This is an imaginary story...
Aren't they all?

-Alan Moore,
"Superman: Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?"


David Tai & Rod M.

Dire Fates
A John Constantine: Hellblazer
Ah! My Goddess!

Writer's Notes:
background information on
Ah! My Goddess! and
John Constantine: Hellblazer


"Hello! You've reached the Goddess Technical Help Line!"

"Ah! My Goddess!"

David Tai:
Explaining Ah! Megami-sama! (Offical US Title: Oh My Goddess!)

(Note: Japanese names are presented as family name first.)

How did three Nordic goddesses come to be living on Earth with a
young naive Japanese college student studying Engineering?

It all started when Morisato Keiichi was answering the phone for
his dormmates one day. He got hungry, and made a phone call to
order food. A fateful call. He dialed the wrong number. He
had called the Goddess Relief Office.

And the goddess of Luck, Belldandy answered his call. She
teleported through the mirror in Keiichi's room to grant him a
wish. And when he idly wished that a girl like her would stay
with him forever, she fulfilled his wish.

She stayed with him.

They moved to a temple when his dormmates kicked him out.
Slowly, together, they began to build a life. Belldandy was a
dream. Brown-haired, beautiful, an excellent cook, calm and
relaxed, she was a tonic to Keiichi's often frazzled nerves.

And they were happy.

Then her sister followed her to Earth. Urd, Belldandy's elder
sister, the goddess of Love.

Urd came to meddle in Belldandy and Keiichi's relationship.
However, in her attempts to get Keiichi to get serious with
Belldandy, she arranged a screwup in the operations of Heaven.
When it was discovered, she was banished to Earth as punishment.
So she stayed with Keiichi and Belldandy. It didn't help Keiichi
any that, unlike Belldandy, Urd was loud and boisterous. She was
also drop-dead gorgeous. With long white hair and tan skin, Urd
was a tigress given human form, sleek and sultry... and that made
Keiichi nervous. That, and her attempts to teach Keiichi to be
more "aggressive" at love.

But they got by for a time.

And then another sister followed. Skuld, the younger sister, the
goddess of Invention.

Skuld, who adored and missed Belldandy terribly, was disgusted
that a mere human could hold captive her oneesama, her big
sister, because of a mere wish. She stayed to watch her sister,
disliking Keiichi at first sight. A bright, raven-haired girl,
but also stubborn and temperamental, Skuld carried around a
mallet in order to smash magical bugs. Having the personality
and body of a young girl, Skuld, like any other typical child,
adored ice cream, but she was a whiz at mechanical things, and
would often demonstrate both her aptitude at machinery, and her
mallet skill... much to Keiichi's chagrin. And Skuld and Urd
bickered a lot, adding to Keiichi's headaches.

But Urd and Skuld both knew that Keiichi's wish was a contract
with Heaven, and did not overly interfere with Belldandy's
orders, even if Skuld often tried to find a way to break up Keiichi
and Belldandy, and Urd urged the two lovers on.

And so the three goddesses stayed with Keiichi. And they were
happy... somewhat.

This did not go without notice, for the three sisters were the
caretakers of the Ultimate Computer, the Yggdrasil, in heaven.
Bugs began appearing. Little glitches here and there.

Others came to pester them.

Mara, the demoness, with a penchant for dastardly deeds such as
turning people into animals.

Peorth, an eccentric goddess from a rival Goddess Relief Office,
with an overt interest in Keiichi.

But Keiichi and Belldandy can hardly care less. They're in love.
Love can overcome any obstacles, right?

But together? Forever? A goddess and a mortal? Ah... that's a
question yet to be answered.


"He dances on the edge of the known like a crazy man, pitting
himself against Heaven and the Pit, because he is John
Constantine, and because he is alive."

-Dr Occult to Tim Hunter on John Constantine,
"The Books of Magic"

Rod M.:
Explaining John Constantine: Hellblazer

So, who is this John Constantine guy?

Imagine if you will, a fellow of about six feet in height, with
short blond hair that could be considered slightly on the spiky
side, always with a cigarette handy. He has the trademark
Trenchcoat, which every man of mystery seems required to have.
His accent and demeanor mark him as Definitely British.

So, what's so special about this fellow?

He deals in the occult.

No, he doesn't call down thunder or morph people into bunnies or
summon blizzards. He doesn't even pull rabbits out of hats. In
fact, he's rather lousy at fisticuffs.

But that's not important.

You see, John Constantine _knows_the_rules_.

Oh, he has other powers. Nobody knows exactly WHAT they are, and
John isn't talking. But then again, he doesn't use those powers
as much as he uses his knowledge.

For him, it always comes down to the technicalities of the

He knows what spirits absolutely can and cannot do.

He knows that even the Devil himself has limits.

And John knows _exactly_ how to manipulate those rules.

His history is long and marked with moments of honor and
disgrace. Growing up, he and his father truly hated each other.
John's youth was spent gathering arcane knowledge and yelling his
lungs off as the leader of the 70's punk group 'Mucus Membrane'.
His first grand step into the occult, an attempt to exorcise a
demon from a little girl in Newcastle, ended in disaster, with
one of his friends demonically raped and the little girl damned
to hell, her torn arm the only part of her left on earth.
Accused of murdering the girl, John spent years in Ravenscar
Asylum, where he was subjected to endless nights of torture for
what they believed he did.

He was eventually released from Ravenscar, wandered the world
again, and even tangled in the affairs of the elementals.
However, that isn't what earned John his fame. He is truly
notorious for quite a few recent deeds.

A lot of those deeds involve Hell. Here's what you need to know.
Hell was, for quite a while, ruled equally by three devils. The
First of the Fallen (who was in hell far earlier than Lucifer
Morningstar), The Second of the Fallen, and the Third of the
Fallen. John managed to:

1) sucker the First into drinking holy water,
2) through a bit of treachery, managed to actually 'kill' The
First of the Fallen, if only for a while,
3) trick The First, Second, and Third by selling his soul to all
three, which, technically, forced them to keep him alive until
two out of three renounced their claim on him,
4) give all three Leaders of Hell the finger.

He's done quite a lot more to royally offend all the major demons
in Hell, but those four stand out.

His notable deeds for which the Heavens dislike him are:

1) a fairly strong anti-catholic streak,
2) treating the Ten Commandments like a joke,
3) causing the Archangel Gabriel's fall from grace,
4) hacking Gabriel's wings off with a chainsaw.

Again, those are the big ones. There's more, but they're too
numerous to list and those four stand out. Heaven keeps a wary
eye on John. And you know what? He doesn't care.

Other small feats of wonder include pissing on (literally) and
killing the Lord of the Vampires while being stone drunk, and
averting the Apocalypse (something which, ironically, both Heaven
and Hell seemed eager to start at the time. Only goes to show
you can't please everyone).

But what is most fearsome... and tragic... about him is... well,
let John put it in his own words:

"I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and
cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness.

"Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the
last drop of your blood, I'll drive your demons away.

"I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're
down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only
a nod and a wink and a wisecrack.

"I walk my path alone...

"Who would want to walk with me?"

And that's John Constantine. Or, at least, some of him.

The rest is still a mystery.



John Constantine: Hellblazer was created by Alan Moore,
Steve Bissette, and John Totleben. All rights and
related characters are owned and published by DC Comics.

Ah! My Goddess was created and copyrighted by Kosuke
Fujishima. Published by Kodansha Ltd and Dark Horse

This work of fan fiction is public domain and not intended
for profit.