The Cold Room

Chapter 1 -- Dreams

The inkiness of black surrounded him, beat him, and made him cry out in fright. This blackness made him question his beliefs about his life, made him wish he was anywhere else but there. Made him want to be dead! Like how he was supposed to be.

He was supposed to be Harry James Potter – the Golden child of Gryffindor, the Boy-Who-Live and the one person who could get rid of Voldemort. But he did not believe it, he could not believe it! All he wanted was the freedom to do as he chose and not have to worry about Voldemort coming after him.

The small room did not help either – he did not like being in the cupboard. But all of these feelings clashed. At first he did not mind, it was almost a sanctuary, at other times he hated it with a loathing he had never felt before (Not even for Voldemort), and then it all changed to feelings that he could not give voice too.

It was a mockery, one that he could not live with any longer.

Harry snapped from his induced stupor; he was in the dorm room. Ron was snoring quietly, Dean was half way off his bed, Seamus was cuddling his pillow and Neville was sleep-talking about some other plant or something. Harry sighed and whipped the sweat from his eyes. Usually he didn't have much trouble sleeping at Hogwarts – but this time it was different. It was more welcome than dream about his parents, though, hearing them was bad enough, he did not want to have to watch it.

However, once again his thought came to the cupboard under the stairs that he had been forced to occupy once again – he figured that now he at least knew why he hated the potions cupboard, it was because it reminded him of the one at the Dursley's. Maybe that was why he would rather someone else go and get the ingredients.

He flopped back into his bed and sighed; this was not the time to be doing this! He had other things to be worried about! He had an essay to write for Defense, he had to worry about Sirius Black trying to kill him…and he had to worry about the up coming Quidditch game.

He could not afford to not get any sleep! And then he didn't care anymore. He would rather be awake then dreaming about that cursed place he had found a hiding spot in. It was a place where he could hide his freakishness because everyone was ashamed of it.

Not everyone, Harry contradicted himself. Ron was a boy-wizard, and Hermione was a girl-witch, soon they would grow up and become great wizards and witches and they would be happy and everything would be the same. Time would go on as it always did and things would be great!

Now, if he didn't feel like such a freak…he'd be happy! But, he was….he could talk to snakes, he could feel Voldemort, he could do all of these things and yet he was to the wizarding world just what he was to his muggle relatives…he was just a freak!

Harry sighed again and tried to go back to sleep – he wished he had grown up with a loving family. He wished he wasn't the boy-that-lived, he wished he had his parents back, and he wished he wasn't a freak.

"Harry, please stay after class," Lupin whispered into Harry's ear as he passed to the front in order to begin – Harry looked after him with shock, he had hoped that Lupin wouldn't notice, but who was he kidding? Lupin noticed everything even if he didn't say anything. Harry was in pain for the duration of the class and when it finally ended with another free written essay, he had told Hermione and Ron to go to lunch without him and that he would catch up with them as soon as possible.

Lupin looked at his watch, and satisfied with what he saw; he nodded and bid Harry to come with him to his office. Harry followed the man and even though this wasn't his first time in the office itself, it felt homely, even with all the weird bones scattered about the place.

"So, Harry, here is that essay you turned in, I was wondering…"

"I'm sorry, Professor, it was practice I mixed the two up," Harry explained rather horridly.

"Do not apologize, I remember a class mate who did that once…except that class mate had hexed the parchment to prank the Professor and he got himself two full months of detention," Lupin said with a small smile.

"Was it my Dad?" Harry asked.

"No, no, but James did find it amusing," with that Lupin looked pointedly at Harry.

"But don't you get any idea's," he said.

"If I did, I wouldn't pull it on you," Harry replied.

"Ah…I shouldn't have told you that," Lupin looked down at his desk as if he were being chastised by Professor McGonagall.

"I won't tell a soul," Harry said.

"As for you're essay you mistakenly turned in…I graded it, however I would like to know if…"

"No," Harry said.

"No? is there anything you want help with?" Lupin asked.

"I know you're just trying to help, but that was forever ago, they let me have Dudley's second bedroom after…" Harry stopped himself there. Lupin was such a nice man and Harry felt as if he could tell him anything at all!

"I understand if you don't want to tell me, I shant tell anyone of the essay, just know that I will keep it secret between you and myself, Professor/Student information private and everything," Lupin said.

"Thank you, sir, I appreciate it," Harry replied. Lupin handed Harry's essay back and the boy stuffed it into his bag.

"Just know, that if you do need help, that I would be happy to help in any way I can," Lupin said.

"Yes sir, I need to go, Magical Creatures is next and Hagrid has some of the most interesting," Harry muttered.

"Yes, yes, and don't forget luncheon," Lupin stood.

"Yes sir, see you next class," Harry said and hurried out of the office. Lupin watched the young man go. He wasn't happy at all to assume that Harry Potter, his best friends son, had a cupboard as a room, and Lupin did not want to think more about what other horror's the young man's Aunt and Uncle had done to the boy. That would only get the wolf inside him upset.

Oh James, if only you and Lily had lived….thing would have been different…Lupin thought as he himself exited the office to get some lunch.

A/N – This is just the prologue. I decided to re-write everything! I hope you like it!