Yuugiou!
A New Generation of Priests

Ho'cheese, man, I'm on a roll!

Actually, I rather do this than edit MP3s to work in my video game. Nya...! XP


CHAPTER FOUR – MILLENNIUM ITEM THIEF

Transfiguration class was always hard, but that morning it seemed to be exceptionally grueling. Everything they had learned the year before seemed to have slipped out of their heads over the summer holidays. They were supposed to be turning a beetle into a button, but all Atemu managed to do was give the thing a run for it's money and the insect attempted to avoid his wand. Harry attempted to help by boxing it in with his books, but that only resulted in the pharaoh setting them on fire.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Atemu exclaimed, trying to put the books out as Professor McGonagall gave him a disapproving look.

"Mr. Mutou, you make Mr. Longbottom look graceful," she stated, putting the fire out with a wave of her wand. The pharaoh just sweatdropped.

Ron was having a worse time of things. His wand had broken during their adventure with the flying car, and had been hastily taped up with some borrowed spell-o-tape. Fixing the wand seemed to have been a futile gesture, however; it randomly crackled and sparked, and every time Ron attempted to transfigure his beetle it engulfed him in horrible smoke that smelled like rotten eggs. Half the class backed away from him quickly as he flailed… and ended up crushing his beetle with his elbow.

It was a relief when the lunch bell rang, and the six of them hurried off quickly before McGonagall could stack them all with even more homework.

"That could have gone better," Atemu said, inspecting his wand as Ron smacked his, trying to get it to work.

"Stupid… useless… thing…!"

"So why don't you just write home for another one?" Yuugi suggested.

"Oh, yeah, and get another Howler," Ron replied. "It's your own fault your wand broke…"

Harry made a face. "Good point," he said. "Anyway, what do we have next?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts," Hermione answered immediately, as Malik took her schedule to look over. After a moment, he face literally turned green with jealously.

"Why in the name of Ra do you have all of Lockhart's classes outlined with hearts!" he demanded.

She turned bright red before snatching her schedule back from him. Harry laughed out loud as Malik started on an extensive swearing session in Arabic, when a blinding flash of light went off almost directly in his face. He blinked, colors swimming before his eyes, as a mousy-haired boy holding an old fashioned Muggle camera came into focus.

"All right there, Harry?" he asked. "I'm Colin Creevey. I'm in Gryffindor too. It's so wonderful to finally get to meet you! You think you could sign my photo when I get it developed?"

All of this came out of the little boy's mouth in a rush, and it took Harry a moment to grasp what he said. When he finally did, he was about to stammer out a reply when someone beat him to it.

"Oy, what's this now, Potter?" Malfoy sneered from behind him, standing there with his hands on his hips and his bodyguards on either side. "Are you handing out signed photos now?"

Malik glared up at the pale blonde boy. "I thought I smelled something foul coming this way."

Malfoy smirked. "Are you sure it wasn't your own body odor coming back to your nose?"

Malik stood up threateningly, grabbing his wand from his robe pocket. Before he could do anything, however, Hermione grabbed him and pulled him back down into his seat as everyone's "favorite" bishounen approached.

"What's all this now? What's all this?" Lockhart asked. "Who's giving out signed photos?"

Harry tried to duck under the table, but it was no use. The flashy professor grabbed him and hauled him up out of his seat.

"Tsk, tsk. Harry Potter! I should have known!" he exclaimed, before crushing Harry to his side. "Take a picture of us, Mr. Creevey, and we'll both sign it for you."

Colin started taking rapid-fire pictures as Harry turned beet red, trying to wriggle his way out of Lockhart's iron grasp. After what seemed like an eternity, the bell signaling the start of afternoon classes rang, and Colin took off. Unfortunately, Lockhart kept Harry crushed to his side, dragging him along down the hallway to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and leaving his friends running to catch up.

"Now, Harry, I understand you want to further your career," he said almost paternally, ignoring Harry's stammers, "but signing autographs at this stage isn't sensible. Don't worry, once you get to my level, you'll have to carry a whole stack of them around with you, but until that time, patience, Harry, patience."

He let go of him then, entering his classroom and allowing Harry to get his bearings as the others surrounded him.

"What career was he talking about?" Yuugi asked, frowning at the door to the classroom.

"He thinks I want to be famous!" Harry exclaimed, brushing off the arm that had been pinned against Lockhart, as if he were afraid some of him was still left over.

"Don't be silly, Harry," Hermione said. "He was just offering you some advice."

Malik rolled his eyes. "Get the stars out of your eyes, Hermi-chan. That guy's a menace."

She pouted as Ron chuckled. "Still, though, Harry. You could have fried an egg on your face," he said. "You better hope Colin doesn't get with Ginny, or they'll be starting a Harry Potter fan club."

"Oh, please, let Lockhart hear you say that," Harry growled.

Atemu smirked, looking down to Yuugi. "Aw, c'mon, it can't be nearly as bad as the Yuugi Mutou fan club."

Yuugi turned the same color red as the raspberry tips of his hair. "That is just embarrassing," he stressed, looking up at the others. "Picture a bunch of people – girls even – with Styrofoam replicas of my hair on their heads. I nearly died when I saw them."

"We found out he had a following over the summer," the pharaoh explained as they entered the classroom and took seats in the back (literally dragging Hermione with them). "Kaiba hosted another Battle City tournament – I think he's making it an annual thing, considering the over-all success of the last one. Anyway, we went out to register, when we came up on a group of them." He paused, before continuing dully, "One of them said I was the best cosplayer he had ever seen."

The rest of the class filed into the room, and Lockhart waited until everyone was settled before holding up a copy of one of his books and pointing to his own smiling face on the cover.

"Me," he announced. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award… but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"

He chuckled heartily, winking at the class the same time as the picture on the book. Hermione sighed dreamily, getting a scowl out of Malik. The other boys just shook their heads sadly. Lockhart set the book down and took up an armful of papers.

"Now, these are just simple quizzes to see how much you've read of my books," he announced, passing them out. "You have thirty minutes to complete it."

Yuugi looked down at his paper as soon as he got it, a disbelieving look on his face as he read through the questions.

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?

It continued like this, all the way down to:

54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?

"I do not believe this…" Atemu muttered. Then, it was like a light bulb had gone off, and Yuugi sweatdropped as a slow, sly smile crept up on his face.

The pharaoh stretched a bit, tossing the others a wink. The other boys smirked and Hermione frowned disapprovingly, wondering what he was up to as he started on the paper with a self assured smile on his face.

A half hour later, Lockhart ordered them to pass in their papers, and Yuugi was able to get a good look at his other half's paper as it was passed down. He bit down hard on his lower lip, fighting desperately not to laugh out loud. Though he could not understand the majority of it, he did recognize some of what Atemu had wrote.

Not only had he managed to thoroughly insult Lockhart on every answer, but he wrote it all with Egyptian hieroglyphs.

"Tut, tut," Lockhart said once he had all the papers, shaking his head. "Hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully – I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples. Dear me, who wrote this?"

The professor had finally come upon Atemu's paper. The pharaoh had bent over his desk at that point, head buried in his arms, his whole body shaking with silent laughter. Lockhart flipped through the pages, a thoroughly befuddled look on his face.

"Ah, I see we have a prankster in our class," he said finally. "Well, no matter. This looks a bit Egyptian, and I hear Professor McGonagall knows a little of that dead language."

Atemu stopped dead at that, head lifting up a bit, all color draining from his face as Yuugi gave him a sympathetic look.

"Now, to business!" he exclaimed, reaching behind his desk and pulling out a fairly large covered cage. "Keep in mind, it is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures and spells known to wizard kind. You may be confronting your darkest fears in this room…"

In spite of himself, Malik leaned forward in his seat, interested, as Lockhart reached for the cover of the cage.

"I only ask," he said in a deep, haunting voice, "that you do not scream. It might provoke them!"

With that, he flipped the cover off… and even Hermione sweatdropped at the sight of what was underneath. In the cage were what only could be described as pixies; they were electric blue with elfish faces and fluttering wings. As soon as the cover was off, they started rattling against the cage frantically, jabbering in their own odd language. Seamus snorted out a laugh.

"Cornish Pixies!" he exclaimed, hardly believing the professor was being serious.

"Freshly caught Cornish Pixies," Lockhart corrected. Yuugi's eyes went wide as he reached for the door to the cage. He was not going to do what he was thinking, right? No one was that stupid.

Unfortunately, Lockhart proved him wrong, pulling open the cage door. Utter pandemonium followed, as the pixies sprung free of the cage and zoomed about the room, wrecking havoc. A few of them shot through the window, forcing Harry and the others to duck under the table as glass showered down on them. Neville was grabbed by the ears, and soon found himself hanging from the iron chandelier above.

"Come, come now!" Lockhart exclaimed. "They're only pixies!" He frowned, before pulling out his wand and waving it about flamboyantly. "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"

Nothing happened. One of the pixies grabbed the wand and tossed it out the window. By this time, most of the rest of the class had already vacated the room and Lockhart was quick to do the same as the bell rang. He paused at the stairs leading up to his office, looking down at the six friends, who were still hiding under their table.

"I'll just ask you five to clean up the lot of them," he said before bolting out of the room.

"Can you believe that guy!" Ron exclaimed, swatting away a pixie that tried to bite his ear as they emerged from under the desk.

"He just wants to give us some hands-on experience," Hermione said, standing back to back with Malik, both of them zapping the pixies that came close with a Freezing Charm before tossing them into their cage.

"Hands on!" Harry exclaimed, him and Yuugi trying to grab a pixie that was just out of range.

"Admit it, Hermione," Atemu said, nailing one of them with a book, "he didn't have a clue as to what he was doing."

"Nonsense," she replied, "you've read his books. Look at all the amazing things he's done."

"He says he's done," Malik grumbled.

-.oOOo.-

Harry spent the next few days trying everything he could to stay away from Lockhart every time he saw him in the halls. That was not easy, however, as Colin Creevey had become his personal shadow, tailing him around with his camera flashing almost constantly. Yuugi and Malik were usually around to help him out, ducking him away into side passages and hidden corridors.

The weekend was a relief, though Atemu was woken up much earlier than he normally would have by soft whispers coming from Harry's bed. He blearily poked his head out from the curtains of his four-poster bed, only to see Oliver Wood, captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, half dragging the young wizard out of bed. He raised an eyebrow, before twisting about and burying his head back into his pillow.

The pharaoh was dragged out from under his nice and warm covers a few hours later by his other half, forced to get his rear-end in gear or miss precious breakfast. Bakura pounced on him almost as soon as he came to the Great Hall, having spent most of the week hiding behind his outer self.

"Missed you," he murmured, slipping a discreet kiss on Atemu's forehead that made him blush.

They all ate together, even managing to drag Seto away from his computer (which had Flitwick's charm placed on it in order for it to work in the school) and shove a piece of toast down his throat, before heading out to the Quidditch field (again, dragging Kaiba along with them). They arrived just in time to see Harry and the rest of the team emerging from the prep room.

"Aren't you done yet?" Ron called.

"Just started," Harry shouted back.

They all exchanged looks as Seto grunted, sitting down and typing away at his computer. They all settled down (Bakura pulling Atemu onto his lap before he could get the chance to sit), watching as the players took to the air for practice. All was going over well, until…

"What the bloody hell are they doing here?" Hermione grumbled, drawing the other's attention to the small group of people in green and black robes walking onto the field. Wood spotted them a moment later, and the Gryffindor team descended a moment later.

"This is going to get ugly," Atemu murmured, slipping off Bakura's lap. The others followed behind him a moment later (Kaiba reluctantly closing his laptop), arriving just in time to hear Marcus Flint, the Slytherin team captain, mutter something about a field invasion.

"What the hell is…" Malik began, before trailing off, eyeing the newest addition to the Slytherin team, as well as the shiny new brooms they all had. "You poser," he accused, pointing at Malfoy. "And how lame! Buying your way onto a team is so… so… American."

Hermione shook her head in exasperation as Yuugi spoke up. "At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to sink so low. They got in on actual talent."

The smirk on Draco's face flinched. "No one asked your opinion, you filthy mudblood."

Yuugi had no idea what Draco said was so offensive. However, if the way Fred and George nearly jumped on him, and the obscenities that the girls of the team were shouting were any indication, it had to have been pretty bad. Ron tore his wand out, and was pointing it at Draco before anyone could stop him.

"Eat slugs, Malfoy!"

The wand actually went off as it was supposed to, the spell lancing out, going under Marcus Flint's arm to hit Draco… but something strange happened then. There was a brief, black shimmer as the spell hit the pale boy… before it was reflected right back at Ron, hitting him in the chest and knocking him back into Seto and sending them both onto the grass.

"You all right?" Kaiba grunted, pushing him off his lap, keeping an arm on him. Ron opened his mouth to answer… only to let out a mighty belch, several slugs falling out of his mouth and plopping down onto his lap.

The resulting disgusted noise from Seto was drowned out as the Slytherins howled with laughter. The Gryffindors crowed around Ron, though many of them seemed reluctant to touch him as he continued to burp out slugs.

"We'll take him to Hagrid's house; it's closest," Harry declared, looking to Malik and Hermione. They both made a face, but helped Harry get Ron to his feet.

They led him off, the others of their group following a bit behind as Wood continued his argument with Flint (or tried to; the fact that he was laughing so hard made yelling at him difficult). Atemu and Bakura trailed a bit behind, however, carefully avoiding the slugs that Ron had burped up.

"Did you see what I see?" Atemu asked softly as the tomb robber slipped an arm around him.

"Do you mean… did I see a bit of Darkness suddenly appear and protect Malfoy from Ron's spell?" he replied sarcastically.

"Right," the pharaoh replied. "I think we've found our Millennium Item thief."