Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own this stuff. I just think it's really cool.

Additional Notes: I have no idea when this would take place. For you see, I started writing this when I was all high on caffeine and stuff. That's why Tas mentions some stuff that is not on Krynn. But, hey, this is meant to be humorous, so there's bound to be some wacky stuff in here. If you don't like that, that's fine. I understand. Everyone's got their own opinion.

The Kender Spork of Turning

Chapter One

"….What are you doing, kender?"

"Why, Dalamar, you shouldn't be up at this hour of night!" Tas exclaimed. He turned from the elf's tableware cabinet to face the elf himself. "You will be very tired tomorrow and you could very possibly get sick. I wouldn't be at this hour myself except that I have urgent business to attend to, so if you'll excuse me. Maybe go back to bed so you'll be rested-"

Dalamar lifted one slim, dark eyebrow. "You have urgent business? In my Tower? With my silverware?"

"Well, you could say that. You see, I was examining my Kender Spoon of Turning and I noticed this little insignia thingy on the end of it, see?" Tas held out the spoon so Dalamar could see the insignia thingy too…well, he'd have to bend down of course, and maybe squint to peer closely at it like Tas had, but the opportunity was there for Dalamar to see the insignia thingy. Dalamar just didn't take the opportunity to examine the insignia thingy like Tas had.

"Kender…that is my seal. It's on everything that I own."

"I know! Because I was looking at this insignia thingy and I was thinking, 'Tasslehoff Burrfoot, you have seen this insignia thingy somewhere before!' And then it came to me—I had seen this insignia thingy before! It's on everything you own! And everything you own is in the Tower. But some stuff in the tower's Raistlin's, not yours. Raistlin has really neat stuff. I went through his pouches once and I found a package of bologna. I wanted to taste it, but then Raistlin found me and he threatened to tie me by my ears to a tree. We were in the forests around Qualinost, you know. And I said 'Gee, Raistlin, I bet that wouldn't feel too good on my ears!' And he said…"

Gods, this could go on forever, Dalamar thought as he rolled his eyes. This kender tries my patience, he really does. I just want to know why he's going through my damned silverware!

"…So I said, 'Raistlin, don't do that, its hurting my nose.' But I don't think he heard because he kept on stuffing the rabbit fur up my nostril. Dalamar, has anyone ever shoved rabbit fur up your nose? No? Well, if someone did I don't think you would forget. It's soft when you touch it, but it just tickles when it's in your nose. Since it tickles, you wanna sneeze, right? But you can't, cause the fur's blocking your nostril. Right, so I'm just hanging from the tree with some rabbit fluff hanging out of my nose and Raistlin's saying…"

How did he even get in here? The guardians don't sleep, so it's not like he could have snuck in. However, how he got in is not important. He needs to leave. He really needs to leave. Especially before he gets any farther with this story of his.

"…So I said, 'Raistlin, have you ever the story of the time I got my sock stuck on a tree root right in front of a herd of rampaging wildebeest?' Come to think of it, have you ever heard the story of the time I got my sock stuck on a tree root right in front of a herd of rampaging wildebeest, Dalamar? No? I didn't think I had told it to you. Well, I'll tell you about it, otherwise you might not get the rest of the story! You see, I was wandering the plains of Solamnia and I found this tree. I was a bit winded so I thought I would sit under it. Then I heard this rumbling noise and it turned out to be--"

Dalamar saw an opportunity to jump in as the kender drew a breath. The elf never knew the little creatures could talk for so long without pausing even for air. It would be quite remarkable if it weren't so annoying. Damn it, why was he getting so distracted now? He had say something and break the kender's train of thought, and he had to do it now.

"Kender! As entertaining as your stupid story about a sock and some wild beasts must be, I—"


"…Excuse me?"

"It's wildebeest, not wild beasts. Gosh, you think that you of all people would know that, Dalamar."

"Yes, one would think that I would," Dalamar replied dryly. His fingers twitched. Forget magic…just his fingers wrapping around the kender's thin, little pencil-neck would be more than enough to satisfy the elf. "Anyway, as amusing as your story is bound to be, I feel the need to interrupt you. As you so kindly pointed out, it is the middle of the night and I should not be up and about—"

"Exactly, because you would be—"

"Yes, yes, I could be incredibly tired tomorrow or possibly get sick. So I feel that I must inquire what you are doing with my silverware. And I need a short, to-the-point answer. For, as you said, I need to get back to bed."

Please, Nuitari, just let him answer in a couple words so I can kick his rear end out in the Grove faster…the fiends do what they will to him…

"Well, I was looking at my Kender Spoon of Turning and I saw this little—"

Dalamar groaned.

End of Chapter One

I love Tas. Sorry, had to say that there! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Feel free to review. This is an experiment more than anything. So let me know if I should continue this or just throw in the towel because it has no potential. Enjoy your day! I'm off to watch my nephew! (He's the cutest little guy in the world, so I don't mind babysitting him.)