Why One Should Never Feed an Owl Canary Creams
Author's Notes: This is a companion fic to my story "The Prank War." I was sitting at the computer, writing this part where Fred and George are explaining their ordeal to Ron, and started laughing so hard that I just had to write this as a separate fic. This is set during Harry, Ron and Hermione's seventh year. AU after OotP; Voldemort defeated in sixth year, Lucius Malfoy dead, Sirius still alive, and a prank war going on between the seventh years at Hogwarts.
This fic will be slowly updated, and its chapters will be shorter than my usual work; it will be multi-chaptered but not too long. I refuse to let it become as big a project as my other stories are. I hope I don't have to abandon it, but I might; regardless, the idea was too much fun to pass up. I would appreciate any and all feedback.This is a repost, by the way; the initial post came out mangled.
Summary: While delivering a letter from Ron, Pig eats a Canary Cream… but they weren't meant for owls. Now the twins are trying to fix an enormous hyperactive canary before it destroys their joke shop… and before their brother finds out.
A Large Problem
It was a little after noon and Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes had just opened for business. So far, there were only six customers in the shop, all of them browsing the shelves with interest while Fred and George Weasley, entrepreneurs extraordinaire, chatted away behind the counter.
The Weasley twins looked up when the door chimes went off; Lee Jordan had said he'd drop by, but it was only a pair of customers, a tall, good-looking brunette girl about Fred and George's age with a little boy, presumably her kid brother, at her side.
"Check her out," Fred muttered.
"She's okay," George said with a shrug.
"She's hot," Fred argued.
"I prefer blonds," George said.
"Well, then, you won't mind if I go over there," Fred said as the girl split up from her brother and went wandering the aisles.
"Help yourself," George said with a grin, turning to rearrange a Ton-Tongue Toffee display.
Fred put on a charming smile and started to head over, but before he could, something small and gray bounced off his head.
"Ouch!" he complained. Fred looked around for what had hit him and saw his brother's owl, Pigwidgeon, zooming around George.
"We've got to buy Ron a new owl," Fred said irritably as George made a wild grab for Pig and missed.
"Excuse me," someone said, and Fred turned to see the pretty brunette standing in front of him. "Could you tell me what these are, exactly?" She gestured at a bowl of Canary Creams.
"Ah, one of our first inventions," Fred said with pride. "These, my friend, will turn anyone who eats them into a canary—temporarily, of course," he added hastily, seeing her shocked look. "Allow me to demonstrate."
He picked up one of the Canary Creams and unwrapped it, then set it in the palm of his hand and started to lift it to his mouth. Before he'd gotten halfway there, however, Pig came flying out of nowhere and snatched the treat from his hand.
"Pig, NO!" Fred and George yelled.
Too late. The tiny owl had swallowed the candy.
A bang like a gunshot went off and the whole shop began to fill with yellow smoke. The brunette girl started screaming.
"It's okay!" Fred tried to yell, but coughed on the smoke.
"It's Big Bird, Angie!" shouted the girl's brother excitedly.
"Joey, RUN!" she screamed.
"What's happening?" George shouted, unable to see.
"Not to worry, folks!" Fred called over the noise as the customers panicked. "It's all under control—those things just aren't meant for owls, you know, says right on the wrapper: 'Intended only for human digestion…'"
"The 'folks' have all evacuated, Fred, don't bother!" George told him. The smoke was beginning to clear, and the shop was indeed empty, save for Fred, George, and a five-foot-wide, seven-foot-tall yellow bird, an even mix of canary and owl.
"Bloody hell," George breathed, staring at the once-small bird. "Is that Pig!"
"No, George, it's a customer come to ask about our exclusive line of exploding underwear."
Pig had suddenly let out an ear-splitting hoot and started to raise his wings, one of which smacked into a shelf and sent a bunch of boxes crashing to the ground.
"Stupefy!" George yelled, then hurriedly ran as far away from Pig as possible as the giant yellow canary/owl fell forward on the joke shop floor. "Damn it, why couldn't Ron have sent us a letter with Hedwig?"
"Well, at least he'll be molting in a few seconds," Fred muttered, stepping forward to detach the letter from Pig's leg.
"Whatever Ron has to say, it had better be good," George said, leaping over Pig to read the letter over Fred's shoulder.
Dear Fred and George,
Hi guys; how's the shop going? Things are pretty crazy here at Hogwarts. Harry, Hermione and I need your advice. I'm sure you two, of all people, remember the traditional seventh-year prank war… well, the three of us need some major help getting revenge on Malfoy. I'm talking the worst prank you can think of. Hermione says "preferably something really humiliating," at least, that's what she said right after Malfoy got her. You won't believe what he did—he put sleeping potion in her juice, and then when she passed out he stole all her clothes and put her in Snape's bed! With him! She's still fuming about it. So we thought we'd ask you for your expertise. Harry's writing to Remus and Sirius, and Ginny's making lists of people we could get to help and minor pranks we could do like Bulbadox Powder or whatever, and Hermione has actually gotten Snape to help us… but I decided to ask the masters. Any ideas? I don't suppose you'd be willing to give us anything from the joke shop for cheap? Please write back as soon as possible.
"Could you just picture Hermione's face, waking up in Snape's bed?" George said as the two of them laughed.
"I can't believe we never thought of that," Fred said, gasping for breath. "Oh, she so would have killed us."
"We've got to ask for details next time we see her."
"Yeah, as long as there's nothing sharp around. Well, let's see… guess we better start thinking of how best to advise him," Fred said. He wiped away a fake tear. "I'm so proud… he's finally following in our footsteps…"
"Idea Number One: Feed Malfoy's owl a Canary Cream," George said thoughtfully.
Fred looked down at Pig in concern. "You know, he should have molted a good long while ago…"
George swallowed. "You do think he will eventually, though, don't you? I mean, surely he'll turn back into an owl soon, right?"
Fred and George looked at each other in concern.
"Right, then, we get rid of the evidence and claim we didn't know a thing about this," Fred said cheerfully.
"Yeah, but how precisely are we going to do that? We can't just… just kill Ron's owl and cut it into little pieces or whatever," George said, frowning.
"Good point… well, we'll just have to send him back to Ron and let Ron wonder what the hell happened."
"Um, Fred? Don't you think the fact that Pig is now a mutant canary as big as Hagrid might be a clue? And the fact that Pig was coming here could be a tip off…"
"Well… why don't we… oh, I know! HAGRID! We'll send him to Hagrid; he'll know what to do! And even if he doesn't, Hagrid will go to Dumbledore!"
"Good plan… but how will we get him to Hagrid?"
The twins thought about this for a second, glancing around the shop for inspiration. Finally, George's gaze settled on the fireplace and his eyes lit up.
"I've got an idea."