The disclaimer remains, I own nothing.

Willy returned from the library, shocked out of his mind. That disgusting book, suggesting that he came from such a terrible place. "Ewwww why do people even have such body parts he thought? Can't we all just be born from eggs like chickens? Wait we do come from eggs…AHHH no! Don't think about that! Icky!"

As Willy walked into the perimeter of his home, darling lovely Orthanc, he noticed that there was a foul smell.

"What stinks?" he thought. He figured out what stank.

All around Orthanc were legions of gross, disgusting creatures. They were adorned in armor, fur, and leather, looking like attendees at a heavy metal concert. They were ugly creatures and leered at Willy, as he walked to the door. They poked and laughed at his braces, making him feel uncomfortable and freakish. But this, he figured was no different from the middle school he'd been going to.

He stepped in thorough the wide double doors, and went to his father's study. It was cold, and his father was sitting hunched over.

"Father? Are you all right? Are you ill? Can you-" Willy asked, sounding rather feminine.

"Shut up boy!" Saruman Wonka cried throwing book at his son.

"I am in deep thought"

Willy stood still, staring at his oddball father. His father, he had given him life. His dead mother too. And by the books he read in the library on human reproduction that meant that his mother and father had…

"OH JESUS CHRIST NO!" Willy cried out falling to the floor and trying to clutch his head in agony, but he couldn't because of his headgear.

"What you don't want Salmon in a lemon butter sauce with a side of asparagus for dinner?" A new voice said. Such a creepy voice.

Willy turned and saw a greasy man with long black hair wearing black musty robes.

"Excuse me sir," Willy began politely.

"But I am afraid I do not know who you are. Who are you?"

"Ah, my son I have been meaning to introduce you to him." Saruman Wonka began.

"This is my dear friend Grima Wormtongue"

'Dear friend' Willy thought blankly, staring at the sick smiles the pair held between eachother. The book Heather Has Two Mommies came to mind.

"Does this mean that Mr. Wormtongue will live with us?" Willy asked.

"For the most part," Saruman Wonka said.

"Sometime he will be in Rohan, manipulating King Theoden, but when his is here you may call him Mummy Dearest if you like. I would like it if you did. Wormtongue is very special to me"

This was like that strange book his second grade teacher had read the class! But he wasn't going to have two mommies! He's have two daddies and he had to call one mommy! Willy's head hurt and he screamed:

" Grima will never be my mommy! My Mum will always be my mummy no matter what you say!"

Then he ran from the room sobbing like a whiny pussy. Wormtongue, Saruman Wonka and a random orc were absolutely still, only blinking a few times.

Then Random Orc said:

"That was some fucked up shit right there,"

The other two nodded in agreement. As Wormtongue left he said:

"Guess little Willy doesn't want salmon. I'll just fix up some chicken then"

Several hours later, Saruman Wonka came up to his son's room. Thankfully, he knocked giving Willy time to hide the candy he was tasting and the pair of his mother's old high heels and slip.

"Yes father?" Willy asked.

"No doubt today's events upset you. I must apologize to my only son. I am sorry Willy. Grima frightens even me sometimes" Saruman Wonka said.

"I understand," Willy murmured.

"Dinner will be ready in a half an hour my boy," Saruman Wonka said, walking out with a swish of his robes.

Once he was gone Willy retrieved the candy, slip and heels. He pulled the slip over his head, put the patent leather stilettos on his feet.

'Gosh' he thought. 'Mummy had such small feet. These fit perfectly'

Then he retrieved a blonde wig from under his bed, put it on (struggling to fit it under his head gear), stuck a lollipop in between his teeth and turned on "Lady Marmalade" by Patti Labelle.

The he proceeded to get his groove on until called for dinner.