Winner Takes All
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Apparently, no day is complete without a dose of TimxCass. R/R if you agree.
There's an old saying. There's always an old saying. Sometimes I wonder where they all come from. Does someone have a book full of them? I wouldn't know since I can't read. But I know there's an old saying that says to the victor go . . . the spoils? I think it's something like that. I know an easier version of it though. Winner takes all. Yeah, that's a lot easier.
I was raised to be the best. My father taught me how to fight, how to win, and how to kill. Winner takes all. It means a lot to me but for all the wrong reasons. But whatever bad . . . memories that saying might bring up, I know I'm a winner. It's what I was taught to be. Winning isn't everything though. Some people . . . some people don't want the prize even if they do win it. Some people . . . people like me, they deserve what they get but for all the wrong reasons. I . . . I took a man's life from him. What was my prize? Was it worth it in the end?
Nobody is a winner all the time though. Everyone loses. I know . . . I know what everyone else thinks. I'm invisible . . . invincible. Everyone thinks I always win. I guess . . . I guess that's true about some things but I don't think I always win. I know I don't and I know there are some games that aren't worth winning. Ask the man . . . ask him if you can . . . some games aren't even worth playing. But then there are some that are worth playing and you put . . . put all of yourself into them and still lose. That hurts. I know. Steph and I joke sometimes about . . . fathers, our fathers. I remember we started telling stories. Mine was better than hers. I'm always better. I don't want that prize, the prize of being the girl who had . . . the worst father. We joked about it, me and Steph, and she said that she'd never be able to beat me at anything. I don't know if I believe that. The games I've played . . . what I've taken . . . she should never win those. I wish I hadn't.
I don't know why but I think about Tim a lot. He's nice, friendly, sweet. He tries hard to make . . . make everyone like him, even with me when we work together. He has . . . nice eyes too. I don't know why they're nice but they are. It feels bad to think about him a lot though. It's like . . . he's the prize that Steph won and that I didn't. I didn't . . . didn't even know how to play the game. I would've tried to win if I knew how to play. Tim . . . he's a prize worth winning. Too bad I lost. It hurts to lose when you win a lot. It hurts even worse when this time you really want the prize.
Steph was wrong. She beat me at getting Tim. Dick says love is a game. I've heard Oracle say it too. I don't know . . . I don't know how to play that game but I think maybe if Tim was the prize then I'd learn how. I'd like to win Tim. I think that would feel good. But the winner takes all and Steph doesn't . . . would never . . . want to share with the loser. I guess maybe it's better like this. Steph is a good girl, better than me. She deserves to win Tim. She'll take better care of the prize. I'd just break it or something. I . . . I don't deserve Tim. It's sad. I win lots of things but I never want to win them. I didn't . . . didn't want to win the game I played with that man. I didn't want to take all but I won anyway. Now I live with the prize, the guilt and the nightmares and the ghost. I won the Best Killer award. I've won the Bad Daughter award too and the Stupid Batgirl Award. I never won the Tim Drake Award though. Stephanie Brown beat me for that. Winner takes all.
So what about the loser? Do I get a . . . door prize? No, not in this game. If love is a game, it's a game where there's only one winner and the winner takes all. I can't tie with Steph. I can't . . . can't even really compete at all. So Tim is her prize and hers alone. No silver medal for Cassandra Cain. She wins everything else . . . except it's all the things no one would ever want to. But she . . . I . . . just can't win the one thing I want most. I don't even know whether it's a good idea or not to even keep playing. I can never win but I still try to. Tim notices me more. I think he does at least. His body says he does and I can read that well enough. So maybe . . . maybe I can still win. I want to win Tim so badly. It's one of the few things I really want but I don't . . . don't even know if I deserve to win. Who would love a . . . monster? Who would want to be won by a . . . killer? Love is a hard game but I guess it's worth playing in the end. Maybe it's better losing at it than not trying at all. I think that's a saying too. Maybe I'll ask Tim some time.