Disclaimer: No, I do not own Matantei Loki Ragnarok….although Child Loki is mine to play with for a while…I think that's mostly illegal though. Evil smile
I am the bastard child of an outcast god.
This is not something that I have ever been allowed to forget. I have paid the same price for the prophesy of sins to be committed as my entire family. There are no sins upon my own hands, but to Odin this does not matter. Blood is sin. Heredity is sin. Otou-sama is sin.
Yes, Otou-sama is sin. This is something that I have learned. It is for sins he has yet to commit that I pay.
This is why I am lonely. This is why I am hated. Hated by even my own father. Perhaps he sees the taint of his own flesh in my own, the same sin in my green eyes as his own. We are mirrors of each other and the same hate and loneliness is reflected back to me in him.
And Otou-sama should have understood this. It must be the same when he looks at me. He should have looked into my eyes and seen that I am the same as he is. He should have protected me like he did my brothers.
But Otou-sama is very busy.
Yes, too busy for his own daughter. Too busy to look into the mirror of his own sins and understand them.
And then why, when he does not try to save his own daughter from her own darkness does he care for such a silly girl? That girl has someone to love her, a father to protect her. She has no use for mine at all. But Otou-sama belongs to her more than I. My blood may link him to me inextricably, but not through a bond of love.
Only the bond of loneliness and alienation that we share.
That is what is in our blood, that is what flows within me….only that taint. Otou-sama might as well have filled me with poison at birth because it would make no difference. My blood is sin because Otou-sama is sin.
And that girl is removed from that taint. She is free to be pure and innocent whereas I was marked from birth a something less worthy and less fit. And my own Otou-sama has only contributed to this condemnation. Would he offer up his own life for me like that idiot girl's father? No. I am apart of him and therefore something less. She is free of that. That is the love that we have for each other…being able to love for what the world has done to us and still unable to love because of what we are. I am tainted and she is not. It is that simple.
Even then, it is not that I do not love Otou-sama, but no love can cleanse my blood or change fate. It is written this way by forces beyond the control of any of the gods. It is something already written and something already ordained.
The future is written in blood.
Otou-sama's blood, my blood, my brothers' blood. It makes no difference. It makes me no less responsible in others' eyes.
Even Otou-sama. He did not try to understand me. He did not try to protect me.
Shouldn't you want to see someone you love smile? I don't. I don't know what kind of person that makes me, but I wish Otou-sama would cry. I wish he would do anything but smile. I am sickened by that smile. It is wrong, it is false, and he should not smile! Why would anyone smile when his daughter is like this?
Otou-sama, you left me alone, with only one wish.
I wish for an end to my own blood, to that taint. I wish for an end to yours as well.
You're what I see in the mirror. My answers are written only in blood. But our blood is the same. Your sins are mine.