Secret Nuptials

By Nintendo Maximus

Disclaimer: I have absolutely no ownership over "Invader Zim". Of course, if I did, I wouldn't mind seeing something like this ficlet happen.

Author's Note: I'm gonna admit, ZAGR may not be realistic, but it's a very cute pairing. And I'll admit, about a week ago, the plot for this story came to me in a dream, and the idea wouldn't shut up until I got it written. You might find this a pretty dumb story, but then again, it is my first "Invader Zim" fanfic, and I never really watched the show much. So please, I don't need to be reminded that Zim & Gaz are acting out of character! Just read the story!

Thirteen-year-old Gaz Membrane stood outside the typical-looking green-painted house that had been within walking distance from her own house for quite a few years now. A slight bead of sweat formed over her eyebrow, but she quickly discarded it. She had been to this strange place before, but this was the first time that her very presence had been requested by the proprietor of the residence.

Just yesterday afternoon, while she was eating lunch at school, she had been tapped upon by the person's funny-looking puppy, whom he called GIR. The oddly-colored dog had been holding a Post-It note in his mouth, as he had been sent by his master to bring it to her. The note she had taken had asked for her to show up at his house this evening. So here she was.

Swallowing her pride, Gaz strolled up the walkway to the front door of the house and knocked on it. The steel entry gate slid open, and she stepped inside, looking around at the spooky-looking decor. If she were to care about it, she'd think that the master of the house was a great interior decorator.

And then she saw him - the man of the house, so to speak. He was obviously no human, nor was he even wearing his human disguise, but he certainly ruled the place with an iron fist (or as iron as he would like to say it was). He was Zim, the Irken invader that her brother kept complaining about.

"Greetings, Gaz," Zim spoke with a toothy grin. "I trust things are going fine with you?"

"Spare me the introduction, Zim," Gaz muttered with a scowl, "I know who you are. What I want to know is why you asked me to come here."

"Yes, I figured you were going to ask that," Zim answered. "Recently, I've had this strange tugging notion inside me that won't seem to be waning anytime soon. Apparently, according to my resources, it's called hormones. These so-called hormones are making me feel extremely jumpy around a certain someone."

"Well, good for you," Gaz interrupted.

"SILENCE!" The alien screamed. "You must let me get to the point, or no good will come from this experience. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, these hormones are causing a hyperactive feeling in me whenever I see a certain someone. And that someone... is you."

Gaz raised her eyebrow as she bit her lip. "Me?"

"Yes, Gaz Membrane, you," Zim continued. "I didn't think it would be possible, but, somehow, perhaps due to our mutual hatred for that pain-in-the-neck brother of yours... I've fallen in love with you. It's not even what you Earthlings call 'a crush'. It's total L-U-V. With all my black-painted heart. Something I thought I was incapable of. If I wasn't trying to keep my operations secret from the rest of this crummy planet, I would shout it out from the rooftops: 'I love Gaz Membrane.'"

Gaz raised her other eyebrow, immediately lowering the previously raised one. She didn't know what to say. Except maybe to point out that he had spelled "love" wrong.

Zim turned back to the girl and took her out of her seat. "The point I'm trying to make is, I love you, Gaz, and... and... if I could, I would like to spend the rest of my life with you by my side." The Irken got down on one knee and took Gaz's right hand in his. "What I'm trying to say is... Gaz Membrane, will you do the honor of becoming... my bride?"

Gaz was taken back a bit. "You... you're asking me to marry you?"

"Isn't that what I just said?" said Zim. "Yes, I want to marry you, and be the father of your future children. Do you surrend-- I mean, accept?"

For a moment, Gaz didn't know what to say again. She began to flinch, grabbing her hair with her hands. But then, finally, she put her hands out, her lips curved into a smile, and her usually-shut-with-anger eyes opened to reveal her golden irises, flashing a glow of love. For she was experiencing an emotion she had never witnessed before. An emotion called love.

"Zim..." she spoke. "I never realized this before, but now that you mention it... I love you too, and I would be glad to be your wife, so yes, I accept your proposal." And with that, she wrapped her arms around him in an embracing hug.

Zim was more than happy to return the hug. "Excellent," was all he could say, as he lowered his eyelids and smiled his toothy grin.

"YAY! Master's found love and is getting married!" GIR came out from behind his master, prancing about like an idiot and repeating his phrase until finally Zim pulled away from hugging his new fiancée and slapped the robot in the head, shutting him up.

Gaz rubbed her hand against her other arm. "But, uh, how do you expect us to get married anyway, Zim? Not only is Dib likely to forbid it, but I'm quite certain that people our age aren't allowed to marry in this country. And doesn't it take money to prepare for a wedding?"

"Who said anything about getting married in this country? Heck, who said anything about getting married on this planet?" Zim led his wife-to-be down to his basement, taking GIR with him as well. Down there was his spaceship, decorated with tin cans and a sign reading "Just Hitched" on its back. "We're going to a place where you don't need to prepare for a wedding!"

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Gaz asked as she took her seat.

"That's right, toots! We're eloping for an Irken wedding!" Zim had his house's roof open up and then turned on the ignition. The ship containing the newly-engaged pair blasted off into the sky above. "If we simply elope and don't tell anyone about it," Zim explained as the ship entered space, "nobody will be the wiser."

"Well, that makes sense." Gaz glared at GIR, who was singing out the wedding march. "But do you have to bring your pet along?"

"Yes," Zim answered bitterly. "He's my ring-bearer."


One flight through space later, the couple arrived in front of a small church somewhere on the far-off reaches of Planet Irk. "Ugh," Gaz muttered as she stepped out of the ship, "this is where we're to be wed?"

"Did you honestly expect a five-star church, my dear? I told you we were eloping!" Zim opened up the ship's back trunk and unloaded the clothes stored inside. "You can at least be glad I managed to get us the proper outfits for the occasion!" he said, handing Gaz half of the garments. "Now get into the bridal chambers to change into your gown. From what I've read, I'm not supposed to see you in it until the ceremony. Something about bad luck, I guess."

Gaz looked at the black outfit she had been handed. "Um... I think this is your outfit," she said, handing it back to Zim.

"Oop," was all Zim could say as Gaz took the white dress he had been holding.

Soon, Zim was standing before a somewhat empty congregation in his ravishing black tuxedo. He wore a bow tie on his neck and a cummerbund over his white buttoned shirt, both of them as red as the sash on the top hat that stood between his antennae. He had placed white handgloves over his usual black ones and was even wearing formal black-and-white shoes. Dang, he thought to himself as GIR juggled the rings. If I didn't know better, I'd say I'm one handsome devil!

And then, with the Irken equivalent to the Wedding March playing, Gaz made her appearance in the white strapless wedding gown that had been provided for. She was carrying a nicely-arranged bouquet of roses in her hands, clad in white elbow-length gloves. Up on the top of her purple-haired head rested a silver tiara bearing the Irken symbol, which held up the opaque ivory veil that dropped behind her head, ending at just a small bit below her shoulders. The feeling had never occurred to her before, but Gaz felt happy as a dove in that dress. In fact, a smile was forming across her purple lipstick-adorned lips, and her cheeks were glowing a bright pink. Zim was so taken in by the beauty of his now-blushing bride that his antennae stood up on end.

The tall Irken minister looked on as the girl made her way down the aisle, showing a sign of discomfort in his eyelids. And then he whispered something into the groom's right antennae.

"Yes, of course I want to marry her!" Zim whispered back. "She's the only one of those filthy Earth-monkeys I have any feelings for, and I'm infested with germs of some sort that insist I should be wed to her. So hurry up and marry us now, you old coot!"

The alien preacher sighed as Gaz finally stopped her march and stood beside her green-skinned groom, looking at him with her somewhat-lovestruck eyes. "Well then," said the minister, talking in a rather slow manner, "we, or at least what there is of us, are gathered here to bear witness to the merger - uh, the union of... Zim, and the Earthling Gaz Membrane, in, eh, holy matrimony. Seeing how there's nobody around to object to this marriage..."

Thank Tallest for that, Zim thought at that point.

"...we'll get straight down to business," the minister continued. "Do you, Zim, take Gaz Membrane to be your terribly wedded wife?"

"Yes, yes, yes; I do!" Zim shouted irritatedly. He was in a bit of a hurry to get married.

The minister rolled his eyes. This wasn't the first time he had to conduct a rush-job wedding. "Now then, do you, Gaz, take Zim, to be your awfully wed husband?"

"Sure, whatever," Gaz muttered, speaking just as impatiently. "Just marry us already." As she said that, Zim took the rings from a disappointed GIR and slipped them onto his and Gaz's correspondent fingers.

"Then, by the power of the Almighty Tallest, I pronounce you Irken and spouse. You may kiss the bride, and be sure to pick up a coupon for $5 off your next invasion on the way out. NEXT!" yelled the minister.

Zim wrapped his arms around Gaz and pulled her in close for what was not only their first kiss of married life, but also their first kiss in general. Though it only lasted for forty-six seconds, the pair could feel themselves wrapping up into each other like two peas in a pod, their normally-silent hearts going three miles a minute. They didn't even want to let go of each other's hands as they walked up the aisle and back to the waiting ship outside. Zim sure had been thinking ahead in pasting a "Just Hitched" bumper sticker on the back.

"Well then, now that we've gotten that over with," said Gaz after they had gotten back into the ship and were flying back towards Earth, "what do you want us to do now?"

"We must never mention our marriage to anyone, Gaz," Zim said discreetly. "At least, not until the both of us are old enough to declare it to everyone. Maybe I'll have done away with your irritating brother by then," he muttered.

"Well, that's rather ironic, considering that when you proposed, you said you wanted us to always be together."

"All right, here's a new demand. Every night, you show up at my house so we can make love, like all the regular Earthling couples do!"

"Fine," Gaz replied, turning her head to the window.

At this point, GIR broke the silence and began singing to the tune of the wedding march again. Zim once more slapped the robot's head. "Ugh. I have so got to delete his memory of the last twenty-four hours."

Gaz sighed. This was going to be quite an interesting marriage.

So like I said, this was a pretty silly story. But like I said up above, I've never really watched the show often, so I don't really know much about it! Besides, you can still enjoy my other fanfics.