VFA: Villians for Armageddon Newletter Vol. 2 Issue 4
Contents:
1. Why Not to Tell the Hero All Your Plans by Mr. Sinister
2. Egomania: It Can be Cured!(step one, do not scream you are the end of time)
3. Confesions of Apocalypse(or WHY I TALK IN ALL CAPS)
4. What to Do After Your 4th Suposed Death : special guest article by Horton
5. Relationships are For the Weak by Darth Vader
6. Becoming a Supervillainess by Candra and Lady Deathstrike
Edited by Mr. Sinister
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2. Egomania: It Can Be Cured by Kronos
You may not know me, but I am Kronos, one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. With my three brothers I tormented that sniveling Highlander and fought to the death with him. Whose death do you ask? Mine of course, because in the end I screamed the most arrogant and stupid thing I can think of. "I am the End of Time!" Naturally after this, the Highlander easily killed me. You are scoffing at me now. How could that sentence have any effect on whether I lived or died, but it is the words that come out of our mouths that truly trigger our demise. Here are a few common last words, for villains and supervillians alike.
"You won't stop me!" (naturally the hero does)
"I am INVINCIBLE" (at which point you discover you are not)
"You'll never find the thingamabob that controls my power/doomsday machine." (then the hero and/or sidekick holds up the aforementioned device and says "You mean this?")
"Resistance is futile." (People become rather incensed by this, and have a tendency to blow you into tiny pieces)
"I will destroy the world." (Yeah…right)
"I'll be back." (Sure you'll be back, but you've got to die in the interim)
"I'll send you to hell." (hero's reply: Then I'll take you with me.)
"You are defeated/you have failed." (They are the bloody heroes. Chances are they have at least one more trick up their sleeve)
"Mwahaha….etc. ad nauseum." (As Mr. Sinister mentioned earlier, much as it is therapeutic your chances of dying go up tenfold)
"I have the power!" (Very popular on certain cartoon shows…)
"I am a god!" (The gods don't seem to like this much, unless you really are a god…)
"I need only to…." (don't even bother, whatever you are trying to do, it won't get done before you're dead)
We
don't all say these things do we? Oh yes. Even the great Apocalypse was heard
to say a version of them before he met his doom. As did the
Brood, Magneto, Dracula,
So now you are asking yourself, what can I do about it? The answer is to avoid these words and their variations at all cost. Become the silent villain who does not speak if you have to, but don't utter those words. If you succeed, then your success is almost assured.
-Kronos, End of Time, Horseman of the Apocalypse and all around good guy
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If you don't review I will sic Mr. Sinister on you. He'll kidnap you, steal your genetic material, clone you, make you his slave, serve you tea, discuss imaginary numbers with you and give you a tour of his labs. Actually he's probably already done that…Oh well. If I get enough reviews I might write the next chapter/issue though…