Author's Note: Hi people! This is my first venture into Megas XLR fanfic writing. I will try to make the stories as close as it could get to the TV show. So here it is!
Legal junk: I don't own Megas XLR, but Cartoon Network does and Jody Schaeffer & George Krstic created it. But this fic belongs to me. Clear? Good.
Ep. 1: We Want that Robot Car
Another day, another boring job of saving the world from Coop. The generic monster that looked like one of those really cheesy costumes from some forgotten 50's sci-fi B-movie stood, bellowed and screeched in front of him, trying futilely to intimidate Megas. Coop didn't flinch. Kiva continued monitoring Megas' performance and condition at the backseat, while Jamie, as usual, offering no contribution to the team at all, just sat next to Coop and side seat driving.
"This blows, man." Jamie sighed, "Could you just finish the job already?"
"C'mon, at least I'm trying to make it interesting." Coop replied as he turned the steering wheel, "After being attacked by hundreds these guys every month I think the enthusiasm of fighting them can wear thin."
Megas jumped high in the air and gave the ugly, yellow tentacle monster a roundhouse kick in the face a la Chuck Norris, throwing him way, destroying many buildings in the process and finally landed in the dirty Hudson River and melted, as it writhe in anguish and pain. Megas stood at the edge of the river, looking at the monster sorrowfully.
"Now you're making me feel bad for the poor sap." Jamie said, as he put his left leg on his seat.
"All's well that ends well." Coop shrugged, feeling Shakespearian all of the sudden. "So who's up for some falafel?"
Little that Coop, Jamie and Kiva knew, their progress was monitored extensively by a group of ambiguous looking men in an ambiguous location. This one ambiguous man, who sat in the middle, nodded in approval and replied, "You said he has been wrecking havoc in the Jersey area ever since he acquired that… thing?"
"Yes sir." Another ambiguous man replied. "But, they rebuild it back every episode."
"Boy, Jersey people sure are a hard-working bunch. Wish Texans are like that… and the authorities don't take any action at all?" he asked again.
Yet another ambiguous man replied, "Jersey cops wouldn't want to go head-to-head with a giant robot, for corn's sake, sir."
"I want that robot… thing… that he's piloting."
All the men in the room received it with a shock, "What?"
"That robot might be the key to our victory in our war overseas." The ambiguous man said, "It's much more maneuverable and durable than the mechs in our 'Iron Cog' Project. Take any necessary action to identify the pilot. And send our agents to Jersey to meet up with this guy."
"Very well sir. I will get the DMV agents on this. The license plate on that car is fortunately visible."
(Opening Theme) II
Coop, Jamie and Kiva were chilling in the basement right now, watching TV. Coop and Jamie did most of the chilling actually, as Kiva made herself busy by studying the schematics for the time flux device which she found it conveniently placed on the passenger seat's sunshade. The two slackers sat in total boredom, watching whatever's on TV. Then suddenly Coop's mom yelled at him from the front door.
"Coop! There are some government agents here who want to see you!"
"Aww, mom…" he whined, "Could you ask them to come back later? I'm busy right now."
"No you're not." Jamie scoffed, "You've been watching the 'Zombified Ninja Monkeys' movie marathon with me ever since I got here."
"Coop!" His mom shouted again, "Get your lazy butt up here and ask them what they want! Or there will be no dinner tonight!"
With an unwilling sigh, he replied grudgingly to his mom, "Okay, mom…" He then got up from his seat and trudged to the front door. Pfft, government. He thought to himself. He never had a pleasant encounter with the government before. Oh yeah, he could remember it vividly when he was in grade school.
Little Coop was skipping happily through the school hallway, excited that he feel today could be a nice day where nothing bad could happen to him. As he skipped, he could hear a rumbling noise coming from the distance. He stopped, and waited nervously. The sound kept going louder and louder and then a trolley came out from another hallway near he was standing. The trolley was pushed by Goat and it had two oil barrels on it with the words 'Government Issue' written on its side.
"So Ethel…" Goat said after he took his lollypop out from his mouth, "Where do you want me to put these things?"
A hoarse female voice that sounded almost like a man replied "Put 'em behind the counter at the cafeteria. And be careful with those! They're government issued ration that they're going to test on the children!"
Coop's heart sunk. What he had expected to be a beautiful and bright shiny day had suddenly turned into a gloomy nightmare. He put both of his hands onto his cheeks and shouted, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The two government agents that stood before Coop had a lot of sense of ambiguity to them. They had a serious look on their faces, dressed in back suits with black tie and shades, and they were very, very tall. Coop raised an eyebrow, but he wasn't intimidated by their appearance. "Can I help you guys?" he asked as he gazed at them with an incredulous look.
One of them took a deep breath, and replied with a monotonous speed speech, "Greetings citizen. We are from the government. We are government agents. The government has sent us."
Another one then replied, "Yesss, you certainly can, Mr. Cooplowski. You certainly cannnnnn…" he intoned rhythmatically, like the G-Man in Half-Life, which he was parodied in this story. "You sssee… our benefactor back in the capital isss impressssed by your performance innnn the field, and we here are taking the liiiiiberty to offer you an exciting proposal, regarding your skilllllls."
Coop raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "Do you guys always talk like that?"
The G-Men shook his head, looked at each other and one of them replied, "No man." He said in his Joe Pesci-like voice, "It's kinda in our employee's manual to look ambiguous and intimidating."
"Oh…" Coop replied after a long pause. And there was an awkward silence between them all. "So… why are you guys here?"
"Like I said, we're offering an opportunity of a lifetime here."
"Yes." The other government agent interjected, "You see, we have our eyes on you for a very long time now and we have the utmost fascination with your robo—uh, car."
Coop was not pleased, "What? You mean Megas?"
"Yes." One of the government men replied, "We need your help, Coop. Help us. Don't you see, that robot car of yours is a very potential asset to our nation."
"Indeed." The other nodded, "I don't know or don't care where did you get that thing, but we need that thing to help us to win the war."
"What's in it for me?" Coop asked, though he had no interest at all in giving them his beloved car.
"A sense of patriotic duty that you have helped your fellow countrymen in winning the war that we are fighting." And then both government agents smiled broadly at him. Coop just stood awkwardly at them, as he began to chuckle and finally burst into a fit of laughter.
"You guys expecting me to just give you Megas?" he said whilst laughing at their faces, "No way, man!"
The two government agents looked at each other and said to Coop, "Perhaps you want us to give you some sort of compensation money then?"
"And Megas ain't for sale, either." Coop replied back, wiping a tear from his eye from laughing too much, "Look, guys. Let me tell you straight out. There's no way you'll ever get Megas from me. Not with all the riches in the world or how many coupons for the Burger Emperor. Megas is my baby, and I ain't selling it to anyone."
The government agents then looked at each other in disappointment, and one of them replied to Coop, "We're sorely disappointed with your decision young man, but heed my words:" he said with a gloomy, foreshadowing voice, "We will try by any means necessary to get that robot of yours in our hands." Coop was slightly intimidated and scared, "Have a nice day!" the G-Man then said happily, turned around, and walked alongside with his partner.
"Wanna go for lunch?"
"Vapor Cobra," The Colonel said, in a room of a secret military base somewhere at the outskirts of Jersey City, "Your task is to infiltrate this building by entering the storm drain at this exact point of the Hudson River. From there you will make your way through the city sewage system and exit through this manhole located in front of the target's house. Here are some pictures of them that we've acquired from our satellite imagery system that cost billions of dollars from taxpayers' expanse."
After studying the pictures extensively, Vapor Cobra replied, "Colonel, what the heck?" he said in his deep, gruff voice, "This is a civilian building. Why can't you drop me off at his house and go lock pick his garage or something?"
"We cannot afford any suspicions." The Colonel replied.
"Yeah… but expecting me to go through the Jersey City sewer? I'm not paid enough for this." Cobra shook his head.
"What are you saying?" The Colonel replied in disbelief, "You refuse to go on this mission?"
"Look, I'm sorry." He replied back. "You just have to ask some other guy."
"Hmm… this could be worse than I thought." The Colonel pondered, "Then we have to Proceed to Plan B." he then picked the phone up, pushed a number and waited for someone on the other line to answer. "Execute Operation Virtuous. Call our best Iron Cog pilots to go head to head with this… Coop."
On the next day…
After destroying a pathetic Godzilla look-alike by ripping its arms off from their sockets and smashing it with them, Coop and co. decided to call it a day. But suddenly, they could hear a loud, thudding noise coming from afar, as if three giant robots were marching towards them. It was true. The three giant bipedal robots were almost as tall as Megas, had pointy edges, dim red and grayish as their colors, and the word 'MARINES' written on its left side.
"Whoa…" Coop said, almost impressed by them, "Talk about government intervention."
The monitor screen at the dashboard lit up and revealed a person wearing a jet pilot suit, "Attention Coop. This is Adam 'Ocelot' Shalashaska of the Marines. Surrender Megas to the government or you will be destroyed."
"Coop, what did you do to make the government send an army of giant robots on us!" Jamie yelled panicky.
"They're hardly an army, Jamie. It's just three individual robots." Kiva said with a calm voice as she pushed something on the holo-monitor to analyze the mechs. "Coop, these mechs are considerably advanced for this era. I suggest you shouldn't take them lightly."
"No way man." Coop replied angrily to Ocelot, "You have your robot, why do you need mine?"
"It's because we want it. We want to do nifty things to it." Ocelot replied back.
"Heck no! This is my robot and ain't nobody, not even the government, is going to take it from me!"
"So we have no choice but to destroy you!" Ocelot replied back, shouting through the monitor, "Mr. Sears and Ms. Jackson: execute attack formation now."
"Uh, shouldn't you refer to us by our call signs?" Ms. Jackson replied.
Ocelot let an annoyed sigh, and replied, "All right! Solidus and Fortune: execute attack formation now!"
Coop was amused by their sheer determination and decided to play along with them. He went into ready position and waited for their first move. The three Iron Cogs mechs then opened a hatch on their left side shoulder and anti-tank missiles blasted out and headed straight for Megas. "That all you got?" Coop mocked them, and jumped up. But to Coop's surprise, the missiles followed him from behind and he had to take evasive action. He flew low, as close as he could get to street level while ramming the buildings in front of him. The Pop TV headquarters were also the victim of the pointless, but satisfying destruction that Coop had wrought. And the missiles seemed to have a mind of their own too. After the Pop TV building were razed to the ground, the missiles hit where the building once stood, turning it into a large crater.
Still there was one last missile left that still followed Megas, but Coop managed to catch it with Megas' hand, and flung it to the three Iron Cog mechs. "Evasive action!" Ocelot ordered, and all three of them scattered in various directions. The missile exploded on impact, which impressed one kid who was drinking a large slushie as he looked at the total destruction. "Cool…"
Then there was a series of montage where the mechs beat each other senselessly while generic rock music was played in the background to accompany the scenes. It was kinda like wrestling, but much cooler and not fake. They used various moves that they learned from pay-per-view, like Rockbottom and Stunner. The Iron Cogs also incorporated weapons whilst fighting with Coop, like railguns and lasers. The pounding that Megas received certainly made Coop, Jamie and Kiva nervous that they would not win the fight. Kiva was right all along, these mechs shouldn't be taken lightly.
"I told you to take them seriously Coop!" Kiva yelled at him. "These are highly trained pilots! Any more beatings and Megas is done for!"
"Oh man!" Jamie yelled terrifyingly, "I knew you should've given them Megas in the first place, man!"
"Listen up you government pencil pushers!" Coop yelled at the pilots as he revved the engine up, "You tried to take Megas from me, recklessly spending my mom's hard earned taxpayer's money, and worse of all, you forced me to eat those experimental food when I was a kid. Now, its payback time!" he then shifted the gear up to 'Butt Kicking' and Megas instantaneously launched a barrage of missiles to the Iron Cogs, but they didn't take any damage at all.
"What the…" Coop said incredulously, "They didn't blow up…"
"I think I know why." Kiva said after she read the status report of the weapons, "They're using nanotechnology to repair all the damage that we inflicted on them."
"What's that in English?" Jamie asked her.
She looked at him with one of her eyebrows lifted, "Couldn't you understand it? It's as simple as it could get!"
"Nanotech or not, we need to destroy this chumps now. Any suggestions?" Coop asked her.
"I'm searching for their weakness right now." She replied back in a somewhat haste tone. "Found it. If we could just hit the radome on the left side of their bodies, it should be simpler to defeat them."
"What the heck's a radome?" Jamie asked her.
"It's that round thing on its left shoulder. Destroy it and it should blind the mech and the pilot altogether and disables most of its armaments and shields."
"I don't think that going to problem." Coop said with a smirk as he rubbed his hands together. He shifted the gear once more to 'Kung-fu Fighting' and began a barrage of attack to the enemy mechs. Another montage ensued as they kicked, punched and did whatever they did in their mind. At last, Coop managed to destroy the radomes completely.
"All systems are not functioning normally!" Fortune yelled nervously.
"I'm switching to manual!" Solidus gave his status report.
"Argh!" Ocelot yelled in frustration. "Come on, people! Don't let this civilian humiliate you!"
"They're still not giving up!" Jamie shouted fearfully as he pointed to the mechs.
"Then, I'll have to do one thing…" Coop said to them all, and he pushed a button labeled 'Mostly Harmless… Not!' Megas lowered its metallic body a bit and three IRBMs (Intermediate Range Ballistic Missiles) emerged from its back, ready to fire. Coop then used his keyboard and mouse combination to set the crosshair in the middle of the mechs. After he was satisfied with the lock, he clicked the mouse and the missiles were fired onto the targets.
"NNOOOOO!" the three pilots shouted and they had to abandon their mechs. The three mechs exploded in a glorious fireball of doom, engulfing every building in three mile radius, leaving Jersey, once more in shambles.
"That did the trick…" Coop said with a satisfied smirk as he dusted off his hands. "So who's up for some pizza?" Jamie and Kiva gazed at him disbelievingly. All those pounding and destruction and all he could think of was food. Oh yeah, it is Coop after all. And so Megas walked up to the sunset while Coop said a witty comment about something, much to Kiva and Jamie's annoyance.
What do you guys think? Is it bad or good? If there are errors please point it out. Thank you for reading and please leave a review!