Disclaimer: "Inuyasha" is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and the companies that represent her. I'm just borrowing the characters for awhile.

Note: This story is a parody, born of a night of debate and reading one too many Inuyasha fanfics. It was written for MistressDM8 for the LiveJournal community HimitsuSanta, a Secret Santa project.


"Rumors, Lies and Other Weird Things on an "Eye-Mac"

A year after Naraku was defeated, Higurashi Kagome revealed her greatest secret to her closest friends - what exactly she had been doing during her third year of middle school.

It actually happened by accident. Kagome, Yuka, Eri and Ayumi had been sitting in her room discussing the latest high school gossip when Inuyasha had chosen to come bursting through the window. It wasn't something that was new to Kagome, or even her friends. They had grown accustomed to seeing her kerchief-wearing boyfriend come popping through the bedroom window.

Except this time, his kerchief was gone. Twin triangles twitched as he took in the scene, not noticing or caring that his ears were visible.

After a few moments of shock and utter horror on Kagome's part, her friends began to squeal with excitement and begged to tweak Inuyasha's ears. With the squealing came the questions. With the questions came revelation. Kagome explained how she'd fallen down the well, showing off the Shikon no Tama she wore on a chain around her neck. For a time, she wondered if her friends believed her. Then she realized that her story was so incredible that it could only be the truth.

"We knew something was up," Yuka explained at the end of the story. "Ayumi-chan noticed you going into the well house one day and not coming back out. She popped her head in and noticed you were gone."

"I thought you'd fallen into the well, Kagome-chan," Ayumi apologized. "When I saw it was empty, I thought I had just seen things."

Inuyasha had remained uncharacteristically silent through Kagome's story. It had been strange to listen to the tale coming from her. She managed to make all of the months of grief, pain and hardship tolerable. She had glossed over Kikyou quite a bit, but he couldn't blame her for that.

Now the three friends turned to him. "You're a half-dog, Inuyasha-kun?" Eri asked.

"Nope. That's a dog," Inuyasha pointed at a stray mutt making its way down the sidewalk many feet below them. "I'm an inu-hanyou."

"What's the difference?" Yuka asked.

"He's a youkai," Kagome explained. "He has some special powers and full inuyoukai can turn into...well, I suppose you can say a large dog." Though, she admitted, she couldn't imagine someone like Sesshoumaru playing fetch.

It was something that lingered with Kagome long after her friends had left that night. She needled Inuyasha into playing a video game with Souta and booted up the new iMac that her mother had gotten her for her 17th birthday. She logged onto the Internet and did a search for youkai and canine behaviors in general.

"Whatcha doing?"

Kagome screamed and shouted out "osuwari" on pure reflex. Inuyasha slammed into the ground.

"What the hell was that for?" he yelled when he could move. He sprang to his feet and loomed over her. His ears were flattened, his body rigid. Anger flashed in his eyes. "Do you get some sort of perverse pleasure out of randomly sitting me?"

"Of course not," Kagome shot back, her own temper flaring. "You shouldn't go sneaking up on people like that."

They glared at each other for about a minute or so before Kagome broke off the impromptu staring match with a huff. "I'm using the Internet. I explained it to you before. It allows me to research a lot of things without my having to leave the house."

Inuyasha lowered himself into a crouch as he listened.

"I'm looking up information on youkai and inu-youkai. There's not much that survived that I can find." Kagome tapped a few keys. "Here's a general site about youkai mating habits."

She scanned the page, her brow furrowing as she took in the information. Growing bored, Inuyasha tried to peek over her shoulder, but she waved him off. He grew impatient. "Why don't you let me see?"

"Hush," she dismissed him, which made him grow more agitated. After a moment, she turned to him, eyes hooded and unreadable.

"Inuyasha, you love me, right?"

Stunned, Inuyasha sank back onto his haunches. Anger melted away as the feelings he had for Kagome flared up. He blushed, averted his gaze. It always amazed him, these unexpected moments when she so freely gave of her affection without asking anything of him in return. "Of course I do," he grumbled in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Do you think we'll get married one day?"

Inuyasha paled. "Ma...ma...married?"

"I'm sorry. Should I refer to it as mated?"

"The hell?" Inuyasha sputtered. Kagome was ill. She had to be. Questioning love and asking about marriage? He was ready to go for her mother or go through the well and do his best to drag Kaede back here.

"Did I get the term wrong?"

"What term?" Inuyasha replied, forcing his attention back to Kagome.

"Should I say we're getting mated or we're getting married?"

"We're not doing anything!" Inuyasha roared.

The door to Kagome's bedroom popped open and her grandfather stuck his head in. "That's good to know, young man," he commented before tottering back out muttering about teenagers under his breath.

Inuyasha settled back on his haunches and glared at Kagome. "What the hell are you talking about? We aren't ready to get married, idiot!"

"I'm not talking now! In the future sometime," Kagome insisted. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the screen. "I'm just curious. After all, I want to know well in advance if you're going to mark me."

"Mark you? For what?"

Kagome considered Inuyasha for a few moments. "You really don't know, do you?" she mummered.

"Don't know what?" Frustration welled up and Inuyasha sprang to his feet. "Look, you, stop talking circles around me! I'm going to toss that Eye-Mac of yours out the window. It's causing you to act strange."

Kagome sighed. "Touch the computer and you're getting the sitting of your life. I mean it, Inuyasha. What do you know about youkai mating habits?"

Prepared for a fight, he wasn't prepared for the sudden shift in conversation. Inuyasha scowled at her. "Why the hell would I know anything about that?"

"Well, you are a hanyou."

"So?" Inuyasha lowered himself again. "It don't mean anything. I wasn't raised with youkai."

That's right, Kagome realized. He had remained in his mother's household until her death. From what she knew about his past, Inuyasha had avoided youkai and tended to remain among humans whenever he could. Both humans and youkai disliked him because he was a hanyou. But he had more of a chance at survival around humans than he did with youkai.

She scooted her chair aside and pointed at the monitor. "Read this. It's about a popular pulp story set during the Sengoku Jidai, roughly around the era that you're from. It talks about a youkai with a human woman and describes what youkai mating habits are like."

Inuyasha scanned the screen, grunting when he reached the bottom so Kagome could scroll. His eyes darkened and after a moment, he jumped back to his feet. "What a bunch of shit! That guy doesn't know anything. Keh. Not even that idiot wolf would do something as stupid as...do that to a woman to get her under control. Why the hell would you believe this?"

"I don't! That's why I was asking," Kagome shot back at him. But his off-hand mention of Kouga did trigger her memory. The time she had spent when Kouga initially kidnapped her had enable her to see the innerworkings of a youkai tribe. She had seen some arguments and fighting, but never anything like this. In fact, Kouga had insisted none of his tribe touch her - and most acted like they wouldn't want to.

She thought of how Inuyasha and Kouga had fought for her affections. They did so by trying to best each other. There had been a number of times when they could have hauled her off and tried to force her. But they didn't. Inuyasha, being raised by humans, wouldn't had done so. It never occurred to Kouga to do so either.

"Besides," Inuyasha kept going, "I want you to shut up, not to subdue you."

"Osuwari," Kagome muttered and he slammed into the floor. She grinned at him. "Who's dominating now?"

He sputtered. "You get a huge kick out of that, don't you?"

She laughed as he rolled onto his back. "But," he continued, "that proves it. I'd never do that to you. I'd never get a chance to. You'd use these damn beads, then Sango would kick my ass. Then Miroku. Then that mangy wolf would try to, but I'd kick his sorry ass back to the mountains."

Kagome leaned back in her chair. "I suppose you're right." She gave him a quirky smile. "Thank goodness. I thought you were going to say you had to pee on me or bite off some of my neck if we were going to get married."

"The hell?"

Kagome threw her head back and laughed, then ignoring the sputtering hanyou at her side, started to do her homework.