These are the Journal's of Rogue, sometimes know as Marie.
As most journals go, there will probably be many stray thoughts and probably an incoherent or even nonsensical thing or two...

Journal 3/14/2010

Sorry I haven't written in a while. Things have been, well off lately. I find myself more and more realizing how much I don't know about life even after all the people I have absorbed.


Those were just some of the first. But I am sure I have written about them many a time so I am continuing...

Logan and Ororo are a couple. Yes I wrote what I wrote. And don't think that I took it well.

The minute I found out, I rushed up into my room, locked the door, jumped into bed, got into the fetal position and didn't stop crying until the tears ran out. I didn't go down for dinner, nor did I go to breakfast the next morning.

Logan and Ororo. I didn't know they liked each other let alone wanted to be with one another.

So poor little pathetic Rogue.

Rogue that is my name. And I feel it more and more as if it is becoming a bigger part of me.

Also Bobby and I are no more. Bet you saw that coming. Especially the way Kitty has been looking at him. And the way he looks back at her. I saw it coming a mile away. And broke up with him, not allowing him to argue his way out of it.

"I love you Marie, we can work through this!" He yelled after my retreating form when I had enough of our arguing over the matter.

But I didn't want to work it out. He wanted Kitty? Fine! Let him have Kitty. He wants to touch her. Let him touch her. I don't blame him though. Not even that angry about it.

Maybe I should be.

Bobby didn't waste anytime hooking up with Kitty, although he still looks at me quite forlornly as if he doesn't understand me. But why should he? I don't understand myself. And strangely I do believe he still loves me. But obviously his love isn't strong enough to endure all the problems being with me entails.

Why does it have to be such a touchy feely world these days?

Should have been born in the 1800's or something, then at least I would have been covered up without looking ridiculous, and would have had more of a chance of being loved without all the physical contact that everybody requires nowadays.

Sometimes I want to scream, especially lately.

Ororo and Logan! I know it hurts just to type their names together.

I decided right away that I wouldn't avoid them, that I would meet them both head on and deal with it. But that was easier said than done. And it pains me so. Logan doesn't talk to me anymore like he used to, and I don't feel a connection to him like I did when I first met him.

Maybe my eyes are opening up.

I always thought things would end up like a fairy tale fantasy... where he would start seeing me more clearly, more with passion and love and...

I know silly me.

All I could hope for now is being third best after Jean and Ororo. And I find I don't want that.

I want more.

I deserve more.

Don't I?