Next time we walk
Disclaimer: Yes, I have kidnapped the fellowship. No I don't intend on giving them back. Unless of course, you were willing to pay me... I don't own any of these characters, though the ideas are all mine. Enjoy!
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We come upon the fellowship wandering around Rohan aimlessly. They come upon a subway train platform. The tracks lead into a deep tunnel.
Aragorn looked confused. He had never seen such a mechanism before. "What, pray tell, is this strange mechanism?" He asked, consulting the rest of the fellowship.
Gandalf shrugged, even thought he was supposed to be the smart one and know what was going on. "I have not seen this before. It must be a new tool of Saruman's, bent to do his will."
Legolas felt the urge to take charge of the group and give the orders. "Someone should go down there and survey what lies below." He stated wisely, pointing to the tracks that lay beneath the platform.
Boromir looked around, and saw that no one else had volunteered. Therefore, he decided to put on his happy face. "Excellent. I will go." He exclaimed cheerfully, while in his mind regretting the day he had volunteered to join the fellowship. He hopped off of the platform and started to walk down the track. Seconds later his hair began to move as a cold breeze began to blow. Little did the fellowship know, but this cold breeze signals the arrival of the train.
Gimili decided to offer wise words of advice. "Be careful laddie. That wind is evil."
Boromir tilited his head for a moment. "It does have a chill to it. I think I'll climb back up." Boromir heaved himself back on to the platform, then proceeded to dust himself off.
Meanwhile, the hobbits have been playing a hardcore game of catch with an apple. The apple is thrown too hard by Frodo and lands on the train tracks. Immeadiately there is a fight about who is going to get it.
"I've got it!" Merry exclaimed ran for the edge of the platform, shoving Sam out of his way.
"No, I've got it!" Pippin shouted before he and Merry dived on to the tracks. A couple of seconds go by as the hobbits wrestle for control. Pippin triumphs, grabs the apple and throws it back to Frodo and Sam.
"You must move!" Gandalf cautioned suddenly, a note of fear in his voice. "A monster approaches!"
Merry and Pippin immeadiately tried to climb back on to the platform, but were having troubles, since they were vertically challenged.
Boromir looked at the rest of the fellowship. Gandalf was puffing on his pipe and looking unconcerned. Legolas was whispering about something with Aragorn, and both were giving dark looks to Gimili, who was cheering on Frodo and Sam in their hardcore game of apple throwing. Boromir decided to be the hero.
"Don't worry hobbits! I'll save you!" Boromir threw himself onto the tracks and tossed Pippin to Legolas and Merry to Aragorn. Just as he was about to climb back on to the platform himself, the train arrived and ran him over.
Pippin let out a dramatic yell like Frodo did when Gandalf fell off the bridge in the Mines of Moria. "NO! BOROMIR!" He cried before struggling against Legolas.
"Stop it Pip." Merry said quietly. "It's no use. Boromir is gone."
Aragorn bowed his head solemly as Pippin ceased his struggling. "He will be missed greatly. I knew him well. He was a good man, and a good golfer. But when it came to poker, he cheated so bad-"
Aragorn was cut off as the doors of the train slid open. Faramir and Eomer stepped out on to the platform.
Faramir gave the fellowship a cheerful wave, oblivious to the fact that the train he was on just ran over his older brother. "Hey, what's up you guys?"
Eomer ignored the rest and turned to Legolas, an Elf he was fond of annoying. "Hey Elf-boy! What's kicking?
Legolas clenched his fists in anger. "How many times do I have to tell you? My name is not Elf-boy! It's Legolas! Legolas!"
Eomer shurgged, then smirked. "Sure. Whatever."
Gandalf peered at the train from under his thick grey eyebrows. "What is this strange monster called? The one that just spit you out?"
"Can you blame it?" Sam whispered to Frodo, earning a rasied eyebrow from Aragorn.
Faramir remained oblivious to the fact that he was being insulted. "It's called a subway. It's really cool."
"Its not a monster, yet it is unlike anything we have encountered." Eomer added, not wanting to be left out. "It's all the rage in Gondor I hear."
Aragorn perked up at the mention of his homeland. Just then, the doors of the subway began to slide shut. "Quickly everyone! Into the subway!" Aragorn shouted before seizing Gimili and tossing him in head first. The rest of the fellowship dived into the train at the last second.
Gimili sat up and blinked a couple of times, rubbing his now aching skull. "Is everyone here?" He asked in his thick Irish accent.
Merry shrugged. "I am. Where's the apple Pippin?"
Pippin held out his hands innocently. "I don't have it. I gave it to Sam." He turned to Sam, who was staring out the window. "Where's the apple Sam?"
Sam continued staring out the window. "Isn't Boromir supposed to be dead?" He asked, his hobbit voice filled with confusion.
"Still is, last I heard of him." Aragorn commented, bowing his head again. "I knew him well. He was wonderful at golf, but when it came to field hockey..."
"So what's he doing right there?" Sam asked, interupting Aragorn's sermon.
The fellowship clustered around the window and sure enough, Boromir was standing up and brushing himself off. Two sets of train tracks are visible on his back. He peered around, then spotted the fellowship peering from the train at him. He broke into a run as the train began to move.
"It is he! He's alive!" Pippin exclaimed, pressing his nose against the window. "Boromir!"
"He is alive." Merry agreed, peering over Pippin's shoulder. "How'd he do that?"
Aragorn shrugged. "I don't know. I never really thought to ask him."
"I didn't know he could run that fast." Legolas commented.
"Yeah, look at that laddie go!" Gimili waved at Boromir. "Run laddie run!"
The train sped up and Boromir was lost in the darkness of the tunnel. The fellowship settled into the plastic seats.
Gandalf sighed. "Alas. Boromir has passed from my sight and into shadow. I fear for him."
Aragorn rolled his eyes. "Thank you Gandalf for stating the obvious. I'm sure we never would have come to that conclusion ourselves."
Gandalf frowned. "Mind your elders you dirty human." He smacked Aragorn with his staff.
"So, where are we going?" Pippin asked after a few minutes of silence.
Merry sighed. "Weren't you paying attention?"
Pippin shook his head. "Nope."
"What a surprise." Sam muttered under his breath.
"Then where are we going Sam?" Frodo asked smugly. (He really had no idea either.)
Sam shrugged. "How am I supposed to know. Gandalf is the leader."
The four hobbits turned to Gandalf. He was staring at the Elvish runes on Legolas's bow. Legolas was looking extremely uncomfortable and was trying to edge away from him.
"Well?" Sam asked after a few minutes. "Where are we going?"
"According to the map, we should be entering Gondor anytime now." Gandalf said, still staring at Legolas's bow.
"My bow is not the map." Legolas muttered through gritted teeth.
"Shut up." Gandalf commanded before smacking Legolas with his staff.
Aragorn peered out the window. "Are you sure we're going to Gondor Gandalf?"
"That's what my map is telling me." Gandalf said, straightening back up.
The train came to a halt. The doors opened and the Fellowship stepped out onto the platform and blinked in the bright sunlight. A sign nearby reads Buffalo, New York.
"It looks like we're not in Gondor anymore." Aragorn stated, looking around for any signs of his loyal subjects.
Legolas rolled his eyes. "Really? What makes you say that?"
A fight was about to break out between Aragorn and Legolas before Gandalf interupted. "Children! Please! I'm trying to think!"
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Wow...I'd say its a little bit of a walk back to Gondor from New York, eh? Just to warn you all, this fic will get really insane really fast, so if you like random humor that borders on the fine line between funny and stupid, you will like this fic.
And I would love any reviews, if you have any comments whatsoever, let me know. Thankies!
And to Manwathiel...I owe you my life girl! Thanks so much! hugs you and buys you candy