Fan Fiction: "Dating for Dummies"

A/N: Hello! This is my first Naruto fanfic so…don't bite my head off if the characters are a little OCC. When you think about it, making a character seem normal in the eyes of readers is pretty hard…READ and REVIEW!

Disclaimer: Me plus Naruto equals a big fat NO.

Summary: Kakashi's a bit bored of the no romance between the Rookie nine and Konoha period. What to do, what to do? Give dating tips…? Oh the horror…

A/N: Um…I would like to thank Saiyanfanatics for understanding my little dilemma. U GUYS ROX!

Tip 1: Uchiha Sasuke

Uchiha, Sasuke:

Single, Sharingan wielder, seventeen year old avenger with a superiority complex in the works, is psychotic with a capital "P", known for being an ex-missing-nin of Konoha and having a seven foot pole stuck up his-


Searching for a strong female who will bear childe-I mean train with (If you know what I mean…), needs to be smart, good with kids, pretty, and…-


Has cotton candy pink hair and goes by the name…Sakura Haruno!


And this is where our story begins…

Rule Number 1 in Kakashi's book of DOOM!-I mean Dating Tips:

Target the unsuspecting victim…!


It was, to be blunt, a normal sunshine-filled day in Konohagakure no Sato. A day, just like the ones before it, where a certain pink-haired, green-eyed teenager would walk along the path engraved unconsciously in her mind towards the meeting place of Team 7. It was days like this when Sakura Haruno wished she wasn't Sakura Haruno…

It was a weird thought, really. Why would one of the members of the famous Team 7 not want to be there? The aspiring medic-nin wasn't sick or depressed or anything of that nature. So why is our cherry blossom so reluctant to join her team…her true love? Good question…call it intuition.

Maybe it was the fact that her tea mug, yes the one with pink petals dancing over the glossy surface and her name in loopy cursive, had cracked in half. Her mother, the superstitious one of the family, had loudly pronounced was an omen of bad future. Or maybe because she had woken up later than usual and had stuffed her breakfast down her throat in record-breaking time. Thus beginning a chaotic morning…

Dashing out the front door and slipping on her ninja-required sandals, Sakura finally realized…her alarm clock had been set to one hour before. She had to refrain herself from slamming her slightly large forehead into a tree, that tree being a cherry blossom tree. Suspicious, MUCH?

And to add to Sakura's not-so-much-a-coincidence happenings, a loud slam reverberated throughout the forest she was strolling in. Not to mention the distinct sound of a huge flock of birds chirping either.

But the thing that took the cake, icing and all, was the strangled cry of a certain old perverted sensei…

"SASUKE-TEME! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?" seventeen year old Naruto brushed sawdust from an obliterated tree the Uchiha heir KILLED with his Chidori.

Whatever Kakashi did really angered the young Uchiha. Naruto shook his head…that was an understatement. Sasuke was REALLY, REALLY angry. The angriest Naruto had ever seen him; meaning…Sasuke plus poor defenseless tree equals raining sawdust and homicidal rage. Just think of what would happen if it was a person…body parts flying everywhere…Naruto inwardly cringed.

All Kakashi did was show Sasuke-teme a piece of paper and Sasuke went all terminator mode, with scary red eyes and everything. (Except for the sunglasses and bazooka.)

The only person to snap some sense into current deforestation/terminator/avenger Sasuke was Sakura and…she wasn't there! At that very moment, Naruto wanted to cry and pray that Sasuke wouldn't set his cursed fiery eyes of doom at him.

Oh…too late.

'Sakura-chan…help me…!'

There are three things Sasuke Uchiha hates in this world.

1. Itachi.

2. Being weak…and Itachi.

And 3…a certain silver-haired jounin who was going to get his sorry butt kicked very painfully.

Sasuke's pupils dilated and the blood red Sharingan spun dangerously. It was like a mini-target missile launcher waiting for the opportune moment to strike its furious wrath.

Kakashi crouched low in a bush; tips of his silver mane were burnt from the barely dodged Chidori from before. He knew of the consequences just choose not to listen. Heck, he wasn't expecting a WHOLE armada of electricity and fury. He was starting to get second thoughts on teaching Sasuke the Chidori…

Target locked.

Kakashi's eye twitched and fled underground as a bombardment of kunais and shurikens struck the hard earth.

He let a sigh of relief; there was no way Sasuke could get him down here…a drop of water dripped onto his nose and slid down his neck.


With an animalistic growl, Sasuke plunged a Chidori-filled palm into the ground. It crumbled and cracked under the pressure of the blue chakra. Sparks flew everywhere until the final bluish white glow faded into the earth.

A certain blond clutched a tree for dear life. Naruto let out a small squeak as he dragged himself farther away from the psycho Sharingan wielder.

If it had been any other time or person Sasuke was aiming at, Kakashi would have been proud of such an ingenious plot. Kakashi, however being the reason of the Uchiha heir's temper, didn't find this so…exciting. Personally he damned the late night rainfall last night to the fiery depths of hell.

It seemed the youngest of the Uchiha Clan, in his post-deforestation of Konoha's lush foliage, had noticed the ground was still soaked from last night's downpour. Using this as an advantage, the second Chidori user struck the wet ground to channel the chakra throughout the whole area including underground.

Poor, poor Kakashi…

Heck, he could picture his grave right now…Hatake, Kakashi died by his own student's hands for being a completely stupid and perverted ding-dong…Yeah that sounded a bit right.

Right when a foreboding shadow crawled over Kakashi's fried body a voice meekly reached over to Sasuke.


"Did you hear that youthful sound my fiery pupils!" Gai laughed heartily with his teeth going ping!

"YES, GAI-SENSEI! SUCH YOUTHFUL-NESS!" Rock Lee slammed his fist into a tree trunk one last time before galloping over to his erm-shining teacher.

Tenten gave a small sigh and sent a sharp kunai embedding into a wooden dummy, "Sounded more like someone mercilessly getting beaten to me."

"Agreed." Hyuga Neji spoke deadpanned as he deactivated his Byakugan.

If looks could kill, Kakashi would have been dead yesterday. Sakura put her hands on her hips with a puzzled look on her heart-shaped face. Sasuke-kun was glaring fiercely at Kakashi-sensei who was holding several burn marks and scratches from who knows where. Naruto, who was actually quiet, sat FAR away from Sasuke-kun and kept glancing as if scared that Sasuke would snap…again.

She sighed; these days were far too strange to understand anyway…


"Sasuke…kun…?" Sakura pushed the last of the mutilated bush out of her way. Emerald eyes blinked and looked owlish at the sight before her. It was as if someone had literally sent a tornado and every sort of natural disaster upon the Team 7 bridge.

In other words, this was not good…not good at all.

Sasuke's head turned slightly to see her in the corner of his blood red eyes, "Sakura…?" His voice was hoarse and sent a shiver down her spine.

'What the hell happened here!'

In the background, Naruto and Kakashi were singing and dancing hallelujah and holding signs with Sakura's head on it. How naïve…

Big, innocent eyes blinked, "So…what happened?"

Big mistake…

The air grew silent and freezing as the Uchiha heir's lean frame shook. Kakashi visibly twitched and shuffled farther away from the Uchiha.

Naruto clutched the fabric of her red shirt tightly and crouched low beside her. "Well," he started as a reddish black aura circled the dark boy, "love always did make people out of character."

And everything spiraled out of her perfect control at that moment.

End of Flashback…

She leaned on the amazingly still-intacted bridge and combed her short pink hair with her fingers. "Are you going to tell me?" Sakura glanced at Sasuke who had long ago abandoned his killing aura but still had the furious look.


Sakura blushed softly before looking away, "Oh…"

Kakashi rubbed his burnt hand and scowled. That damn brat is going to get it now…five thousand miles of running for him from now on. Kakashi watched Sakura kick imaginary dust on the bridge platform.

It was interesting, really. How the great and almighty Sasuke Uchiha fell into a lesser "stuck-up" version when Sakura was involved. Kakashi inwardly cackled evilly. Maybe he could get his dear revenge for the injuries in another more satisfying way. Oh how vengeance was sweet…

Taking his faithful piece of blackmail in his uninjured hand, Kakashi walked leisurely toward our cherry blossom pink-haired teenager. If he was smart enough he would have noticed the danger signal flashing dangerously. Did he see it…? Nope. "Say Sakura-chan could you do me a favor?"

Sakura peered at her teacher carefully, "What?"

Sasuke glared, 'What the hell is he going at…?"

Kakashi smirked behind his mask and shoved the piece of paper into her tiny hands, "Read this."

Sasuke flinched and made a grab for it, immediately recognizing the damned paper.

Sakura moved out of his reach and smiled, "Don't worry Sasuke."

His eye twitched, "NO! Don't read it! It's a TRICK!"

Silence…tumbleweed whips by…

Kakashi struck a thumbs up, ignoring Sasuke's erm-outburst, "Go on."

Sakura flipped open the paper and immediately went into shock.

Whatever was on the piece of paper, you ask? Let's see…

I would love to have you, Sakura, as a new model for Icha Icha Paradise. Kakashi has personally spoken highly of your (ahem) assets. Drop by the Hidden Village of Grass if you get the chance.


"Ka-ka-shi…" her fist crackled with chakra.

'What the…' Sasuke stepped away from the obviously angry Sakura. Which usually happened when she spoke in just syllables...

Naruto mentally slapped himself in the forehead, "Not again…"


Target found. Plan SasuSaku is operational…

Hatake, Kakashi was sent to the hospital today all because he was a stupid old perverted ninja…enough said…

Day 1 finished.


So…good, bad, so-so? Understand it? Questions, comments? Also…what's a beta reader?