A/N: Hello, readers! Well, this is the last chapter. I enjoyed hearing from all of you. I truly did. I am hesitant to start this, as always. I rewrote this chapter in my head about a hundred times. What first was going to happen is almost completely different than what I have planned now. I decided that is a waste just to sit there (or lie there on my bed) thinking about it, since nothing would ever get done like that. So, let me start and hope for the best!
Several hours ago, there were the evident signs of the near arrival of summer. The weather was beautiful, with the sun pouring down upon the Earth with slaps of warmth. There was a bit of a breeze, just enough to negate any heat caused by the sun's rays. In this blissful balance, little boys and girls' laughter rung to me from their origin. Mothers, and in a few cases fathers, brought their children to enjoy the nice air. They did just that as they played with their friends and or siblings on the playground equipment. But everyone was just an echo for me now.
I sat on the most secluded bench I would find. The worn wooden seat was hidden behind the small buildings where the restrooms resided, on the other side of the playground. Nothing much was here, except a few trees and bushes, more benches, and two tables with their own seats. The tables had chess layouts painted on them for whoever wanted to play. The many squares were chipped and long-since faded from years of use without maintenance. The black lampposts that emitted a dull, mustard light lined the pebbled paths, giving me little source of illumination in the dark night.
And here is where I sat, wondering about nothing and everything. After saying my good-byes to the group sitting at the pizzeria table and retrieving my bag, I walked straight here. I didn't bother returning to school to get my motorcycle, or as my hikari saw it, my most prized possession.
It was not my most prized, not even close. I told him that, repeatedly. And every time, he asked for something more important to me than that bike. Though I never answered, I did so out of respect for his feelings. It couldn't ever be special to me because of how I got it. The same appeal that drew people to me in my ancient life attracted the same, horny group. I used that to my advantage. It was amazing how much some people paid for someone seemly untouchable like me. It was usually payment for two or three weeks' worth of drugs. I was lucky enough to have a couple of posh, female clients, who always were extremely content with my performance. The motorcycle was the only gift I had kept. Everything else was burned, given away, or sold to a pawnshop.
Sighing, I shifted in my seat, sliding down the stiff wood into a slouch. I'll probably get sore from being in such a position, but really, I don't care. I hoped someone wouldn't hotwire my bike. No matter how I got it, it was still a good bike. Having it stolen would just add more shit onto an already extremely shitty day.
A frown, that long ago set upon my lips, grew deeper. My arms crossed in front of my chest and I tilted my head forward. I knew that I was just avoiding it. Obvious especially since I came to this park. I didn't really understand what Ryou was talking about, but at the same time, it was at the tip of my tongue.
The "whore" calling also tickled me upset.
Another sigh. I always resented those who ran away. I distinctly remember scolding those who did not do as I assigned because of fear, as well as yelling at them, hitting them, and if serious enough, killing them, allowing their hot blood to run down my arms.
These responses were in my ancient life. Ah. Old times. The times when the dusty sand of the Egyptian deserts swept over my skin, dangerous adventure greeted me with each gold sunrise, riches and treasure pooled with each blue sunset, and when I led many groups of men, much lesser in ability than me. I can still feel the weight of my curved sword, as well as the hidden daggers within my robes. They always called out for a taste of flesh, never satisfied even after I fed them a guard's throat or a noisy villager's chest.
Always free to do as I wish, I easily went through life. There was no worry for me about how I was going to pay for my land, how much should I plant, or who was going to marry this son and such daughter. I got my fair share of treasure, fame, glory and sex. Ha. Ra, did I get my fair share of sex. Never had to beg with the mountains of females, and males alike, lusting for me. For fucks sake, I even found a way to top the Pharaoh! The pharaoh! I actually had the fucking Pharaoh moaning below me.
But, but never once did I care. I slept with person after person after person, most likely impregnating at least one of those pretty, young maidens. All I wanted from it was the climax, power and the knowledge that I could get any damn piece of ass pleasing to the eyes. I hate knowing I did that to another human, even if they were willing and happy. And the one time I loved a person, the one time, I screwed it up.
Maybe I did not truly love him. Just thinking it made my mind and heart scream, but it could be true. Maybe like every time before, I had only wanted to make Ryou mine because of the power I could get from it. Or because I thought he's nice to look like. It could have just been simple bodily attraction.
It's possible. It's feasible.
It's certainly likely, for me.
That's probably it.
I didn't love him. I did not love him. I did not love Ry—
"Backura! My main man!" My head shot up. And there stood man with dirty blond hair covered with an American flag handkerchief. His face hadn't been shaved in weeks, as it seemed. Even in the dim light, I could see how sickly the male looked, with his skin an unnatural yellow and redness engulfing his nostrils.
"Hallo to ya too," he said annoyed after my blinking response. Though he tried to hide his influenced state, the male could hardly stand with both feet on the ground. He tilted forward as he pulled his purple sunglasses from shielding his clear blue eyes.
There he stood, Bandit Keith.
"Dude! Wha' the fuck? Why're you cryin'?" My fingers automatically went up to my face. I felt the wetness of my tears. How long had I been crying? I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand without a second thought before looking back up to the man.
"Heh. Don't tell me I eve' gave my pers'nal best to som' pussy!" He said this good-humoredly. "Haven't see y'ur face inna while. How's you been?" My left arm twitched, knowing something I didn't know. Wanting something that I think I didn't want.
The color drained from my face as my eyes stared blankly at Keith. My heart was beating quicker, and my lungs were being pushed down inside my chest while my Adam's apple was traveling up my throat. I felt the source erecting these symptoms, and I clearly acknowledged that it was fear driving me now.
But, the thing is, why was I so afraid?
Keith would never attack me, no matter how fucked up he was. In the months I had purchased my self-meditated "relaxants," the two of us would have trusted the other with his life. He looked out for me, making sure that when I bought drugs, the narcotic wouldn't mix with the remnants of the previous to harm me. The amounts were usually a fraction of a gram more than what I paid, generous for such an important, well-known dealer. Based on his greeting, the bond that grew past the usual supplier-customer connection still was implanted in his mind, even though I left him without a single word.
So why was I afraid?
"I—I got to go." I said, pushing down on the bench with my sweaty palms. Our eye contact broke as I turned and picked up my book bag.
A hand on my shoulder literally stopped all my movement. "Commun, Backura man! Why so col'? It's just lil' ol' me sayin' hallo!"
I kept in the same position. "I need to go home. My roommate's waiting for me. He's probably worried as shit—."
"Roo'mate? Hey! Issit that Ryou kid?" With the mention of my hikari, I broke free from my frozen state to look at Keith.
"How do you know his name?"
"Commun, man! Ya dun't rememba our last meetin', du ya? Ya talked non-stup bout the kid. Who tha fuck woulda thunk he'll stay wit ya! Good for ya, yanno. Got any acktion lat'ly?
I guess something about me was enough to answer him. It might have been the lack of a response, the way I ducked my head towards my body so my hair fell over my eyes or how I bit my lower lip. I was never one to show a vulnerable side. I knew it. My friends knew it. He knew it.
"Eh? Got yaself some prublems?" He heaved, squeezing my shoulder. "Yanno, if ya need anythang, anything," his voice grew lower, more serious, as he continued, "ya know I gottit." His hand sneaked into his leather vest, moving about as if sliding into a pocket. Keith's fingers twitched as if to pinch something, before retracting out of the vest.
The miserable lighting of the park flickered across the miniscule baggie's plastic. A single droplet of white solid weighed down the baggie which original purpose was to house a coat button. A part of me screamed to reach for it. A part of me screamed to get away from it. A part of me just screamed.
The thing about recovering addicts is that they are always recovering. You will never meet a recovered addict. As they say, once an addict, always an addict. We are all weak, so never offer one his glory. Memories of how hard it was to come clean are always there. Hell, I was uglier coming off it than when I was on. (How Ryou stayed by my side even through that is beyond me.) But memories are memories. A pill right within reach was a pill within reach.
"An' forra friend, I got tha furst fix, free o' charge."
Taking a breath, I stepped inside. With all the lights in the house off, only darkness greeted me. There was a similar darkness that I had spent the last fifteen minutes walking through to get home. I strained my ears, attempting to determine where in the house he was. There were no telling sounds, so his location was left a mystery to be solved by trial and error. Letting my book bag slide down my arm onto the wood paneled floor, I closed the front door.
For a moment, I stood still, hoping to hear where Ryou was. The thought that he just wasn't here passed in my mind, but I rejected it quickly. Not out of knowing, but out of desperation. If our fight had upset him so much that he wasn't even willing to sleep under the same roof with me, hell, I don't even want to think what that would make me.
My feet moved me forward, to my light's bedroom. On the way over from the park, I had begun to think of what I could say to Ryou, my hikari. The mass jumble of words and thoughts, though logical separately, made no sense whatsoever together. I could apologize, yes, but how would I explain why or what I was apologizing for? There wasn't a sound case I could have played which would explain everything, without telling Ryou too many lies or too many truths.
From down the short hall, I could see that his door was wide open. I walked to it, reminding myself to not overanalyze what I was going to say. Instead, I would just start. I hope that I just won't say something stupid.
A couple of yards from Ryou's room, my eyes subconsciously turned to look inside my own dormitory. Like my hikari's door, mine was held agape. My vision scanned over the stillness, expecting nothing to be out of order. The sight I came across stopped me in my tracks as my eyes breezed over my bed.
Ryou lay there. His thin body was twisted and curled into a shivering ball on the comforter. With his arms clutching the blanket fabric above his head, my light's face hid within the pillow. A loose white tee, similar to the one I was still wearing, hung onto his body. Since the shirt was too big for him by a size or two, the excess pooled at his stomach.
Without me thinking, again, my legs pushed me forward, closer to my other half. I was kneeling down next to my bed when I finally realized that I had moved in the first place. I gently grabbed onto his shoulder to shake him awake. However, I never got the chance to try. The second the pressure of my touch came upon him, Ryou sprung awake. Well, not in the literal sense. He didn't hop out of my bed or jump two feet above the mattress or anything comical. It was nothing like that. To let me know, the boy just yanked the arm covering his make-up-free face away. He pushed himself into a half-laying, half-sitting position and locked eyes with me. He whispered cautiously, "Hey."
After allowing a minute of mutual, unexpressive staring, I whispered right back to him. "You know, I don't like women randomly sleeping in my bed. Creeps me out."
"Oh? And what about men?"
"That has no concern to you. When a man randomly sleeps on my bed, alert me immediately." We both smiled passively.
"I'll be sure to tell you."
"Oh, please do."
Insert awkward pause. We both blinked several times. Other than that, there was only absolute silence. I noticed in the back of my mind that a bit of light from the streetlamps outside poked through the closed shades.
"Look," Ryou said after he could no longer take the silence, "about what I said earlier, I didn't mean it. I was upset that you accused me of doing things I would never do and it, well, hurt. And then, you were so mean about it, I was afraid and, and—"
I smirked, shaking my head slightly. "Ryou, you did nothing wrong."
"Don't deny it. We both know it's true," I said, drawing closer to him. I reached to his neck. On one side, I could see, even in the darkness, the reddish purple blotch on his skin. For most, a hickey marred their skin. However, my hikari was able to play it off as if it were a beauty mark with his quiet confidence. "Are you with anyone else?" I don't know why I felt the need to add "else." But something was right about saying it.
"Never. I was never with anyone else."
"Are you lying?"
"No. And every time you ask, you will get the same answer. And every time you ask, it will be the truth."
With the tips of my fingers, I pressed against the love bite. "I went too far."
"If you think so." He didn't ask me what I meant: was I was talking about the argument, the hickey, both, or something totally irrelevant. I am glad he didn't ask, because I don't think I could have given him an answer. I began to softly rub my palm around him neck. "I hope you know you had us worried."
"Atemu and I." I frowned. Oh, him, that traitor to the cause. "Since you don't share afternoon classes with anyone other than me, you got away with most of the clique figuring out you ditched. But I had to bum a ride from Yami and Yuugi. Yuugi must have told him about when he interrupted us in the bathroom, because Atemu was really uptight."
"Is he ever not?"
"He told me when he dropped me off not to go looking for you. You wanted to be alone and I had to respect that. But, um, may I know where you were?"
Damn, it wasn't supposed to come back to what I did. I frowned, considering saying no. His hand went up to hold mine within a cool curve. "At the park. Sitting alone for most of it."
"Most of it?"
"I saw an old friend."
Ryou knew who he was. I told him all about the man when I became clean. He certainly remembered the one who once supplied my drugs. The hikari's pale hand held on tightly and his eyes grew wide with what I believe to be shock, and fear.
"Oh? You did? How is he?" Ryou said lightly. He added, a bit more seriously, "What did he say to you?"
"Just some ordinary hello stuff."
As we stared at the other staring, I wonder: what should I tell him? How much? Should I tell him of Keith and his offering? Should I tell him how I took the offering after some thinking, released it from its plastic baggie prison and positioned it at my mouth? How I could almost taste it in my mouth? Should I tell him how, as my mind looked at Keith's red nose, my heart was registering the tears gathering on your lashes as I moved inside you? How the thought of you had me both wanting and detesting the offering?
Should I tell him how proud Keith looked when I gave him back his gift?
I leaned my entire body forward and up, with Ryou watching and waiting for a response. Sliding my feet out of my Vans, I moved my hand from the side of the boy's neck to the crook of his underarm. I crawled onto the bed, lying next to him with my elbow helping me gain height over him. His chill and smell comforted me, reminding my body of all our shared, slow mornings. Tilting my head to his face, I whispered only a few things. "I said no. I couldn't do it again. Not to you. Not with you."
That was all he needed to hear. All he wanted to hear. His mouth neared mine, grazing them. "Bakura, you're the one. The guy I told Amy about."
"So you finally—?"
The dear boy never got to finish his thought. He tried, moving his lips and mumbling several more syllables. They were lost within my mouth as incomprehensible vibrations. Ryou must have really wanted to scold me, for it took him those seconds to properly react to the kiss I brought to us. As my lips continued their survey, the hikari must have realized what I was doing because he stopped trying to talk. I felt his smile and I separated us.
"You talk too much."
"Oh, really?" Before I could find something to do with myself, Ryou moved his left hand to the back of my head, fingers getting lost within my hair, and his right hand to the small of my back under my shirt. His lips feathered over mine, calling me to him in clear lust.
But, I couldn't. This wasn't right. I raped him. (The hand on my back slid into my jeans at the hip.) He was nowhere within age, but I slept with him anyway. I knew for a fact that he was the first one out of our friends to lose their virginity. (It pushed farther in, pulling that side of my pants down my waist by several inches.) Even the two horniest couples of the school waited until their junior year to sleep with their girl/boyfriend. (He stroked my exposed skin, already moving to more personal areas.) Ryou was what, fourteen? Fifteen? (The boy's digits found their way to my front and teased my boxers. They pulled down my pants a bit farther at the edges.) "This isn't right."
"Bakura," my hikari said comfortably against me, going just as far as unbuttoning my pants. "It's okay. Forget everything other than this moment. I never pushed you away, and I never will. I told you how I feel that night and it still holds true. I would do anything to be with you. And if that meant to wait here for you every night, if that meant sleeping with you before I would have liked, I was more than happy to do it. Don't suffer because of something we did as kids."
"I still did what I did."
"Yeah, I know. But did you know the drug you took that day made you weak? I could have easily pushed you away. I could have said no. I could have told you again at any time that I loved you. But I didn't. I am just as guilty as you." Ryou's grip in my hair disappeared with a final touch to my groin as well. He kissed me. I took a shuttering breath and shimmied out of my jeans. The denim fabric slid off the bed and onto the floor, along with the bedcovers previously keeping my light warm. Now with the two of us only in boxers and a tee, I threw one leg over Ryou's stomach and sat down on his waist.
I slowly kissed his collarbone. My nervous heart pumped hardly, not completely believing this was true. Not completely believing that we would actually get through this. Not completely believing that Ryou loved me. Not completely believing how soft his skin was. I sucked on his skin, my hands awkwardly fiddling with the hikari's shirt. I had wanted all of this for years. I just hope we weren't going too fast for our own good. The light's hands went to mine, stroking them with such a gentle touch. Relax, the touch said. Relax. Enjoy and relax.
So I did. I forgot about my friends in our not-really-a-clique clique, the community service hours needed to graduate, gym uniforms that for gods' sake will forever be wrinkled, and the golden items I spent a lifetime and a half attempting to steal. I forgot about the drugs, the insecurities, the abuse, the dealers and the rape. We will talk about it, later.
Right now, it was just Ryou and I.
I pulled up his shirt, throwing it sideways into the dark room, my own soon to follow. I can't say the prospect of removing clothes wasn't getting me excited. With each removed piece of cloth, I would get hungrier for his flesh, and he, my lips on him.
After discarding the two shirts, I bent down to his navel. My teeth bit its rim, earning a gasp as a reward. My tongue, dipping shortly inside, licked up his chest, bisecting his ribcage. Most of his scars faded away. I could feel it on my tongue. He had already begun to sweat, his taste intensifying on my taste buds with each touch. Ryou's fingers made their way to my shoulders, unceasingly running along the bones under my skin. I sucked on the already bruising hickey. The hikari kissed my temple repeatedly seeing as that was the only part of me he could reach.
So far, our lower halves had stood still, excluding the stirs we both received from our lengths. Without warning, I pressed my pelvis into his, dragging it towards his stomach. His breath hitched and in response, I dug back down. I did it again and again. The friction drove us both crazy with pleasure. Ryou was moaning with his head turned away from me and I was still at his neck, shaking as I kissed it. His nails sunk into me, so hard I wouldn't be surprised if it cut and bled. Both of our erections were growing now with the steady rhythm.
When he cried out my name, I knew it was time to get to the next level. Ryou made a whining noise when I did stop. I smiled at his panting and tussled appearance. Kissing around the stud through his eyebrow, I stripped myself of my boxers. I was never one to be embarrassed by my body. So when Ryou's glance fell down to view the little he could of my muscular body, I felt more aroused.
My hikari took timidly off his boxers as I watched. As he lay back down, eyes closed and arms thrown above head, I felt as if I could never breathe again. He was, just, beautiful. I touched him, causing a shiver to run up his spine. I kissed him soon afterward. He was the usual salty bitter, but an indescribable additive made the taste solely his. I was seconds away from engulfing him in my mouth when his voice spoke up. "Kura, take me," was his needy plea.
"'Kay." I glanced around the room for something to use as lubricant, knowing that I had none and guessing Ryou did neither. Before I found a replacement, however, I felt the boy's tongue encircling the three, middle fingers of my right hand. The warm muscle ran from the base of the digits, over the tip and back again over the top.
When he released me, I tenderly moved him into a comfortable position. I brought our lips together, sliding in a finger at the same time. He winced, but did no more. It had been too long since the last time. His body had forgotten the pain and the awkwardness. It would hurt just as much as if he were still a virgin. I whispered this all into his mouth as more fingers joined the first, but he only kissed me with a fervent that told me that he knew.
Now done with the preparations, I held the hikari's wrists down next to his ears. I kissed him roughly to distract the light as I penetrated him. He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. He was tight and hot. My middle and index fingers ran a path over the visible veins at his wrist. Leaving his mouth, my kiss went down to his collarbone. I retracted and came back to Ryou with full force. He cried out and tried to pull his arms out of my grip. Knowing full well not to for risk of injury on both our parts, I held him down.
For the beginning, he could repeat these actions as I repeated mine. He was hurting, but I wasn't going to stop. I waited until, instead of a scream of pain, a scream of pleasure erupted from the hikari. Then my hands let go of their captured wrists and went to embrace the shaking boy. He smelt and felt so good. Apart from the fact that embracing him was embracing him, it also allowed me to increase the speed and power of each thrust that was tearing him with every move.
Maybe what he wanted was the pain, so he could feel like a virgin again. It was something my light deserved. I mean, there is no doubt by Monday our friends would know we're together, and had already had sex. Actually, it would be of no surprise if they knew by the end of the day. But for everyone but Atemu, this night would be Ryou's first time. Ryou had lied in the past about being a virgin, and he had never introduced them to someone he might have been dating, so there seemed to be little reason he would be anything but. There was the inconsistency with Amy, but that was small. Atemu would understand, and he would join our fabrication. It seemed like he had been playing along the entire time, with one side devoted to Ryou and the other to me.
And we would let them, all our friends, think that. This night, I made love to Ryou for the first time, and no one had had him before me. I moved with him like I did with no one before. I wanted him, and I trusted him to satisfy my desires. Maybe once our relationship was established, I might confess to our friends. Maybe. With my cheek against his, I whispered my love into his ear. Tears, which had been running in lines from his eyes, were wiped onto me. The light wrapped his legs around my waist, pulling me closer, in response.
A thin layer of sweat lined my entire body and even more covered my hikari. Every time we moved, our skin seriously chaffed against each other. I was burning in and out and all over. I knew we were both close to climaxing. I bit into his lower lip, going as far as actually just chewing on it. I wrung him, covering his lips with a final, deep kiss. Ryou withered further into the sheets. I pumped him in time with my thrusts, adding an extra bit of force with every alternative hit. The light pressed his self toward me. With one last wanton moan, he released his seed into my palm. Whatever slipped through (which was most of it) came onto my lower abdomen, even then some falling down to his stomach. Encouraged by his come, I fell into him twice more before erupting inside him.
I let go of him and slumped into his chest, letting my lips kiss his skin lazily. He tasted like our combined perspiration. I felt so tired, like I would fall asleep, but the aftereffects of lovemaking ran through my blood. They were making me shake and tingle all over. We were silent for a time. I continued to kiss him as I stared into his misted eyes. Tears stained his face. I touched them. "It'll hurt less next time."
"Hmm?" The tired boy said without a lapse of time to interpret what I said. I smiled softly, laggardly moving the tips of my fingers up and down his sides. I tried my best to ignore soft, long bumps in his flesh. Letting what I commented absorb into his hazy mind, I trailed his chin with my nose. "Who says there'll be a next time?" Ryou responded, stroking my back. Ryou's legs slid down my back and thighs, resting in the crook of the inner knee. His chest rose and fell heavily, his heart taking its time to relax.
"And if I say no?"
"Then I'll find a man to sleep with me instead of you, woman. How would you feel if I were to go all gay on you?" Though I laughed, he tensed and kept quiet. Being so close to him, I detected it easily. Frowning, I raised my head to look into his eyes. All I saw, however, was the side of his face. He looked blankly off the side of the pillow, his hair sticking onto him with sweat. "Ryou."
"Yeah?" He said, still looking away from me.
"You know I was joking."
He gripped onto my shoulder. "I know that I haven't been the only person you've been with."
Ah. So, that was what was bothering him. "Do you think I enjoyed being with them? Prostituting for drugs is fun? 'Course not. This time has been the first in a while that I actually enjoyed sex. First time ever that I loved it."
I kissed Ryou's collarbone, hugging him tightly. I breathed onto his skin, pleased with the shiver doing so caused. "I am letting go of so much being with you. Do you know how many days pass without me once thinking about taking something? None. I can make a bad day a good day with some. I can make a good day a great day with some. And on a great day, I just feel the need for shit. Being clean for two days, a month, five years or a lifetime makes no difference." My head rested on his chest, my hair fanned out in a halo. "I need you to trust me, I need you to be with me, or I am sure to fall. So, my dear hikari, are you up to it?"
"You're putting too much trust in me. What happens if I can't, if I fail?"
"Then we'll worry about that later."
He chuckled. "You're such a dork. But I guess you're allowed to be." The next three words came out softly, and I nearly missed them.
I smiled and went to kiss him, allowing myself to imagine things I never allowed myself to imagine before. They were images of killing a Friday night to tend him because he was sick and of dark movie theaters. And I knew I could have these things. His three little words promised that.
A/N: Tada! The end, err, beginning! Or maybe, the couple's beginning and what-is-written-about-it's end.
I'm in the middle of writing a Kingdom Hearts Riku/Sora one-shot, and have started my massive puppyshipping. I am in the middle of a rather difficult couple of months in the school year, so writing is not my main priority. Editing this story has given me some hope. I got rid of some awkward or cheesy parts that have been bugging me ever since I posted the fiction. I also added in more things about the gay community, something I've just recently noticed is rare to the site… unless a person is one-dimensionally homophobic. Going to my school's GSA has finally set things straight (sorry, but I couldn't resist the obvious pun) in my mind, and I hope to reflect it in my writing. My story seems more natural now with the edits, though this chapter seems a bit more smutty... I hope I get the Internet soon because I really, really miss fanfiction. Sigh. Well, hope you drop a review!