Summary: Naruto is turned into a three year old, and thinks Itachi is his mom. How will the homicidal criminal handle motherhood?
Chapter 1 - (Un)fortunate Accidents
Itachi had said it was a bad idea, but noo, they insisted it would work. How could it not? I mean, what could possibly go wrong messing with the infamous Orb of Ages, sealed deep within a mountain, surrounded by enumerable deadly traps, and with a free curse included should you, by some miraculous turn of events, actually reach the orb.
'This is how it could go wrong,' thought Itachi glumly looking down at the three-year-old sleeping in his arms. The blond stirred and his cerulean eyes fluttered open. His eyes lifted, and met Itachi's; giggling happily the boy reached up and yanked the older man's hair.
"Damn it Naruto! Don't pull my hair!"
"Mommy said damn it." replied Naruto happily.
Itachi twitched and though back to how he got into this mess.
Naruto jumped and delivered a kick to Kisame's head, sending him flying into the wall. Itachi created a clone and sent it to stop Jiraiya from grabbing the Orb of Ages while he himself grabbed Naruto from behind.
"Bastard! Put me down!" shrieked the demon holder, kicking at Itachi.
"Kisame, get the Orb" ordered Itachi.
"Already on it."
Itachi's eyes widened and he dropped Naruto, looking down at his hand in shock.
"You…you bit me!" said Itachi, staring in surprise at the bloody teeth marks on his hand.
"Ha! Serves you right!"
With that Naruto took off towards the Shrine of the Orb of Ages, where Kisame and Jiraiya were fighting. Naruto dashed up to the orb and grabbed it, just as Kisame and Jiraiya's attacks bounced off of each other. Naruto's eyes widened as he saw the combined energies coming straight at him. The massive chakra hit the orb dead on. Suddenly there was a blinding flash, followed by a massive explosion.
As the smoke cleared, a wailing filled the air. Itachi moved through the smoke cautiously. As he neared the center of the temple, now crater, wind blew through the hole in the wall (from where Naruto had kicked Kisame) and cleared away the last of the smoke. Itachi looked around, to his left Kisame stood looking worse for wear, and to his right the frog sannin stood, eyes searching for Naruto.
A sudden cry made them all turn and look down. There in the middle of the rubble lay the kyuubi boy's clothing. The pile suddenly moved and a yellow head of hair popped out. Blue eyes met red and the little boy, blinking, stood up his full three feet. Tottering over to Itachi the three-year-old tugged on his cloak and said, "Mommy! Want up!"
Itachi felt the world crashing down around him.
"What the fuck?" yelled Kisame.
The boy looked over at Kisame and pointing, declared, "Fishy!"
Itachi looked over at Jiraiya and saw the man was staring at Naruto as if hoping it was all some sort if sick joke contrived by the mischievous youth. Honestly, all three of them were half-hoping the trickster would suddenly change back to normal and yell "Surprise! Got'cha!"
Finally, seeing no other option, Itachi sighed and signaling Kisame scooped up the boy and took off.
Jiraiya noticed too late and before he could stop them, the Akatsuki members were gone, taking the defenseless baby Naruto with them.
"Shit. Tsunade's gonna kill me."
Get outta my head!
EPK17: ;; ACK!