Much Ado About The Force After Death.
AN: This fic was written by me and my friend Nessa. To read this properly you need to know who Siri and Tahl are. SPOILERS AHEAD Siri was a love interest of Obi-Wan who died during the Clone Wars and Tahl was a love interest of Qui-Gon. She was blind and died before Episode One. Read the Jedi Apprentice series to find out more about them.
Disclaimer: Star Wars and all its characters and locations are the property of George Lucas. We are not making any profit from this fic.
"Hello, I am Count Dooku, and I am here to tell you about the wonderful world of the Force after death. This land is rolling grassy meadows, which eventually turns into hills and forests. Right smack bang in the middle of this paradise is the Jedi Force Temple. Complete with no blaster damage, and with endless armies of battle droids for you to kill whenever you wish."
"Shmi here, from Tatooine. How do can you get entrance to the Force after death!"
"You're not a Jedi or a Sith, get lost!" Stabs Shmi with his lightsabre.
"Ahem. Now that that nuisance is taken care of, feel free to read on about life in the Force after Death….I, on the other hand, am wanted at a tea party with my old friend Master Sifo-Dyas!"
Ever since Qui-Gon Jinn, great Master of the Jedi Order, had become one with the Force he had felt GREAT! Apart from the fact that he was dead, life was peachy! Well, Force life. As he skipped through the meadows surrounding the Force Jedi Temple, singing a happy song, he smashed headlong into Darth Maul.
"Hey, what are you doing here! This place is for lightsiders ONLY!" Qui-Gon was rather annoyed that a snobby Sith Lord like Maul could mange to cut himself a piece of the Jedi's Force paradise.
"Chill, dude! I just wanted to apologise for the whole killing you thing. I had just had a load of candies and sugar makes me hypo." Maul stuck out his hand. "No hard feelings mate!"
"Really, mate? No hard feelings from this side of the force either. Come on, my new best friend Mauley, let's go pick daisies! I need a birthday present for Tahl." Qui-Gon enthusiastically wrung Mauley's hand.
"Really?" Asked Mauley, "I'll make her a daisy chain!"
"Nooooooo!" Qui-Gon shrieked. "That's my idea! Go get your own. Even though you're a Sith Lord, stealing people's birthday present ideas is so not cool! And so rude! Hmmph!"
Siri stood on top of one of the many hills surrounding the Temple, with her old friend Jedi Master Yaddle at her side. She looked down over the plains, surveying Qui-Gon and Maul with disgust. "Look at Jinn showing of to Tahl. Honestly! Plus, I am sick of waiting for Obi to die. This is getting boring being by myself. And Qui-Gon and Tahl are rubbing it in my face. This is, like, such a bad day." Siri punched a nearby tree in frustration.
"A life span of 900 years, at least your partner does not have! Miss Yoda playing with my hair, I do," replied Yaddle.
Siri nodded uninterestedly while studding her nails. Suddenly she let out a scream. "I broke a nail! No! The world is ending!"
"Oh Tahl, my all seeing lightsabre maiden? I have a surprise for youuuu!" Qui-Gon used the Force to leap over several hills and trees, not to mention the entire Temple to land beside Tahl, quickly followed by Mauley. "Oooh, what is it Qui-Gon? TELL ME!" Tahl demanded.
Qui-Gon handed her the daisy chain and kissed her. "Happy Birthday, my love!"
"Oooh, thank you Qui-Gon! It's just what I always wanted!"
"What? A DAISY CHAIN! This is what you always wanted? You've got to be kidding me!" Maul cried looking at the daisy chain with contempt.
"I'm getting tired of your complaints Maul. And I'm worried about Qui-Gon hanging out with you. You're a bad example!" Tahl snapped at Maul, before sticking out her hand and using the force to make Mauley fly back a couple of kilometres and land in a particularly stinky patch of mud. She then kissed Qui-Gon again quite passionately.
They were rudely interrupted however, by Jedi Master Mace Windu and his ridiculously fluorescent purple lightsabre falling out of the sky. Show off!
"Hello Mace. Nice to see you again. Welcome to the Force. You know all that 'becoming one with the Force' preachy-ness." Said Qui-Gon and grinned at Mace.
"So this is the Force." Mace looked around before his keen eyes caught sight of Tahl and Qui-Gon kissing passionately. "Oh Force, let me out of this mental asylum!" He shrieked.
But his fate was sealed. He was doooomed…
We take no responsibility for people having heart attacks or suffering brain damage after reading this fanfic. It is entirely their fault for wanting to read it.
Yoda: My reputation, destroyed you have!
Quit complaining Yoda! It was sacrificed for the sake of comedy. A noble cause wouldn't you say?