Author's Notes: I'm both House/Cuddy and House/Cameron, but Hous/Cuddy is so much more fun to write:P

Oh, and P.S., someone told me that I was up for some awards on the livejournal group the OTP, but I can't find it … is anyone a member that wants to give me the url?

Give or Take a Few

"Five O'clock, and Dr. House is checking out. Write that down."

"I'm going home, Rhonda. I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early!"

"Gee, Cuddy, if you layer anymore sugar on that there statement it would be called diabetes."

"Hey, clever."

"As a general rule I am, yes."

"By the way, happy birthday. I forgot until just a few moments ago. What did you get?"

"AIDS. I told Chase to wear a rubber when he cheated on me with Cameron but you never know with these young doctors."

"Is it possible for you to just answer a question?"

"Is that your car?"

"So that's a no."

"Oooh. You get the nice parking spot, right near the door. Cuddy, are you playing favorites? I mean, the cripple has to walk a whole four cars down … but you, an able-bodied woman in her prime is right at the door! Think about all the exercise you're missing out on."

"That's what you're going to say to get me to switch parking spots with you? That I'm missing out on exercise?"

"Just trying to keep you from getting fat."

"Well how kind of you. And hey, since you're so concerned about staying in shape, maybe we should go on a run together. Oh. Wait."

"That's all right. You probably couldn't keep up. That cheesecake you ate at lunch would weight you down too much."

"How do you know I had cheesecake for lunch?"

"...I can smell it on your breath?"

"I brushed my teeth afterwards."

"Wow, now you're really old."

"House!"

"Cuddy!"

"How do you know I had cheesecake?"

"What is this, the Spanish Inquisition? I know because I saw you eating it, how the hell else would I find out? Contrary to what you may believe, your diet is not a hot topic in my office."

"You were watching me eat lunch? That's just sick."

"No, I was walking by your office and happened to notice you shoving a forty-foot piece of pie into your jugular."

"Congratulations, that's disgusting."

"Why, Cuddy. Do you want me to have been stalking you?"

"What?"

"You have feelings for me!"

"Oh, shut up, House."

"Touchy."

"You're being absurd."

"You're being defensive."

"You're being insistent! You want me to have feelings for you because you have feelings for me!"

"Hello, Cuddy, this is unfeeling, mean, jerkwad House you're talking to, here."

"Denial, first sign."

"What, so even if I don't like you, it doesn't matter because you think I do anyway?"

"Isn't that what you said to Cameron on your first – and only – date?"

"She doesn't like me, she feels sorry for me."

"Well, so do I. You're a mean old cripple and no one likes you."

"Except, of course, for you, who love me."

"Shut up, House."

"You don't deny it?"

"What would you say if I said no? That I really do have feelings for you?"

"I'd laugh."

"Oh, that's comforting."

"No one's ever accused me of being comforting."

"I'm going to drive away now, House. And tomorrow I'm going to find a reason to fire your ass. Actually, scratch that – I'm going to find a reason to get Foreman to fire your ass."

"Oooh. Now you're pulling out thebig guns!"

"Goodnight, Greg."

Engine revs. Sound of tires speeding through a parking garage. Rhythmic slap-slap-slap of a cane on cement.

"Goodnight ... Lisa."