Title: Behind These Hazel Eyes
Rating: R (just to be safe)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all relating characters/places belong to the wonderful, talented JK Rowling. Song and lyrics belong to Kelly Clarkson.
Summary: Harry thought he had found the perfect partner, the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. But Severus has other plans...
Author's Note: Originally a songfic, the lyrics have been removed from this fic to comply with FF rules. Song lyrics can be found here: www (dot) azlyrics (dot) com (slash) lyrics (slash) kellyclarkson (slash) behindthesehazeleyes (dot) html
For the original version of this fic, please check out my livejournal:
www (dot) livejournal (dot) com (slash) users (slash) Harry (underscore) sev (slash)
The first time I saw Severus Snape, I had the intense feeling that he disliked me. After my first lesson with him, I knew how much of an understatement that was. The man hated me. And I thought that I hated him, too, for years. It took until my seventh year of Hogwarts to realize that I didn't really hate him. After spending weeks upon months of training with the man, I had started to find myself more and more attracted to him. Never did I believe that I would have a chance with the older man, though. He always seemed to hate me. So to say that I was surprised when one day, after a particularly dangerous attack on the school, Severus pulled me into his arms and gave me the most intense, passionate kiss of my life was an understatement.
He had pulled me into his bedroom and gently pushed me onto the bed. I saw a brief look of love flash across his face before lust took over. We made love three times that night. I will never forget it. I spent every night in his bed after that. Afterwards he would hold me in his arms until I fell asleep. I had never felt more cherished than I did when I was in his arms. I wanted to stay there forever.
But everything's different now.
Our relationship lasted eight months. It ended the day I defeated Voldemort. Severus stayed in the Hospital Wing long enough to tell me that our relationship was over. He said that he had never expected me to actually survive Voldemort. He thanked me for his freedom and a few good fucks, and walked out the door. He didn't come back.
I spent the next week in isolation from everybody. I no longer had rooms away from my dorm mates, but that didn't stop me. I spent my days in the Room of Requirement. I had a never ending supply of tissues. At night, after the students stopped wandering the halls, I would slip out to the Forbidden Forest. There was a giant rock out by the lake that Severus and I used to go to. I would curl up on the rock and cry myself to sleep. I felt used and stupid. I should have known better than to believe that someone could love me. That I thought that that someone was Severus Snape made the situation more laughable, though not in a funny way. I should have known that he would never see me as anything more than his little fuck-toy.
After a week of crying my eyes out every time I was alone, something in me snapped. I had spent too much time crying over a miserable, old Death Eater. He had used me. He wanted to see me fall to pieces. Well fuck it if he thought I was going to let him see that. Taking a deep breath, and casting a quick glamour spell on my puffy eyes, I walked up to Gryffindor tower. All of my friends new what happened, of course, due to Severus's inability to break my heart in a place that wasn't filled up with smiling, celebrating Gryffindors. Everyone gave me sympathetic looks as I entered. Several people gave me their condolences and told me what a bastard Snape was. Clenching my teeth and shoving my shaking fists in my pockets, I forced a smile on my face.
I'm not sure how many of them believed that I was fine. At first, most of them seemed to think that I was out of my mind. And why shouldn't they? I had fallen in love with the greasy-git of Slytherin. I had been dumped by the greasy-git of Slytherin, and had then spent the next week hiding from my fellow house mates. They were probably right: I had lost my mind.
After a month, people stopped giving me looks. Well, they stopped being obvious about it. I would still look up and see Hermione giving me sad looks sometimes. I don't think she'd ever believe that I was fine. But the rest of my house mates believed me. Maybe they just didn't want to think about me and Snape together. I don't blame them. I didn't want to think about us either. It hurt too much.
Professor Dumbledore wouldn't let me drop Potions. So once a week I was forced to spend two hours down in the dungeons with the man who had stolen my heart and broken it into tiny little pieces. I hated him. I hated him for using me. I hated myself for letting him use me. I hated seeing him walk around as though I didn't mean anything to him. Of course, I reasoned, that was because I didn't mean anything to him. That thought only made the pain in my chest hurt worse.
But I resolved not to show it. I wouldn't let that slimy bastard win. I wouldn't show him how much he had hurt me. Every lesson I had with him, I would smile at him as I entered the room. The last class of the year I concentrated solely on my potions and stared him in the eye as I handed him my sample. There was an expression in his eyes that I couldn't identify. He looked tired. Pushing the concern away, I turned and walked out of his classroom for the last time. I was not going to let him see me cry. Ever.