Okay, this is my third Inuyasha fic I've done. The first one you all loved, second no one read, and this third one will knock your socks off. Get ready for some hysterical jokes!
I don't own Inuyasha in any way or form.
Naraku's average Life
Chapter 1: Push to Enter
We see the evil and sinister Naraku sitting in his home after a long day of terrorizing the country. He relaxes in his room.
Naraku: Ah, what a good day. Slaughtered villagers, pissed off Inuyasha, ah, this is the life.
Suddenly there comes a crash and part of his roof bursts. Inuyasha jumps into the room and pulls out his tetsuiga.
Inuyasha: I've found you Naraku!
Naraku: Dam it Inuyasha! I just fixed that roof from the last time you broke it! Now I have to do it all over again! It's really hard to find the right wood for the job! It has to be mahogany or it won't match!
Inuyasha: Uh…don't you have subjects or something? Last time I came you had a ton of villagers.
Naraku: Oh yeah! I did didn't I? Well…I killed them.
Inuyasha: For the fun of it?
Naraku: No…Well it was fun…I did it for target practice.
Inuyasha: Well you won't have any problems once I'm through with you.
Naraku thinking: Crap! Gotta think of something!
Naraku: Hey, check out these baby pictures of Jaken.
Inuyasha takes on quick stare and flips.
Inuyasha: OH GOD! IT BURNS! MY EYES! MY EYES! I'M GOING BLIND!
Inuyasha immediately retreats back to the others.
Naraku: Phew, now back to business.
Later that evening Kaugra, Kanna and Kohaku enters their master's room. Naraku had just finished something he was quite proud of.
Naraku: Look here you three. I just designed every door in the place with a device that will make all foes use it.
Kohaku: That's just a pull sign.
Naraku: Hey, I wasn't asking for an opinion here moron! Any way, they will read the sign, they will use the door.
Naraku: Hey! Who's the guy that made all of you! I'm not dumb…except when I made Kaugra. She's an idiot.
Kaugra: I KNEW YOU NEVER LOVED ME!
Kaugra then runs off. The two others stare at Naraku.
Naraku: …She'll get over it!
A sudden burst comes from the roof as Koga, the wolf demon enters.
Koga: Your goanna pay for what you did to my clan!
Naraku flips: WHAT THE HELL! I JUST PUT A PULL SIGN ON EVERY DOOR IN THIS ENTIRE HOUSE! AND YET EVERY ONE STILL USES THE ROOF!
Koga: What sign?
Naraku points to a door: THAT SIGN!
Koga stares at it for a moment and then turns back to Naraku.
Koga: Uhh…I can't read.
Naraku: WHAT! WHAT STUPID MORON DOESN"T KNOW HOW TO READ!
Koga: Hey! I live in the woods! How's a guy supposed to learn? Besides, I've been doing great without reading.
Naraku slams his head on the wall a couple of times and then goes back to Koga.
Naraku: See this? It says push to enter. That means you push the door and it will open for you. Got that MORON!
Koga now in fighting position: Now, back to business!
Naraku: Look! A photo of Jaken as a baby!
Koga flips just like Inuyasha.
Koga: YAH! MY EYES! THEY'VE BEEN SCARRED! MUST CLAW OFF THE FILTY IMAGE!
Naraku: Well, I think that went over well.
The next day, Naraku was at the breakfast table with his two incarnations.
Naraku: This is going to be a good day for us.
Kaugra: You're finally going to kill Inuyasha and the others, take over the world and set me free.
Naraku: What? Hell no! It's going to be a good day because no one is going to use my roof as an entrance.
Kohaku suddenly entered the room with urgent news.
Kohaku: Naraku, Inuyasha and the other's are on their way.
Naraku: Good! Now let's see if Inuyasha's as stupid as the wolf.
A sudden crash came from down the hall and Naraku's patience crumbled.
He immediately rushed over to the noise.
Naraku: Inuyasha! I thought we went over this last time!
Naraku turned the corned to see Inuyasha holding a door in his hands.
Naraku: WHAT THE HELL! It says push to enter.
Inuyasha: Yeah, I did that but it wouldn't budge. So I pushed harder and it broke.
Kaugra: You put the sign on the wrong side. It's pull to enter outside and push inside.
Naraku: Grr! You're UGLY!
Kaugra cries all the way to her room leaving some surprised faces staring at him.
Naraku: No biggie. I do this to her all the time…look at this Jaken baby picture!
Inuyasha: AHHHH! NO MORE BURN! NO MORE BURN!
Miroku: OH GOD! IT'S SO HIDEOUS! MUST BEAT MYSELF WITH NEARBY TREE!
Kagome: IT'S TOO MUCH! AHHHH!
Shippo: YAHHHH! IT'S….SO GROSS!
Sango: MY EYES ARE SOILED BY THE PICTURE. MUST…BASH HEAD… UNTILL….THE IMAGE IN….MY HEAD….DISAPPEARS!
The group runs off into the distance, except for Miroku who is bashing his head against a tree.
Naraku: Wow. That was easy.
Naraku grabs a pillow and a snack and begins to watch the monk beat himself.
Naraku: This is better then cable.
Three days pass and Naraku finally fixes all the doors so you push them to enter. He now relaxes in his room ranting to Kanna about stupid stuff.
Naraku: And that's why apple pie is better than cherry.
Kohaku suddenly enters the room with news.
Kohaku: Master, there's an intruder heading this way.
Naraku: I just hope he USES THE DOOR!
A sudden creak was heard down the hall meaning the thing that Naraku wished to happen. Someone used the door! Then someone ran top Naraku's room revealing himself to be Koga.
Koga: That door was no match for me! Now, time to put you in your grave.
Naraku: Not you again. Can't you see that I don't really want to fight someone with a reading level lower than a peanut?
Koga: Hey! That's I didn't come here to be insulted. I came here for revenge! And besides, I'm taking reading lessons.
Naraku: From whom? Oh let me guess. You're learning from those 'learn to read' tapes and those 'I Can Read' books. Hah! That's rich!
Koga: That's it! You're dead!
Naraku pulls out the picture again: Feel the wrath of my ugly baby technique!
Koga: Ahh! It makes me want to drown kitties and eat puppies!
Koga immediately runs out of the room.
Naraku: That took care of him.
Bang, bang, bang, bang!
Naraku: Ugh! Now what!
Naraku goes down the hall to see Koga trying to get out the door.
Koga: AHHHH! I push but the door won't open! It's mocking me! It's MOCKING me.
Naraku pulls the door open and there's a long silence.
Naraku: You're so dumb! Its pull from the inside!
Koga: …EH? LIFE MAKES NO SENSE!
Koga runs out the door and passes Miroku still bashing his head on a tree. Naraku gives out a sigh and watches the Monk beat himself…again.
Naraku: I love traumatizing people.
Whoop! It's done! There's more on the way! Keep reading! Tell me how you liked it.