Disclaimer: I don't own Never Been Kissed (Well, I do, but only my DVD copy, not the movie as a whole) or the character of Sam Coulson.

By J.T. Magnus, "Turbo"

"Hey, Sam."

Sam Coulson stepped out of his car and looked at the older man sitting on the edge of his front steps... holding a copy of the Sun-Times.

"Interesting article in here, this week."

"Yeah, well, not so interesting when you lived it," the teacher replied.

The older man slipped off the steps and landed like someone half his age would, "Sam, I'm not an idiot, I just act like one sometimes."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I read the article, I've heard what happened, think about it; she could have kept her cover and went along with it all, setting her career up for good... and what did she do?"

"She lied to me- us!" Sam tried to change his words, but the other man caught them.

"Really," he began in a more formal 'lecture' style of speech, "'lied' is a harsh word. Lying involves conscious falsity, not letting people form their own opinions - however wrong they may be - and then simply supporting them. And what she did was pretty much take a chance that her career would be destroyed simply because she disagreed with what was happening."

There was a pause, "Besides, your mother told me you had said something to her about before the whole dog food incident - which, by the way, I would have loved to have seen - that Ms. Geller wanted to talk to you... did you ever wonder what about? Like maybe admitting the truth?"


"No 'buts'," he dropped back into a normal way of speaking, "Samuel Coulson, you look me dead in the eye and tell me that you don't want to go there and I'll leave."

There was a moment as eyes locked before Sam spoke.

"You know I can't do that."

"Then you have two choices, either you drive yourself or I'll stuff you in the trunk and drive you. I don't do pussy-footing around with relationships after helping your mother and father get off their butts and get together."

Sam shook his head, he knew the guy'd do it, too, and opened his car door, "You know, Uncle Jack, it's been over thirty years since you first met my parents, but no one could tell since you haven't changed a bit."

Jack chuckled, "That's because Coulsons haven't changed, you're all still slower than molasses in January when it comes to romance. That's fine sometimes, but times like now, it ain't... Now MOVE OUT!"

Sam came to mock-attention, "Yes sir, Colonel-Uncle Jack, sir."