In 'Tree House of Horror XI: Night of the Dolphin', the dolphins manage to push the people of Springfield into the sea. How do they get back? Can they stop the dolphin march to domination of the earth? To whom can they turn?
REQUIRED DISCLAMER: I do not own 'The Simpsons', all characters and plot concepts, save those introduced in this or any other of my works, are property of Matt Groening/20th Century Fox. I am not profiting financially by publishing this work. I retain all other intellectual rights.
"More seaweed, Honey?"
"No thanks," Lisa said morosely.
"Oh, come on, Lisa, you to eat to keep your strength up!"
Lisa sighed, and continued to look down on the floating cooler lid she was using as a plate.
"Aw! Stupid dolphins! I hate this!" Homer whined.
"My PSP's corroded! And all the TV is picking up now is just one stupid Spanish station!" Bart complained.
"Look, I know no one's happy. I mean, for crying out loud! We're floating in the blippin' ocean! We all have sores and rashes and barnacles in rather uncomfortable places. We're cold and wet and hungry, and have absolutely no privacy-"
"Hey-diddly-ho, Simpsons!" Ned said as he swam by.
"Stop swimming in my dining room!" Homer shouted.
"Look, its no good complaining about what we can't change! We're stuck in the ocean, and that's that!"
"Well, not necessarily," a lilting voice crooned. Their turned, treading water, and saw the Old Irishman floating in the water.
"Oh, hello," Marge said cordially, trying to mask her surprise at the intrusion.
"Ah couldn't help but overhear. You seem to feel the same as th'rest o' th'town." He paused, shaking out his pipe. I crab fell out. "I was jus' thinkin': if th'dolphins are intelligent, an' they pushed us out t'sea, then, why can't we enlist the help o'some o'the other creatures of the deep."
"What do you mean?" Lisa asked, paddling over, the faded, tattered remnants of her red dress billowing around her.
"Well, I was thinkin' about the legend of the Selkie, an' I thought to meself, 'Why not ask them for help?', the seals, I mean. I mean, afterall, dolphins are competitors with the seals, eatin' th'same food, an' some dolphins, killer whales and false killer whales, eat seals. So, if we can' beat the dolphins on our own, and they can', perhaps then we can band together and defeat them! What d'ya say?"
They considered their options for a moment.
"Well, it'd sure beat floating here until we all die of starvation and sun exposure."
"Not to mention crotch rot."
"I didn't need to hear that."
Later that night, the group huddled together, and it was decided that they would send forth a delegation to Seal Island, a pile of rocks to the south of Springfield Harbour, and ask the seals for aid.
The next morning, Homer, Marge, Ned, Ruth Powers, Principal Skinner, Moe, Willie, Rev. Lovejoy, Chief Wiggum, and a few of the children set out on one of the few boats the group could spare, and they began their voyage to Seal Island.
"Why did we have to bring all the kids? What if the seals are hostile?"
"Marge, for sympathy! Think, how would you feel if a bunch of seals came up to the door, showed you their cute little baby seals, and told you how some big mean dolphins kicked them out of their ocean?"
"Hrrrmmm… I guess it's a sound strategy."
Bart and the kids were glad to be out of the water. For weeks, they had been floating on sodden couches and mattresses, clinging to boards and life preservers, and were never more than a foot away from the rolling sea. Their clothes were sodden rags, rotting on their skin. They promptly tore them off and ran about on the deck of the sailboat naked, the warm sun and fresh air caressing their sore and itching skins. Bart felt strange seeing Jessica Lovejoy on board. Seeing her, lying on the top deck, basking in the sun like a goddess, made him feel all at once thrilled and horribly ashamed. It was like a vision from a rare dream, a moment when the world felt as though it truly were a place of magic.
"Jessica! Children! Get down here now! I'll not have you all running about naked as jaybirds! We're Christians, not heathens running around on some beach!"
"Kids, I have some fresh clothes!"
Marge had found some clothing and blankets bellow deck. None fit, as the boat was once that of Captain McAllister, but they were better than nothing, and the first change of clothes they had in for nearly a month. Bart caught Jessica looking at him. She was smiling at him. Nervously, he smiled back.
They reached the island in the afternoon. They saw it looming on the horizon, a mountain of black rocks, floating like a black cloud. They could here the cackling gulls and smell the stink of fish. As they drew nearer, they heard the barking of seals. Lisa leaned over the edge, and saw several swimming alongside them. They leapt from the water, clapping their flippers, splashing in the salty mist. As they slowed and began to weigh anchor, she saw them, floating, looking up at her with their enormous dark eyes. Her unpleasant ordeal with the dolphins had left her wary of the denizens of the deep she had once thought cute and cuddly.
"Hello," she said softly. They continued to stare at her, unblinking, as they bobbed up and down with the waves.
They laid out the landing ramp, and stepped on to the island. They continued along the narrow edge of the island, the sea spray in their nostrils and the waves inches from their feet, for half the diameter of the island. Then, they found a fissure in the rocks, followed the water in. The seals were swimming right next to them, some ignoring them, others stopping and watching them with their intense gaze. The stopped at a cul de sac, where all the dolphins were lying on the rocks in the sun that now was slanting through the rocks. At the back, near the rock wall, was the Alpha: an enormous male with a great shaggy main and gleaming fangs sticking out from his mouth. The sea lions barked, alerting their leader to the newcomers. Growling, he slid down from his comfortable spot in the sun, and, accompanied by several lesser males and his mate, he went to meet the strangers.
He stood before them, raised as high as he could, snarling, sniffing.
"Ehem…er, Mr. Seal, uh, sir," Skinner blundered.
"Seal? I am no common seal! I am a sea lion! Monarchs of the coasts, we are a proud and mighty race, and this is my pack! I will not be addressed as 'Mr. Seal', thank you very much, for I find it as repellant as you would surely find being called 'little man'!"
"Well, then, sir, erm, sea lion, we are humans from Springfield. We were driven into the sea by the dolphins, lead by their King Snorky. He killed several of our people, and took our town. We now float, helpless, waiting to die of sun exposure and dehydration. We ask your help in driving the dolphins back into the sea!"
"Back into the sea? Why would I want those infernal dolphins back in my ocean? They stole our fish, they infringe upon our territory, and murder my people. I could not be happier to be rid of them! Drive them back into the sea? What would they do then, but wreak their vengeance upon us!"
"Please! Our people our starving! They're dying!"
"And I care? Your people hunted us for our skins! They poison our waters, steal our fish, and treat us like vermin! Your boats scare away our food and cut us to pieces. Just the other day, a mother was murdered by one of your 'motorboats', her head smashed open. Her pup has no one to feed her now. You ask us for help? Then allow me to refuse it!"
"Please, Your Majesty," Lisa begged, pushing to the front of the crowd, "Please, I am the one who deserves punishment! I released King Snorky from captivity! Its my fault, and I desrve whatever comes my way, but please, I beg of you, I have a brother and a younger sister! My sister, she's just an infant?"
"Infant? A pup?"
"Yes. She can not walk, and she can't swim. If we can't return to land, if we can't find food, she'll die! And there are others just like her! Please, don't let them die on my account! I can't save them-If I could spare them, I would. Please, if you help us, I promise that we'll change! We will treat you with the respect and honour you deserve. We'll slow down our boats, and put guards around the propellers. We'll cut down on fishing…"
"We'll divert the sewage lines back into the lake!" Skinner added.
"Please, Lord of the Sea Lines, think of the children!" Homer groveled
"Think of the children!" Helen Lovejoy shrieked.
The old sea lion looked at them, sniffing and growling. He saw the desperation in their eyes. And there, in one of the children, Jessica, he saw it. Yes…one of our children.
"I shall consider it. I have not agreed to anything, any more than my giving your request my consideration, and the promise to give you my answer on the morrow. For tonight, you may sleep on my island, and eat our fish. With the dolphins gone and your boats shut down, we have food a-plentiful once more." With that, he dove into the water, followed by his entourage.