Errors have been fixed and some new things have been added. Reading Wild Cards is not a requirement but it's a damn good book series if you like superheroes or enjoyed The Incredibles.

Comprehensive Disclaimer: Naruto and Wild Cards are copyrighted by companies and individuals that have more money than I do and wouldn't get much out of suing me since I'm not writing this for money anyway. I am merely borrowing concepts and characters to entertain myself and others.

Key: "English"

Where the Hell are We Now! (working title)
By Kaori

At first we thought that aliens abducted us and we'd never see our home planet again; the vehicle we were travelling in was that high tech. And before you get on my case, yes aliens exist. We got over that little shocker when one showed up to save us in 1946 from a virus his people created (he failed but that's history and this ain't a lecture).

Anyway we noticed that the panels we were looking at had English lettering on it and that made things even scarier because we had been on vacation in Nevada near Groom Lake and everybody and their grandmother knows what's near Groom Lake.

We freaked out. "Oh my God we accidentally wandered into Area 51 and now they're gonna hold us prisoner and make us wear crappy clothes and we'll never see home again!" Yeah, I know, weird thought process but when you're in a state of hysteria you tend to have really stupid thoughts. Somehow being kidnapped by the U.S. government is worse than being abducted by aliens. Let me know if that ever makes sense.

The only person in our little group who wasn't panicking was snoring rather loudly; and drooling on my shoulder too, Gah! Disgusting! And I think now would be a good time to introduce us.

My name is Kertorra Lewis, and between my gibbering I was wishing whoever had taken us prisoner hadn't put my manacles on so tight because my skin was starting to turn funny colours for lack of proper circulation.

On my right (and drooling on my shoulder, ick), was Gina McCartney. If she had been awake she would've been freaking out too and those pale hazel eyes of hers would've been popping out of her head (ooh, fun mental pictures). I envied her unconsciousness and wondered why our hysterics hadn't woken her up.

Finally, on my left and just as scared as I was, was Bradley Davis. Quite frankly if I wasn't terrified as well I'd have been laughing at him. He has no idea how ridiculous he looked. Did he know his ears wiggled when he was scared? Why hadn't I noticed that before? Note to self: tease him later and think of ways to scare the bejeezus out of him on a daily basis.

Our other friends, who are fortunate enough not to be here, jokingly call us the KGB. In junior high all three of us were prefects and we were constantly on patrol; the fact that our initials fit the military acronym didn't help matters. We were an odd group: the tomboy techie (c'est moi), the bubbly brunette (Gina; she may be prettier but I'm taller haha), and the macho muscle (Bradley); the brains, the beauty, and the brawn if you will. Our personalities aren't all that stereotypical but for the sake of brevity I won't elaborate.

But back to the abduction thing.

Bradley and I had just started to calm down when someone came into our little holding area that almost sent us panicking again. A Joker. And from the looks of him, a crazy one at that. Great…

He was tall; easily eight feet. I remember thinking "Well, that explained the size of the doors." His height, at the time I wasn't completely sure it was a he since his face had this melting quality that was quite sickening (and the horn on his head wasn't helping the image either), wasn't what was so frightening. The dude was armed to the teeth with knives. Regular throwing knives, curved knives, knives that had hooks on the end, and a really scary one that was jagged up to a point and then twisted like a corkscrew. Gina chose that moment to wake up and, predictably, she screamed causing the newcomer to wince from the pitch and volume. Damn but that girl has a set of lungs… too bad she can't sing worth a crap.

"Shut up!" he yelled (erasing all doubts about his gender). Gina's mouth clicked shut but she still had that deer-in-headlights look we were all sporting. "Which one of you is Tara St.Cyr?" Shock turned to utter confusion. "Don't play stupid with me! If you will not tell me I'll just find out myself." He took out one of the throwing knives and again we were scared. Roughly he grabbed me by my forearm and slashed the palm of my hand, drawing blood.

"Argh! Motherfucker that hurt!" I screamed.

"Shut up or I'll kill you." I muttered something uncomplimentary about his parents that nice young ladies aren't supposed to say (thank goodness I never characterized myself as being a lady or nice). "Pray that you're the one we are looking for because I will take great pleasure in hurting you if you aren't." Me and my big mouth. He took out what I recognized as a DNA scanner and dripped the blood onto it. A two second pause and he leered at me. "Ah, such a pity. God must hate you." He licked the knife and I wished I had some horrible disease he could contract (the Wild Card virus didn't count especially since he already had that and he was worse off than me for it). "Although, seeing as you're a Deuce I won't torture you. I might get a good price for you on the pet markets. There are a lot of rich bastards that would pay through the nose for an exotic pet like you."

"Don't you touch her!" snarled Bradley. I kicked him to shut him up but to no avail as the Joker flicked one of his knives at him, slicing Bradley's cheek. Ooh, sometimes I wish I were an Ace so I could get back at bastards like this guy. True, compared to Norms like my little brother I was incredible, but Aces… well, nobody messed with you if you were an Ace.

"If you want I could torture you instead..." Bradley growled at that and I kicked him again. He pouted but complied with my silent request not to make things any worse. Our captor's gaze then turned to Gina who cringed and tried to hide behind me. "Your turn little mouse."

The DNA scan turned up negative once more and, since it was obvious that Bradley wasn't this Tara girl our captor was very angry; he stomped out to tell off whomever else was onboard after knocking the three of us out.

I don't know how long we were out for but when I woke up again we were being tossed around something terrible. Klaxons were going off like crazy and the emergency lights were flashing. Gina wondered if we were being rescued or attacked. I felt a massive headache coming on. What I wouldn't give for a thermoblaster and my hoverboard. Unfortunately the former was completely out of the question and the latter was back at our hotel.

"Hell and damnation what a lousy vacation this is turning out to be!" I screamed. Bradley and Gina didn't get to reply as a hit struck the port side and everything went white. Which brings us up to now.

When I came to I found myself looking at someone's ass. It was a nice ass but one can only look at ass for so long before they get bored. It had been ten minutes and I was tired of looking at it without being able to do anything. So I pinched it.

Sauske let out a yelp and almost dropped the now conscious girl he had been carrying; he dropped her once he stopped running. This caused Kakashi and Naruto to also stop. Sakura had stopped when she saw what the girl was about to do and was fuming behind Sasuke. The girl looked up at them sheepishly.

"Eheh...Er…hi there?" A pair of glares, an amused but wary eye, and a half-glare half confused expression greeted her.

How dare you molest Sasuke-kun+ screamed Sakura. The other girl frowned.

"What did you just say?" Now it was Sakura's turn to be confused and she echoed the question except in Japanese. The girl's face fell as she realized that Sakura didn't understand.

Sensei I don't think she speaks our language.+ Sasuke observed, while Sakura ranted on about how that better not have been an insult and made threats she was never going to carry out anyway.

That makes things more difficult.+ Kakashi said. +However, maybe we can make things a bit less disconcerting for our friend here.+ He walked over to the girl who flinched and then relaxed when she realized Kakashi wasn't going to hurt her. He pointed to himself and said+Kakashi.+ Then he pointed at each of the gennins. +Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto.+ The girl made a face and then pointed to herself.


Well now, what will Kakashi-tachi do with her? Where are Gina and Bradley? And what about the language barrier? At least one of these questions will be answered next chapter! So feed the authoress' ego! Review!