A/N: Hey, thanks for waiting. I really slacked off, and I'm happy. It's kinda Rei fluffy at the end, I have to remember to include more of everyone else next time, but I figured Asuka has less barriers eventually and has the cannon kiss later. Meh, who cares, I updated! If this sucks, I blame it on anything but me :D

"Italics" : "Yui/Kyoko/Naoko/mindspeak"

'Italics' : 'Thoughts'

Bold : Sounds


The result of the blackout was to be expected; minor infrastructure damage and several heat-related health problems that killed a few elderly citizens. It seemed that, two weeks later, the weather was trying to make up for it with a series of showers with cooler temps.

Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke were knocking the door to Misato's apartment rapidly as they were caught in one of the downpours. As it opened up, Touji bolted in with his now damp clothing, "Thanks for letting us get out of the rain, Shinji."

"No problem, hi Kensuke, Hikari," Shinji beckoned them to the kitchen.

"So where's Misato?" Kensuke asked, pulling out his infamous camera.

Shinji thought about it and remembered why his guardian wasn't at her normal beer station, "She's probably asleep. She's been working all-night shifts lately."

Hikari stopped, "Are we allowed over then? Her work sounds very tiring after all."

"Her job would be easier if she didn't wait until the last minute to fill out paperwork. But it's ok, just try to keep it down."

Kensuke and Touji took this with utmost importance and Shhh'ed Shinji for no reason at all. It worked until Asuka walked up behind them with her hands on her damp clothes. Apparently she was outside looking for Hikari when it started to downpour and the dripping sound only increased the suspense in the silence.

"Hey, stooges, what are you doing here?" Asuka smirked as the two jumped into the air and she made her way to Hikari.

"You gave them a heart attack! Do you know how hard it is to come by minions like these?" Shinji replied as he checked on his friends. Toji and Kensuke' were hammering their hand against their chest and gasping. "Thankfully they're not broken, but they just came in out of the rain to relax. And you may want to change clothes, they're clingy. And no, we're not going to peep as we have a project to work on."

"We do?" the guys asked in stereo and Shinji grinned, "Yes, we do."

Asuka, despite the numerous occurrences, was momentarily speechless as Shinji finished reading her mind, "Whatever, come on Hikari, let's go to Rei's and my room and talk. I need to change out of these clothes anyways."

"Um? So what are we going to do?" Toji asked as the girls slid the door shut.

"Well, turn around and say "Hi Misato" and then I'll tell you in my room, we'll need my computer," Shinji eyes curved into upside down U's as the stooges turned around, tried to utter their greetings, and gaped. "Misato, be gentle on them, Asuka already almost killed them today."

"Hai, hai Shinji-kun, welcome you two," Misato mumbled as best she could as she headed to the refrigerator, actually clothed appropriately unfortunately for the stooge one and two. She had woken up early after a disturbing nightmare about second impact and gotten dressed. 'Sigh, and I still haven't escaped my father's work or angels after all these years' she thought as she decided to tease the stooges. "Remind Asuka that we have a harmonics test this afternoon and to do the laundry already, I'm out bras."

'And there goes Kensuke and Toji, they didn't even have time to comment on her promotion…wait, it's Rei's turn for laundry. She already did it too…' "You didn't have to say that…damnit, you broke them!" Shinji stated and mumbled about why good minions are so hard to find as he dragged the two piles of goo, formerly known as his friends, to his room and explained Operation Promotion Celebration in thorough detail.

"Okay, basically I give you money, you two buy the supplies. And I guess we can make a sign and a sash for her. ne?"

"Brilliant!" "Perfect" "Wark!" Ok, maybe it wasn't that detailed of a plan…

"When did you come in here PenPen?" Shinji tilted his head to the side.

PenPen shrugged and then pointed a flipper to the third child's computer. Apparently the penguin had discovered online Go and had smeared some one named "Sai" in three games so far.

"Hm, well I'm going to log you off and send a text message to Asuka so we can get them to decorate.


Now, I could just say: the scenery is the same as the series, but I guess I need to stretch my writing muscles. Later that day the three pilots were softly illuminated in the soft blue glow of the three mental contamination testing entry plugs. Their purpose was to see the extent that each pilot could be submitted to mental wave interference before contamination took place in almost pure LCL. It was one of the most trivial things that they were tested on because it only helped them to concentrate. So basically it was forced meditation and Shinji found out it helped control what sync they wanted to achieve, but without the Eva's it was kinda unrealistic. The only reason he kept at it was, well…to make it so I don't change the plot that much. In fact I think I won't have this type of test again.

Maya was at the controls and looked at the monitors:

Subject 00, 01, and 02. Three bar graphs, all labeled as the first, second, and third children with the giant header of mental toxicity levels, fluctuated back and forth. It was kinda hard to look at the contrast with the black background honestly and why it was set up that way, we'll never know.

"Sempai, they are all 4.8 meters in and haven't shown any changes."

"All right, these are great results. This should be enough for today," Ritsuko said as she printed out a piece of paper and put it into a folder.

Misato walked up to the console and hit the com, "Ok you three, we're finishing up for the day, report to the observation deck as usual."

The plugs were pulled out of the liquid and each of the pilots sighed in relief. One of the nameless techs chose this time to speak up, "These kids, were they born to do this? This test would be failed by most adults."

"They're good, but it's only because they have to be," Misato started, "we would all prefer that they didn't have to do this."

"That's right," Ritsuko left her spot from behind Maya and hit the clearance button besides the door to let the pilots in. "Very good results, each of you. Rei, you have to come in tomorrow for a check up and Shinji, you're appointment is in 10 min. Asuka, you're free to go."

Asuka smiled as Shinji groaned. Not one of his better accomplishments was asking: why doesn't he have all these check ups and physicals like Rei? Now, instead of the previous after mission check up that took care of things, they had bi-monthly physicals in addition to those. Asuka's was yesterday, hence her celebration.

"Misato, do you think you'll be done in time to give me a ride?" Shinji asked as Asuka dragged Rei off to the locker rooms while talking about the stuff they needed to pick up on the way back to the apartment.

"Hai," Misato said, "Now don't keep Dr. Coughpleeze waiting."

Shinji shivered, 'Why do Boring-sensei's relatives have the weirdest names?'


Hours later, Shinji and Misato were on their way back to the apartment in her blue Renault. Unfortunately they were a little early and Shinji had to stall for time.

"Can we go the scenic route?" Shinji asked as he patted his seatbelt, newly improved with duct tape, and checked his phone.


"We're throwing you a promotion party and the guys are running late. Oh, congratulations on your promotion."

"Er, thanks, but aren't you supposed to keep it a secret?" the major asked as she turned off the direct route back.

"Act surprised if you want, you would have figured it out with all your training anyways. So how are things today, you seem down?"

"Well I'm not exactly thrilled with this promotion, it made me think,"

"Yea, thinking sucks sometimes. Especially about NERV, ne?"

Misato sighed, "Yes, I just wonder about all that has happened so far."

"Hm? I'll be psychiatrist Ikari for the next few minutes…"

"Well, I never told you why I joined…My father buried himself in his research... it was his life. Apparently he got married, had me, and then decided to take a new opportunity. I couldn't forgive him. Or, rather, I hated him. He never took care of me, my mother or our family. People said that he was a brilliant theorist and researcher, but really he was only weak, always trying to escape reality, our family. He was just like a little kid."

"Since she had always been unhappy, I agreed with my mother when she divorced my father. My father seemed to have been shocked by this, and I just grinned at a man who was suffering the consequences of his own actions. He tried to make up for it by taking me to his latest expedition…and last: Second Impact"

"Then he sacrificed his life for mine, dying in the Second Impact, and then I couldn't tell if I loved him or hated him. The one thing that was clear was that I had to defeat the Angels that had caused the Second Impact and, to do that, I joined NERV. It might be that I was trying to avenge my father, so that I can be free of his spell. I don't know for sure."

"Wow…" Shinji remembered this from the first time and still wasn't prepared, "the commander makes it easy for me at least. I know I can hate him. But are things better now at least? Things are looking up, life isn't too bad, ne?"

"Sure they are. I enjoy living with everyone; I would have split a place with Ritsuko if our schedules and habits weren't so conflicting. And you and the girls make life easy at home, especially your cooking from the gods. I'm pretty happy now, you three have grown on me, especially you."

"Well that's good, let's have some fun at your party then. And remind me to tell PenPen that I'm the favorite," Shinji kidded.

"Favorite? Go ahead, he worships you more than me. And I'm sure we can have some fun," Misato lecherously chuckled. Shinji groaned in frustration.


The apartment wasn't all done out, but the living room had the furniture moved to the sides and there were a lot ribbons and balloons. Shinji opened the door with scrawled out sign ("Congratulations for the Promotion, Celebration Hall, Reserved") for Misato and headed to the kitchen to get started on the food.

Misato continued towards her room after calling out, "Just need to get changed, I'll be out in a couple of minutes."

Moments later…

"Congratulations!" Kensuke, Touji, Hikari, Asuka, and Rei shouted to various extents…meaning the stooges sans Shinji dwarfed the girls. Rei had been more reserved after today's tests and seemed to have something heavy weighing on her mind.

Misato smiled and looked around, "Thank you everyone, I take it that the girls did all this?"

"Yep!" Asuka stated and sat back with her friends.

"It was not difficult and was enjoyable," Rei said and PenPen waddled over to her and Hikari after checking on Kami-sama.

"We helped too," Touji declared and Kensuke nodded in agreement.

"You two bought the food and that bag over there. Then you slacked off once you saw us come in with the decorations. And speaking of slacking off, why didn't you turn in your report on Friday? Boring-sensei told me and your performance hurts the class you know," Hikari interrogated.

"Huh? I thought we actually turned those in…" Kensuke thought aloud. "Touji?"

"Don't look at me, I can't remember"

"Well you better turn them in again or hope that sensei finds them."

During this time PenPen moved from "visiting closet pervert" (penguins just know what type of people you are instinctively) to "the quiet one." He idly wondered when kami-sama would bestow his bounty upon this gathering.

Misato just smirked and raised her hand in the air to receive an air beer via Shinji in the kitchen, "So did you invite anyone else or is my promotion just an excuse to throw a party? Not that I'm complaining so long as my beer supply remains untouched…"

Asuka looked at the clock and eyes glazed over, "Oh, Kaji-san hasn't arrived yet."

Hikari stopped talking to the guys, "He's that cool guy we went shopping with? Kaji-san...?"

"Yeah, against these two potato heaps, it's like comparing the moon to soft-shelled turtles…does that even make sense?" Asuka's eyes finally cleared up.

Everyone stared for a bit at the second child's weird metaphor until Rei spoke up, "It does not make a clear comparison. The sentiment is there I believe. You prefer him to Aida and Suzuhara." 'It sounded like a direct quote from a script in another language into a poor fanfiction story.'

"Okay, as long as that's clear," Asuka said. Asuka still had a crush on her former supervisor and escort. Hikari was thinking, 'Hm, he was good looking, better if he shaved…I'd give him an 8.3 considering his age.'

"Yo! Kensuke, Toji, get over here," Shinji came into the room and turned back, but not before saying, "No PenPen, last time you helped some of it fell on the floor by 'accident'."

Buzz "That must be Kaji-san, I'll get it," Asuka got up and opened the door to reveal Ritsuko, Maya, and Kaji.

"Konbanwa, I came directly from Headquarters. I met these two on the way," Kaji grinned as he slipped his shoes off.

Asuka looked suspicious, but Misato greeted them, "Kami-sama and his assistants have just finishe…Where'd they go?" One minute the three were standing in the entranceway and the next they had vanished.

"We're over here," Maya informed her from a spot across the table from her.

"Fortunately we didn't miss the unveiling of Kami-sama's food after waiting for Kaji to finish up," Ritsuko said oblivious to Kaji's glare.

"Anyways, congratulations on your promotion Major Katsuragi!" Kaji emphasized 'Kami-sama's food is just a plus', "Seems from now on I'm going to have to be polite to you and address you as a superior."

"What are you talking about you baka?!"

"Well, it's unprecedented that both the commander and vice-commander are out of Japan. Yes they've been away from NERV, but they're currently on the way to the South Pole."

"The further away the better," Shinji exclaimed while carrying in a trays of food with Touji and Kensuke in tow. Nodding at the lonesome bag, "Guys, you never gave out the party favors?"

"No, we figured the food was more important and we didn't want to make a mess yet," Kensuke said as he laid down the last tray.

"I guess," Shinji sat down and saw everyone looking at him. "What are you waiting for?"

"Itadakimasu!" Everyone dug in and tried not to pay attention to PenPen pole vaulting into the center of the table.


Next day, in Antarctica with a fleet of ships surrounding a carrier with a completely inconspicuous rod shaped object wrapped in tarps.

"There's no allowance for the existence of living things in this world of death called Antarctica," Kouzou said from the observation deck of a UN carrier "Maybe we should just call it 'Hell'?"

Gendou remained emotionless, "Nevertheless, we human beings are standing here, existing as living things."

"Because we're protected by the power of science." 'All those poor penguins…'

"Science is human power."

"It's that arrogance that caused the tragedy 15 years ago, the Second Impact. This scene is the result. It's too harsh a punishment for us, though, considering the crime. This is just like the Dead Sea!" 'And Matt020388's updating habits'

"And yet this is a purified world, a world lacking the impurity of the original sin."

Sigh "I hope for a world where people can live, no matter how steeped in sin it may be."

Now as interesting as there conversation was or could be, angels don't care. One of the communication officers came in on the ships broadcasting system, "Situation report from Nerv headquarters, sir. An Angel has been discovered in orbit above the Indian Ocean."


Misato had gone in to work today much happier than the day before and still feeling slightly full from pigging out at her promotion party. It was just sooo good. So as she was rushed to one central dogma and was presented with live satellite feed of the next angel, she was justified in her thoughts : 'God $'ing damn it!'

(A/N: I realized the male techs get confused) Makoto, the one with short hair and square glasses and has secret desires about Misato revealed in the movies, reported "The Angel abruptly appeared two minutes ago."

SatelliteReporter1, "Approaching the orbit of the sixth reconnaissance satellite."

Doesn'tEvenGetARelevantName, "Two minutes until contact."

Shigeru, long haired, guitar hero techie, brought the image onto the screen,"Target in sight. Ohh..."

Misato wasn't amused, "I can't believe my eyes... it's crazy!" 'It's orange, 3 eye spots with eyelashes of various bulbous shapes.'

"Sixth satellite moving to near contact with the target…..Contact with target." Shigeru reported, 'looks like a booger to me.'

SatelliteReporter 1: "Begin scan." 'Maybe one of those toy clappers that you shake…'

Doesn'tEvenGetARelevantName: "Starting data transmission." 'Those ends look like the sticky hand toys that stretch and get all dusty.'

-------------Needless to say, the satellite probe didn't last and everyone was called in------------------

"An AT-field did that," Misato guessed after reviewing the footage again.

Ritsuko nodded as she stood by Maya and the terminal, "A new usage, I think. Not an inverted field like the late Ikari's work suggests, maybe a restrictive outside field collapsing."

Maya switched to the next series of images that showed circular waves in the Indian Ocean, "It even uses the energy gained due to the fall from orbit after detaching its own matter. The Angel itself is akin to a bomber."

"Currently, the first shot impacted the Pacific Ocean, far off target. The second shot hit this point. After that, it has been steadily correcting its errors," Ritsuko began input to the Magi.

"Great, it's learning," Misato continued to look at the displays.

The next one was of dozens of pink explosions surround the thing with Makato relaying, "N2 bombing does not work…at all." 'Why do even let the UN participate anymore?'

"After that, the angel went out of range and increased its jamming," Shigeru showed a blank screen with "Transmission interrupted" for some reason.

"And it will be coming here…" Misato.

"Perhaps next time it itself will fall…" Ritsuko surmised.

Misato was startled, "That would create a third Lake Ashinoko."

"Actually, the Five Lakes of Fuji would become one and be linked to the Pacific Ocean, including and destroying Headquarters."

"Well, what do the Magi suggest Maya?" Misato started considering her options.

"They unanimously recommend evacuation." 'After the other two denied Caspar's recommendation of a massive orgy with Shinji and telling the angel to leave them the $#$# alone.'

Ritsuko's contrasting eyebrows disappeared into her hairline seeing Caspar's opinion 'Mom as a woman…' "What do you want to do? You are the only available command officer."

"Connect to the appropriate Japanese ministries--special declaration D17 under Nerv's authority. Evacuation of all citizens within a 50 kilometer radius. Request the backup of Magi to Matsushiro."

"We're abandoning headquarters?" Makato inquired.

"No, but it's not necessary to risk everything." Misato said as everyone scurried to obey the orders.


"That's your plan? You're serious?" Ritsuko raised her brow as waved her hand under the faucet in the women's restroom and washed her hands.

"Yes and I am," Misato replied from the sink beside her.

"The probability of winning is only 1 percent. And that's incredible considering the circumstances…are you sure?" Ritsuko asked, having slightly more confidence against the angels than last time.

"It's not zero…I'm betting on the Evas."


"I am the commanding officer here and I will do everything that I must do for us to survive. There's no guarantee that the angel couldn't change course and attack our convoy getting out of here and for some reason I think that if we lose Tokyo-3, it would only be a matter of time before we lost."

Ritsuko thought about that, 'Lilith and our continuous LCL supply would be gone. Along with our research. But the other bases have a limited supply and more Evas are in production. What importance does Lilith and this GeoFront hold?' "Sigh You're crazy, but you'll need all the help you can get. I'll be helping back everything up and Maya can check your plans with the MAGI."

"Thanks Rits-chan."


The three pilots were in the briefing room (one with the floor acting as a display screen) looking at an overhead schematic of Tokyo-3 and listening to their purple-haired guardian in disbelief.

"Let me make sure I'm getting this…you want us to catch that with our hands?" Asuka stared at her, 'Did she hit her booze extra-hard this morning?'

"Exactly! Arrange the Evas at the estimated point of impact, and directly catch it with AT-fields at maximum," Misato said confidently.

"What if the Angel goes considerably off course?" Shinji asked already knowing the answer.

"We'd be screwed," she said with a smile.

Asuka facefaulted, "And if the Units cannot withstand the shock?"

"Not gonna happen, your AT fields should be strong enough. Well…unless only one unit catches it for too long."

"Let's continue the fun, the odds of winning are?" Shinji started to grin.

"Pretty unbelievable according to Ritsuko, 1 percent!"

"If we're successful, it'll be a miracle!" Asuka stated.

Misato's face straightened out, "Sorry, but there's no other way. This operation is—"

"You're saying this is an official operation? Is it?" Asuka inquired.

"Technically no, I cannot say that. If you're not willing, you can refuse. But keep in mind that humanity will be almost certainly screwed if you don't help…"

The three pilots sweatdropped.

"Officially you are required to write a will. You may want to update that now."

"Nah, my old one is fine" 'it allocates everything into a reward for the commander's death and a few of his associates SEELE and mom provided safe house locations and everything.' "More importantly I'm not going to die," Shinji replied.

"Me neither," Asuka declared.

Rei automatically responded, "Neither am I." 'There is no need for a will.'

Misato walked up to the three, "I'll make this up to you somehow, how 'bout I take you to a steak dinner?"

"Misato, please think that over," Rei said with a minute glare.

"Ah, forgot that you're a veggie person. Ano…"

"How about you take us to ramen and a movie? We'd do this without a bribe anyways," Shinji informed her.

Misato cheered and went on her way, "OK, You can look forward to it!"

Waiting until she left, Asuka turned to the others, "Baka, we could have gotten more of that."

"Nah, she splurged in paying off the last of her student loans, she's broke until payday," Shinji informed the redhead.

"How do you know?"

"PenPen told me, right Rei?" Shinji winked.

"Of course Shinji, right after he convinced you to buy more ice cream," Rei smirked.

Asuka didn't buy it, "Was this before or after he upgraded my wardrobe?"

"Before, but he didn't remember your sizes so he left to get you a gift card this morning on the way back from buying me a new boken," Shinji started, "Whatever. Come on, let's head to the lockers and get ready."


Maya and Ritsuko had just finished backing up all system software and crucial files from the MAGI and were now in Central Dogma examining the incoming data. Maya started to type furiously before stopping and reporting back, "The target is lost from our sensors due to the Angel's ECM."

Ritsuko brought up an image on the large screen in front of the tower, "Although it's now impossible to calculate precisely, this is a map of the most likely collision points estimated by the MAGI from data obtained just before we lost the target."

Asuka looked at the satellite image of the entirety of Tokyo-3, its outskirts, and a little into the countryside covered in red, "The range is this wide?"

'Is it me, or is that larger than last time?' Shinji stared, 'Nah.'

"And with its AT-field, the target can annihilate NERV headquarters completely, wherever it impacts within this range." Ritsuko finished her little lecture.

"Under these conditions, we'll be placing an Eva at each of these three points," Misato pointed to three spots and the radius they could cover. The three formed an equilateral triangle with the heart of Tokyo-3 at the center.

"What is this arrangement based on?" Rei inquired.

"My intuition," Misato declared.

Asuka, much more understanding than before still had trouble with this. Sure she could deal with diving into a volcano or being on limited power, but not knowing where the enemy would be and choosing points at random bothered her, "Intuition?!"

"Yes. Female intuition."

"What's that?" Rei asked, genuinely curious. 'A type of physics perhaps?'

Everyone was silent until Shinji coughed…and then more silence. Misato finally thought of a response, "It's a rough estimate with a couple of instinctual considerations. Like…" More silence… "The fifth angel did start drilling where the three catch radii meet and some of it is luck. It's a feeling as well."

"Okay, thankyou" Rei answered. 'I do not feel as well about this mission as I did before I knew that.'


After leaving the deathly silent room, the pilots were on the lift elevator to the cages and it was still silent. "So…"

"What?" Asuka asked as the legs of the Evas came into view.

"I don't know, this atmosphere is stifling. Just because we have a suicidal angel that we can't track and there's a one percent chance of victory," Shinji started.

"We will succeed because we must," Rei said coldly, staring out at Unit-00.

Asuka moved to beside Rei, "Don't worry, we'll just kick its ass before it can land, I have plans for next weekend and I'm not gonna let and this angel stop me."

"Jeeze, only you would say something like that. No greater goals like world peace and harmony?" Shinji asked in disbelief.

"What about you baka?"

"Well…there was this one glitch I wanted to try. Something about creating a black hole in the latest smash brothers' game."

"WHAT?! That's even worse!"

Rei smiled as she watched the two fight and sighed a little in relief.

"120 minutes until the estimated time of collision," the intercom relayed as the elevator door opened to the cages.


Misato turned back from the screen to the two male techies still there, "You can take shelter. I can handle the rest."

Shigeru shook his head, long hippie hair having a mind of its own," No. This is my job as well."

Makoto, quickly removing his eyes from the major's figure before she noticed, and agreed with a suck up reply, "I can't leave while those kids are out there."

Misato waved that off, "They'll be fine. Even if the Evas are damaged, the AT fields will protect them. The safest place right now is actually in the Evas."


Unit 00 was kneeling down in the trees on the north outskirts of town, Unit 02 was standing beside the fields on the southwest side, and Unit 01 was waiting at a substation on the southeast side. Each of them resting in peace and building their nerves for this mission…or they would have been if they didn't have helpful voices in their heads.

Shinji was restraining himself from groaning. 'Mom, why won't you tell Mrs. Soryu and Dr. Akagi where it's going to land?'

'Silly, I want to see if the angels are getting stronger than last time and if you're keeping up to date in your studies'

'Damn…I forgot to study the flashcards' Shinji thought and then paled.

'I heard that! And you haven't even progressed any further in the main scheme of things?'

'Which would be?...'

'A massive harem of course, where have you been? Fortunately the ball seems to have already started to roll, bwahahaha!'

'Let me never say my life is boring…'

Asuka was dealing with an increasingly perverted mother of her own now that Kyoko had deemed her "used to" her dead mother being inside a giant bio-mechanical robot.


'What? I'm just saying this is around the time I met your father, he had one fine body…'

'Ewww! Stop now!'

'Oh, that's right. You probably don't want to imagine anyone but Shinji, you did steal his first kiss.'

'It was a moment of weakness and morbid curiosity!'

'Curiosity…that can lead you many places you know. Should I be looking the opposite direction? Rei is…exotic...'

'AGGGH!' Asuka barely kept from cracking, breaking the butterfly controls, and knocking herself unconscious.

'Don't worry, I know I'm wrong and just teasing. You're definitely bi to some extent,' Kyoko looped the video feed and sensor input while Asuka started swearing vehemently in German.

'Mama, I have a #$#$ing mission now!'

'Actually that would look something like this,' Kyoko projected a mental image that was mild compared to Shinji's treatments, 'But I'll let you regain your focus. I prevented NERV from seeing this, but I'm stopping in ten seconds.'

Asuka took those ten seconds to bash her head into the wall and suppress her blush somewhat before the feed came back live. She felt less nervous about the mission at least, so Kyoko's goals were achieved.

Rei had it lucky, Naoko was counting on Rei to develop a Yui-like perverted side quick enough later. So at the moment she was slowly comparing what the bast…commander has done good and bad. She was on number 666 of his bad deeds…she had gone thru his twenty good deeds earlier.

'I can stop for now if you want.'

'Please do. I understand he is not the best of men…'


'…but if he changes, he could correct so many of his misdeeds and it would be much easier to save humanity.'

Naoko didn't have much patience for Gendo…so only repeating the revenge Yui had in store in her mind kept her from snapping at Rei. 'That may be true, but he has no incentive to change. If you end up talking to him, please do this at least. Keep a diary telling yourself to trust me and let me absorb your current memories at the time. If he decides to replace you, the earliest memory implant a clone has goes back to when you failed the original activation and Gendo freaked out about losing your training. He would most likely try for either that to eliminate all variables or before the fifth angel since you were successful in reactivation, but not as involved other people.…'

'…' Rei knew that Commander Ikari could replace her at a whim and remove her from the Katsuragi residence. It frightened her a lot, but she did owe him one chance.

'I would suggest you act as you once did around the commander and not ask too many questions. A few maybe just because you are growing up.'

'…I do not know what to do…' Rei was seriously conflicted.

'sigh, I guess you should think later. It is nearing time to kick some ass. You don't need to do this alone you know. Talk to Shinji…here's a picture of him nude' OK, Naoko wasn't as bad as the other two Eva souls, but Rei didn't know that as the mental image seduced and distracted her from her worries.


Twenty minutes later Shigeru received the first sign: "Telescopes have confirmed the target at maximum visual range."

Makoto went thru the data, "Distance approximately 25,000 meters."

Misato took one last breath, "All Eva Units to starting positions!" The units assumed the track starting position and waited.

"The target's calculated trajectory is based solely on visual observation. The MAGI will instruct you until the range is 1000, after which you're on your own. I trust you all," Misato waited for the MAGI to finish calculating.

Shigeru stated, "Angel locked on. Distance approximately 20,000." And Misato shouted at the same time, "Launch…er, Start!"


Shinji wasn't ready because Yui was being perverted, oh snap! They all died. True story in an alternate universe. But in this one this is how it went down: All three Evas ejected their umbilical cords, took off and ran while following the MAGI approximations. Shinji and Unit 01 jumped a small hill and broke the pavement from the force of the takeoff. Unit 02 and Asuka jumped the high tension electrical wires after passing the outer water treatment plant and headed back into the city. Unit 00 and Rei jumped her own set of power lines and glanced at the falling ball of fiery AT Field. The tenth angel kept its course and lost its glow from reentry as it parts the skies and created an apocalyptic, darkening atmosphere.

Shigeru radioed over, "Distance 12,000!"

"Come on, come on. Let's go faster," Shinji urged as he re-entered the city district. 'Mom'

'Execute: found-out-peeping-at-bathhouse-run-for-your-life scenario'

Unit 01's speed increased dramatically and became a blur as the angel approached. Multiple buildings were knocked to the side as Shinji made his way straight to a hill just outside of an industrial district and skid to a halt.

"AT field, maximum power!" Eva Unit 01 planted its feet a shoulder's width apart and shove both hands into the sky to direct the field. At this time, the angel impacted the field and the field appeared in the visible spectrum. The two forces struggled as the other pilots raced to the standstill.

'Mom, is this full power?' Shinji asked as he fought the force feedback and the ground started to crater underneath them.

'It's a matter of physical strength too, the shield we're holding is strong enough, but an Eva's body can only take so much to hold up the force not covered by exuding our field. But now the wireless communication is down for outside your field.'

'That means?'

'No NERV monitoring, I can go S2 replication on this thing and jump to sync rate 299, let's focus on harem scene number two and your AT field to cover that freaking whatever.'

The AT field between the two giants became more solid and focused, shining a bright orange. Shinji felt a twinge on his back, but thought nothing of it as the angel could only slowly push the unit into the ground. It was entirely hill's fault for being so weak and the momentum carried from space added to the angel AT field. The girls still rushed as they needed to destroy it before it exploded and took out the city not covered by the field. Banking on killing it would lessen the explosion.

"Asuka, I'll break through, go for the kill. Expanding field," Rei said as she joined Shinji on the hill and added her field to his.

"Got it," Asuka ran up and ejected her prog knife to get ready.

"I cannot get it through!" Rei distressed as her knife wouldn't pierce Shinji's existing field.

"I'll weaken it below the core, do it now," Shinji commanded as Rei sliced thru and stretched the opening as if it was a solid object.

Unit 02's knife pieced the angel's main eye and core, destroying it on a molecular level. It fell limp and covered the three units like a fallen tent before bubbling up and exploding. The crater appeared instantly as the force vaporized all but the evas on the hill.


Later in the day, the three pilots were standing in front of Misato in Central Dogma as everyone else was busy with the angel aftermath and multitude of complications with the population of Tokyo-3 moving back in. Fortunately they were recovered by the recovery team and were spared a second conversation with their Eva souls. They had sufficiently suppressed the first to act normally in public.

"The satellite system is restored--connection requested by Commander Ikari in Antarctica," Shigeru smiled a bit now that those systems were restored.

"Quickly, connect him, please," Misato moved to the com station.

The connection was established and Misato reported in, "The angel was destroyed with minor stress fractions to Unit 01's back. There was some minor Eva caused damage to the city and there are numerous problems due to the mass evacuation."

Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki scoffed, "That's a given. The annihilation of Angels is the Eva's mission. It was fortunate there was little damage."

Gendo, as per se his plan of teh bastardness, congratulated them, hoping to create some more faith, building off of his manual prep procedure last time, "Yes. You've done it, Major Katsuragi."

"Thank you, sir," Misato thanked him and hoped he couldn't hear Shinji's gagging noises.

"By the way, is the pilot of Unit 01 there?"

"Hai." 'I just love how he uses "it" instead specifying things. He could mean anything.'

"I've heard the story. You did it, Shinji."

"Thanks, all that vending machine took was a swift kick before that bag of chips dropped."


"Oh, that angel thing. Whatever, couldn't let the end of humanity come about like Misato said."

Gendou, slightly annoyed with his rebellious son (but it didn't matter because he was powerless and fought as ordered), "Then, Major Katsuragi, I shall let you handle the aftermath."

"Yes, sir," our purple haired, soon to be busy working, vixen said as the line was disconnected.

"And the rest of us didn't help? Jeeze, why the hell was he taking a vacation to Antarctica anyways?" Asuka was a bit annoyed as well, even more so when no one could answer her question as they began to ponder. Rei had felt that the commander had meant well and that Shinji was congratulated for catching the angel. Maybe it was just an error in judgment.

Shinji couldn't help but smile at Asuka's hostility towards the commander, "Come on Asuka, Rei. Let's get changed and go home."


The weekend came and the four roommates were riding at breakneck speeds around Tokyo-3 with their duct-tape enhanced seatbelts. As Misato started to pass the train on the road beside the tracks, Asuka spoke up, "You've gotta keep your promise, Misato. What movie are we gonna see?"

"Relax, we're going to get something to eat first and then we'll let Rei choose when we get there."

"Ano, why me?" Rei asked.

"'cause I have a bet going with some friends about what you'd choose?" Misato said quickly as she screeched to a halt in front of the parking garage stop arm and grabbed a ticket.


They walked up to Misato's favorite ramen stand, "Ichiraku's", in time to see an angry man with a scar across his nose drag a kid in an orange tracksuit away. Each of them took a seat on the stools and ordered. Rei had the garlic noodles (without pork), Asuka the shark fin with extra pork, Shinji the miso, and Misato had the beef.

(the crack begins…)

"Sorry for not updating regularly," Shinji said, turned towards the fourth wall.

"Yea, and it turns out we're not going to include the movie as part of the story, maybe some omakes, dattebayo!" Asuka said before plunging headfirst into her bowl.

"Please imagine your generic: "it was super predictable" movie and that even I enjoyed the peanut gallery more than the film." Rei said, before smiling and tackling a black-haired duck-tailed-hair boy with a scowl and fan symbol on his back to the ground. She started to beat the crap out of him, "Make some damn friends, learn to have fun, eat ice cream, and collaborate for revenge plans you dumbass!" Before snogging him, he was very confused.

"And there was some nice fluff between all of us, slightly perverse of course," Misato smiley-eyed before grinning lecherously and chasing Shinji in the direction of a motel, an orange book full of suggestions in her hand.

Chibi-Yui appeared on the fleeing Shinji's shoulder and shouted to the heavens, "Include the fluff you idiot!"

"Fine," I clapped my hands and scene changed.

----------------(Resume non-crack)----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That movie…" Rei didn't have the correct word for it.

"Sucked?" Asuka, Shinji, and Misato suggested from their locations in the car.

"Yes. The commentary was good though," Rei smirked.

"The movie was just asking for it," Shinji blamed.

"'Oh no, I'm trapped. Wait, what is this? The hero's 'girl I just met is in danger' sense is tingling," Misato started to gag, why did almost all pink haired girls suck?

"Hahaha, yea. Did you see where the costume came off of the villain and he didn't notice?" Shinji asked.

They laughed and made comments about it until they arrived back at the apartment. Misato was smiling brightly as she neared her beer supply and kissed Shinji on the cheek as he held the door open, whispering, "I won the bet."

"Yea, yea, just tell me what you want made tomorrow," Shinji grumbled as Asuka looked ready to yell at the older woman. "Something wrong Asuka?"

"She, she…"

"Yes, we all know Misato's very affectionate. Especially when she wins and has her choice of food. I really thought we'd see something else…"

It clicked in Asuka's head about what happened, "Jeeze, what's with her luck?"

"I have no clue, now as much as I enjoy holding this door open…" Shinji stared expectantly.

"Such the gentleman," Asuka teased before finally moving past the entryway and calling back, "Sorry about the wait Rei."

"I am sorry about the movie choice Shinji," Rei looked down at her shoes as she took them off and he closed the door.

"Don't be, I had fun because I went with you guys. You did have fun right?" Shinji removed his shoes, standing next to her.

"I did. I believe for the same reasons as well," Rei smirked before returning to a pale stoic, "I think I am going to speak to Commander Ikari after the next sync test and…I don't know."

Shinji stopped, '…there goes my mood…' "…would you like to talk about it in my room?"


-------------Bweep, Bweep… BS and OoC and fluff approaching…Do a barrel roll! Use the Boost to escape!------------

(A/N: after trying several times, this is crap…summary afterwards)

"I want to tell him that the way he sees my future is not what I want it to be and that he should be more accepting to other…scenarios," Rei started as she struggled to put her feelings into words and without revealing too much.

"I don't know what he has planned for you and I hate to do this to you Rei, but don't try to talk to him yet," Shinji pleaded as he closed the door and turned to her.

Rei looked back at him confusedly from her seat on his futon, "but…why? Commander Ikari raised me, even if he may have had ulterior motives, not that he did. And I like who I am now, he needs to know..."

Shinji sat down next to her, "Rei, he has failed the many chances he has been given to change and be accepting, but I am not telling you that you can't give him another one. Just do it discreetly, because if he changes with a prompt to, you will never know if he pretended to change to deceive people."

"Please explain."

Shinji paused, "If I told him that he was a bastard and that he abandoned me and I wanted to be compensated, and then he tried to make it up to me, it would be much different than if he came to the realization on his own (or from a few subtle clues) and changed. And he is the type of person who will only deal with something if it benefits him. Being the father I didn't have would not benefit what he wants from life."

"What do you believe he wants from life?" Rei asked, subtly wondering how accurate her friend's guess could be.

"I can't say I know absolutely. 'Actually I do, but…' But from what I've pieced together, he needs you after the only self-sacrificing act he's done, some things in NERV after congratulating Misato and I non-specifically for saving headquarters, for the angels to die, and to not piss off whoever his superiors are. Nothing much else matters to him."

Rei just nodded, Shinji didn't know exactly what the Commander was planning, 'but refelecting on his goal, it seems farfetched and impossible to imagine,' but he had a good clue to as to what was necessary.

"So I must give the Commander a chance to change his path without him knowing. How?" Rei tilted her head to the side, reminiscent to a curious PenPen.

"Heh," Shinji smiled, "…I'm sorry, it's just that was a cute expression. Oh, I believe it's simple, don't talk to him unless asked to and live out life like you want away from him. Something's bound to happen that will test him and solidify your uncertainty. 'Dummy plug, cross testing, angel attacks…' Oh, and this is all a suggestion slash request, do what you want to ultimately. I'm not right all the time and I don't have the best answers. Talking to Ritsuko could help as well."

Rei stared at Shinji and sighed, "Shinji-kun, you make my life more confusing and better than I believed it could be." 'Why is there rarely a straight answer for what to do from anyone? I thought I was receiving one for a moment and then he tells me not to listen to him unless I think it's right, argh!'

"Um, thanks?" Shinji replied.

Rei continued, "I think it makes sense to let things continue and to see what happens and I know to be cautious around the Commander. I guess it is up to me what happens, I do not think I can pretend to be who I used to be that well…"

Shinji scooted over next to Rei, "You have some time to think about it, so try to cheer up and laugh again, everybody's life around here is pretty messed up, we have to work together to not go insane, remember your not alone," Shinji hugged her and gave her a reassuring smile.

Rei felt warm and hugged him back, "Thank you…"

They stayed connected for a moment before Shinji broke off, "Come on, it's late and author powers says we have school tomorrow."

"Alright, do you think you could get some ice crea…" Rei started, a gleam in her eyes.

"Argh! What happened to the last pint of …nevermind, stupid question," Shinji shook his head, "Sure, but you're starting a tab."

Rei eyes dimmed, but she had a smile as she headed towards the door and stopped abruptly.

'Did she forget to say something?' Shinji wondered as she turned around and approached him.

Rei tilted her head and kissed Shinji on the cheek, eyes half closed, and turned around again.

'Huh?' "Wait, ano…what?" Shinji mind tried to make logic of what happened.

"I wanted to, good night," Rei exited the room with a faint blush.

Shinji mechanically went thru his nightly regime and laid down on his futon. He stared at the ceiling before mentally shaking his head, 'It's so different now…Things could be worse, like why did Hikari assign me cleaning next week with her? Sigh, shut up brain, no thinking now, sleep….damn it, I command you…ugh, never works. I cast lvl 2 sleep. Sing. Trance. Forced-sleep technique….' Eventually he got some sleep, and dreamt of magic chapters writing themselves.

--------------------------------- A TON OF OMAKE LATER!--------------------------------------

A/N: Oh god, this took how long to shove out my…creative…shut up, I don't have an excuse. Now, for anyone who has the time, suggestions on how to bring Hikari and Ritsuko/Maya (both) into the harem. Ritsuko and Maya are "close" friends wink and that's not delved into. I'll make a little something up if it's demanded. They're going to join the main group very late, if not epilogue, and there's nothing NC-17 serious going to happen (besides omake, and never detailed) in this story. I'm still deciding really.

Review if you want, enjoy the Omake.

-----------------OMAKE (plot bunnies of chapter and then a separate anime crossover section)-------------------------------

---Laundry Rei---

Remind Asuka that we have a harmonics test this afternoon and to do the laundry already, I'm out bras."

'And there goes Kensuke and Toji, they didn't even have time to comment on her promotion…wait, it's Rei's turn for laundry. She already did it too…'


Indeed, Rei had done the laundry, in her own unique way that her roommates didn't know….

Rei picked up the hamper and moved it into the laundry room to sort out. Everyone was out today, Shinji at Kensuke's playing war games, Asuka was shopping by herself 'Thank God I escaped', and Misato was at work. She had finally sorted out the piles when she noticed something, 'My clothes are dirty,' and she did the natural thing: stripped to her bra and panties.

'Much better,' Rei thought as she started the first load. Thankfully, it was warm out, but she couldn't go out without changing and a shower was out of the question with temperamental/improperly hooked up washing machine. So, she did the next natural thing: read the newspaper while petting PenPen.


Buzzzt The first load was done and Rei got up from her chair, penguin sad at the loss of his masseuse. "Wark War wa Rk rk ku ku," 'Hm, I haven't listened to the stereo in a while.'

Our favorite feathered fowl went to his fridge and pushed a button on the side. The side panels flipped out and door revolved, revealing massive speakers and a DJ sound set-up. "WARk!" 'let's crank it up!'


Rei was folding the undergarments when she felt the vibe as the techno started to blare. 'This…' "ROCKS" She grabbed a pair of Shinji's boxers and wore them on her head as she danced and head banged to the music, all the while doing the laundry in her bra and panties. She would make a tradition out of this and convinced her roommates to join her in a few years when they found out. PenPen was already rocking out wearing a suit of Misato's bras the same day Rei started.

---Naoko's last impact---

Maya was at the controls and looked at the monitors:

Clone-girl, KamiStud, and AngerRed labeled three bar graphs with the giant header of "F'ing angel goop toxicity levels", fluctuated back and forth. It was kinda hard to look at the contrast with the neon green background and constant spam, pop-ups, and pr0n sites showing up.

Ritsuko sighed as she worked to correct the display as the meow mix song started to come in over the PA system, "Meowmeowmeow Meowmeowmeowmeow …."

She rubbed her temples as she patched the system as best she could, "sigh, mom just had to update the operating system the day she had a break down and suicided." (To Ritsuko's knowledge)

We got you a male stripper, Go Shinji!

Everyone was having a great time at the party when Ritsuko whispered conspiratorially to her old college roommate.

"NO WAY, THERE ARE KIDS HERE! WHY DID YOU HIRE A STRIPPER?" Misato's eyes bugged out. Hikari's eyes gleamed pervertedly at the news as Rei asked Asuka what a stripper was.

"Relax," Ritsuko stepped away from the turning green Kaji, who was getting ready to bolt from the horror of male stripping, he had an ego to maintain, "he's your roommate, and I have to say he's extremely well off."

Asuka's eyes bugged out, Rei joined Hikari in drooling with her newfound knowledge of stripping, Misato was turning red, and the males remaining in the room screamed their goodbyes. They had noticed that Shinji wasn't there for the last couple of minutes after saying he needed to prepare something.

There was complete silence as Shinji entered the room in a suit, shaking his head in disbelief for what he was about to do. He stood in front of the group of dazed females and set a boom box on top of PenPen's fridge and turned it on.

'Come on, come on,' Rei and Hikari had achieved the same wavelength and started to mumur their thoughts. Maya had taken residence beside her sempai and Misato was on the other side trying to force her mind off topic and keep cool. Asuka was still gaping in disbelief, but was very red.

Shinji was turning red himself before sighing in annoyance. He stomped on the ground and left to the kitchen.

A brief moment of bewilderment passed thru their minds before PenPen's door opened and the fog rolled out to reveal the warm-watered penguin in a cop's uniform with a studded collar dancing out.

Everyone but Ritsuko facefualted into the ground hard, shaking the table and chairs, before glaring in annoyance at the scientist.

"What? You should see the size of the cod he has."

---Alt. Ending to Previous---

Everyone including Ritsuko facefualted into the ground hard, shaking the table and chairs, before glaring in annoyance at the scientist.

"I'm as surprised as you are, that little bastard took my money and this is the set-up we get?

---Another Ending---

Everyone including Ritsuko facefualted into the ground hard, shaking the table and chairs, before glaring in annoyance at the scientist.

"Damnit Shinji!" Ritsuko screamed in annoyance as she heard laughing from the kitchen area Shinji had partitioned off from the living room.

"I can't help it, you were discriminating against penguin equal opportunity employment," Shinji laughed before stepping from behind the partition.

The girls disappointed faces disappeared. Shinji was carrying dessert…only using his naked body as a serving dish with his front adorned with various cakes and pastries. He was carrying a tray with several syrups, creams, and a fondue pot of chocolate. "Any requests? Or do you want to help yourselves," Shinji said lustly.

What happened that night…use your imagination :P

---Interrogation Take 1, I should have used this looking back…---

"The further away the better," Shinji exclaimed while carrying in a trays of food with Touji and Kensuke in tow. Nodding at the lonesome bag, "Guys, you never gave out the party favors?"

"No, we figured the food was more important and we didn't want to make a mess yet," Kensuke said as he laid down the last tray.

"I guess," Shinji took the bag of favors and gave them out to everyone but Kaji, "I have something to say to you Kaji-san…"

Touji and Kensuke were whispering to the other party participants about what was going to happen, but Kaji didn't notice as Shinji pulled a (I don't own!) Heckler & Koch USP ("Universal Self-loading Pistol", .45 ACP (Automatic Colt Pistol). It was a newer version of Misato's sidearm, who whistled in appreciation as Shinji pointed it between Kaji's eyes.

Kaji didn't appreciate it as much, "Heh, nice gun. Mind pointing it elsewhere?"

Shinji pointed it his crouch and pulled the trigger as Kaji screamed "NOT THERE! AHH!"

Gunshot A stain appeared on Kaji's trouser's, and not a blood stain. Yes, it was a silly string stain as the pink string covered his crouch and slid off. The occupants of the room laughed as Shinji handed Kaji his own silly string gun and ran. Kaji laughed a moment later and joined in the festivities, enjoying the party, food, and friends.

---Interrogation Take 2 (This took a weird turn)---

It was a newer version of Misato's sidearm, who whistled in appreciation as Shinji pointed it between Kaji's eyes.

Kaji didn't appreciate it as much, "Heh, nice gun. Mind pointing it elsewhere?"

"You are accused of espionage for multiple parties, including the government, NERV, and the old men. Yes, I know who the old men are, and why they want to defeat the angels to unite humanity."

Everyone stared at Shinji, Misato asking, "What are you doing Shinji?"

"My job," he replied steely and retrieved another H&K USP .45 ACP and pointed it at Kaji's chest.

"Who do you work for?" Kaji asked as calmly as possible.

"That's obvious, myself. I call my occupation a modifier. So mind telling me why you delivered you-know-what to the Bastard after Over the Rainbow? That was very foolish, but good in some aspects."

Kaji stared at the teenager in front of him and tried to decide what next, he couldn't escape. "I want to know the truth behind the human completion project, angels, and Eva. The angels are searching for the first for a reason and the second is still locked in Terminal Dogma, with some DNA in Rei over there."

Shinji blinked, 'Oops, too far.' "Err, what are you talking about? I'm playing around here." He pulled the trigger and silly string stuck to the flabbergasted man.

"Yes Kaji, what are you talking about?" Misato and Ritsuko asked at the same time.

'(this word has been modded) FUDGE!', "Heheh, I was just um, playing along," Kaji grinned nervously.

"I don't think so, you reacted when I mentioned SEELE and revealed your knowledge of Adam and Lillith. Plus LCL is angel blood," Shinji accused as the two aforementioned women stood over him on either side,

'Wait, he knows!' Kaji mentally gasped, "Wait how do you know about those names? And I never said anything about LCL being angel blood!"

People gasped in shock, "LCL is angel blood?" Misato stared at her former lover in shock for revealing this.

"Yes! But why does Shinji know, and he said it before me for goodness sakes? And he knows about SEELE!" Kaji tried to point the oddity of the third child's knowledge.

"Hey, I didn't say anything about me being from the future, having a perverted mother forcing me to make a harem, and Gendo surgically implanting Adam into his right hand to implant into Rei later to fuse with Lilltih and control the upcoming third impact!" Shinji refuted.

"What? See! See!" Kaji shouted and pointed at Shinji desperately, "Doesn't anyone else see that Shinji shouldn't know any of this? He's more of a danger than I am!"

"Stop trying to change the subject baka," Misato said as she knocked him out and had Ritsuko get something from her room, "Come on, I never thought I would use the handcuffs for detaining someone outside the bedroom."

Everyone nodded and wondered if they had ever really known the man that was Kaji, why couldn't he be as easy to trust as Shinji was?

---Gendo's reason---

Gendo bent down to pick up a piece of leather in his arctic gear after forcing the UN vessel to stop at the largest floating iceberg. 'After all these years, and many expensive UN funded trips to Antarctica, I have found the remains of the collar Yui used to make me wear. I can leave this dead sea and add this to my shrine.'

As he was walking back, he looked to the side to see some researchers from the ship taking measurements and samples of the area. Clang He should have looked in front of him as he tripped over a metallic object. One of the naïve scientists, who didn't know this detestable man, helped him up and exclaimed, "You did it sir! You found the Lance of Longinus!"

Gendo, who had been thinking of destroying whatever had tripped him, went with the flow, "Of course, why did you think I was here?"

The man couldn't answer, because no one before had known. Fuyutsuki sighed as he saw the recovery team uncover the rest of the spear, he wouldn't need to make an excuse this time to why his old student had gone to the arctic.

---MAGI's Recommendation---

"Well, what do the Magi suggest Maya?" Misato started considering her options.

"They unanimously recommend evacuation." 'After the other two denied Caspar's recommendation of a massive orgy with Shinji and telling the angel to leave them the $#$# alone.'

Ritsuko's contrasting eyebrows disappeared into her hairline seeing Caspar's opinion 'Mom as a woman…' "What do you want to do? You are the only available command officer."

Misato paused for a moment, and asked embarrasedly, "What do the Magi suggest again?"

"They say to…" Ritsuko stared at the screen and re-calculation. "That can't be right." 'Caspar, did you corrupt the other two? Amazing…"

"I don't care the absurdity of it," Misato stated as she couldn't see the screen, "what's the chances of it succeeding?"

"Ten million percent, in fact, if we follow it, the rest of the angels will die and the world will enter a golden age, with all of the NERV employees, except the commander, becoming filthy rich," Maya read the output.

"So what's wrong with it?" Misato asked, ignoring the absurdity, as she approached the station the other two were at.

Misato gulped, who was she to complain with that odds and the Magi, and she wasn't complaining "Call Shinji-kun in here and make preparations. Let's do this!" She cheered.

----------hours later--------

Shinji walked into a dark room and his instincts went off, telling him to run for it. As he turned around the door closed and the lights came on. The room had a gigantic bed in the center, surrounded by various instruments of pleasure and sensual food. He felt something prick his arm and saw Ritsuko pull out a syringe.

Misato stepped out from behind a bedpost, wearing a seam-bursting plug suit that was formerly Asuka's, "Your mission, as the Magi have developed, is to utilize the weekender Ritsuko-chan administered and….(rest is too graphic, but Rei, Asuka, Maya, Ritsuko, and Hikari arrive as well, go Shinji! Think like Yui and you'll get the picture)


The second part of the plan took place as everyone in the world turned their backs to the Eva's and whistled innocently.

'YES, full reign of our power!' Yui communicated, moving without a pilot out of NERV.

'W00T, we are T3h L337!' Naoko agreed as she followed Unit 01.

'Of course, but leave some stuff to the professional, mayhem and explosions are my specialty,' Kyoko snapped the mouth restraints and grinned evily. Asuka's violent tendencies were definitely traced back to her mother.

'Fine, but I get this angel, no one is going to interrupt an Ikari's first sixsome, it's a milestone for each of us, and my son will be no exception.'

'Hm, Naoko, after this, let's make some bodies and return to life, Kaji-kun should be a good first target for me,' Unit 02's eyes gleamed.

'OK, that sounds great, I have my own rounds to make and we can help Yui with her books,' Naoko relayed.

'I'm thinking of expanding actually into movies, mangas, games, you name it,' Yui giggled in anticipation. Unit 01's arm raised up and the Lance was summoned thru the incoming angel, 'Now let's kill us some old bastards and steal their money. Then we get Gendo and Adam.'

The rest was history as they lived happily ever, Gendo still being subjected to torture for three years before ending his misery a week before Shinji's and his wives wedding. Yui couldn't be prouder as she published the honeymoon in her next book. She was single-handedly responsible for the astounding reproduction rate humanity was undergoing.

(A/N: I'm taking a break to relax right now after realizing how perverted some of this is. Do I need to up the rating? I'm not explicit and most of it is humor and left to imagination. Suggestions? I'll get more readers as a teen fic I think)

---A different Holiday---

Waiting until Misato left, Asuka turned to the others, "Baka, we could have gotten more of that."

"Nah, she splurged in paying off the last of her student loans, she's broke until payday," Shinji informed the redhead.

"PenPen told me, right Rei?" Shinji winked.

"Of course Shinji, right after he convinced you to buy more ice cream," Rei smirked.

Asuka didn't buy it, "Was this before or after he upgraded my wardrobe?"

"Before, but he didn't remember your sizes so he left to get you a gift card this morning on the way back from buying me a new boken," Shinji started, "Whatever. Come on, let's head to the lockers and get ready."


The next day, the three pilots awoke to their amazement at the things next to them on the floor. Asuka had a gift card, Rei had a minifreezer with an insulated handled spoon, and Shinji had a high-quality katana.

They heard sleigh bells come from the living room and all three rushed to see a blue Renault, with a sack of toys and penguin driving, fly past and park in the parking garage.

The three shrugged, but prepared a bath, food, and massage table for their favorite penguin and dubbed the day as P-day.

---The Movie---

"Oh no, I have shoved my head too far up my own #$#!" the villain started to exclaim…in a muffled shout.

"That's what you get for taking on ME, the good guy!" the man laughed, wearing a suit of shining gold armor that looked like it was Styrofoam.

"Oh my, I met you 20 seconds ago, I love you," the princess said, speaking with, yes with, her magical unibrow.

Thus ended the crappiest 2 minute movie ever. Everyone was so shocked at the quality that they just left in silence, forgetting to demand a refund, and forgetting to warn others not to go see it

---What I think of my fluff---

Shinji scooted over next to Rei, "You have some time to think about it, so try to cheer up and laugh again, everybody's life around here is pretty messed up, we have to work together to not go insane, remember your not alone," Shinji hugged her and gave her a reassuring smile.

Rei felt warm and hugged him back. She then went rigid as they both hacked up three pounds of powdered sugar. "Shinji, do you get tired spilling off this hallmark/kodak moment crap?"

Shinji groaned in relief, "Hell yea, let's just kill SEELE and the Bastard and do whatever the hell we want."

BANG! Shinji's head flew off and Rei sighed in relief as she put down the shotgun, "You talk to damn much, give me more lines. And alcohol, lots of it. With raw meat!"

#Guess the anime, it may be obvious#

---How bad could food be?---

(not particularly funny, but meh)

'Misato…god bless her soul for trying, but don't I'm not letting her buy the groceries ever again,' Shinji thought as he tried to take note of what she had bought. 'What the hell?' Shinji lifted up a weird package and set it down after examining the "consume at your own risk" label. It said it was non-toxic at least.

Later during the day, the roomies were in the living room playing video games "Headshot!" and Misato had stolen Shinji's controller and asked for a snack, handing him one of the snack tickets he had given her at her promotion party. He grudgingly left looked at what they had, 'I guess, the coloring's off a bit…better give some to PenPen first.'

After using Misato's pet as a food poison detector, he brought the tray into the living room for the girls, "We're eating healthier today, despite it's appearance. One hundred percent PenPen approved." 'Well, besides him saying it tasted like #$#$.'

"You sure this isn't mold Shinji?" Asuka picked one up and examined it next to her face.

"For all I know, it could be. This is also a reminder not to let Misato buy anything but junkfood, that's what she's good at," Shinji patted his guardian on top of her head. "I can guarantee that it won't kill you or make you pathologically ill…makes me wonder why the label worded it like that?"

(can you guess the anime yet, it's not plot similar, just a plot device)

"I've bet I've tasted worse," Misato bravely said as she tried the blue and white swirled orange.

"Fine, I call dibs on the orange grapes," Asuka snatched it off the tray.

"I will try the purple and neon green cherries," Rei leaned over and picked the bowl of those up.

"Sigh, and I get the apple, I don't want to know why it's brown and pink," Shinji picked his fruit of the tray.

Everyone stared at each other, noticing no one had started eating. Slowly, in unison, they moved the fruit up to their mouths and began to eat. Feeling compelled to finish it, despite the looks of disgust on their faces, they rapidly chewed and swallowed.

"That," Asuka

"tasted," Misato

"like," Shinji

"#$#$!" the four of them screamed and scrubbed their tongues violently.

"Beer, I need beer!" Misato cried out. Suddenly, the refrigerator door opened up and a can flew to Misato's awaiting hand to the room's amazement. "Shinji, explanation."

"I don't know, you're the one that bought these Devil's Fruit," Shinji replied, his arm had grown longer and bulked up before returning to normal.

"WARK!" PenPen ran thru the room, it wouldn't be too weird except the fact that he was on fire.

"I must be dreaming!" Asuka pinched herself and tried to wake up. She had just turned into a ninetaled fox, fox-woman, and then back to normal.

"I think we should start web searching, I believe I just acquired x-ray vision" Rei said. 'I could see Shinji's…'


Hours later, they had finally pegged down what was what using the website off the box the fruit came in. Rei had the Vision-vision Fruit, giving her the ability to see using any combination of the electromagnetic spectrum, for any distance, and at any rate of speed. She could also see auras.

Misato (eating the Metal-Metal fruit) could control metal, not just things that were magnetic either, and was having great fun creating an orbiting ring of Yebisu cans.

Asuka was slightly more comfortable now with what had happened after she ate the Vixen-Demon fruit. She could become a ninetailed mystical fox, a mixed form that caused Shinji to nosebleed slightly, even with his inhuman tolerance, and her regular form.

PenPen had eaten the Fire-Fire fruit and could turn into and control flames, as shown by him mimicking one of the outrageous anime moves and having a blue dragon of flames fly around the room.

Shinji was satisfied with his as well, the site said it was one of the most difficult to find, the Body-Body fruit. He could control his body structure down to the very atomic structure, meaning he changed his hand into metal, could condense and strengthen his muscles, and crush his boken into a 5 cm cube. And grow parts of his anatomy as well as he found out in the shower that night.

---The Names (english order) will give it away, you'll either know it, or be clueless---

(this is more like a oneshot crossover huff …so tired, It's alt. universe where no angels)

Tamaki Suou, tall, blonde, popular, sauve senior, was happily bounding around the windows of Ouran High's 3rd Music Room. Why you ask? "Mom", AKA Kyoya Ootori of the medical conglomerate had informed him that thru some unforeseen circumstances (Renge Houshakuji's blatant insistence with a monetary bribe…plus a powerful motor) that they would be gaining a new member, at least on a temporary basis.

"Honey-senpai" (actually named Mitsukuni Haninozuka), was devouring cake after cake since he had arrived for the special meeting before opening today. His child-like appearance apparently didn't limit his stomach capacity and only further proved some people's alien hypothesis. Takashi "Mori" Morinozuka was keeping guard over Honey, by being completely silent and…well something, I can't work with him.

The twins, Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, were going over their latest prank for the newcomer and King. You could feel the pure mischief radiate off them as Tamki shuddered. Finally the last member of their club arrived: Haruhi Fujioka. She, dressing as a he, was a commoner and forced to be a member of their prestigious club until she paid off a very expensive vase she had broken.

Now the club they ran was called a "host" club. Where in laymen's terms, they strutted the guys around as eye candy, served snacks (picture high quality pastries, teas, and sea food on occasion), role played the most common cute/hot guy stereotypes, and conversed with the customers, who are all women. It's like a starbucks the caters to teenage girls with more involved waiters that held conversations and could be reserved. There was an entrance fee and Kyoya Ootori sold magazines, photos, etc. as part of his administrative/treasurer's duties.

"So who's our new playmate?" Kaoru grinned devilishly.

"Yes…we're so interested in meeting him" Hikaru draped himself over his brother's shoulders. They entertained the…shudder…incest and yaoi fanatics.

"Hai, hai! I want to introduce him to Usa-chan," Honey laid on the cuteness. It was his job as the cute little boy, and Mori would be the intimidating, silent guy with a heart of gold and dedicated job accompanying Honey.

"Well…it's a secret!" Tamaki said happily to the twins.

"You don't know, do you?" Haruhi asked and Tamaki anime pitied himself in the corner.

"His name is Shinji Ikari. 16 years old, Birthday: June 6th"

"Hey, he's three days older than we are," the twins interrupted Kyoya.

"His father is deceased, former military scientist. And his mother is the famous Yui Ikari."

"Who?" Everyone but Kyoya and Haruhi asked.

"It's her real name instead of her penname. She's an author, director, engineer, guru for mature media. My father has a small shrine to her and says that he owes most of the money he makes to her influence. Her penname is Goddess of Pleasure (sounds better in Japanese…I hope)," Haruhi replied.

Everyone but Honey's face turned red, "What's everyone blushing for?"

No one dignified him with a response, instead they stared at Mori in a "you explain later, we're not gonna".

"And after monitoring certain releases with trend in our own sales, there is no disadvantage in allowing Ikari-san to participate temporarily if not permanently," Kyoya said while looking at his files, 'His mother has single-handedly spurred revenue each time a book comes out for the corresponding genre of our hosts.'

Knock knock "Anyone home?" The door to the room creaked open to reveal Shinji, he had plain brown hair that was as short as Mori's, but not spiky. He didn't look like much to the guys from far away and the guys wondered what he could be good for with his ultra-common style.

"Ah, welcome to our club," Tamaki glided over and dragged Shinji to a seat, where he then introduced each of the members.

"Wow, so you're Fujioka-sama's son,' 'Thought he had a daughter though…' "Mom and him are discussing business plans and repayment for all his help over the years. Your mom also helped mine start-up you know, legally of course," Shinji added the last part before Haruhi turned red from embarrassed shock. Although he never knew where mom came up with the Lobelia's…

"And we get a ton of supplies from your families enterprise Kyoya Ootori-san."

'Yes, 90 percent of the revenue from the sexual healthcare division…'

"Sorry, but I don't know much about your families, I've lived out of the spotlight, thank god."

"That's okay, but please, call us by our first names. As of now, you are our new associate, congrats!" Tamaki pulled a party popper from nowhere.

"Wait, first a challenge, guess which one of us is Kaoru and Hikaru and we won't introduce you in our own special way. You get one question to help you since we just met, but it can't be about our names in any way," the twins grinned, holding super soakers.

A lightbulb went off in Shinji's mind, "Hmmm….Hitachiin's, I have heard that before. Since I helped scan the incoming e-mails last week when asked to, this will be cake. Which one of you will blush when I tell everyone about the request for begging to get another copy of Yuri-quest the videogame, despite the technical age requirement, after reading the steamy scene that you pasted in the message:

"Rei couldn't help but blush when asked if blue was her natural hair color. Asuka always enjoyed embarrassing her. She wished she was as confident as Asuka sometimes, as she strode around the hot springs in not even a towel. Said girl of her thoughts had now come over and placed her hands on Rei's knees, which were tucked into her body and protecting her from exposing her nakedness. "sigh, you don't have to. I'm just joking around, you're too nice a girl for your own good sometimes. And you're a great friend…even when I'm a witch. I wouldn't know what to do without you," Asuka said and was about to leave before Rei stopped her. "It's…natural." As she spread her…"

Both twins were giggling pervertedly, Shinji continued though, "Because you broke the game with your "excitement" before your brother could finish that scene on his time and had to distract him before he killed you."

Karou, as now identified by the twin chasing after the other with a materialized baseball bat and screaming "YoU BrOkE MY GamE?!"

"Save me!" Hikaru, who had written the email, pleaded.

"Fine, mom sent a deluxe copy, but keep it hush hush. Although no one would dare prosecute my mom due to the consequences," Shinji tapped his chin in thought.

Karou flew thru the air and snatched the copy of of Shinji's hands. Hikaru's soul was sticking out of his mouth as he laid on the floor gasping for breath.

"I don't really see why mom's stuff is so popular, you'd think people would be happy with their own imaginations. Weird as it may be, mom has kept me pure until I'm legal age. Plus the fact that my mom thinks of the stuff up drives me away," Shinji spoke to no one in particular. 'Using experiences of her own…shudder'

"You poor, poor man," Mori shook his head as the group looked back at him.

"Right, so…" Tamaki tried to change the conversation to something more comfortable, but was interrupted by a powerful motor!

Only there was no laughter, Renge's head swiveled on her neck past human limits so she could stare and drool at Shinji, occasionally squealing in delight.

"Um, is she always like that," Shinji pointed at the comatose French girl. 'Oh no, I know that look. Damn, mom released another photo of me on the web. And I ran out of kawarimi logs this morning!'

"Nope, but how will we know what Shinji is good for now?" Honey asked with a fork sticking out of his mouth.

"Good for what?" Shinji tilted his head as Kyoya explained what the host club did. "Oh, set up a kitchen and café. I'll cook until we can reset Renge. I could also spar against Mori-senpai if that would help."

"Make the arrangements!" Tamaki told Kyoya with a grin, "And let's open up so we don't keep our lovely patrons waiting."

"Done." Kyoya hung up the phone and the movers finished installing the fully-stocked kitchen and café.


The doors opened and the regulars started to stream in, to be greeted by the members (sans Shinji) standing side-by-side showing them to the café setting.

"Oh yes, and before we forget. There is a very special temporary guest host joining us today. Please join us in welcoming mister Shinji Ikari," Tamaki graciously said in his hosting persona of royalty.

Shinji turned around and walked over to the awaiting group in his apron and unbuttoned jacket, he was carrying the first batch of desserts and drinks he had made, "Hello, my name is Shinji Ikari as Tamaki-san has said. I enjoy cooking, kendo, and just laying back, spending time, and relaxing with friends. We will be serving what I have prepared in and I will join the other hosts in twenty minutes. You are welcome to watch me in the kitchen, make requests, and get to know me better, I won't mind any interruptions. Hitachiin-sans, would you mind helping serve for a bit?"

The girls were taking in the site of a new boy and a few in the back started to drool with murmurs of "online" and "hot" flying around. Anyways, they took their seats and the hosts were assigned their groups by Kyoya and the day began.

Only seconds later were girls screaming in chocolate ectasy and Honey had teleported to Shinji's side in the kitchen, "While in this kitchen, your name shall be Kami-sama!" The girls raised their forks, "To Kami-sama!"

Girls who had not asked for anything to eat were driven by this to try it themselves with similar results and before long, Shinji had quite the group lingering around the counters of his kitchen asking various questions about him and a few about getting his recipes. Somehow a massive pile of treats and a line of tea and drinks had accumulated past the demands of the customers, "Well, it's time I join the other hosts. Please do not enter the kitchen, maybe I'll see if I can give group lessons another time."

Shinji left to clean up and the girls remaining went to see the other hosts or Kyoya to make reservations.


Kyoya couldn't help but smirk at Renge snapping out of her stupor when offered a cake and tea, only to finish it, squeal, and wear out the buttons on her cell phone calling everyone she knew to come taste the foods of the Kami. They would make quite a bit of profit this next week.

Tamaki had come over to the French girl and his friend at the time during a quick break, "So Renge-chan, what in particular does Shinji appeal to? I'd have to say it's culinary/homemaking skills for the businesswoman."

She had calmed down enough, "True, many of the girls here are being groomed to do that, but he has a hidden skill that I believe he's repressing."

Kyoya adjusted his glasses and looked in his folder, "Please enlighten us."

"Three words: Pure Animal Magnetism. It's his family's secret to success and he's the second generation to be able to control it. It's family secret that I only know due to our families' past acquaintances and mishaps."


'Hm, I guess I'll join the other newbie, "The Natural"', Shinji thought before carrying a tray to Haruhi's group, "Konnichiwa ladies, Haruhi. Mind if I sit down until Kyoya-san assigns me?"

The girls squealed and gave him culinary compliments. Haruhi replied, "Sure, I haven't gotten to speak to you much either."

"Oh, do I interest you?" Shinji laid back on the couch and put his head on Haruhi's lap, 'Definitely a girl…' Meanwhile Tamaki's daughter sense was going haywire, but the couch across from his view blocked from the chest down and he didn't see Shinji.

Haruhi blushed slightly, "Of course, our parents are doing business and I get the feeling I'll be seeing you often."

"I hope mom doesn't get any ideas, she's always looking for a boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage pacts for me," Shinji sighed, the girls squealed. "Do you mind me lying down like this? It's just the kitchen wears me for a little bit afterwards…"

Haruhi looked down, "No, go ahead. Goodness knows I needed a break during my first day, so how did you enjoy your first day here?"

"Hm," Shinji saw a crowd start to form, "Well it's very nice, I'm just used to a common life filled with video games, ramen cups, and studying. This is very upscale, you know?"

"Hai, we're not all royalty. I'm amazed that I got a scholarship to come here…I just hope nothing happens that I have to leave," Haruhi looked solemn, but in reality she was thinking: 'Why are we drawing such a crowd?'

Shinji raised his hand to Haruhi's chin and brought her vision down to him, "I wouldn't worry, it doesn't suit you. Plus, your family had a third of the shares of our original stock, we thought your father forgot about it after…sorry, but it's the reason we're visiting."

The female host took a moment to stare at him, 'That would mean…'


Elsewhere, Kyoya watched Haruhi's debt disappear via money transfer from her father and the stock exchange make a major announcement of which family owned the third of GOPE stock and a third of the scientific firm NERV.


'I'm free…' Haruhi was still in shock. Her father must be having a heart attack.

"Yo! You there?" Shinji waved his hand, worried that he had upset her or something.

"I'm fine, it's just that would solve several problems I've been having."

"Ah, that's good. Uh oh…" Shinji had lost control of his magnetism; it was something he normally didn't have trouble with. Why now? Made no sense. Maybe if he just closed his eyes, it would go away.

Haruhi was looking around at the growing crowd, some of the girls drooling and squirming. Then one said: "That's the son of the goddess, there was a picture released the other day again." Not even the hosts could break thru the barrier of girls that now surrounded the two.

'Huh, is shounen-ai that popular? I almost feel sorry for Kaoru and Hikaru. But I have to admit Shinji-kun is pretty cute…huh?' Haruhi started heat up and breathe deeper realizing this teen was currently on her lap and she brushed his bangs back. The girls screamed "Moe" (even I don't know what this means…) as Shinji's eyes fluttered open.

'There, it's under control…why are they still here? Moe?' Shinji thought. "Well, I think that I should find Kyoya." Shinji sat up, "It was nice talking to you."

Shinji leaned over to kiss Haruhi on the cheek to the spectator's delight, which was turned into full blown overdrive when Haruhi turned her head at the last second to receive a long lingering lip-to-lip goodbye. Renge had been watching from her pedestal and fainted over the edge, most of the group that was recovering from the magnetism had keeled over as well.

"Bye," a glowing Haruhi was smiling, crack-happily, and broken as she received a full blast at lip contact.

"Damnit! I'll kill you!" Tamaki was lunging at Shinji before being restrained by Honey and Mori. The twins we're loose and charging, only to be repelled by a quickly formed honor guard of Shinji's new admirers.

Shinji brushed his hair back and sighed as he reached Kyoya and sat down. He momentarily gave the other guys his bastard look and they cowered. Kyoya made note to ask how to do that as Shinji quipped, "If I had glasses, I could make them run for their lives after #$#$ing their pants…'

---Short, but stupid (So bad, I could use suggestions for a better crossover)---

"So what are the eva's made out of?" Shinji asked, knowing angels already.

Ritsuko sighed and decided to tell him the truth, "Most people think angels, but they're wrong."


"The truth is when Nerv employees die, Gendo destroys their soul chains and isolates them near terminal dogma. Then a hole forms in their ethereal form and we shove all sorts of electronics in their new evil monster bodies. We then shove another soul of a living person in and voila: an eva is created. Neat, eh?"

"I'm piloting a dead person?"


---Let's Upgrade---

(sorry, don't know too much about this one)

"So this is innocence and it holds untold power for people who are compatible with it," Shinji asked as he held a gold cube up to this white haired kid, with a scarred eye and heavy trench coat.

"Yes, and you are called and exorcist that can destroy Akuma controlled by the earl of the millennium," said Allen Walker.

"Hm, never seen an Akuma. They like these gold cubes then?" Asuka asked.

"Yes, but you have to return to our headquarters so we can train you," Lenalee Lee, a girl wearing a similar jacket with a skirt and stockings.

"Does that mean you want the rest of these things?" Rei said aloud and they gaped, "More?"

"Yes, I believe we have sixty or so of these, they can't be that rare," Ritsuko reported as she approached the group.

The two exorcists stared before resetting their minds, "Hai, that would help…infinitely….goddamn, no wonder we couldn't find that many."

Shinji had an idea, "Hey, let's help them out and put a bunch of these in the evas. We could set a trap for the earl with the rest or simply escort them back."

"Sounds good, let's do it!" Misato commanded, with no one higher ranking there, her word was law.


They had squeezed 48 innocence into the Eva's and the other twelve would be on a caravan to headquarters. It was honestly to tempting for the Earl to pass up attacking them on the trip and they knew it, but Misato wasn't worried, "The MAGI say it's guaranteed to work with all three evas guarding you guys, just let us do the work. Without a need for power with innocence, we'll kick ass!"

They had moved all the way to the middle east before the earl struck. Every available akuma, noah's family, finder, and exorcist was gathered. The 12 innocence hiding behind a forcefield and the ark was actually transporting more troops there.

"Heheheheh, so Allen Walker," the creepy man with the top hat said, "Have you…what in God's name is that monstrosity?!"

He pointed to three evas with angel wings out of there back stomping thru the hords of akuma. It didn't matter the level so far, although Rei thought the level threes were crunchy-er.

"Those are some of our friends, we figured if you can use human souls inside of dolls and human flesh, we'd one up you and get help from human souls piloting angel flesh. Let's see how you like being on the receiving end. Everyone, sit down and enjoy the show," Komui Lee told the Black Order.

Unit 01 jumped and squished half of Noah's family with it's right foot. The earl appeared before the eyes and asked, "Wouldn't you like your mother reborn Shinji? I could do that with this doll."

"HAhahahaha! You poor pathetic thing, my father is an evil bastard, I'm immune to it. AT field squishy time!" Shinji smiled, crushing wave after wave of akuma with the other two evas. "And you are not escaping," Shinji spread his AT field around the ark and swatted the earl out of the sky.

Rei and Asuka had just killed the rest of Noah's family mercilessly and now were helping to contain the umbrella bastard in a three sided AT field with Shinji's help. Who knew he could scream in pain so loudly? Now all that was left was to channel the innocence of everyone and grind him into paste.

Allen chuckled as the fat man's form exploded and his arm and curse faded out of existence. 'We should have asked for help sooner, although it's kinda hard to believe an alternate reality traveling innocence started this.'

(A/N: honestly, I had more ideas, but I'm too lazy to figure out how to write them, so I'm done for now :P They were easy to guess. YOU ARE FREE TO USE ANY IDEAS IN MY STORY OR OMAKES, I HONESTLY DON'T CARE)

meh, review if you want