Title: We Belong Together
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all relating characters/places belong to the wonderful, talented JK Rowling. Song and lyrics belong to Mariah Carey.
Summary: Response to Mistress Vamp's song lyric challenge. Severus pushes Harry away in a vast attempt to be noble. Now he regrets his decision and wants Harry back. Will he be able to erase what he's done and get his love back? OOC-ness on Sev's part. I'm also ignoring HBP so it's AU.
Author's Note: Originally a songfic, the lyrics have been removed from this fic to comply with FF rules. Song lyrics can be found here: www (dot) azlyrics (dot) com (slash) lyrics (slash) mariahcarey (slash) webelongtogether (dot) html
For the original version of this fic, please check out my livejournal:
www (dot) livejournal (dot) com (slash) users (slash) Harry (underscore) sev (slash)
When Harry first came to and declared his love for me I immediately stunned him, checked the premises for scheming Gryffindors, and checked him over for every jinx, curse, and hex I could think of. When all came back negative (save the one about a Stunning Hex), I obliviated his memory of the past five minutes and allowed him to think that I accepted his declaration without any doubt.
After a few months of getting acquainted with Harry (for I would never use a term as ridiculous as "dating"), I learned that my worst fears were correct. I was in love. In love with Harry Bloody Potter and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. So I did the only thing I knew how to do: I ran. I pushed Harry as far away from me as I could. I looked him directly in the eye and told him that I did not love him. The hurt that filled his eyes was almost too much to bear, but I told myself that it was for the best. After all, Harry deserved someone better. Someone younger. Someone better looking. Someone who wasn't afraid to confess their feelings. I was stupid.
While a part of me was glad I had done what I did, an even bigger part of me was mortified. How could I do that? Harry was the only thing that mattered in my life. He was the only one who had ever bothered to get to know me, Severus, the man behind the harsh words and the scathing looks. Not that I could blame them. As I sat staring down at the last picture I had had taken of Harry (the one of him singing Karaoke at that damn bar he and his friends had once dragged me to), I realized that I had never really expected him to leave. He had been a constant in my life for so long, or at least so much longer than my previous lovers had put up with me for, that I didn't really think that he would leave. I assumed that he'd be mad, and a little hurt, but that his feelings for me would force him to stay. I guess I was wrong.
I missed the way he smiled when I leaned down to kiss him. I missed the way his eyes sparkled when he caught me trying not to laugh. I missed the way he fit so comfortably in my arms at night. I missed the way he'd snuggle closer to me before dropping off to sleep. I missed the way his freezing cold feet would rub against mine to keep warm. I missed the way he would smile shyly at me from across the room. I missed the sweet moans he would make while we were making love. I missed everything about him. I missed Harry.
I still can't believe that he's gone. I can't believe that I let him go. He was my everything. I couldn't live without him. I don't know how I managed to go this long without him. I feel like a part of my heart, the organ I didn't even know I had, is missing, and I don't know how I can get it back. I don't know if I'll ever get it back.
I was supposed to be the strong one. We determined that early on when he had nightmares, and I was there to comfort him. He could lean on me. But somewhere along the way, our positions switched without my noticing. Somehow, he became the strong one, the one I depended on. Whenever I was cold and feeling all alone, he would somehow show up at my door, and everything was all right. I don't know how he always knew when to come, but he did. He was always there for me when I needed him. I wish he was here now.
He plagues my thoughts every moment of everyday. But it's worse at night. During the day I have students to yell at. Professors to argue with. At night I'm all alone in my bed, trying to think of anything but him. But my hopes are in vain. Everything reminds me of him. It doesn't help that I still didn't have the heart to get rid of any of his things that were still scattered around my rooms. My eye catches sight of that little radio he liked to listen to. Giving up any hopes of sleep tonight, I get up and turn it on. He fixed it to run off of magic instead of batteries, whatever those were. Music suddenly blared through my rooms, and I was glad that I had silencing charms around my rooms 24/7.
Of course it was on a channel that played sappy love songs. Harry loved those. The songs just made everything hurt even more. Finally, I snapped. I had been in too much pain for too long. I grabbed the nearest thing to me, which happened to be the very expensive clock Harry got me for my birthday, and threw it as far away from me as I could. I heard it smash against the opposite wall and felt a tiny bit better.
xxxFor the next hour I did nothing but throw my possessions across the room. Before I knew what was happening, I felt water on my cheeks. I was crying. I put my deconstruction mode on pause for a moment to assess that fact. I never cried. Ever. Snapes just don't cry. That was something that had been drilled into my since I was three. And yet here I was, Severus Snape, thirty-eight years old, standing in the middle of my chaotic living room, crying.
It was at that moment, as I took in my cluttered living quarters, looking down at the only thing in the room that was still in one piece-the radio that Harry had given me-that I knew what I had to do. I knew what I had to do to get my Harry back. It still didn't guarantee that he would take me back ,but it had to be worth a shot. I spent the rest of the night in front of that radio, listening to song after song after song. None of them were right. When I heard the words "sweet love" come on, though, I knew I had found the song. Spelling my quill to jot down the words as they were spoken, I started paying deep attention to the way she sang the song. I spent the rest of the morning plotting my apology.
xxxThat weekend was a Hogsmeade weekend. I knew because Albus had roped me into chaperoning it. At the time I had been furious with the old man, but now I was relieved. Harry would be there, and that would make my plan so much easier. Granted, that meant that more people would see me make a fool out of myself for love, but if that made me one step closer to having my Harry back, then I was going to do it.
Recalling my years of espionage, I followed Harry (who, I was pleased and ashamed to admit, looked rather depressed) and his friends into the karaoke bar that he had dragged me into all those months ago. That time he had leapt onstage and sang me one of his favorite songs in an attempt to prove his love for me. Now it was my turn to prove my love for him. Nodding at the woman in charge on the music, I stepped onstage. The room went deathly silent. The students seemed shocked to see me standing there. They probably thought I was insane. As the woman announced that I was Severus Snape, here to sing Mariah Carey's "We Belong Together," I wasn't sure that those students were wrong.
I was a terrible singer. I knew that. And, judging from the way all the students were laughing at me, I bet it's safe to assume that they knew it as well. But as I sang the song, I tuned all of them out. I focused solely on Harry. I made sure to look him straight in the eyes when I sang the part about not meaning it "when I said I didn't love you so." I never took my eyes off the beautiful emerald ones in front of me. Beautiful emerald eyes that filled with tears as soon as I started singing. I could only pray that those were tears of forgiveness.
As soon as I stopped singing Harry ran onstage and flung himself in my arms. He was sobbing harder than I had ever seen do before. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed kiss after kiss into his unruly hair, ignoring the gaping students around us. After a few moments Harry calmed down a little. I reached down and kissed him, pouring all of my love into that one kiss. When I pulled back he gave me one of those shy smiles of his.
"I love you," he whispered. I used my thumb to gently wipe away the remaining tears that were still clinging to Harry's eyelashes. Then I bent down and brushed my lips against his again.
"I love you, too."
So sure, from that day on I was never able to scare people with one look. I was never able to intimidate someone so much that they would run away from me shaking. I was never able to walk into the Great Hall without everyone staring at me.
But as long as they were staring at me because I had Harry Potter attached to my arm, and because he always leaned up for a quick kiss and an "I love you" before joining his friends at the Gryffindor table, then I was okay with that. I could deal with their stares as long as I had Harry.