A/N: hello there kids. This was another idea that I got, just randomly when I was up at night thinking about things that you do not need to know. well basically, I know that its completely out there, but its another one of my random one shots. Enjoy, if ur brave enough to continue after this odd authors note. Oh yea, and reviews wont hurt :)
The Way it Should Be
So today's the day. The big, important day. James and Lily's day. That's the way it should be. Today is the day that is going to change all of our lives—James', Lily's, Sirius', Peter's…and mine. Today's the day. No going back.
She asked me to walk her down the isle, you know. I accepted, of course. I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't accept? She said it would mean a lot to her because her father…well since Voldemort…yea. I said yes because I wanted nothing more than to see her happy. I love seeing her happy.
I love her.
She loves James.
I shouldn't love her. I know that it's wrong. I know we're just friends. I know that I'm not supposed to feel this. I'm ashamed to admit to myself that I love her, but I cant fight my feelings. I've been trying to suppress them since I was in 4th year. They've been winning. Since I was fourteen, I've loved her. I never acted on those feelings. I never fought. And, how can you win if you don't fight? I've never won. I won't ever win. James wins.
So, today is the day. The day I give her to my best friend. He's a great guy. He's told me too many times that he doesn't deserve her. I don't think that anyone deserves her. But, if it couldn't be me, I'm so glad that it's him. She's so happy with him.
I could have made her that happy.
So here I am. I'm outside her room waiting for her to get dressed. I'm here for moral support while Sirius is on the other side of building with James. Peter is…somewhere. I hope that he got his tongue off the ice sculpture.
Everything I've ever felt for her since I was 14 has suddenly come rushing back to me. My natural instincts are screaming right now at my stupidity. I never knew it could reach such depths.
She just came.
She looks gorgeous. She's got a natural glow surrounding her. She has a nervous smile on her face as she looks at me, asking for my opinion. I smile back reassuringly. She'll never know what I'm feeling. That's the way it should be.
She pulls me into a tight hug, and I see tears are welling in her eyes.
"Lily, you look amazing." I say, breathlessly. She always does. She looks at me through tear-brimmed eyelashes.
"Remus," she begins "I'm just…thank you so much for everything. And…and thank you for doing me the honor of giving me away. It means so much to me." She dabs at her eyes so that her perfect makeup doesn't start running. She hugs me again. I don't want to let go.
'thank you for doing me the honor of giving me away.' That one sentence echoes in my head, along with a realization:
I've been giving you away since I was in 4th year. So, I'll do the good thing. The right thing. I whisper back, "Sure, anytime."
What I mean is "Sure, all the time."
I never once told her how I felt. Not once. I was always insecure because of my "furry little problem" as Sirius likes to call it. But when she found out, she didn't react like I expected. She reacted exactly the way I hoped she would. She was supportive and comforting. She was good and kind. She was caring and sympathetic.
And in that moment, I knew for sure that I loved her and that everything I have and will feel for her will never go away, no matter how much I want it to.
I've always given her away. I always thought—hoped rather—that there was that small chance that she'd come back to me. Then, came our last year at school where I gave her away one too many times. He won her over that year. I never fought. I never won.
That year something inside me died. That hoping part died. When she said yes to James, it was like a slap in the face for me. I knew that was the time where she wasn't ever going to be mine. That it was going to be James and Lily. Lily and James. That's the way it should be.
"Sweetie, you ok?" she asks, concerned. I guess I was too quiet for too long. Story of my life.
"Hmm?" I ask. Good response, Remus, you're intelligent.
I seriously had to think over my answer. I had to force myself to keep my mouth shut and not let my irrational actions take over. I had to stop myself from telling her the thing that I've wanted to tell her for about 6 years. I'll do the good thing. The right thing. "Yeah." I lie "Perfect."
"We should go." She says, anxiously, while biting her lower lip. "The ceremony's going to start."
So, we walk down the hall to line up behind the bride's maids and groomsmen. Peter is there in front of me. He gives me and Lily a jolly wave and indicates, in a rather proud way, that he got his tongue off the ice sculpture. Lily laughs and takes her place, with me in tow. She's so nervous. She's trembling slightly.
"Lily?" I ask
"You're—you're going to be fine."
"How do you know, Remus?" she bursts out suddenly. "I—I mean, how do you know it's not going to be a catastrophic mistake? What if I do something wrong? What if something bad happens to us? What if—"
"Hey, hey, calm down." I tell her in a soothing voice. I take both of her hands and look into her eyes. "Do—do you love him, Lily?"
Her face breaks into a wide smile. "More than anything or anyone." She answers.
"Then you're going to be fine." I say, comfortingly.
"But how do you know?" she asks desperately, the worried expression back on her face.
"Because," I say, pulling her into a hug, "that's the way it should be."
The music starts. She lets go of me, straightens her veil, and takes my arm. And I know, I'm giving her away for the last time. For good. She's never coming back.
Everyone stands up and looks down the isle at us. James is already at the altar. He's got on the same lopsided, boyish grin that I know he will never lose. He ruffles his hair nervously, and Lily smiles at him, her face lightening. A lump has welled in my throat.
Sirius is standing beside James, his hand is on his shoulder. We were now close enough to them to hear Sirius mutter "you've done good, Jamesy."
James beams and mutters back. "I'm the luckiest man alive."
He doesn't know how true that is.
The minister clears his throat and asks in a booming voice, "Who gives this woman to this man?"
And out of my mouth come well-rehearsed words that I desperately want to say at a different part in this ceremony.
A/N: so whatdja think? good? bad? in the middle? i kno it was probably one of the most random oneshots someone could come up with, but i was playing around with the idea and thought, why not. anyway review plz and i'll reply. thanks much :)