Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Legal Amends: I'm sorry if the use of any political/religious group in fic offends anyone. Please understand that this was not meant to be taken seriously and was written as a pure piece of fiction. It does not represent my views on any group or other association of any kind.
The cruise ship scene was just bizarre. A vampire attacked chibi-Becky, and chibi-Raz swooped in to save the day. Meanwhile an alien captured chibi-Becky. Chibi-Raz whooped ass on that thing to. Then El Chupacabras started to sacrifice chibi-Becky to the God of Canned Potatoes by chanting in Norwegian and roasting her over a bright blue fire. The chibi-Raz rushed them with a gang of Indians. And I mean Indians as in from India, not Native Americans, so it was a gang of turban wearing, camel riding good guys. Finally chibi-Raz managed to take chibi-Becky to the ultra-safe spot of the brim of a volcano, where a pterodactyl in a priest uniform was waiting to marry them.
"Becky," chibi-Raz yelled, "I love you from the depths of my soul to the echoing cavern of my mind. MARRY ME!"
"Oh, Razputin," chibi-Becky screamed, looking like a fangirl, "I'll follow you to the pits of hell!"
"Becky," the real Raz whispered, "You don't believe that, right?"
"Not a chance in hell," she replied. "I like the pterodactyl suit, though."
The marriage scene went pretty much like this:
Pterodactyl: Caw, cawcawcaw, caca, dadada, CAW?
Chibi-Raz: I do.
Chibi-Becky: I do.
The pterodactyl then switched to a human voice and started tap dancing and singing in Italian. When it stopped, chibi-Raz and chibi-Becky kissed. Apparently, that had been the 'you-can-kiss-bride' part. Of course, since chibi-Raz was in a tomato suit and chibi-Becky had a bikini on, it was a weird wedding. Then the final scene came on.
The whole cast came out on stage, dancing to Jewish fiddle music. The music itself was absolutely fantastic. The dancing- well, for 50 people doing the hokey-pokey in succession, it wasn't that bad. It was when they began to do the chicken dance that it went downhill.
Then Flower appeared in a flourish of poofy pinkness. By pinkness, I mean a tutu-dress thing that horrified the audience. "Oh sweet, kind Becky, and gentle, brave Razputin, confess your love to each other! It is your destiny! Your FATE! Lead each other into the new land of Marriage!"
A pause. And then……
Becky fell over and started to roll on the floor, laughing. Raz himself just threw his head back and laughed his ass off. His sides hurt. The actors sat there, stunned. They had expected tears of pain and joy, maybe some kissing, and a declaration of love. Now, how they expected that to come about when they were dressed as Saudis, veggies, a pterodactyl priest, and a model of a DNA double helix, only God knows.
"I-I don't love B-Becky!" Raz laughed, then straightened up. "Look, she's cool, but she's like a mom to me, and, well, EWWW!"
"And I don't like 14 year old boys," Becky put in, leaning against a chair for support.
"Lili may hate my guts, but I still love her. Speaking of which, I should go write an apology-" Raz was cut off by Lili tackling him and kissing him.
"Oh Raz!" Lili yelled, hugging him tightly. "I knew it! I love you too!" Then she kissed him, and Raz's eyes rolled back in his head.
"Wow," he said when they parted for air. "I think my soul just grew or something."
They left Gloria's mind via smelling salts, and then held hands as they walked together.
"So," Lili said. "I just have one question."
"Did Sasha really French you?" Lili asked, raising an eyebrow. "And are you really bi?"
"Um," Raz blushed. "Sasha licked my hand and set me on fire when I told him. But I am bi. Is that okay?"
Lili hugged him tight. "Of course it is. I love you, Raz."
"I love you too, Lili," Raz smiled as he hugged her back. "But, ah, don't tell anyone that Sasha licked me, okay? He's got issues."
"Your secret is safe with me," Lili grinned. "Besides, I kissed Milla!"
And that's the end of this whacky, coffee filled story that was written under the influence of pepperoni pizza.
Author's Notes: Well, did that disturb anyone else? Because I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight knowing that I wrote this!