Disclaimer: I swear on my great-great-great-great-great grandmother's big toe that I don't own any of this!


This is my first fiction that's set in first person! -shock horror-

Definitely Not Drunk: One-shot


I popped open a bottle of butter beer and took a long pull at it before looking around the Head Common Room.

Oh dear God! Why, oh why did I agree to this? Sure, Gryffindor had just won the Quidditch Cup – but did I really have to be such a naive person and go along with Potter's idea to have a party? Really, Lily, come to your senses!

McGonagall would have a fit if she knew what Potter and I – no, wait, this is all Potter's fault! Yes! YES IT IS!

Okay now I'm talking to myself which is just as disturbingly wrong as it is weird.

"Evans! What's up meh girly, girly, girly --" Sirius Black came up to me and began to wobble. "Girly, girly, girl – girlfriend!"

I snorted and patted his shoulder. It really was kind of cute when he got drunk. Black did the most stupidest things. Wait, I don't like Black, he's friends with Potter who is a pig-headed git and must fall off the edge of the earth. Where was the prat, anyway?

"Having a good time, yo?" Sirius hiccuped and steadied himself with a hand on my shoulder. He grabbed a chocolate frog off of a table next to us and smiled at it. "These are the best! Gosh, Evans, you're so sweet! I can't believe you remembered my birthday!"

"Black, shut up and leave me alone, it's not your birthday."

"You're so mean!" Black broke into a fit of fake sobs and began carassing his chocolate frog, which, I will admit was very wrong. Very, very, very wrong. "You may not care about my birthday, Evans, but FROGGY DOES!"

Oh my God. Can someone ship this guy off to St. Mungo's like, now?

"I love you, Froggy, yes I do!"

I gagged into my bottle of butter beer and flounced over to one of the common room's leather seats, plopping my arse into it.

Sirius followed.

"Don't you walk away from --"

And promptly tripped, landing flat on his face and squishing the chocolate frog.

"My face -- " Sirius gasped in horror when he realized the frog was now lifeless (not that it was alive in the first place, but it was moving) and laying flat on the ground. "FROGGY! Nooooo! Come back to me, my love!"

I really have to wonder: is 'Froggy' a male or female? I personally think Black is secretly a homosexual and plans to one day screw Remus Lupin, his marauder friend, but that's just me. And normally, my opinion doesn't count for anything around Hogwarts.

I turned back over to look a that git, Black, and saw that he was leaning over the stupid chocolate frog, breathing heavily.

"MOUTH TO MOUTH CONFEDERATION! I MUST DO MOUTH TO MOUTH CONFEDERATION!" He cried, and dipped down to the flattened piece of chocolate.

Oh for the love of Merlin's knickers I do not want to see this. Black now had his lips pressed against the frog and was smothering it in what looked like a pretty steamy make out session.

Maybe I should tell him it's Mouth-to-Mouth-Resuscitation? Nah, it'll probably just confuse the poor bloke more.

I swivel around so that my green eyes wash over the party and find a most disturbing sight.

Oh God, two sixth years have found my knickers! MY KNICKERS! Those bastards. How did they get a hold of my underwear in the first place?


I hastily set my butter beer onto the nearest table and marched over to them huffing.

"Hey give those back!" I screamed whilst smacking one of the guys upside the head.

"Ow, man!" He cried, and dropped my knickers. Hah. I scooped them up and then realized that another group of students had gotten a hold of my pink bra.

Sweet Jesus.

Smacking the bra away from the other kids I snatched up my drink and took a long pull from the liquid. It warmed me. Butter beer really is very soothing.

Now, where the hell is Potter?

"Potter! Potter, Potter! Come here little Potter -- "

You may be asking why I'm calling to him like he's a dog. Good question, person, but I really don't know. Maybe I'm drunk? Wait, if I was drunk would I know I was drunk? Or would I just think that I was drunk when I really wasn't? Am I making any sense? Is asking pointless questions what you do when you're --

Woah. I spotted Potter near the couch dancing with some slut with a fire whiskey bottle in one hand. That dirty little arrogant jerk.

Officer, officer, I swear to drunk I'm not God.

Harharhar – shit, I just wobbled. WOBBLED I TELL YOU! WOBBLED LIKE A DRUNKEN SAILOR (in case you didn't notice, drunken was the key word there) when I promptly crashed into Potter making him fall onto the couch whilst dropping his bottle of fire whiskey. It shattered and the liquid leaked everywhere. But you know what the worst thing is?

I landed right on top of him.

"Err, hello?" James grinned at me lop lopsidedly and I sighed.

"Good bye,"

Quickly I found my abandoned cup and took a long swig from it. Hmm, it seems dramatically more full. Did someone spike it?

Staggering (yes, staggering) back over to the staircase that led to my room – I tripped again. And guess what? I landed on Potter again. Wow, isn't that ironic? I think not. Actually, it's probably the sign that the world is ending. Or maybe, just maybe, it's a sign of my own crapped up luck.

Really, you may think I'm lucky but really I'm not. And even though I keep a four leaf clover in my underwear, it doesn't help one bit. Do you know how long it took me to find that clover, though? Well, actually it didn't take me even a minute since all I had to do was pluck a three leaf clover from the ground and transfigure it so that it could be a four leaf clover – but I'm rambling and you get the point.

"Couldn't stay away from me, eh?" Potter smirked and wrapped his arms around me.

Remind me to punch him later.

"Err.." Actually it was quite comfortable – I MEAN TOTALLY ROCK HARD AND – ew.

"So," James drawled and started playing with my hair.

"Stop!" I scowled, brushing his hand away.

"God, Lily, you're so pretty," He whispered huskily.

Oh no, what if he's drunk, too? Wait, no, I'm not drunk! But what if I secretly am and I do something crazy?

"Uhh," I'm squirming now and trying to push myself away but he grabs me and starts kissing me. And guess what? I'm kissing him back.

Do you think kissing the guy you hate is classified as crazy? I think so. Oh, God, I belong in the loony bin.

But really, it wasn't my fault since, someone spiked my drink, you know. So really, it was their fault. The bastards.

And I couldn't really think straight while James was kissing me so, well, great. He really is good at it. Do you think he could win, like, a snogging competition or something? Are there even snogging competitions? But anyways, I got so caught up in how he tasted like fire whiskey and mint and how he smelled spicy and it was all just pulling me in.

I couldn't stop and I didn't really want to stop. Mind you, this is me in my drunken state talking so don't listen to a word, you hear me? DON'T LISTEN!

Sigh. Who am I kidding? I actually like this. God, Lily, you're such an idiot, now stop fucking denying your fucking feelings!

"J-James," I murmured once he nudged his tongue between my lips and started tickling the back of my neck with his hands. "Stop..."

At last, James pulled away, frowning. "W-what?"

"Just.. don't," I sighed and sat up so that I was sitting cross legged in his lap. A little awkward, but whatever.

"What's wrong?" He continued to ask.

"James – Potter, I'm drunk! Don't you get it? D-r-u-n-k." Was the boy mental?

"Lily," He laughed and grabbed my cup from the ground, sloshing it around. "You're not drunk," He said, taking a long pull of it to prove his point.

"I-I'm not?" I said like the idiot I am whilst furrowing my eyebrows.

"No!" James chuckled again and turned my head so that I was peering into the contents. "Butter beer. See? Butter beer."

"Oh." Another idiot remark from Lily Evans. Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! Congratulations, Lily, you win a door knob! Snort. Wow, I can't believe I just said I won a door knob. This proves that I'm more idiotic than I thought I was.

"Yeah..." He smirked and started inching closer to me. Oh no, I wasn't going to let him kiss me again. NO. I would not. I needed to have some will power and I was not going to --

Suddenly we were kissing all over again and I didn't stop. Maybe I wasn't drunk, but the way he was making me feel was making it sure seem like I was. Oh God, I who am I kidding? I love James Potter.

I love James Potter.


A/N: I hope you liked it! Ha-ha, Lily's confused and not drunk. Err, yeah.

I have a cold and exams next week. Ahh. I should be studying but I'm writing fan fiction instead. Oh wow.

Procrastination rocks!

Review, por favor! D