Only the Fangirls Actually Get It
True Love Kouji's eye twitched at the empty bench. The empty bench
that did not hold a Innocent Taki. The empty bench that was
just...empty. Without an adorably sleeping Takuya.
Which was just wrong in so many ways.
first, he tried to convince himself that Innocent Taki had gone off
to use the bathroom.
This wasn't effective enough.
Then he tried to convince himself he'd gone off to gorge on more treats.
Still not effective enough.
Then he tried to convince himself that he'd been abducted by evil fangirls with intentions of molesting him with words and strange, improbable lemon scenes between him and other sexy but not nearly as sexy bishounen, and it would be a cinch if not an enjoyment to just kill them off and rescue his Innocent Taki.
The thought of the insanity actually scared him more then he wanted it to, and, it was still not effective enough to convince him that Taki-Prince-chan was unharmed.
to mention, it was extremely hard to convince himself of any of these
things when there was a little note, conveniently left behind by a
very thoughtful evil wizard, which read:
"Dear Prince Kouji, (And/or Sexy True Love Prince Kouji)
Thanks for delivering Takuya-onii-san you fool! I've taken him away, and you'll never find him, so HAHAHAlolrofl to you. He's probably already frozen by the time you read this. So you stink. With love, Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki."
And a crude drawing of a face sticking out it's tongue.
This was so stupid.
And he used chatspeak. Ugh.
was a mistake to bring Innocent Taki to the ball; that much was for
certain. And it was his fault that Innocent Taki was taken away...
He crushed up the paper and crunched it under his foot. Damn evil wizard, there was no way he was going to get away with stealing his Innocent Taki!
But where to look? What to do? For all he knew, Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki could have taken him to an eeeevil creepy icy super evil castle somewhere in the Conveniently Placed Forest. Or he could be in this castle, keeping Innocent Taki hostage.
Sexy True Love Prince Kouji decided that, as nothing was ever that easy, he should assume that Innocent Taki had been taken away to some kind of super evil icy castle.
Where to find it...
Hmm. Where to find a Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Castle...
couldn't be that super evil icy wizardy looking castle in the
west-east, could it?" asked Kouichi, staring innocently at his
brother, who jumped in the air and clutched his pounding heart.
"DAMN IT. Don't sneak up on me! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
Kouichi shrugged. "You were having trouble trying to figure out where to go. You never were the brightest figuring that stuff out."
"...How'd you know I needed to go somewhere?"
The elder twin looked around, a little disturbed and a little exasperated. "Am I really the only one who hears it?"
Blink. "Hears what?"
Kouichi sighed. "It's like, someone is narrating my life. And yours. And Innocent Takuya-kun's. And that guy's over there." He pointed to another older brunette with wildly tall hair, trying to stuff cotton in his ears (much to the amusement of a blonde boy) and to ignore the strange voices narrating strange things that happen between him and his blonde companion.
"Huh," said Sexy True Love Prince Kouji. "That's weird. I blame fangirls."
Little did he know, it was VERY weird...considering they aren't even supposed to be hearing the damn narrator's voice; it makes foreshadowing very difficult. Stupid thing is broken...and he wasn't supposed to figure it out that easy! Damn Kouichi; have to throw another shoe at him.
dodged the shoe. "It's really hard to hit me with those things
when I know it's coming, you know."
The author sighed and just allowed the story to continue.
"...So, Innocent Taki WAS taken to the super evil icy castle in the west-east?"
The author wondered how he decided that so quickly.
"Well... you... said I wasn't supposed to figure it out that quickly, indicating that Kouichi's hunch was correct."
The author was very annoyed, and yet still pleased that he was still assuming that he needed to go to the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Castle in the west-east.
"Why is it so convenient that there just so happens to be a super-evil-icy-wizardy-castle-thing right next to us in the west-east?" asked Kouichi of the voice, but of course, nothing happened.
"Is there such thing as the west-east? Because that's ridiculous. You can't have something located in both the west and the east, that's geologically impossible. So it makes no sense."
"Sure it does," Kouichi explained. "It's just like North-West or South-East, only it's the West-East. You see?"
Kouji rubbed his temple. "Can I just go get Takuya back already? Where'd you even come from? This chapter was supposed to be focused on me going and rescuing Innocent Taki-chan."
"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." Kouichi sulked away.
Little did Prince Sexy know, he was heading off in the entirely wrong direction.
I mean, uh. He was...going off in the perfectly correct direction where he was supposed to be going. Yeah, that's right.
Kouji shrugged. "Whatever."
so Sexy True Love Prince Kouji headed off to the Super Evil Icy
Wizardy Adolescent Castle in the West-East, despite the fact that he
going in the wrong direction.
"Am I going the right way or not?" Prince True Love Kouji demanded of the voice, who was suddenly quiet.
"You're still talking!"
And away he went!
by the awesome and mysterious powers of a fanfic that has the
convenient universal ability to fast-forward time, Kouji arrived at
the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent's Castle with the moon still
high in the sky. And there he stood looking extremely dedicated and
heroic, gazing up, and up, and up, and up, and up
at the hideously grotesque tower standing before him. It...come to
think about it, it wasn't that bad actually, it was just really,
really tall and it hurt your neck to look at the top...and it was
covered in ice, so, it was really shiny and it kinda hurt your eyes
to be staring at it very long. Actually, now that I think about it,
it was a very beautiful castle. But Prince Sexy True Love knew that
his poor, Innocently Charming and Adorable Taki-chan was trapped
inside of it, and so, he decided it was ugly just to have something
to hate about it.
Kouji pounded on the door to the giant icy castle, and though it was at least five times his size, it swung open without any assistance; which was so cliché, but also useful for Prince Sexy because he wouldn't have to struggle opening such a gigantic door on his own. I have to wonder if those huge doors just open on their own because no one can move them by themselves. Seriously, who's strong enough to push something like a gazillion feet high?
True Love Prince Kouji entered the castle boldly, not caring to ask
if anyone was home, or if they minded his intrusion. Obviously, such
politeness was easily thrown off to the side when one's Innocent Taki
is possibly at stake, huh? Not to mention, Sexy True Love Prince
Kouji was far too angry to care. That stupid wizardy guy stole his
Innocent Taki-chan, right from under his nose! That little twerp!
Then he had the nerve to leave him a note with chatspeak in it! Oh,
he was infuriated. He was totally going to kick some butt...once he
could find some butt to kick. The entire castle seemed to be
completely empty, and there wasn't even a hint of a possibility of a
suggestion that anyone was in it, or had been for quite some time.
But Kouji didn't trust the Stupid Evil Inane Wizardy Adolescent
Tomo-twerp; not one bit. He continued to expect someone to pop out at
him at any moment, even though he continued to roam the castle's
He came to another giant door made entirely of sparkling ice. He debated to himself whether or not this might be where he could find the Super Evil Weakling, when he realized in the ice was etched: "The Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki's Room (P.S.: KEEP OUT. THAT MEANS YOU.)" Sexy Prince Kouji was about to open the door anyway, but before he did, he rammed his fist into the ice-covered door. Kouji didn't really have to hit the door, no; he just really needed to punch something, lest he start going crazy about the lack of violence needed to resolve this rescue mission. And considering he was starting to get even more so pissed off then he already was because of the lack of challenge in getting into the castle, it made logical sense for him to want to start punching things. Kinda.
The punch sent a satisfying crack zooming up the door, including the Evil Wizard's warning of "Keep Out". Kouji put his hand on the door, and looked over his shoulder. This was too easy...nothing had stopped him at all; surely Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki must have set a trap.
As he stormed into the Evil Wizardy Adolescent's chambers, he prepared himself to start yelling and demanding Takuya's return, but was (un) surprised to find the room was completely empty, save for an answering machine that was blinking that it's owner apparently had a message. Treading lightly into the room, Sexy True Love Prince Kouji cautiously examined the answering machine, and then hit 'play' to hear it's message. After a 'beep' and a moment of silence, The Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki's voice rang out in the empty room:
Prince Kouji (And/or Sexy True Love Prince Kouji.)
This thing is on, right? Yeah, I think it is. No, hang on." There was a pause, where Sexy True Love Prince Kouji raised a brow. "Yes, it was on. Oh darnit, now my voice is on this thing and it's recording. Stupid no-recording over answering machine...Just totally ignore all that alright? You still have every reason to continue fearing me." Sexy True Love Prince Kouji sweatdropped and sighed. Well, this was shaping up to be a pathetic rescue mission indeed.
"HELLO PRINCE KOUJI!" he laughed evilly, "I assume you so rudely broke into my castle and my quarters just to retrieve my Takuya-Onii-san, and your precious Innocent Taki?" Kouji leaned in closer to the answering machine. "Well, he not here." Fall to ground anime style.
"But that no longer matters, because when dawn comes, I shall bring Innocent Takuya-'Nii-san here, and I shall freeze you as well! Then I'll keep you both frozen for all eternity! And you will never have a chance to spoil Takuya-nii-san's innocence, EVER!"
"You jerk," Sexy True Love Prince Kouji sighed. "I can always just go right out of your stupid castle, get back to Takuya's, and save him there.
"You may be thinking you can just escape from my Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Castle before I get back."
"Well you can't! HAHAHAHALOLROFL to YOU."
Kouji growled at the answering machine as it's message apparently ended; he used chatspeak VERBALLY. Was that even possible? Who actually says "Lol"? Would you pronounce it "Lohl" or "Lawl", or actually SAY "L-O-L?"
He didn't have time to ponder this strangeness, for the entire castle began to rumble. The lights suddenly went and plunged Sexy True Love Prince Kouji into darkness, and while he properly panicked and ran to the icy door, it swung shut without any assistance (Damn those doors that open and close without anyone to do it for them! Who the hell decided doors could have independence?) as the ice began to spread from the door. It covered the ceiling and it began to coat the floor with an icy shining surface, reflecting the moonlight that flowed into the room from a giant glass window to the North-South. What? You've never heard of the North-South? Damnit, haven't we already been over this? It's just like North-West or South-East, only it's North-South. You see now?
"This makes NO sense," said Prince Sexy loudly.
of a sudden, the castle was still. Sexy True Love Kouji opened his
eyes and warily peeked at the door - it nothing but was a solid block
of ice. He swore and ran up to the door, first testily feeling the
ice, and then violently pounding on it. He cursed again as his
knuckle squarely hit the solid ice and he felt nearly shattered his
hand, but luckily, this is a fanfic, so the hero is able to withstand
terrible pain and possible injury lest it ruin the story.
"This is starting to sound more and more like something out of a bad fanfic," Prince Sexy declared as he flexed his un-injured hand, and the author totally ignored the statement.
"So, how do I get out of here?" Sexy True Love Prince Kouji asked of himself. It's totally normal to talk to yourself, dontcha know. He felt around the walls, but they were all covered in a thick coat of ice. There was no way he'd be able to break through, even if he did have magical fanfic powers. So he turned his gaze to the window. It couldn't be very thick glass, and it was only covered in a thin layer of ice because it wouldn't support a heavy thick layer. That meant all that Prince Kouji of Sex would have to do is break the window, and he could find a way down from there.
The bad thing is that he didn't have anything to throw.
"What kind of stupid set-up is this?" Prince Sexy demanded loudly. "I'm supposed to be rescuing Innocent Takuya! And you've stuck me in a room I can't get out of?"
Little did he know-
"I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT? TELL ME! I CAN HEAR YOU JUST FINE!"
The author threw another shoe at him in order to shut him up. Kouji turned around and grabbed the shoe in mid-air, looking very smooth and very sexy in slow-motion while doing so, and smirked. Did...did he just USE the author? Oh hell no, you don't get away with USING the author like that buddy-
"Just let me break the freakin' window already."
Oh. Okay. So Prince Kouji threw the shoe as hard as he could at the thin layer of ice. It didn't break.
"WTF is this?" Prince Sexy swore in chatspeak. And he gets on Tomoki's butt for it! What a hypocrite! "I can do without the excess commenting, thank you," he said rudely, and just started punching away at the window until the ice eventually broke. Then he stepped back, threw the shoe straight through the glass, and kicked away the rest of the pointy shards so that he could get his body through.
For such an enormous tower, you'd expect the Super Evil Wizard's room to be at the VEEEEEEEERY top. But actually, his floor was about five feet off the ground.
"Why is everything in this story so convenient?" Kouji wondered aloud. "And if everything is so convenient, why do I have to go rescue Takuya at all?"
The author was getting pissed off that Kouji kept forcing the author to converse with him, so conveniently up came the magical white Noble Steed for Kouji to ride back to his beloved!
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me-" Kouji mounted the horse, "I HATE horses-" and off they rode back to the castle. "I DON'T WANT TO RIDE THIS THING." Little did he know, there was a lot more of a challenge awaiting him back in Takuya's castle!
(Back in the castle)
"What! Takuya has been kidnapped?!" The King proclaimed angrily as Kouichi shrunk to only an inch tall.
"It's not my fault!" he squeaked out. And it wasn't! "It was all my brother's fault! He was supposed to be looking after him!" And it was! Although that's very poor sportsmanship to blame your brother for everything, Kouichi. For shame. I thought you were better than that.
"Shut up," Kouichi yelled at the voice, and the King roared,
Kouichi shrunk to a third of an inch in height. Little cat ears sprouted and pressed against his head. "I was talking to the voice!" he quickly explained.
Now you sound schizophrenic, Kouichi.
"We don't need your input!" he yelled at the voice, and then shrunk again as he realized the King was still staring at him.
"Okay, so...my son is missing and the only one who knows is hearing voices, (and so I assume he must be schizophrenic). Isn't there anybody who can help me find my son?
And the two waited. Waited...waited...
"Isn't there ANYBODY who can help me save my son?"
Kouichi coughed. "He should be here any minute."
The queen sobbed. "I'm never going to see my baby again!"
Kouichi swore under his breath and looked around. Where was his brother? He was supposed to heroically pop in and proclaim something or other about how he's gonna save the princess. Or prince. Whatever.
If only he could talk to Kouji and find out where he was! If only there was some kind of modern, technology-inspired twenty-first century method of calling to someone.
"Oh, you mean like a cell-phone," Kouichi clarified, and the author performed a fantastic head to desk maneuver. These guys just did NOT want to cooperate.
"Sure, I can call him." Kouichi took out his cell-phone, punched in Kouji's number, and waited. Waited, waited...
"Nothing?" the Queen sulked, and Kouichi felt many little sweatdrops dripping down his head.
"He must...be out of range. Or something. I can't imagine why; he's only gone to the West-East."
And he put his phone away, dejected.
"So in other words that was totally pointless, right?"
The author did not respond.
(Back with Sexy Kou)
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, (or
actually, it was more like a few minutes away) Kouji was traversing
on his horse to get back to the castle. But in order to do so, he had
to go through the Conveniently Placed Forest. Which in the middle of
the night, became the Incredibly Creepy Forest. Noble Steed, which
was in fact the same horse from Koujipunzle, refused to go any
faster, despite the fact Kouji was pushing him to do
"MovemovemovemovemoveMOVE you stupid animal!" Kouji yelled at him, and Noble Steed refused to go any faster. He may have been a horse, and he may have not been able to talk, but he was extremely intelligent, and he knew that when a situation required desperate measures and lightning speeds, he should move very slowly.
"But that doesn't make any sense!" Kouji countered. "If the thing knows something requires haste, it should freakin' HASTE."
Little did Kouji know, that Noble Steed DID know, that when a situation requires urgent speed and agility on behalf of the hero, something is about to happen to slow him down. Noble Steed knew this, (being a Noble Steed from other Fairy Tales and all) and he figured: Why should I run and expend energy when I'm going to be stopped in the middle of running?
"Is that his problem?" Kouji said crossly. "Well, fine. What's about to slow me down?"
If Sexy Prince Kouji keeps talking as though he can hear everything the narrator is saying, then foreshadowing becomes completely pointless!
"Well, that's what I've been trying to tell you."
Little did he know, something WAS about to slow him down.
a flash of darkness (is that an oxymoron? A 'Flash' of 'Darkness'?)
and icy cold wind, suddenly before Kouji appeared the Super Evil Icy
Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki! Kouji scowled and halted his horse and
drew a sword that he had gotten from apparently no where, but he IS
the hero in this fanfic, so he should have random swords popping out
of no where. Especially when he's about to go into BATTLE! (Yes, that
was more foreshadowing.)
"Yay, I like swords."
"Foolish Sexy True Love Prince Kouji! Did you really think you could escape and rescue Takuya-nii-san right under my nose?" Evil Wizard Tomoki laughed.
"...Yes, actually. I AM the hero of this fanfic."
Long-named Wizard scowled. "Well, you're too late! It's almost dawn, and soon I will take Takuya-nii-san back to my icy castle and hide him away from all the EWW forever! You don't stand a chance against a wizard!"
"We'll see about that!" Kouji leapt off Noble Steed and braced himself to attack the wizard. He felt bad about attacking a kid, but this was an incredibly evilly icy wizard kid who had stolen his Innocent Taki! He had to defeat him at all costs!
"You will never defeat me!" Innocent Tomoki declared evilly! "Haven't you ever played 'Runescape'? The Wizard ALWAYS wins against the Warrior!"
"But this isn't 'Runescape'!" Kouji complained, but while he was distracted, Super Evil Wizard Boy lunged at him! But unfortunately for him, he tripped over his own robes! He went spiraling in mid air and apparently fell flat on his face, in mid air, swearing at his robes for being too long. Kouji took the opportunity to take his sword and -censor-.
"What the hell?" Kouji growled. "My shining moment in this fanfic and it's CENSORED?"
The author cringed. Super Evil Icy Wizard Adolescent Tomoki WAS Super Evil, but he was also just a young boy. Decapitating a young boy who's completely defenseless in mid-air would likely cause controversy. As a result, this shining heroic moment has been censored by 4kids.
"But how else am I supposed to defeat him?" Kouji yelled at the voice.
"You know, you can just say you defeated me. Or better yet, we can just say it was a draw and neither of us lost so I don't look bad," Super Evil Adolescent Tomoki said. Kouji jumped and turned to look at him. He was sitting criss-cross in mid-air, watching Kouji argue with the narrator.
"You mean...that's it? I just say, 'Ohz i beet him klawlz' and move on to the next part of the story?"
"Pretty much. That's what would be happening anyway with the censor."
Kouji shrugged. Whatever; as long as he got to his Innocent Taki in the end!
"Oh, but I'm still not telling you were Takuya-nii-san is," Super Evil Wizard Child of Doom clarified. Kouji fell to the ground, anime style.
"Then what was the point of all this?" Kouji yelled, waving his sword violently in the air, apparently at the author.
roughly three minutes away.)
Kouichi was looking for a bathroom. He really needed one. He never should have participated in the lemonade drinking contest. Granted, he had won, but TOO MUCH LEMONADE. Unfortunately, he had no idea where the bathroom was. There were so many doors and so many of them led to disappointingly empty rooms!
"I don't need you narrating about how much I need to pee," Kouichi said crossly and flung open another door. The author shrugged. Aw well; let everyone think the guy was schizophrenic.
Kouichi came across a locked room. It was dark inside, but it was the only one he hadn't tried yet. Perhaps a bathroom was inside! That would be really good. He tried to open it in everyway he could think of, but it was impossible to open. Suddenly, he leapt up and did a fantastic karate jump kick into the door. It didn't work. He ended up bouncing on his foot and whining mercilessly about bathrooms. But the jump-kick was still really cool, Kouichi!
(Meanwhile, almost out of time.)
Kouji burst into the castle. He ran up to the King and
Queen and demanded to know where Kouichi was, and whether they had
seen the evil wizard.
"Kouichi is upstairs somewhere," the King told him, "And most unfortunately, it seems that Takuya has been taken by the evil wizard while in your care."
"We're very disappointed, Sexy True Love Prince Kouji," the Queen said."
"In other words, we hate you," Shinya said.
Fresh Prince of Sexair growled. "It wasn't my fault! The stupid wizard and the stupid narrator, and the really poorly constructed plot... I'm just being forced to roll along with it!"
And he ran upstairs to find his brother. They had to ban together and fight the evil wizard once and for all! But first, he had to find his brother.
There were so many doors! So many halls and so many doors! He went in one and came out another and went in one and came out of the one before the one he went in; it was like something from Scooby Doo! Only this wasn't fun or interesting!
"Scooby Doo is a show invented for stupid people who are easily amused by stupid things," Sexy Kouji said, and he tried another door, leaving the author steaming. She happened to be a long-time fan of Scooby Doo, thank you!
He emerged in another hall-way, and finally saw Kouichi down the hall. He yelled to him, and Kouichi jumped up happily.
"Oh, Ototou-chan! I'm so glad you're here! Please help me break down this door! I think there's a bathroom inside and I really gotta go. ;.;"
"This is no time for bladder control problems, Kouichi! We've got to rescue Takuya before it's too late!" Kouji hastened to explain, but Kouichi whined.
"Please Kouichi? I really need to go! If this isn't a bathroom, we can move on and go look for Innocent and Charmingly Naughty Takuya!"
Kouji angrily growled, and then he proceeded to perform a CORRECT karate style jump-kick. The correct way to perform such a move is to jump up rapidly, hold yourself in mid-air for at least three seconds as the camera changes angles, then in very slow motion, twist and turn your body around 160 degrees, and then resume high-speed when your foot finally connects with the door.
Kouichi could never get that part right. But his jump-kicks are still adorable!
"Shut UP. You're more annoying than NAVI."
Anyway, Kouji broke through the door. What they saw inside was clearly not a bathroom, and Kouichi groaned, but what Kouji saw inside the room made him cheer inside.
had Kouichi known, he had stumbled upon the very room in which Takuya
was being held hostage!
"What a convenient and gracefully simple solution to this ridiculous story!" Kouichi commented, and was promptly hit in the head with another shoe.
Anyway, Kouichi was the hero today! Unfortunately for us, instead of waiting for everyone to cheer at his heroism, he ran off to find a bathroom. Now Kouichi is gone. Poo.
Prince Sexy-Back Kouji slowly moved to the edge of the bed where Takuya was lying silently amidst all this ruckus and karate kicks to his door. He looked so peaceful and so Innocently Taki-ish...and yet like a giant block of ice.
Little did Kouji know-
"Oh come on, what DON'T I know by now?" Prince Sexy Kou2 yelled at the voice.
-That the Super Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki was about to intrude upon the possible shounen-ai!
...Yes. He intrudes now!
"Oh, for the love of-"
"Sexy True Love Prince Kouji!" The Icy Wizard Kid-thing announced, "You are too late! It is dawn, and I have come to take away Takuya-nii-san to my castle!"
"Question," Kouji asked as he raised his hand. "Why did you wait until dawn when you could've just taken him to your castle in the first place?"
"BEQUIETFOOL." FLASH, an ice spear landed between Kouji's feet. "I had...other...stuff...to do."
"What other stuff?" Kouji eyed Tomoki suspiciously.
"It doesn't matter! Now I am taking away Takuya-nii-chan! He will never be molested by random lemon authors, and he will never lose his innocence!"
"Are you suggesting I'm a rapist?" Prince Kouji said crossly, and Tomoki fell to the mid-air ground, anime style, and then reappeared with bulging anger veins.
"No, it's not you! Or it is you, but it's not JUST you. It's that HELLBOUND AUTHOR WHO KEEPS DESCRIBING EMBARASSING MOMENTS IN DETAIL."
"Ahh, much better," Kouichi said cheerfully as he reentered the room. "Now where were we?"
Evil Icy Wizardy Adolescent Tomoki looked up, Sexy True Love Prince
Kouji looked behind him, and Innocently Hot and Charmingly Naughty
Takuya did nothing, for he was a frozen block of ice. Tomoki started
to run away.
"...Tomo-chan?" Kouichi said incredulously, and Kouji spun around again in super-fast ninja motion, and grabbed Super Long Name's robes before he could run away.
"HOLD IT," Kouji demanded. "What's this about TOMO-CHAN?"
Wizard Tomoki continued trying to escape, but Kouji hit the back of his head. Then he turned around, very slowly, very dramatically, and gave Kouichi the Super Evil Kouji Glare of Death, which is very scary. Poor Kouichi wished he were still in the bathroom, for various reasons.
"What's this about Tomo-chan?" he asked again, very slowly.
Kouichi rubbed the back of his head. "Oh...well, he was kind of my date for the ball. I didn't realize he was the same wizard who froze Taku-chan."
Kouji was quiet for a moment, then let loose an ear-bleeding loud "WHAT?" that echoed down into the ballroom, where the hardcore partiers were still at play. Yes, some people in this kingdom literally do party until dawn.
Kouichi played at his ear to make sure he wasn't deaf, then, "Well, yeah. But some people think he's kinda young for me, so I didn't say anything about it."
"It's true, Prince Kouji-san," Tomoki squeaked, still trying to pull himself away as Kouji held him by his robes in mid air. He looked very strange indeed; Kouji holding him back at eye-level while he appeared to be crawling away. "But if I'd realized Kouichi was your brother, I'd have never tried to kill you!"
"WE'RE BLOODY TWINS!" Kouji roared, switching into English slang for the sake of 4Kids censorship. "HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL?"
"Ototou-chaaan, you're gonna make me go deaf," Kouichi whined as he stuck a finger in his ear. "And you're going to give Tomo-chan a heart attack."
Disgusted, Kouji threw Super Evil Icy Wizardy Tomo-chan away from him, and then pointed at the door. "GET OUT."
Windy-named Wizard looked dejected. "But, Takuya-nii-san..."
"OUT. OUTOUTOUTOUTOUT." Kouji pushed his brother and the Confused Icy Wizard out of the door, and slammed it shut. Keep in mind, this is a fanfic, so even though Kouji broke down the door with his Kouji Karate Kick of Karma, (Alliteration rules) the door was magically fixed in order for this next part of the story to take place.
"YOU GET OUT TOO!" Kouji roared as he pulled back the curtains, presumably grabbed the author, (who was blocked by a magic censor bar) and flung them out the door, which was opened prior to this part of the story so that it could occur.
The author is now going on real eye-witnesses to complete this section of the story. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Well...that...and the author had hidden cameras installed everywhere, so...
Sexy Prince o' Death sighed. This was overall very disappointing.
Kouji stood over the
Innocently Hot and Charming Takuya at his bedside. The legend said
that only someone who was truly hot could awake the Sleeping Baka; he
just hoped he was truly hot enough. Well, sure, he was a jerk, but he
was also modest. Sort of.
He reached down and pressed his lips against the frozen lips of the Innocent Frozen and Block o' Ice Takuya. At once, the body below him started to feel warmer. Sexy True Love (And apparently Truly Hot) Prince Kouji held the melting brunet's head as the ice began to ebb away, and he kissed him fully. He kissed him for a long time until eventually Takuya poked at his head, whereupon Kouji abruptly stopped. "I'm not frozen anymore, Kouji."
Sexy Prince Kouji only stopped to wonder who says 'whereupon' anymore, then jumped on top of Takuya and started kissing him again.
Meanwhile, thousands of seconds away-
I'm glad it all worked out Kouji," Kouichi said cheerfully. "You
got the girl-"
"Hey," Takuya interrupted, sounding offended.
"I got the other one-"
"Pardon?" Super Evil Icy Wizard Tomo-chan said in the middle of munching on a cookie.
"Takuya is back in his home kingdom-"
"Why can't he come live in our Kingdom?" whined Prince Sexism.
"And everything ended happily ever after. And best of all, I'm not getting any more shoes thrown at me," Kouichi finished happily. "I guess this really is a happy ending, huh?"
They all agreed until a few moments later when Takuya eventually spoke up: "What about Boko-san and Nee-san?"
Super Wizard Boy choked on his cookie and jumped up. "OH CRAP!" and he ran out the door. Kouichi followed soon after. Kouji shrugged and unwilling to leave his Sexy Prince of True Hot Love, Takuya stayed put with him.
"Well, I guess in the end, it was a rather unsatisfying story," Takuya surmised.
"Oh, I don't know about COMPLETELY unsatisfying. I get to make out with you every day now," Kouji pointed out with a Sexy True Love Smirk.
"Ah. Well, yeah, that's true," Takuya sighed happily as he snuggled into his Prince.
"...Wanna make out now?"
they made out happily ever after until for some reason, several boxes
of pocky fell from the sky and landed on their heads, utterly
confusing them. Pocky doesn't just FALL from the sky randomly. It was
None the less, they continued making out, determined to end the story on a fluffy note instead of just a weird note.
And little did they know, it worked.