A/N: Those of you who know me are aware that I can always somehow turn a nice, fun holiday celebration into an angst-fest. So here's some fresh KakaIru angst, just in time for New Year's.

It's only fair that I give you some warnings: this story contains yaoi content, and I'm not necessarily talking about KakaIru. Kakashi's rather OOC, but put yourself through this and see if you come out any better. Oh, and character death, of course. Because what's angst without character death? There's some fluff too. I think fluff-angst should be a legal genre.

Oh, and I kicked Hayate into this near the end, because I felt like it. He needs love.

This story is a tad rough, meaning I only proofread it two times, so if you happen upon a typo or something, just tell me. To everyone else, please leave a review if you can; I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. -MeeLee



The heavy metal door clanged shut and the footsteps slowly retreated, leaving them in total darkness with only his ragged gasps for breath breaking the silence, interrupted by intermittent groans of pain.

A small voice floated out of the darkness, twisted with agony. "Iruka…?"

"I'm here, Kakashi," Umino Iruka answered, his voice quiet, subdued. Very slowly, he straightened from his spot slumped against the opposite wall, dragging himself over to his partner, falling several times because his hands were currently bound behind his back by tight chakra bonds.

Hatake Kakashi shifted, biting back a cry as sharp pain protested the movement. "How long have we been in here?" he asked, taking deep breaths and drawing on years of shinobi training to numb the burning agony.

"Four days," Iruka answered. "They come in once every day."

"Just four days?" Kakashi repeated, and laughed bitterly, coughing as he did so. "Feels like forever…you sure this isn't Itachi and his Sharingan?" His voice hitched as another wave of pain surged up.

Iruka was silent for a moment. Finally, he bent slowly down, planting a soft kiss on Kakashi's bare, tear-stained cheek. "Kakashi, I have to tell them."

It took the jounin a moment to answer. "I already told you, Iruka, it doesn't matter what happens to me—"

"Yes, it does," Iruka said, his voice steady. "It does to me."

Kakashi's voice was hard as he answered, "If you give them the code, Konoha will be in serious danger."

"Then maybe I won't give them the code," Iruka said. "Maybe I'll pretend, and then I'll take the chance to fight them."

"No." Kakashi shook his head violently, though he knew Iruka couldn't see it. "No—you'll die, Iruka."

"If it gets you out, it doesn't matter to me," Iruka said. "I can't let them to do this to you anymore, Kakashi." It was true. If he had to refuse to give them the code one more time, if he had to watch as Kakashi was brutally raped by their captors right in front of his eyes one more time, he would really tell them, because he couldn't stand it anymore.

"It's not about me!" Kakashi snapped angrily. "It's about you, and the code that only you know! Quit thinking about others so much and think a little about yourself, damnit!"

Iruka smiled, a smile of sad resignation. "I already did, a long time ago," he said, "And I realized that it really doesn't matter." He paused, and his voice grew even softer. "You've forgotten, Kakashi…I'm just a chuunin. That makes me…expendable."

"No, Iruka," Kakashi said, voice cracking. "Don't do this—it's not worth it—"

He was silenced when Iruka gently kissed his cracked, blood-encrusted lips. "Three three zero seven," the chuunin murmured against his lips. "Please remember it, Kakashi, and get out of this alive so you can tell the others."

Then his warmth, his tenderness, his feeling of safety was gone as he stood and walked up to the closed door, kicking it twice so that the thick metal reverberated with every impact of his foot. A few moments later, a muffled voice barked, "What do you want?"

"I'm ready to talk," Iruka said, his voice strong and steady. "I'll give you the code."

"Iruka…" Kakashi turned, trying to scoot toward his partner, gritting his teeth as the pain washed over him in waves. "Iruka, don't…please…" His tears had begun to flow again.

The door opened and rough hands seized the chuunin, pulling him into the dim hallway outside. He turned once, locked eyes with Kakashi, and quietly mouthed the words "I love you."

"Iruka!" And the door closed again, leaving Kakashi completely and utterly alone.

For about a minute there was silence, utter silence except for the hitching sounds of Kakashi's grief as he curled up as much as his bound hands would allow. The pain had receded a bit, as if making room for the new, more emotional and far more aggravating agony.

Then came a sudden shout in the distance, followed by a muffled explosion and more cries. Then quiet again, complete silence as even Kakashi held his breath—and then suddenly another explosion, an impact that rocked the entire compound, shouting, screams, the soft shing of kunai and shuriken, the rumbling vibrations of jutsus.

Footsteps, running footsteps rapidly approached, coming to a stop behind the door. Someone banged hard on the metal, and Shiranui Genma's voice came to him through the thick barrier. "Kakashi-san! Are you in there?"

Kakashi uncurled, managing only a soft groan in response. Then a new voice. "Please hold on, Kakashi-senpai," Gekkou Hayate said.

A distinct bang sounded as an exploding note went off, and the door shuddered on its hinges as Genma and Hayate pried it open. Instantly both ninja rushed forward toward Kakashi.

"Oh, fuck," Genma hissed as he began channeling chakra into the bonds around Kakashi's wrists. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." That was the idea, Kakashi almost said as the bonds finally snapped and Genma began rubbing his sore wrists furiously.

Hayate, in the meantime, was pulling a white cloth out of his medical bag. "Please try and relax, Kakashi-senpai," he said, swallowing as he began gently cleaning the mess of blood and semen off of Kakashi's thighs. "It's over now. You're safe."

Kakashi drew a breath and asked the dreaded question. "Where's Iruka?"

Both tokubetsu jounin stopped in the middle of their ministrations, looking uncomfortably at each other. Kakashi sighed, his voice soft. "Just tell me, please. Did he make it?"

Genma looked once more at Hayate before finally reaching up to unzip his vest, gently wrapping Kakashi in it as he said in a soft voice, "We've been searching for you two for days, and we came as soon as saw Iruka-sensei's chakra flare…by the time we arrived, they had already killed him."

Hayate found Kakashi's torn pants and mnaged to cover him with them. "We're very sorry, Kakashi-senpai," he whispered. "We know how close you and Iruka-sensei were."

"No," Kakashi said, slowly pushing himself up. "No, I don't think you do." He took a breath, feeling his entire body trembling. "Three three zero seven," he said. "That's your stupid code. That's what Iruka died for: four stupid little numbers." He rose slowly to his feet, leaning heavily on Genma for support. "I want to see him."

The two tokubetsu jounin nodded quietly and led him slowly out of the dark room and down several hallways, finally arriving in the large, dimly-lit interrogation room. Everyone turned upon their entrance, and several medic-nin instantly rushed forward but Hayate shook his head at them. "Not now," he said, and then addressed the ninja currently gathered around something near the middle of the room. "Move," he said, his usual polite speech gone.

They did so, and then Kakashi saw him. He was lying half-turned on the floor, eyes closed, face strangely peaceful so that, had it not been for the blood, one might have thought him to be asleep. Someone had tied a brand-new Leaf hitai-ate around his forehead.

Genma slowly led Kakashi forward, lowering him gently down beside Iruka. He then straightened and turned to everyone else. "What are you looking at?" he hissed.

The others respectfully turned away as Kakashi reached slowly forward, gathering the smaller body into his arms. He combed his fingers slowly through soft, chocolate-brown hair, kissing blood-covered lips, pale cheeks, closed eyelids. And as he clutched the thin, lifeless body to his chest and rocked it gently back and forth, the soft, hitching sobs began escaping his lips.

Before long, soft, hesitant footsteps slowly approached and the voice of one of the medic-nin spoke up, tender and filled with sympathy. "I'm going to sedate you now, Kakashi-san," he said. "It'll ease the pain."

"Where?" Kakashi whispered, voice bitter. In my body or in my heart?

The medic-nin gently inserted the needle into his arm. "Wherever we can, Kakashi-san," he said, and Kakashi hugged Iruka closer even as everything faded to black.


He had finally summoned the courage to come here after a month of recovery and two months of guilt. Finally, he had convinced himself to stop brooding, to stop locking himself up in his apartment, to stop trying to pretend this hadn't happened—because it had, and he couldn't change that. All he could do was come here, confront it, accept it, and force himself to move on.

It felt so strange to have one death affect him so deeply. He had been around death so much in his life, and had thought he had grown somewhat immune to it. But apparently it was not so with Iruka; Iruka was different from the others, from his sensei, even from Obito, because Iruka had captured his heart.

Very slowly, Kakashi reached forward and traced the freshly-carved name on the memorial stone with cold fingers.

"You weren't just a chuunin, Iruka," he whispered, his words lost to the wind. "You were my everything."


Parting words: Yeah, I killed Iruka. For the second time. Please don't hurt me.