Alone

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All the characters belong to C.S. Lewis.


It was the first time in days they left her alone. Her eccentric aunt and uncle were her only family now. Gone, all gone. One brief moment and everything changed. Susan Pevensie was an orphan now. One miniscule loose screw in a breaking mechanism and her entire life had changed forever. Her mother and father brothers and sister, even her cousin were swept form her life. She had chosen an afternoon and the movies with her friends over meeting the train with her family. She was so annoyed with her siblings, rambling on about childish imaginings. She wished beyond anything else they would just stop. Now she would never hear their voices again. It had been a whirlwind of funerals, card, and well wishers and in these last few days attorneys. So many details, so many placating words. And now for the first time in weeks she was alone. The tears finally came now. Everyone said how strong and brave she was under the circumstances. It all poured forth now. How she longed to hear their voices again. Just once. The tears dried and slowly sleep came.

She knew she was dreaming. It was an odd sort of awareness and lightness. She looked herself over. Blue silk, she though, but softer than silk, finer.

"Narnian silk." She whispered quietly to herself. The words caught just as she spoke them. She couldn't be they had imagined it made it up. It was all a child's way of passing time.

She looked around the area. She had never seen grass so green, or a sky so blue. She was high on a hill towering over the landscape. It all seemed so familiar. The river in the distance, she remembered it. Suddenly the memory of hour spent in a small boat with a dwarf flashed into her mind. She shook it away again, no, those were fantasies, daydreams, she told herself. Then she saw it, the glittering city on the river.

"Cair Paravel." She whispered again. It was all there, she remembered. The wardrobe, the beavers, the witch, the stone table, the battle, the coronation, all the balls and feasts, the awful foreign prince and lovely Prince Cor. All the centaurs and satyrs and dryads and the talking animals. Prince Caspian and his reclaimed kingdom. It all flooded back in one brilliant moment. A dark feeling began to sink deep inside her. Suddenly one thing sprung to the front of her mind. "Aslan."

Susan turned and looked at the land behind her. It was the most beautiful garden she had ever seen. And there was a smaller garden within it, bound by tall walls and a heavy gate. Slowly she edged toward the gate. She stopped short a breath caught in her throat when she saw inside. They were all there. The beavers and Tumnus and Caspian. The Professor and Aunt Polly and Eustace. Her parents were even there. It was a feast, like the great tournament feasts they had once throw in the great hall at Cair Paravel. And she saw them, again crowned in glory. Peter and Edmund and Lucy, all there. All alive. She rushed forward to join them. She was almost to the gate when the enormous lion stepped into the doorway.

"This was is closed to you, daughter of eve." His voice, though quiet resonated deep with in her.

"No, Aslan, please. I didn't know. I… Please, don't leave me alone."

"You turned your back on all that I showed you, Susan. You long ago forsook Narnia."

She fell to her knees in the soft grass. "I didn't… Please, Aslan. I never got to say good bye. Please just left me talk to them. Let me…. I don't know… just let me see them again." Tears began to stream down her face.

The lion regarded for a long moment and lowered his head. He stepped aside and she knew to follow.

They walked among the people in the garden, past all the old familiar faces.

"They can't see us, can they?"

"No," he answered, "You are not of their world anymore. "They cannot see us or hear us." He turned but she had stopped beside her mother's chair.

She was crying again. She had so much to say but the words caught in her throat. "Oh mama, I miss you so much. I… I always wanted to be just like you. And daddy, I…"

"Come, Susan," Aslan called quietly.

She followed him sobbing toward the head of the table. There were only three thrones now before the gathering. "How can I ever…. How can I ever tell them how sorry I am? How much I wish I hadn't treated them so badly? How can I ever tell them how much I love them and miss them?"

"You can remember them." Aslan answered. "You can keep them in your heart as long as you live. You can tell your children their stories. They know you loved them, Susan."

"I have to go now, don't I?" she had heard the tone in his voice before. She looked back at her siblings when the lion nodded. "And I can never come back?"

"No, my child, you can't..."

She nodded and squeezed here eyes closed. "Good bye, Aslan." She whispered. There was a breeze against her face and when she opened her eyes she was again in the darkened room. Her sobs poured forth harder now. She remembered the day in the woods. He had promised that she and Peter would get to return. One day they would be called home. And she had turned her back on all of it. And Susan Pevensie now knew why she had never felt so alone.


Comments, Criticisms, anything?

A/N: Just something that came to me one night. Not my usual genre but I hope it wasn't too bad.