kill one of the men who had dragged him in, not feeling any surprise when he was overpowered and the drug injected into him.
They didn't bother to wait until the drug had taken effect on the Colonel. They pushed him down onto the chair, unlocked his chains and backed out of the room, all the while pointing a staff weapon at Sam. The Colonel didn't dare attack while the weapon was trained on her and he ran over to her when the door closed behind the men.
"Carter?" he said, concern written all over his face.
She flinched when he reached for her, then decided to start the begging now, while he was still Jack O'Neill. "Colonel, please fight it, please!" she began, staring into his shocked eyes, willing him to be strong. "Please don't let it win. Oh God Colonel, please?"
"I won't hurt you Carter, you know that," he soothed as he reached up to try to open the manacles around her wrists.
"Please fight it sir," she whispered, as she shivered in fear. Her heart seemed to stop when she felt him stiffen against her. It was happening again, she thought, her eyes widening as he brought his gaze to hers. He was gone, she realized, as the concern in his eyes disappeared, replaced by fathomless darkness. "Colonel O'Neill!" she cried out, desperately trying to reach him, to pull him back from where ever the drug took him.
He grinned at her and let his hands slide down her arms, stopping when he brought them up to her face and brought his lips to hers, kissing her deeply. Panic set in as he pushed his body into hers, causing her pain as she was forced into that damned shelf again. She twisted her head sideways to escape his kiss, only to feel his lips on her throat, sucking and licking her skin.
"Colonel, please don't do this, please!" she continued to beg, knowing that it wasn't worth the effort. Defeat settled over her, causing her body to go limp and she gave up on her efforts to stop him, as well as the will to live.
His head suddenly shot up and she saw him leer at her before kissing her mouth again, brutally. She whimpered when he bit her lip in anger and she opened her mouth to allow him the access he had wanted, tasting the blood as her lip bled freely. He continued to ravage her mouth, while she let the tears stream down her face.
"Lovely," he mumbled as he broke the kiss to look in her eyes. He had a triumphant look on his face, grinning at her with her blood smeared on his lips. She stared back dully, wishing he would just get this over with. Her heart came to life, though, when she saw the triumphant look change into something else, something she recognized. He was there! "Jack!" she cried out, hope racing back into her. "Jack, fight this, please fight it. Jack?" She had given up on reaching the military man and used his given name in an effort to keep him with her. "Don't let it win, Jack, please!"
Sam could see the internal struggle he was waging and she urged him on with her eyes and her words. "Please, Jack. I can't go through this anymore. Please help me. Jack?"
She watched as he closed his eyes and ground his teeth together, and knew complete frustration when he opened his eyes to look at her again, Jack nowhere in sight. He was in there somewhere though, and this thought gave her back her anger and her determination to fight him off.
He moved back in for another kiss, but yelped when she brought her knee up, kicking him in the thigh. He growled, a deep guttural sound, and grabbed her by the hair cruelly. She was past caring about the pain though, and she kicked out with both feet and her knees, trying to hurt him anywhere she could.
He won in the end, as she knew he would. She was no match for him with her hands bound above her head and chained to the wall; and she squeezed her eyes shut as she waited for him to let her go. She opened them to look into his face as a thought came to her. Daniel and Teal'c both surfaced right after their release, maybe the Colonel would too. He had his face in her shoulder, though, breathing heavily, while she waited, wondering if he would look at her.
He did a few minutes later, bringing his head up to grin at her evilly. If he had come back, he had been too ashamed to look at her, Sam realized. She trembled as she waited for him to decide what he was going to do next. She didn't have to wait for too long, as he grabbed her by the hair and began kissing her again. Sam jerked her head back and glared at him, gearing up emotionally for another battle.
Sam woke up groggy and nauseous. She didn't know how long she had slept; she only knew that she must have lost consciousness when the Colonel knocked her head back into the wall in a fit of intense anger as she fought off the second assault. He was gone now and she wondered vaguely if he had finished what he'd started. She stayed as still as possible, fighting off the waves of nausea, while listening hard for any sound of a new threat.
Her breathing constricted when she heard sounds of a scuffle on the other side of the door. They were coming back, and she quelled in her fear of what was going to happen next. She closed her eyes in an effort to gather her strength, then opened them with a grim determination to face whatever they threw at her with dignity.
She was not the least bit surprised when all three of her teammates were dragged in, chained together. She watched as they were forced to move in front of her, facing her. Daniel wouldn't look at her, she noticed, while Teal'c glared at the man who seemed to be in charge. The Colonel, however, was staring at her, telling her with his eyes that this was it, it was do or die and she nodded at him to let him know she understood.
The leader of their captors came up to her and opened the box he had in his hands to show her its contents. There were three syringes lying on a velvet-like lining in the box and he leered at her, staring at her expectantly. She was past caring, however, and just a little hyped that the Colonel may have a plan. She just stared at the man dejectedly, causing him to frown at her before backhanding her. She heard the Colonel snarl and she looked over at him to see that he and Teal'c had decided now was the time to take matters into their own hands. She watched as all three of her teammates fought valiantly, cheering them on silently. Her heart swelled with anticipation when she saw one of the guards fall and Teal'c grab his weapon. He used the weapon on the guard, then turned to use it on the other two.
He killed the other guard and turned the staff weapon on the leader who was injecting a dose of the drug into Daniel, who had put the chains linking his hands together around the leader's neck. Daniel pulled hard on the chain, not letting go until the man had gone limp. He finally let go of the man and Sam watched as Colonel O'Neill grabbed the weapon out of Teal'c's hands to shoot their tormentor, just to make sure.
The Colonel then went over to one of the guards, dragging his chained companions along with him. He squatted down next to the man, searching through his clothing until he found the key to the chains and unlocked the manacles around his wrists, as well as the chain that bound him to Teal'c. He unlocked Teal'c's chains, then came over to her to free her. She involuntarily flinched when he reached up to put the key into the manacles, but she kept her eyes on his, waiting for her freedom. He unlocked the chains, which caused her to cry out as her arms were released, the pain bringing on more dizziness and he caught her when she fell. The Colonel then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug, holding her and warming her until Teal'c came over and handed her the tunic he had taken off of one of the guards. Sam let him hold her, the warmth he generated was something that she needed at the moment, but she didn't return the hug. In fact, she stood there feeling a numbness that didn't help in the warming process. She didn't think she would ever be warm again.
The Colonel let her go so that he could help her put the tunic on, grimacing as he got a better look at her injuries. There was no time, though, and he helped her to stand in order to get out of there. She wavered slightly, her body screaming in pain, but she ignored it, her only thought now was to get out of that place and to get home so that she could soak in a tub of the hottest water she could endure. She closed her eyes to get her bearings and to visualize her tub filled with bubbles, only to open them again when Daniel spoke up.
"Now that was a waste of energy," Daniel said, breaking the silence of the morning, the drug apparently having taken effect. "I'm just going to have to take the thing off of her again."
Sam couldn't help the tremor of fear that raced through her as she thought about the drug's affect on her friend and she was grateful when the Colonel moved to stand in front of her in a protective stance. "Think you can do it with those chains binding you?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure, you betcha," Daniel replied, mocking the Colonel. "You guys want to hang around to watch?" he continued cruelly. "I have to warn you that I won't share her though."
"Shut up, Daniel," the Colonel said as he went over to grab the chain that was still attached to the ones locked around Daniel's wrists. "Let's just get out of here, shall we?"