I always label the "We Are Soooooo Not Going!" documents 'WASNG' (acroynm of fic title). As you probably know, I haven't updated in a loooooong time. So I haven't been labeling documents WASNG for quite a long time too.
I dunno why... but for some reason, as I was uploading this chapter and labeling it WASNG like I always did, a wave of nostalgia overcame me and I just sat there for a few moments, the cursor hovering over the little purple button you press to upload docs.
I don't even remember what it says... I'll check later.
Anyway, I just want to take the time to tell everyone that's still reading this "THANK YOU SO MUCH!". You know, just for sticking with me.
Oh, and I rewrote the first chapter. I reread it just now, and I was like, "Shit, this is really bad..." I'll re-upload the original version when I finish this story. Just so, you know, you guys have a before and after thing.
IMPORTANT NOTE: A reviewer complained that the last chapter was shit. It was filler, guys. Chill. You could just skip it. I'll change the chapter name now... just so ppl know it's filler...
AND ALSO to lil... sorry but I'm not going to use a beta reader at all anymore. I mean, you were great. An amazing supporter and all-around loyal reader, but judging by how much I procrastinate and am just down-right lazy, it might be better if I just churn out these chapters as soon as I write them so I don't keep putting it off. Thanks so much for everything you've done. I've really enjoyed working with you and I appreciate all the time that you've spent editing my mind-hurting crap. But now, I say auf weidershen and hope that you'll forgive me :D
"All right, now we go back to hating you assholes!" said Naruto happily. "And you guys should forget that the fake r9tgk&g is indeed, well... FAKE!"
"Agreed!" said Harry. They shook hands. "See you, mate."
And so, everyone promptly split themselves into the two groups again. The magicans exited stage left. The fake r9tgk&g henged back into their henge forms and walked off stage right. The authentic r9tgk&g were left on stage, not entirely sure what to do.
"Well, we can't exactly exit from the sides now that the sides have been taken," noted Sakura. Yes, Sakura and Ino are back with the r9tgk&g.
"I know, let's exit UPstage!" suggested Kiba.
"And run into people having backstage sex?" said Sasuke, shivering at the thought. "I don't think so."
Neji raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think that people are having sex backstage?" he asked, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer.
"Gaara's not here," stated Sasuke matter-of-factly.
"...and...?" said Lee.
"I saw his fangirl gag him and bind him in ropes and drag him off stage while no one else was looking," explained Sasuke.
"Excuse me, that's not true," Shino piped up. "I noticed too."
"It doesn't matter who noticed it or not," declared Shikamaru, who probably just didn't want to admit that he hadn't been paying too much attention to Gaara. "The point is, Gaara's bound and gagged by a fangirl."
"MY LITTLE BRO IS GETTING RAPED!" shrieked Temari and Kankurou simutaneously.
The two ran off to rescue Gaara.
"Well, while they do that... let's figure out which way to get off this stage," said Ino.
"Let's just jump off the stage and into the audience," shrugged Tenten.
And so they all ran downstage and leapt off the stage.
"OH DEAR LORD WE LOOKED LIKE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!" cried a voice as they realized that, while leaping off the stage, they had indeed looked like the knaves in High School Musical.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" shouted everyone else. "High School Musical SUCKS!! Ahhhhh!!"
"Wait... I think it's okay!" came Tenten's voice.
"You like Zac Efron, don't you?" scoffed Neji.
Tenten hung her head in complete and utter shame, but alas, the audience part of this theatre was dark and so no one could see her. Oh Tenten!
The stage lights dim, and we now return to Hogwarts...
"And that is Hogwarts for you all!" said Hermione as they finished off a lightning-fast tour of Hogwarts. "We hope you'll enjoy your stay here!"
At that moment, Professor Dumbledore turned the corner and spotted the group. He paused. "Why, hello there," he said finally, looking pleasantly surprised. There was a twinkle in his eye that 'Neji' didn't like all too much, though. "Changed our mind, now, have we? Good, good... well, we musn't tarry, over this way, please."
The ninjas all exchanged glances, shrugged, and followed the magicans, who had already began following Dumbledore.
"Professor Dumbledore... where are we going?" asked Harry.
"Why, my office, of-course," replied Dumbledore.
"Why -oh!" gasped Hermione. "The sorting!"
Dumbledore nodded, stopping in front of a gargoyle. "Pepperoni Pop Tarts," he said to the gargoyle.
The gargoyle, to shrieks from the ninja women and surprised yells from the ninja men (and a little girly squeak from a few of the men), leapt aside, revealing the staircase behind it.
Dumbledore chuckled. "No need to be scared, right this way."
They arrived in Dumbledore's office a few moments later. The aged wizard immediately went to an old, battered hat and brought it over to the ninjas. "Now, if each one of you would kindly step up and try this hat on seperately, it will sort you into the four houses in this school. Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin."
The ninjas stared, then 'Naruto' stepped up and jammed the hat on his head.
The hat was silent for a little, then cried out "GRYFFINDOR!"
'Naruto' put down the hat and looked expectantly at Dumbledore. "Now what do I do?"
"Now, you take this patch and sew it onto your robes, to show that you are a Gryffindor," relpied Dumbledore, presenting 'Naruto' with a red and gold patch that had a 'G' and a lion on it. "The best of luck to you, Mr. Uzumaki... you are Mr. Uzumaki, are you not? Yes, well, the Gryffindors are known for their bravery. Bravo, child."
"Err... thanks..." said 'Naruto' awkwardly. He took the patch, turning to face 'Shino' with a confused look. They had no idea what this was, nor what these robes Dumbledore spoke off were.
"Who would like to go next?" asked Dumbledore, looking at the crowd of ninjas, who all looked a bit uncomfortable. "Mr. Kazekage? How about you?"
'Gaara' eyed the hat. "I don't want to... Gaara-sama would be mad." No, she's not raping the real Gaara anymore. It's okay.
"Oh? But are you not Gaara?"
The other ninjas all cursed Gaara's annoying, masturbating fangirl in their heads. Why hadn't they made a MAN from the village come instead?
They all paused.
What if Gaara were impersonated by a fanBOY?
They all blushed and quickly tried to look natural.
"I... I am," 'Gaara' said quickly. "It's just... Gaara-sama, that is to say, me... I like speaking in third person. That's all."
"Oh? Really?" murmured Dumbledore, fixing Gaara's fangirl with an intense gaze. "Before you sort, Tsunade tells me of a most extraordinary ability. The ability, I believe, to control sand?"
"I... er, that is... yes. Yes, Gaara-sama can control sand."
"Wonderful! Would you mind demonstrating that ability for me? Just a little, you know, before you sort?"
'Neji' narrowed his eyes, exchanging meaningful glances with everyone else. Yes, Dumbledore knew they were frauds, all right.
'Gaara' paused, stumped. "Um... allow me to consult my friends-."
"You will consult no one," said Dumbledore. He did not raise his voice, but his tone was so cold that 'Sakura' shivered and moved closer to 'Naruto'. "Ms. Haruno!"
"Yes?" said 'Sakura', alarmed to be called on.
"I've heard that you have a large crush on Mr. Uchiha, is that true?"
"Yes, I do," replied 'Sakura'. "I always have. I love him very much. I broke up my friendship with Ino-pig because she was stealing him from me-."
"STEALING?" roared 'Ino'. Sai was playing the part of the enraged female very well. "Why you...! Sasuke-kun is mine, Forehead-Girl!!"
"Enough," said Dumbledore, coldly yet again. He locked eyes with 'Sakura'. "If you care so much about Mr. Uchiha, why is it that you are clutching Mr. Uzumaki's arm?"
'Sakura' blanched and looked down and saw that she was, in fact, holding the aforementioned boy's arm.
"Well, shit. That's that plan busted!" said 'Tenten', poofing back into Anko.
Dumbledore smiled sadly, watching the rest of them transform back.
'Naruto' turned back into Konohamaru and handed his Gryffindor patch back to Dumbledore.
'Sakura' released her hold on Konohamaru and turned back into Moegi.
'Sasuke' returned to sniffing loudly as Udon.
'Kiba' turned back into Kotetsu.
'Hinata' turned back into Izumo.
'Shino' turned back into Iruka.
Gaara's fangirl reluctantly revealed herself.
The rest, Sai as 'Ino', Yamato as 'Shikamaru', Aoba as 'Chouji', Ibiki as 'Neji', Raido as 'Lee', and Baki as 'Kankurou' all held their hands up in a handseal and poofed away, leaving nothing but smoke.
"Stupid. Now Tsunade knows who to punish!" hissed Aoba before poofing away.
Damn, thought the other ninjas. Then, while the smoke was still clearing, they poofed away back to Konoha too.
"How did they apparate?" cried Ginny once the magicans had stopped coughing from the smoke and found the ninjas nowhere to be seen.
Dumbledore peered disappointedly at the space that the ninjas had recently vacated. "Their techniques are different from ours, I assume. I would not think this is Apparation. It is probably something more like house-elf magic."
"What do we do now, Professor Dumbledore, sir?" asked Neville tentatively.
Dumbledore sighed. "You six have done a lot already. I think it is time for you to sit back a bit. Let us see how the situation progresses. Only time will tell. Who knows?" he said in an all-together more light-hearted tone. "Perhaps these fakes will tell them all about Hogwarts, and it would appeal to the real crew. But for now, we wait."
Dumbledore gazed around at all six of his little helpers and smiled. "Well, come along. We wouldn't want to miss dinner, now would we?"
Everyone gasped. "OH NOES!! OF COURSE NOT!" And so they ran off.