In Remembrance of Me

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: For possibly the last time, I do not own the Teen Titans. I decided to do a different take on 'Things Change'. R/R if you like it.

It's incredibly tough to lie to someone that you love. I don't know if you've ever tried it before. I don't mean the little white ones either. "You look great in that dress, dear." "We don't have to see the movie I wanted to, we can do what you like instead." "You're staying late at the office? No, I don't mind." Those are necessities at times and have become a part of our everyday life. It's the other kind of lying that hurts. It's the huge, gigantic kind of lying that really eats you up inside. But that kind of lying is necessary too sometimes. Most people don't understand that.

I'm sure you kept my room exactly the same, Beast Boy. I'm sure you still have that jewelry box you made for me and the photos of when we went to the carnival. Thank you for bringing fresh flowers to what should've been my grave but never was in your mind or the minds of the others. Thank you, Beast Boy, for a lot of things that I never deserved and could never forget. You mean you didn't know that I remember it all? You seriously thought that I could forget you? I couldn't and I never will. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to lie to the people you love in order to help them move on. So that's what I had to do. I'm sorry for that even though you'll never know it. I know it must hurt.

It's a funny thing that happens when someone dies. Have you ever been to someone's funeral and the guy was a complete ass his whole life? It's weird because everyone kinda glosses over it. The preacher delivers his standard eulogy and the mourners shed tears even if the person never deserved them. When you die, you sometimes get glorified. Everyone forgets all the bad stuff you did or the hateful things you said. Some people die as martyrs and history will always remember them that way. I'm one of those people I guess.

You're very naïve, Beast Boy. It's cute and sweet but it'll get you in serious trouble some day. I couldn't be a hero after knowing all the bad things I did but I couldn't be a villain knowing all the goodness and kindness you and the others have shown me. So even though I'm still alive, I'd prefer the Terra you knew and loved to stay dead and be memorialized in your dreams and in your heart. Dreams are important things to hang onto, Beast Boy. I hope you'll hang onto me for a little while longer. Things change though. People grow and evolve, laugh and cry, live and die. Everything keeps on moving and fighting and holding on while still letting go. Remember that too, please.

You and the others are braver than I ever could be and I will always be put to shame by that. But there are so many different ways to save the world. I don't have to put on a costume and fight monsters or bad guys in order to help people. I can help them just by living and loving and laughing with them. I want a normal, average life, the kind of life I never thought I could have before. Don't deny me that, Beast Boy, all because you're too afraid to let go. That's not at all like the person I know you are, the person I fell in love with.

I know it must've hurt you to hear that I had "forgotten" you. I know it would hurt if you learned the truth. Maybe I am a coward who always runs from her problems. I'll let everyone else decide that. In my heart, I know this is for the best and that if I returned to the team then I'd be lying to myself. I don't think you'd understand that. Please remember me though. Remember the good, remember the bad, and remember everything in between. Remember me and keep fighting the good fight. You're a strong person, a kind person, and a good person. Someone, somewhere, some day will recognize that and love you for it. I'm sorry that things had to be this way. In another life, we could've been together forever but things couldn't work that way here. So continue fighting the good fight, Beast Boy, and say goodbye to the Titans for me. Keep fighting the good fight in remembrance of me and I promise that I'll live the fullest, happiest life I can all in remembrance of you.