((Sorry it's so short and so late and so cruel! I'll post again soon, but better something than nothing, right?))
Rehearsals had run extremely late, thanks to Takeshi's bumbling and Daisuke was beat. He couldn't wait to get home and see Dark, but that thought froze him. Daisuke flushed as he remembered the previous night's activities. He was such an idiot. He hadn't been able to go through with it after all. He couldn't believe they'd gotten as close as they did!
He'd lied to Dark. It wasn't that it didn't feel good… Sure, it had hurt, and it had been uncomfortable, but Daisuke had the feeling that if he'd just stuck it out, he probably would have gotten used to it before too long. No, it wasn't that it didn't feel good… it was more because… it did. It had felt like nothing that Daisuke had ever imagined before; such an intense pressure! But he couldn't go through with it. Going through with it meant that it was for real.
Sure, he'd kissed Dark and he'd even touched him; tasted him. He shivered in pleasant memory. But that wasn't the same. All that stuff? It could be a phase, right? …But he didn't want Dark to be a phase. He didn't want Dark to be a phase, but he wasn't ready to admit it. Daisuke wasn't ready to admit that he liked it when Dark touched him, that he liked the smell, the taste, the feeling of Dark. He wasn't ready to admit that he was gay. It seemed like it was no big deal to everyone else; his parents, Dark, even Riku! But didn't anybody consider that maybe he didn't want to be gay? Daisuke's life was hard enough. He didn't need one more thing to make him different than everybody else. What would Takeshi say when he found out? Would he yell? Be disgusted? Or would he be okay with it, shrug and say he already figured, and what would be worse?
Gay wasn't something you just accepted and got over. It was something you had to deal with for the rest of your life. With every new person he met, he'd have to wonder, how will they take it? What will they think of me? Every teacher, every employer, every friend… Being with Dark was going to be harder than he had ever imagined, but being without him… now that would be impossible.
Daisuke sighed. If he loved Dark, and he knew that he did, then the other stuff shouldn't matter. He kicked a pebble listlessly. But it did matter. Maybe because he wasn't as brave as he should be, or because he hadn't ever had the chance to feel like a normal kid, it mattered. He felt a sob rising up in the back of his throat and he tried to choke it back, but to no avail. He felt the hot tears sliding down his face as he reached the gate to his house. Why did it always have to be like this? Every time he wanted to be strong; prove to himself that he was still a man, he would cry, or break down, only proving that he wasn't. He was openly sobbing, confused and miserable. He didn't want his family to see him and ask questions. He slid down the stone wall, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his face in the sleeves of his school blazer.
Dark watched the boy in silence. It was a pitiful sight and it broke his heart. He knew that Daisuke had been lying about being okay, but he hadn't known that it was bothering him so much. After a long moment, he pushed open the gate and slid down the wall to sit next to the younger boy.
Daisuke looked up at the sound, wiping frantically at his eyes. He was momentarily startled out of his depression by the sight that met him.
Dark's hair was now dyed a cotton-candy blue. His bangs hung just below his eyebrows and the back had been cropped extremely short. Piercings adorned both his right eyebrow and the left side of his bottom lip.
"D-dark?" the boy stammered.
Dark chuckled. "Looks that different, huh?" he asked.
"It… it looks good." Daisuke told him, sniffling slightly. "I'm sorry." He stammered, looking down.
"Is it about me?" Dark asked quietly.
Daisuke hesitated. "Kind of." He admitted.
"Is it about last night?"
Dark nodded. "Okay." He paused a moment. "Is it okay if I hold you?"
Daisuke swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears from welling up again. "Yah." He squeaked, falling into the older man's arms, just as the sobs overtook him again.
Dark held the boy, rubbing his back in slow circles. He didn't know what else to do to comfort his disconsolate lover.
Daisuke cried for what felt like hours before the sobbing subsided. He lifted his head to meet Dark's eyes and was overwhelmed by the love and concern therein. He swallowed hard, knowing with all his heart that he wanted to kiss this man. Was it a bad thing to want? He leaned in, closing his eyes and his lips brushed lightly against Dark's. The metal of the lip ring sent chills through him and he remembered that he would have to be careful. Something in that made him feel a little better. He had to be careful of his lover. He had to care for his lover. He smiled slightly as he felt the tentative nature of Dark's kiss. It didn't make him any less a man to love a man. They were both men. He kissed Dark a little deeper, sliding over to straddle the man's knees. It took a lot of strength to love as deeply as they did. It was something he could be proud of. When they finally broke apart, he laughed embarrassedly, burying his face in the collar of Dark's jacket.
"I'm such a dork." He apologized. He looked up, sucking in his lower lip as he studied Dark's face. "I want to do it, Dark." He told him. "Let's have sex, okay?"
Dark's eyebrows shot up at the completely unexpected remark. "What? But Dai, I-"
Daisuke leaned in kissing the man again, more sensually this time, still being careful of the new piercing. "I want to." He told him. "I really do."
swallowed thickly. "Are you sure? I mean, we can wait, its
Daisuke shook his head. "I want to." He repeated.
"Okay." Dark breathed, his mind humming, unable to think.
The two approached the house hand in hand, pulses racing. This was it. This was the night it would finally happen. Daisuke was ready this time. He knew he was. He didn't know if he could stand the anticipation.
"Daissuke!" his mother called from the kitchen when she heard the door swing shut.
"Yah?" Daisuke asked hurriedly, poking his head around the corner, in a rush to get to his room.
"Your aunty Ikuko was just on the phone. I told her we'd watch Toshi for the night. He'll be sleeping on the floor in your room okay?"
Daiskue froze. "Mom-"
"It's only one night." She brushed him off. "Besides, it's not like you two do anything anyway." She rolled her eyes, turning back to the dishes, signifying that the conversation was over.
Daisuke stared for a long moment, finally turning to face Dark who was also staring in the same horrified shock.
"It's okay." The man replied miserably. "Some other time, right?"
Daisuke nodded numbly. This sucked.
((Hah! In your face! Don't you just hate it?!))