"Athanasia" Entry One

Hi everyone. First off, spoilers for the game, so ya. Anyway, this is a diary-like story so the 'entries' may be a little short. It leads into an Amarant-Freya thing so if you don't like that pairing you may not like this. I wrote it in Word with a parchment background and handwriting font, so it just looks weird here, heh. That's why there's strikeouts and underlines, trying to emulate real paper-writing. Oh, and it's been a long time since I played the game, so please forgive any out-of-characterness I may have included. ^_^ Language and sexual innuendo and general darkness has garnered this an R.
It starts after the final battle but before the end of the game, so that is why everyone is thinking Zidane is dead.
Athanasia - the quality of being deathless; immortality.

By Amanda Swiftgold

Entry One

--Uh damn. Look at all this blank space here. I don't even know what I'm writing. I have absolutely nothing to say, but on the other hand I also have absolutely nothing to do. So I figure I'll give this a shot. Maybe later on I can put this book in a chest and hide it somewhere for some adventurer to find and keep, as if my damn journal will help him in his quest somehow.
The thought of that kind of amuses me. Keep this book, kiddo. Find all the others and bring 'em to the lady in Lindblum who will pay you a crapload of gil for 'em. Right. Where exactly is this lady, you ask, even though it's been a hundred years since I hid this? Well, see here, you have to find a bunch of clues
Ah, what a bunch of bullshit. I'm just going to write what I feel like whenever. And if anyone I know reads this then I'll kill 'em. (This includes you, Lani, don't think it doesn't.) I could care less who gets this after I'm dead. Use it for kindling or toilet paper, whatever.
Anyway, this is my book. Who am I? I guess I'm kind of famous, in a way, having helped save Gaia and all. Not like Zidane or the queen ever got to be, though. I must have found fifty paperbacks novelizing their meeting and adventures and 'doomed love' already.
I don't mind not getting the attention. It's much better this way. I get all the benefits of fame, like having most of those damn bounty hunters stop getting after me, but I'm not important enough that people follow me around asking for my autograph, like they do to some of the others if the mood strikes them. That might also be because I don't exactly look approachable
You know, this is all just stupid. Why am I even writing in this? Maybe I will just hide this in a cave for some adventurer. I guess that's who I'm writing to here, because I have to be writing to someone. I already know all this for my own self, so I don't need to keep it for me.
Well, if you're still reading, whoever you are, don't expect anything. At all.
Uh so a while back Zidane gave me this book he found. It's got nothing in it so he said I might like to have it to write things down in. Whatever. I won't ever know now what he expected from me, but of course I never did quite understand that. Zidane is was a mystery to me, why he thought the way he did and everything else besides. I tried, very hard, to understand why he gave his life to try and save Kuja. I suppose it's the same reason he wouldn't kill me after defeating me.
I don't want to believe he's just gone, after everything. He always seemed to have all the answers.
Well, the little shit didn't think about how I was supposed to write in this thing, did he? Regular pens are too small for my hands so I had to swallow my pride, get a griffin quill, and get Dr. Tot to make me one I can hold better. It works pretty good and the end is whittled down small so I don't take up half a page with a few words.
If you're at all familiar with the people I've mentioned you probably know who I am. I bet you're wondering now when someone like me ever learned to write at all. (And learned to use 'big words', too. Heh.) Well, tough. I don't feel like explaining all that right now. I'm not what a lot of people think I am, though maybe I used to be, once.
This is getting ahead of things. I guess if I'm going to sit here and talk about myself on paper I may as well start at the beginning. I don't know how old I am exactly but I figure I was born somewhere between twenty and thirty years ago. So that is when it starts.
My beginning was just like everyone else's in the world, except the Genomes and the Black Mages if you want to be technical about it. I don't exactly know who my parents were but I do know, from what I was told and figured for myself, what happened between them.
I'm not human, I know that much. I mean, all you have to do is look at me to tell. Maybe there's part of me that is, somewhere. My mother was probably the same race as old Queen Brahne used to be. Light blue-skinned, human-like, I guess it is, and treated the same, but not quite the real thing. My fath-*
Ah, hell, I'm just going to be blunt about it. No use dancing around the issue. My father is some mountain creature who attacked and raped my mother while she was traveling alone to Treno. He was probably some kind of humanoid type, at least something close enough. I don't know really, I've never met him. Hell, me or Zidane or someone with us probably killed him along the way somewhere and I never knew it. No loss there. What would you say in a situation like that anyhow?
Besides being assaulted, which started me, she got to Treno okay and stayed there after she found out what she'd been cursed with, just waiting for me to be born. I guess they thought I was going to be twins because I was so big and they didn't find out the truth until it was too late. I was born in a river of my mother's blood and killed her with my very birth. I've had those kind of stains on my hands ever since the moment I took breath so I suppose it was just an omen of things to come.
I don't re
Damn it, that's enough of this. I'm through with this shit.