Disclaimer: the Crucible belongs to the late Arthur Miller. No disrespect was meant to Arthur Miller by this fic.
AN: If you haven't read 'The Crucible' you might not get some of the jokes. Sorry about the change but I didn't realize script format was forbidden. Luckily for me Fallen Archangel Ben informed me of it. Unluckily for him, he found out when his fic was deleted for it.
-Abigail William – Prowl (Prowl: What?)
-Mary Warren- Optimus Prime (Optimus: I'm the whimpy, stupid chick?)
-John Proctor- Ultra Magnus (Magnus: I have to have an affair with Prowl? Director: Yes but you get to beat Optimus up. Magnus: Works for me)
-Elizabeth Proctor- Koji (Koji: Stares. Magnus: isn't she pregnant at the end? Koji: FAINTS
-The Proctor children- X-brawn and Sideburn-- (Both: Tackle Magnus. Daddy!)
-Rebecca Nurse- Megatron (Everyone: HUH?)
-The Putnam Family- Team Bullet Train (Team Bullet Train: Which one of us gets to be the guy?)
-Rev. Hale – Sky-byte (Sky-byte: I wanted to be John Proctor DAMNIT! Koji: Scoots away)
Danforth- Scourge (Scourge: ULTIMATE POWER! MWAHAHAHA)
-Rev. Parris – T-Ai (T-Ai: Glares)
-Giles Corey – Wedge (Everybody: Huh?)
-Martha Corey- Heavy Load (Wedge: Whaaaa? Magnus: Don't complain pipsqueak. Look what I got to deal with. Koji: Hey!)
-Other people- Slapper, Gas skunk, and Darkscream
T-Ai is seen kneeling over an unconscious Slapper, who is filling in as Betty Parris. T-Ai is wearing an oversized minister outfit and a very fake mustache.
"Betty, My only daughter please wake up" T-Ai pleaded, over-acting.
"Is there been any change Uncle?" Prowl asked wearing a really slutty dress and speaking in a crappy British accent.
"No. What were you thinking leading the girls to dance in the woods? There's been enough gossip in Salem about you since Goody Proctor fired you" T-Ai admonished.
"1) It was but dancing 2) Goody Proctor is a sniveling, wretched, cold bitch-"
"Huh?" Koji said from offstage. He got that teary eyed look.
"It's ok Mommy" Sideburn and X-Brawn hug Koji.
"There was more than dancing going on last night. Somebody was running around naked" T-Ai said.
"Hehe. Naked? We weren't naked" Prowl said nervously.
"There's talk of witchcraft downstairs Abigail" T-Ai said sternly.
"There be no witchcraft in Salem Uncle" Prowl said, inconspicuously kicking his cauldron under the bed.
Optimus come running into the room in hysterics "Is Betty ok?" he asked in a high-pitched voice.
"Betty will just fine. She just took a fright" Prowl said.
"Well, I'm going to go down stairs to lie through my teeth to save you vengeful little sluts' necks" T-Ai said walking toward the stairs.
"Ok" Prowl and Optimus said dismissively. As soon as she was gone Optimus turned back to Prowl.
"They're going to hang us Abby!" he cried hysterical.
"Shut it Mary Warren" Prowl hissed slapping him. "We did nothing wrong"
"But you drank a charm of Ox blood to kill Goody Proctor!" Optimus let out a high-pitched girly scream.
Off stage Koji sweat dropped. "I so feel the love" he deadpanned.
Magnus entered the room. "What are you doing here Mary Warren?" He asked sternly.
"I come to see the great doings of the world Mr. Proctor" Optimus said self-righteously.
"And you leave my wife alone to do so while she's not well?" Magnus asked.
"Koji's sick?" Optimus asked.
Magnus slapped him. "In the play stupid!"
Off stage Koji glare. "Wait a second! You think I'm a girl!" He yells at Optimus.
"Uhh…. I'll be heading home now" Optimus said running away before Koji decided to come after him with a gun that was way to big for a thirteen year old to have.
"Hello John" Prowl said coyly.
"Not now slut" Magnus said harshly.
Off stage Midnight Express and Railspike exchange wary glances. "I don't think the Puritans used that kind of language," Railspike said.
"Indeed. What happened to the script?" Midnight asked.
Just then G1 Sideswipe ran by yelling 'down with required literature' waving a flaming Arthur Miller original in the air.
"Never mind" Midnight and Railspike sweat dropped.
On stage Sky-byte has made his elegant, grand introduction.
"Hi ya! I'm Reverend Hale. I'm here to out your witches!" Sky-byte said.
"Did we just skip an entire conversation where my only role was shamelessly offering Proctor my body" Prowl asked.
"Yes" Slapper said disappointed.
"Prev" Magnus and Prowl accused.
"Whatever" Slapper slipped back into a coma.
"Yeah well witchcrafts bull. I'm going home to take care of my lovely wife Ko-ELIZABETH! My lovely wife Elizabeth" Magnus repeated as he made a swift exit.
"Rev. Hale, nice to meet you" T-Ai said coming back upstairs.
Just then Midnight and Railspike walked in.
"Mr. Putnam what brings you here?" T-Ai asked.
"I'm here to get the scoop on witchcraft so that I can have my daughter cry witch on everyone who has land that I want" Midnight said. Railspike elbows him. "I mean I came here to tell you all that my daughter Ruth has been bewitched as well"
"Hmm. Children and their silly seasons" Megatron said, sweeping into the room. "I've seen it with my eleven children and twenty-six grandchildren"
"The spirit of a child will always come back to you. You have just got to stand still long enough" Megatron said before departing.
"WITCH!" Railspike cried after Megatron. Midnight elbowed him.
"Not yet woman!"
"Sorry" Railspike apologized.
"There be no witchcraft in Salem Mr. Hale. The children were just dancing in the woods and took a fright," T-Ai explained.
"Dancing? Sounds like witchcraft to me" Sky-byte looked at Prowl suspiciously.
"Umm… I SAW GOODY OSBOURNE WITH THE DEVIL!" Prowl yelled.
"I saw Goody Goode with the devil!" Slapper yelled.
"I saw John Proctor with the devil" Optimus yelled sticking his head in the window.
Magnus grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. "Not now wench!"
End Act 1