Sorry it's so late, and that it's so short... But hey, I've been busy with friends, pools, and parties. :P Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. Please review.

Chapter 6 -- The Land of Illusions

"Oh, goddesses...! If he's out there, he...he's doomed! Please, look around again!" Faunia cried, frantically searching the ranch for a trace of Red.

"Damn you, bitch! This is the opportunity we've been waiting for -- Red is GONE," Blue snapped, stopping her in her tracks.

"I don't care!" Faunia tried to break free. "It is a custom of chivalry NOT to have your houseguests eaten by monsters!"

A click of a door sounded, and the search party turned to see Missy step out of the house, looking haggard and harassed. She said, "It's done...I've cleaned yer whole frickin' floor with my toothbrush."

Faunia stopped struggling to free herself of Blue so she could look at Missy and ask, "What? Why did you clean my floor with your toothbrush?"

"Because, bitch, that damn woman with the baby made me do it for insulting HIM!" An accusing finger was pointed at Blue, who flicked her off.

"Well, nevermind that! Red's gone missing, we have to find him before he DIES!"

Missy gazed blankly at Faunia for a moment before saying, "Well, then he's freed himself of this hell hole. Lucky, cheap, gay bastard..." Grumbling to herself, she turned and stalked back into the house.

"Hey...! Aw, man... We could sure use her help. But anyway, where are Green and Shadow? We could get them to help!" said Faunia, turning back to Blue.

"Last I heard, Shadow went to see Vio, and Green went to find where you keep your panties and --"


"...Nothing. Why, are you suspicious of me for telling him where your underclothes are?"

"N-no, I didn't accuse you of that... But...did you...?"

Blue shoved Faunia back and raised his foot.

"That's it! One more word, and I'll kick you in the nuts!"

"I don't have nuts!"

"One more word..."

"Blue -- OOOWWW!" Faunia's knees buckled as Blue kicked her. And kicked her again. And again. And again, until --

"BLUE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? STOP KICKING HER!" Green pulled him away from behind.

"Why are you kicking Faunia, you prick!" he demanded.

"Humph...she was askin' for it. She was all accusin' me of telling you where she keeps her panties," Blue answered defensively.

"You're a dumbass. And what was all the yelling about?"

Faunia rose to her feet and approached.

"Red has gone missing..." she explained, her eyes round with anxiety.

"What? Oh -- oooohhhh... Maybe he ran off 'cause of what happened earlier..." said Green thoughtfully.

"What happened?"

"Oh, I told him it was over."

"Jeez, isn't he a little too unstable to handle that?" questioned Blue mildly.

"Maybe. But screw him, he was annoying," snorted Green, walking away dismissively. To Faunia, it seemed he was also rather...angry?

"Vio?" Shadow quietly slipped into his, Vio's, and Missy's room. "You're awake?"

Vio was sitting on the bed, playing with Devika's baby son, Dixon. He looked up at Shadow when he entered, and pulled a small smile on his too-thin face.

"Oh, Shadow...hey." They kissed and Shadow sat down on the bed. He looked at Dixon, who looked back at him with big, curious blue eyes. Was it Shadow's imagination, or did he look a lot like Vio and the others?

"Um, yeah... Uhhh...Vio? Blue told me some stuff about you."

Vio turned to look at Shadow in such a way that made him cringe.

"What did he say?" he asked softly.

Shadow tried to act casual. "Oh, you know, just the usual stuff about how you hear voices or something and starve yourself and write freaky poetry. Nothing abnormal."

Silence. But then Vio replied in a loud voice that made Shadow jump, "Why the hell would he tell you something like that!"

"Well, you weren't telling me what was wrong with you, and I was curious... But is it true?"

"No..." Vio looked away, trying to hide his expressive eyes that would betray the words.

"Um, you're like...lying. I can tell, I know you... Vio, just what is going on?"

"You'll think I'm crazy."

"I won't," Shadow protested, turning Vio's face toward him. "Now, are you hearing voices or what?"

"...They're spirits, I think. And they tell me the future," Vio answered reluctantly.

Shadow blinked and let go of Vio. Ok... he thought, That's pretty creepy.

"See? Now you hate me for it," said Vio.

"What? I don't hate you, babe! It's just that --"

"Don't call me babe! Sounds like a girl's petname."

"Ok... But I don't hate you. I't really understand..." Shadow said.

Vio seized up some of his haunted works from the bed and thrust them at Shadow.

"Go ahead. I'm waiting for you to understand," he snapped.

Shadow read through some of the poems. They were a little disturbing, and graphic, but very meaningful...powerful.

"These are good poems, Vio."

"Would YOU think they were so good if you couldn't stop writing them!"

Shadow gazed at Vio, studying him. He looked angry, but a defensive kind of angry...

"You mean you're losing sleep over these?" Shadow asked, holding up the poems. He found it rather hard to believe.

"Yes, I suppose you could put it that way... I can't control myself. I have to write them, and I can't stop until that strange hold is released on me," Vio explained in harsh tones. A sad, desperate look came to his eyes as he added more gently, "Shadow, they're making me sick. I feel like some link to another world, and I don't wanna be... Literally, this is killing me."

Shadow shuddered. "Killing you...? Vio, you're not going to die."

"I will if someone doesen't help me!"

"I'll help you... What is it I can do?"

"I DON'T KNOW..." Vio wailed loudly. Shadow jumped back a little, and Dixon started to cry. Hastily, Vio lifted the child to soothe him.

Shadow really didn't know what to do. Vio didn't seem like a crazy person... And spiritual links and crap like that were fairly common in the Zelda world. And that poetry didn't seem like something Vio would write on his own, he just wasn't like that...was he?

Not knowing what else to say, Shadow softly offered the words "I'm sorry" and embraced his boyfriend, who still held the baby in his arms. Vio blushed. And naturally, at such a scene, Faunia burst in.

"O-oh...did I interrupt a...something?" she asked, blushing and covering her eyes.

"No. Why, do gay relationships piss you off?" Shadow asked challengingly.

"No, not at all!" Faunia replied haughtily, taking her hand away from her eyes.

"Why are you here?" Vio asked.

A panicked look lit the features of Faunia's face. She said, "Red has gone missing! We must find him, or he could wind up worse than dead!"

"Oh. Terrible," Shadow snorted, pulling Vio's head to his chest in another embrace.

"You...don't care?" The young ranch girl seemed stunned.

"Nope," said Shadow.

"Not really," Vio stated.

"What if he's in real danger now? Don't you want to do anything heroic?"

Shadow yawned. "I dunno, maybe. I guess I could use the exercise if I feel like it."

Displeased with the answer, Faunia turned on her heel and stalked out of the room.

"She's annoying..." Shadow muttered, forcefully kissing Vio.

"Yeah, but she's a nice girl," was Vio's distant reply. He let Shadow kiss him continuously, but his mind was elsewhere.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! LET ME GOOOOOOOOOO!" Red squealed. He pulled at the bars of his cage as the hundreds of Redeads, Stalchildren, and Stalfos warriors that had captured him dragged his cage across a valley until they reached a kingdom.

Red was now a prisoner. He had been captured by an army of deadish creatures, which explained why he was where he was at that moment. But now, he hadn't a clue as to what they were going to do to him.

"W-what do you want with me!" Red sobbed. The creatures all turned to gaze at him.

"It depends on what Stalfos King wants to do with you. We just wanna rape you," said the nearest Redead. The other creatures nodded in agreement and cheered.

"Rape! Rape! Rape! Rape!" they chanted.


"Why not! You're gay -- that's obvious by the way you scream. So don't you like being sodomized?" a Stalchild asked.

Red glared fiercely at his captors and snapped, "Excuse me! Do you have some stereotype about the gays!"

"We just thought y'all liked it in the ass."

Red snorted. "Tch...well, we do!"

"Then what's the problem?"

"You're icky dead things, that's the problem!"

A rather important looking Stalfos said, "Humph! You are a defiant little bastard. When Stalfos King gets here, he will not like you!"

"Yeah! Not like you!" the other undead cried out.

"Um...who's Stalfos King?" asked Red, puzzled.

"He's only the coolest, most awesome leader in the world!" the same Stalfos replied.

Red thought, Wait...didn't Faunia say something about a Stalfos King when she was talking about that Oni/Fierce Deity guy and Hate?

But suddenly, the ground shook with the sounding approach of something heinously huge. Everyone grew silent, and Red trembled.

"What's that?" he squeaked.

A humongous, super-duper-duper huge Stalfos lumbered into view. All the undead creatures began to cheer. Red pretty much assumed that this huge, spooky thing was Stalfos King, so he started screaming.

"Ahoy there!" greeted the beast once he was before them all. The creatures bowed at his giant feet.

"Ahoy, Stalfos King!" they said in unison.

Red curled into a tiny ball and peered at the king with scared blue eyes. Stalfos King finally spotted him.

"What's this?" he boomed.

"A prisoner!" his subjects answered excitedly.

"We want to rape him!" one of them cried out. The other began cheering, and Red let out another wail.

"Please, don't! I don't want any sex! I just got out of a bad relationship!"

"Ooh's" rustled through the army, and they all looked at Red.

"A bad relationship, you say? We love to hear about such drama. Confide in us," said Stalfos King.

"And THAT is how my relationship came to a tragic end..." Red finished dramatically.

"Ooh, what a bastard! You are so brave, Red, for putting up with him as long as you did!" someone called from the crowd.

Stalfos King rose to his feet and said, "Yeah, man, you were awesome. But I'm still going to let them sodomize you."

"WHAT! After all that!"

"Well, sorry. But since he dumped you, doesen't that make you wanna sleep with a whole bunch of other people and stuff to make him jealous?"

Red considered this. It actually sounded rather...sensible...

"Oh...I didn't think of it that way," he said thoughtfully. "Well, if you put it like that, then go ahead and sodomize me."

Everyone said "yay". And the sodomizing began.

When they had all finished fucking Red, the undead, Stalfos King, and Red settled down for beer and cigars. Being a prisoner really wasn't so bad after all.

"That was so good..." Red gasped, taking a swig of beer. "You guys aren't half bad."

"Yeah, we know," said Stalfos King, "And now we officially dub you a slut. Congratulations." Everyone bowed to Red.

"Aw, thanks guys..." Red wiped away a tear.

"Sodomizing again, are we, Stalfos King?" coldly inquired the voice of a newcomer. Everyone turned to see a tall, handsome man, with tan skin, white hair, with red and white paint on his face. He wore a tunic under armor, which suited his muscular body ever so nicely.

OMFG, he is so sexy... Red thought dreamily.

If Stalfos King had eyes, surely his gaze would've been cold. But his voice sure was when he stiffly said, "Oni Link."

Red looked back at Oni Link. The gazes of Stalfos King's people were right along with him, as they looked curiously from their king to this other grand deity.

"For what purpose have you intruded on my lands?" asked Stalfos King.

In his hot and sexy voice, Oni replied, "To tell you to release your prisoner." He eyed Red.

"WHAT! Why! I feel important when I have prisoners, you know that! Why take that happiness away from me!"

"If you want to lure Hate to your realm, then go ahead. Keep him, I insist. But when that thing comes looking for this lost human, hell will break loose in your domain. Is that what you want?"

"You're just taking orders from those stupid goddesses you have prisoner, aren't you! Did they win you over with their feminine charms!" sneered Stalfos King.

"No, but they did alert me to the fact that you have a prisoner. It doesen't take a genius to know that no good will come of keeping the human, Stalfos King," Oni replied blankly.

Stalfos King snorted and looked away. "You know nothing. Be gone with you."

"Fine...I will leave. But I suggest you heed my warning, or Hate will be looking for you."

Red stared at Oni, wide-eyed. Was he really being tracked by the worst demon known to man?