TITLE: Where You Are
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: Buffy and Angel try to get back where they belong. Set very early S3.
SPOILER: Anne, DMP, F, H & T
DISTRIBUTION: My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, Joss Whedon does. If he ever decides to give them to me, that would be nice. =)
DEDICATION: Garnet, because she loves B/A fic, Megg, because she understands why I love songfics, and Krissy because I was reminded of this song while reading her comments on FRIENDS. Strangeness abounds in my head.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you are going to use these lyrics, cut and paste them from this fic and don't get them from lyricsearch.net there are three errors that I found in their listing. Stupid site g



//There are times

I swear I know you're here

When I forget about my fears

Feelin' you my dear\\


It's so strange. It's like the minute I cross the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign, I feel him. I have to keep looking beside me, behind me, to make sure he's not here, when I know there's no way he could be. It's daylight for God's sakes.

//Watchin' over me

My hope sees

What the future will bring

When you wrap me in your wings\\


Last night, packing, writing in my journal, I realized something.

Just because Angel went to Hell, that doesn't mean he's not watching me, does it? I mean, in scary movies and stuff, the people who die always come back and haunt those who they thing wronged them, so why couldn't someone potentially good who went to Hell watch over me?

Maybe I'm just fooling myself. Maybe, because I'm headed for my house now, I just want to think he's watching me. I just want him to be with me again.

I just want so many things and I'm never going to have any of them.


//And take me where you are

Where you and I will be together
Once again

We'll be dancin' in the moonlight

Just like we used to do

And you'll be smilin' back at me

Only then will I be free

When I can be

Where you are\\


I'm home, I'm Slaying, and, surprise, surprise, I'm having dreams about Angel.

Lots of dreams about Angel.

Sometimes they're happy, like the one where we were kissing and rolling around in the sand on the beach.

Others....like the one where I shot him.....I can't even think about them.

Giles snuck me into the library today to get some heavy artillery and when I was holding this knife, I had this strange impulse to slit my wrists. I never would've done it, but I really, really wanted to.

I wanted to feel that sort of numbness one feels when they're dying.

I wanted to go to Hell and be with him.

The scariest thing is, a big part of me still wants that and doesn't care what it's going to cost me to get there.


*****


//And I can see your face

Your kiss I still can taste

Not a memory erased\\


It doesn't matter what they show me, or what they make me do, I can't forget her, can't stop trying to get to her. s There's this hole of white light somewhere in the midst of the red. I saw it last night while I was moving hot coal, and as tiny as it was, I saw Buffy.

At first I thought I was just dellusional, but when I looked again it had moved, and somehow that was a sign that it was real.

I know somehow I'm gonna get back there and get home to Buffy.

I just hope that doesn't mean that she's dead too.


*****


//Oh, how I see your star

Shinin' down on me

And I'd do anything

If I could just

Be right there where you are\\


Who would've thought the arrival of another Slayer would prompt me to buy sleeping pills? But here they are, lying on my dresser, two-by-two, waiting for me to down them. Waiting.

And to think, it would all be Faith's doing, too.

That's what everyone would think.

Picking the first pair up, I put them in my mouth, pick up the glass of water...

And immediately run into the bathroom and throw up.


*****


//Where you and I will breathe together

Once again

We'll be dancin' in the moonlight

Just like we used to do

And you'll be smilin' back at me

Only then will I be free

Then I will be free

So take me where you are\\


The hole of white is bigger now but it's farther away, too. This voice in my head says to keep going and I'll get there, but I feel like it's never gonna happen and I'm never going to touch her again.

I've never been so scared of anything in my life. Unlife. Whatever.

Losing Buffy again.....I'm not sure I could handle it.


//And baby there are times when selfishly

I'm wishin' that you were here with me

So I can wipe the tears from your eyes

And make you see

That every night when you are dreamin'

I'm here to guard you from afar\\


The Devil is one evil man.

He brought me closer to the light today, let me see my Slayer.

She was in her room counting out sleeping pills.

Sleeping pills!!!

I screamed for her to stop but of course, she didn't hear me. Instead she faded into black and Satan laughed before sending me back to work.

The sad thing is, I don't know if I was screaming to tell Buffy to stop, or to hurry up.


*****


//And anytime I feel alone

I'll close my eyes and dream of where you are\\


Why do I want this so bad?

Why am I willing to give up everything to see him again?

Oh.

That's right.

I love him.

I keep lying in bed and remembering the times we had, trying to make that enough.
It's not.

It never could be.

And yet it has to be.


*****


//Where you are

Where you and I will breathe together

Once again

We'll be dancin' in the moonlight

Just like we used to do

And you'll be smilin' back at me

Only then will I be free

Then I will be free\\


Freedom is coming. The light is near and I can see Buffy. She's asleep and she's smiling. I hope she's dreaming of us, that she knows I'm coming soon. God, I hope she knows.


*****


//Baby I still believe

Oh I gotta believe

I still believe

I will touch you that sweet day

That you take me there

Where you are

I still believe

I gotta believe

I still believe

I will touch you that sweet day

That you take me there

Where you are, oh where you are

I still believe

I gotta believe

I still believe

I'll always be waiting here

That sweet day

That you take me there

Where you are\\


Buffy carefully kissed the Claddagh Angel had given her. The only way she was going to get past the suicidal thoughts and the nightmares was to leave it behind. She laid it down on the ground where she'd killed her lover and whispered a tearful goodbye. Before she was even out of the mansion, a light began forming from above.

The floor shook and in a flash, Angel fell down from the sky.

He couldn't breathe, think or act, but he knew he was with Buffy again, and that was the only thing that mattered.