What Does It All Mean?
Part II, Chapter XVII: Don't Look Back
Naruto's face wrinkled up, cringing at the pounding sound that interrupted his sleep. Naruto was never much of a drinker. Growing up with Jiraiya showed him the wonderful world of liquor but Sakura would not have a drop in her apartment. As a result, Naruto rarely drank… Perhaps low tolerance was catching up to him?
The pounding continued. Naruto managed to crack a blue eye open. "What the hell…" he muttered, noting the lack of sunlight outside. The sky was still dark velvet, with moonbeams pouring into his room. He sluggishly crawled out of bed. He was due to pick up Sasuke in a few hours. He wanted his sleep; sleep let him forget his worries… Naruto pulled the door open and growled. "This better be good!"
The ninja that stood before him bowed. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Uzumaki, but we have urgent news. Uchiha Sasuke has escaped."
Naruto's consciousness suddenly cleared. "What?!"
"Uchiha escaped earlier--."
Naruto bolted through his dark apartment, grabbing his jacket. "How long ago?"
"About five minutes, almost. An Anbu unit is in pursuit--."
"In what direction?" Naruto jumped in a pair of sweatpants.
"East, I--."
"Shit!" Naruto cursed. "The other side of town?!" He hurried into his shoes and locked the door. "Where the hell is Neji?"
"Off-duty--."
"Son of a--," Naruto and the Anbu ran, jumping across the building rooftops, towards the eastern horizon.
"But Uzumaki! Godaime said that if Uchiha leaves the village boundaries, do not pursue him any farther!"
"I know that!" Naruto yelled. "I'll get to him before that!" The cold breeze hit his skin as they continued in hot pursuit of the fugitive.
The anger quickly returned to Naruto, causing his mind to become hazy from reason. That damn Sasuke and his damn selfishness. How did he manage to escape in his condition? Was he letting on about just how injured he was?
Within a few minutes, they reached the east side. A few blocks from the wall, Naruto and the Anbu stopped. Lying on the ground were four badly injured ninjas, some unconscious, others clutching their open sides.
Immediately, Naruto approached one of the conscious ones. "You followed Sasuke?"
"He's gone," the ninja coughed. "He went towards the wall."
"Dammit," Naruto stood.
"Uzumaki, we need to bring these men to the hospital," the Anbu messenger told him.
"You do that, I'll go--!"
"Uzumaki! These men are seriously injured!"
Naruto looked back and forth between the injured Anbu men and the East wall. After a few moments, he grit his teeth and assisted one of the men up.
--
Akio was not quite sure why his mother and Naruto sat him down on the couch early that morning. He could tell something was wrong; his mother's lips were curled gently in a small smile and Naruto's eyes were to the floor.
At first, Sakura could not find any words to speak. But soon after, she took a deep breath, gently grasping Akio's hands in hers, and began. "Akio-chan, your Naruto-nii-chan and I made a promise to never lie to you again."
Akio nodded.
"But no matter what happens, we will always love you."
"What is it?" Akio returned the grip on his mother's hand.
"Sasuke-kun… your father… he left…"
Akio blinked, and then narrowed his eyes. "He left the hospital?"
"He left Konoha," Sakura specified.
"Again. Otou-chan left us again." Akio was not asking anymore; he was making a clear statement. His eyes were narrowed and tight, thinking of the information.
"Y-yes," Sakura's eyes suddenly became glassy with tears.
"Why?" Akio pulled her hands away, and scooted forward in his seat. "He doesn't care about us?"
"He does care, Akio-chan!" Sakura swallowed, feeling her eyes fill. "He does." A part of her mind screamed; was she trying to convince herself?
"Then why would he leave?" Akio's voice was filled with a strain, distress and… bitterness? Something in his tone, a foreign sound was present as he questioned them. "Is killing Oji-chan more important?"
"There are some things we can't understand, Akio," Naruto finally spoke, sitting on the armrest. "I guess…" he tried to formulate his words, simplifying them for the child. "Sometimes, when you live a certain way for a long period of time, alone, you don't know how to live with others. You're so used to how your life is, that change gets scary."
"Otou-chan was scared?"
"Maybe."
"Of changing? Why?"
"Because vengeance is all he knows," Naruto answered, noticing Sakura chewing on her bottom lip. "Your father, when he was younger, always liked being in control. Now, in his fight for revenge, I think that's the only thing he can control in his life: his revenge."
"There are a lot of reasons why he left, Akio-chan," Sakura told her son. "Honor for his clan, him not wanting to change his life… Naruto and I don't know them all."
But now, Akio sat forward, elbows on his knees, fingers gently intertwined, cradling his chin. Cold shivers ran down Sakura and Naruto's back, watching the child mirror his father's pensive pose. They all sat silently in the living room, letting the news sink in and flow through.
"Okaa-chan."
Sakura looked to her son as he looked over his shoulder towards hers. She had to pause for a moment, seeing a glimpse of his father. "Yes?"
"Can I go to Shikano-chan's?"
"Sure. Have your Ino-oba-chan call if you're staying there for dinner, okay?"
Akio shook his head. "Don't worry. I'll come back home."
His words struck Sakura through the heart. Akio put on his shoes and walked out the door.
When the door finally clicked closed, Sakura released her breath and began to cry. She let the tears flow freely down her face, hiding her face in her hands. Naruto immediately sat by her side and pulled her in his arms. "Akio will be okay," he assured. "He's got a good support system."
Sakura weakly nodded, letting her tears soak into his jacket. Sakura could feel her son's heartache; she saw it in his dark eyes. A part of her was scared as to what would happen to her son in the long run. The other part took Sasuke's departure as a personal blow. He left her three times already. Her mind swam. Was she that easy to leave? Did she have any importance in his life? For a few moments, she believed so. Her memory recalled that kiss they shared in his hospital room. She kissed him, healing him completely. Sakura knew she did not have to; he would recuperate in a few more weeks. Perhaps it was to help him escape; a part of her knew he would not stay. However, hope overshadowed her thoughts for weeks, playing with the idea of him remaining in Konoha. She tested him and she felt the result of it full-force.
But did that kiss… did it really mean nothing? She remembered the fever he had in his lips, feeling his hands on her back, his intense breaths… And then it hit her. Perhaps he was not exactly saying 'I love you', but 'goodbye' or 'thank you' instead.
If he left on harsher terms, it would have been easier to forget him.
"I'm sorry," Naruto interrupted her thoughts. "For not getting to him on time."
Sakura pulled away. "No, Naruto. Your duty is to protect this village. Helping those injured ninjas was your first priority."
"But--!"
"You kept your promise to me, Naruto. You brought Sasuke-kun back."
"But he didn't stay--."
Sakura shook her head. "I can't keep wishing for things. My life, as of now, is good," Sakura watched Naruto's gaze fall. "I have a wonderful son and caring friends," she reached out for Naruto's hand and held it. "I shouldn't ask for anything else. I realize that now."
"What about love?" Naruto returned Sakura's gentle grip. "You should have everything."
A gentle smile found its way to Sakura's face. "There will be a time for love."
Naruto sighed and pulled her hand towards his face. He placed her palm against his lips and took a deep breath, kissing her hand. "Sakura…" he whispered, looking up to her with his blue eyes.
Sakura's eyes widened. There was love, loud and clear, sitting right in front of her. True love that evolved and matured over the years… Real love, that was unwavering and unconditional. She had known his feelings for years but the way he looked at her now, the way his blue eyes gazed at her… for a moment, she was left breathless. "Naruto…"
"It's alright. I know you're not ready," Naruto took her palm and held it to his cheek. "But hey, I've been waiting twenty years for you." At this, he grinned. "Another twenty years won't kill me."
"Geez, you never change…" Sakura sighed.
"And hey," Naruto chimed. "Even if you're all wrinkly and decrepit, I'll probably still love you."
"… You should have stopped after the twenty years part."
They both exchanged laughs but it quickly fell to soft sighs. Sakura sat back and glanced at the kitchen. "I don't feel like cooking now."
"Ichiraku's open," came Naruto's suggestion.
"This early?" Sakura took a moment to think. "Oh, that's right. They changed their hours because of people like you, Mr. #1 Customer."
Naruto grinned, letting her hand go and poking at her knee eagerly, like a child. "Well…?"
For some reason, at that moment, she could not refuse that grin. "Sure."
"Alright!" Naruto got to his feet. "Let's go!" He held out his hand.
Sakura laced her fingers in his and he pulled her to her feet.
--
Shikano ran the brush through Patch's hairs. She remained silent as her friend sat by and told her what happened.
His father left. A part of her knew he would but she could not say such things without proof. Instinct, though an important tool, was not a justification that an adult would want to hear.
Shikano turned to Akio, who sat quietly on the grass. He was in that thinking pose he always did, she noted: hands folded, covering his chin and lips. She had seen his father only a few times but it was enough to see where Akio begot his features.
"What Naruto-nii said makes sense," she said as she sat down beside him, brush in hand. She tossed it to her side and looked at him. "I guess he must have been really scared of a new life. Or maybe he purposely lives in that loneliness and misery because he has power over that."
"But why?" Akio's eyes narrowed.
"The only way is to ask him."
"I don't want to see him," Akio quickly said.
Shikano was slightly taken back by his sharp tone. "You sure?"
Akio nodded. "He was my father and he left me a lot of times. I thought I should forgive him since he didn't know about me; you know, give him another chance. Okaa-chan told me to be nice to people. So I did. But he left me again, after he knew about me. He probably wishes I wasn't born. Sometimes, I wish th--." His words stopped as a pair of thin arms wrapped around his neck. Shikano had her face buried in his shoulder blade as her arms remained slung around his shoulders.
"Don't say it," she muttered against his shirt.
"Shikano-chan?" Akio craned his neck, trying to get a better look at her.
Quickly, she pushed herself away. She brought her legs to her chest and rested her forehead on her knees. "Stupid," she said, hiding her flaming cheeks. "You shouldn't say bad things or the gods will curse you… or something."
"I was going to say that sometimes I wish I never met my father," Akio told her. "What did you think?"
"That you wish you were never born," Shikano admitted, looking the opposite direction. Ah, one of her few mistakes. And she was usually so good at guessing and reading people. Shikano turned back to him when she felt him tug her ponytail.
"I'm glad I was born. Because it makes me happy to love all the people in my life: Okaa-chan, Naruto-nii-chan, all my oji-chans and oba-chans, and you."
He always said stuff like that while looking at her straight in the eye. Shikano suddenly felt her face flame, along with her cheeks. Goodness, was she coming down with a fever?
Akio suddenly got to his feet and stood facing the eastern horizon, hands at his hips. "Shikano, I decided something."
Shikano stood, dusting off her rear.
"I'm going to grow up to be a man my Okaa-chan can be proud of. That Konoha will like. And so no one I love will be hurt, I will always be there for them." He turned his head over to his shoulder and glanced back at her. "That's my ninja way."
For a moment, Akio's hair looked golden in the morning sun. She smiled at his determination and pride he displayed in his eyes. "It's my ninja way to make sure everyone is happy. No matter how old we get, no matter how far apart we grow."
This puzzled Akio greatly. "But Shikano-chan, I'm going to be with you forever."
Shikano felt her face heat up for the third time within the past ten minutes.
"Is something wrong with your face?"
"No! Let's go feed the deer," she said, turning to the bucket sitting against the fence. She picked it up and walked past the boy.
Akio laughed, noting her flushed face. "You're weird, Skikano-chan."
"Shut up."
… the end.
Author's Notes: Before you all want to flame/kill/induce bodily harm to me, please listen to what I have to say!
There were a couple things that inspired me to write this story: episode 109 of Naruto, the fanfic "I Know Those Eyes" by roomfishing and the fanfic "The Uchiha Restoration" by Dr. Breifs Cat. All SasuSaku. So, why did it end the way it did? Because my story took a life on its own.
Originally, I had every intention to write a SasuSaku, with Naruto getting the crappy end of the stick. But then as the story continued, Sasuke began to fight me. He didn't want to be Sakura's dream guy. He wanted to be an avenger, period.
After writing the disastrous dinner scene, I took a break and re-evaluated what to do with Sasuke since he kept fighting me the whole way through. I had to really study his character, from the very beginning to the time when he left Konoha, which is the time that the story refers to. In my opinion, Sasuke always had Itachi as a focus. For a moment in time, he felt as if Kakashi, Naruto and Sakura were his family, but it didn't matter because his obsession with Itachi was always there. It was almost as if Sasuke was walking around with blinders, experiencing a deranged sense of tunnel vision. It's tragic for him because he seemed to be missing the good things in his life. He even said that living peacefully was like an illusion; in the end, his stubborn determination drove him. His plan was to "avenge the Uchiha clan and restore it". Did he mean start a new generation or just avenge the clan, thus resulting in restoring its honor? I've seen two translations, one saying to restore it and another saying to bring back honor to it. So, I started to run with the idea. It was almost as if I let Sasuke do what he wanted and the story flowed quicker than the first half.
And honestly, Naruto wasn't supposed to play such a large role. However, considering what Sakura went through, considering she also lost Sasuke, I would think she would cling onto whom she had left. And Naruto did seem like this unlikely, unbelievable knight in shining orange armor, but it seemed almost perfect for him to be. You see that Naruto sacrifices his own feelings for Sakura's sake twice in the canon; first, when Sasuke woke up in the hospital and Sakura hugged Sasuke with tears in her eyes, and second when Sakura begged Naruto to bring Sasuke back. "You really like Sasuke, don't you?" There's something admirable about Naruto in those moments; behind his obnoxiousness, there really lies a character that is truly selfless. So, why in the story did he fluctuate between butting in and stepping back? Because he wasn't sure what to do. His feelings for Sakura evolved into something far more solid than a childhood love. He was at serious risk of losing her and he didn't want to sit back, even though he knew it was something she had to deal with.
There was a point when I thought of writing two endings, a "Naruto" one and a "Sasuke" one, but right before the last chapter, I had to do a re-evaluation. In the end, so long as Itachi was out there, Sasuke could not rest. It's as simple as that. And as much as I enjoy SasuSaku, I also have to accept that he is first and foremost an avenger and a happy family ending just would not exist, not in the universe the story took place in.
So, who did Sakura end up with? Within the story, no one. It wasn't about marrying Sakura off to one of them; it was about Sakura's growth as a character. Because I didn't consider the manga time jump, her growth was an essential theme to the story. So, ten years from now, does she marry Naruto? If you want. If you prefer Sasuke to come back and tell her "Let's start over again," then you can believe that.
Lastly, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read this. All your reviews and messages really are appreciated. I tried to respond to everyone's reviews and I will continue to try in doing so. Again, thanks for sticking around for this long ride. Love to you all!